Michael Hopcroft Posted October 25, 2013 Report Share Posted October 25, 2013 A: The planet has run out of fuel. Q: Funny -- the sun's been in exactly the same place in the sky for twenty-seven days. Shouldn't we be rotating on our axis? A: I don't like the fact that you get all the immortality and I don't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted October 25, 2013 Report Share Posted October 25, 2013 A: I don't like the fact that you get all the immortality and I don't. Q: Any suggestions about how to handle things when you have several dozen hot Valkyries all after your body? A: You have much more fun than ought to be legal in any seven universes put together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted October 25, 2013 Report Share Posted October 25, 2013 A: You have much more fun than ought to be legal in any seven universes put together. Q: So, Q, you are deemed as the most obnoxious being in all the multiverse. Is there anything else that should be added? A: The limbo bar is set for one inch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted October 26, 2013 Report Share Posted October 26, 2013 A: The limbo bar is set for one inch. Q: Don't you know better than to play beach party games with the Smurfs? A: You don't need to teach me to interfere with your master plan. I am already very good at it, thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted October 28, 2013 Report Share Posted October 28, 2013 A: You don't need to teach me to interfere with your master plan. I am already very good at it, thanks. Q: Did you just hear four knocks? A: Less than half but more than double. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted October 28, 2013 Report Share Posted October 28, 2013 A: Less than half but more than double. Q: How far apart are we in negotiating Lebron James' new contract? A: I must say that being a chick sexer is the worst job I've ever had. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted October 31, 2013 Report Share Posted October 31, 2013 A: I must say that being a chick sexer is the worst job I've ever had. Q: You were never Wolverine's proctologist, were you? A: The all new halloween avatar, KiKi! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted October 31, 2013 Report Share Posted October 31, 2013 Q: What's with the ferret outfit and the pixie sticks? A: ... and I'll show you a man who blows up at the slightest provocation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted October 31, 2013 Report Share Posted October 31, 2013 A: ... and I'll show you a man who blows up at the slightest provocation. Q: Can you should me a beer made with nitroglycierin? A: And now Halloween is a verb. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted October 31, 2013 Report Share Posted October 31, 2013 A: And now Halloween is a verb. Q: If you do that again, I'll stuff stale old candy bars into several of your body orifices, understand? A: I suppose you could give money instead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted October 31, 2013 Report Share Posted October 31, 2013 A: I suppose you could give money instead. Q: What is the reward for the scariest house? A: Samhain ghouls. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted November 1, 2013 Report Share Posted November 1, 2013 Q: What does one get for the Necromancer who has everything? A: Cobra venom and Jack Daniels Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted November 1, 2013 Report Share Posted November 1, 2013 A: Cobra venom and Jack Daniels Question 267 in the written portion of the final exam of Demonic Bartending 300: In what drink is a half-teaspoon of broken glass shards the appropriate garnish? A: With a thermite chaser. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted November 2, 2013 Report Share Posted November 2, 2013 A: With a thermite chaser. Q: That runaway train is falling apart! How can we weld it together and, incidentally, stop the train? A: It was the most frustrating thing in the world -- seeing that Roadrunner being absorbed into the Speed Force. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted November 2, 2013 Report Share Posted November 2, 2013 A: It was the most frustrating thing in the world -- seeing that Roadrunner being absorbed into the Speed Force. Q: Just what got Wile E. Coyote going like that? A: yesterday is tomorrow Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted November 3, 2013 Report Share Posted November 3, 2013 A: yesterday is tomorrow Q: What's the most frustating thing about a broken belt-sized time machine? A: Just because I have a rabbit in my pocket doesn't mean I'm not happy to see you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted November 3, 2013 Report Share Posted November 3, 2013 Q: What do you mean you want a divorce? A: It was Edward Cullens fault, I swear!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted November 3, 2013 Report Share Posted November 3, 2013 A: It was Edward Cullens fault, I swear!!! Q: You look awful sparkly this morning, Bella. Where have you been all night? A: Life is never going to be the same once you've had a lobotomy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted November 3, 2013 Report Share Posted November 3, 2013 A: Life is never going to be the same once you've had a lobotomy. Q: So you're reading "Lifestyles of the Violently Insane"? Got anything out of it? A: It was either that or become an NFL fullback. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted November 3, 2013 Report Share Posted November 3, 2013 A: It was either that or become an NFL fullback. Q: And that's how Cap America made his career choice? A: 300 rolls of duct tape. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted November 4, 2013 Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 A: 300 rolls of duct tape. Q - What did Adam and Jamie use to build a functional aircraft carrier? A - That's the last time I ever use elemental potassium to unclog a stopped drain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted November 4, 2013 Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 A - That's the last time I ever use elemental potassium to unclog a stopped drain. Q: Didn't you used to have a house? A: You realize, of course, that you are never getting your cleaning deposit back now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted November 4, 2013 Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 A: You realize, of course, that you are never getting your cleaning deposit back now. Q - What can I say? We had to use elemental potassium to clear that clogged drain. Nothing else would work. A - It's more decorative than functional. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted November 4, 2013 Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 A - It's more decorative than functional. Q: What are you doing with the Commidor-64? A: The wrong war, at the wrong place, at the wrong time, and with the wrong enemy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted November 4, 2013 Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 A: The wrong war, at the wrong place, at the wrong time, and with the wrong enemy. Q: So, J.B., Whaddaya think of this idea? We have a reality show in downtown Tulsa, as we have contestants try to beat off waves of Russian tanks during rush hour and prevent the commies from capturing the Alamo and replacing frozen margaritas all over the country with little fu-fu cocktails made of bathtub gin and rancid borscht, with the little paper umbrellas in pound jars, while having to elude the Treasury agents back during the First World War? A: Add in a couple more complete disconnections from reason and you might actually start to be entertaining. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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