Cancer Posted June 19, 2013 Report Share Posted June 19, 2013 Q: He rode the H-bomb down onto an outhouse?!? A: E-mail hasn't worked in 27 hours now! Life is glorious! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted June 20, 2013 Report Share Posted June 20, 2013 A: E-mail hasn't worked in 27 hours now! Life is glorious! Q: Why are you so happy, Mr. Gates? A: Lets play a game here - bad cop or satanistic cop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 20, 2013 Report Share Posted June 20, 2013 A: Lets play a game here - bad cop or satanistic cop. Q: All right, who told Officer Grumpy that it's now all right to sacrifice the souls of jaywalkers to the Dark Powers? A: There is nothing so liberating as being the lead investigator on crimes you committed yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted June 23, 2013 Report Share Posted June 23, 2013 A: There is nothing so liberating as being the lead investigator on crimes you committed yourself. Q: Do you think that they will ever figure out I was the one who ate all the donuts? A: We have here an old-fashioned psychopath. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcus Impudite Posted June 24, 2013 Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 A: There is nothing so liberating as being the lead investigator on crimes you committed yourself. Q: Do you think that they will ever figure out I was the one who ate all the donuts? A: We have here an old-fashioned psychopath. Q: Who's that crazy guy with the monocle and handlebar mustache? A: This is why I told you not to give him twenty dollars. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 24, 2013 Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 A: This is why I told you not to give him twenty dollars. Q: Bobby, it was your first day of kindergarten today, so why are you drunk? A: There is a limit to how many marshmallows a kid can safely eat at one sitting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 24, 2013 Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 A: There is a limit to how many marshmallows a kid can safely eat at one sitting. Q - How did my son help your son earn his Emergency First Aid badge on that campout? A - A glass of whiskey, a gun, and two bullets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 24, 2013 Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 A - A glass of whiskey' date=' a gun, and two bullets.[/quote'] Q: What does an ettin need to commit suicide? A: Three weeks, hundreds of painted miniatures, and an incredibly detailed miniature replica of the entire neighborhood. All to freak you kids out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted June 29, 2013 Report Share Posted June 29, 2013 A: Three weeks' date=' hundreds of painted miniatures, and an incredibly detailed miniature replica of the entire neighborhood. All to freak you kids out.[/quote'] Q: What are your plans for this Halloween? A: Nice bringing in a robot to the steampunk story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 30, 2013 Report Share Posted June 30, 2013 A: Nice bringing in a robot to the steampunk story. Q: Isn't this a bit early in the Victorian Era for the Cybemen to invade? A: I don't know what he really wants, but I'm hoping for our sake that lemmings are not involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 30, 2013 Report Share Posted June 30, 2013 A: I don't know what he really wants' date=' but I'm hoping for our sake that lemmings are not involved.[/quote'] Q: That guy is trying to get every rodent in the Arctic falling-down drunk, on Japanese rice wine! What's his deal? A: The drunk tank is NOT an armored fighting vehicle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 30, 2013 Report Share Posted June 30, 2013 A: The drunk tank is NOT an armored fighting vehicle. Q: Comrade Sergeant, I just poured eighty-two liters of pure vodka into the gas tank of my T-34. For some reason it won't start. Did I do something wrong? A: Look out! He's got a gun, and he's loaded! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted July 10, 2013 Report Share Posted July 10, 2013 A: Look out! He's got a gun' date=' and he's loaded![/quote'] Q: Is that the Punisher stumbling out of that bar, taking aim at those drug pushers? A: Nice bringing in a time vortex to the party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcus Impudite Posted July 10, 2013 Report Share Posted July 10, 2013 Q: Is that the Punisher stumbling out of that bar, taking aim at those drug pushers? A: Nice bringing in a time vortex to the party. Q: Is that the TARDIS that just materialized by the refreshments table? A: Gungan Style. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted July 10, 2013 Report Share Posted July 10, 2013 A: Gungan Style. Q: That has to be the single worst thing you could conceivably wear to the coronation of the new Queen of Naboo. What do they even call that sort of couture? A: And this, friend, is why you don't let cows win Powerball. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcus Impudite Posted July 10, 2013 Report Share Posted July 10, 2013 Q: That has to be the single worst thing you could conceivably wear to the coronation of the new Queen of Naboo. What do they even call that sort of couture? A: And this, friend, is why you don't let cows win Powerball. Q: Bessie got her udder stuck in the center goal cylinder? How did that happen? A: What kind of question is that? Of course I knew. As ruler of this realm, it's my business to know what goes on around here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted July 11, 2013 Report Share Posted July 11, 2013 A: What kind of question is that? Of course I knew. As ruler of this realm' date=' it's my business to know what goes on around here.[/quote'] Q: If that's true, why can't you balance the budget? A: Chef Remsey was chopped. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted July 12, 2013 Report Share Posted July 12, 2013 A: Chef Remsey was chopped. Q: The Axe Murderers Convention didn't like the banquet? What happened? A: Salad, not slaad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted July 12, 2013 Report Share Posted July 12, 2013 A: Salad' date=' not slaad.[/quote'] Q: Here's the alien steak you ordered, and -- wait a minute, why aren't you happy? A: I know that's a perfectly innocent expression, but don't use it here. It's insulting in Alpha Centaurian. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted July 14, 2013 Report Share Posted July 14, 2013 A: I know that's a perfectly innocent expression' date=' but don't use it here. It's insulting in Alpha Centaurian.[/quote'] Q: Why is everyone getting upset? All that I did was give the assistant a wink. A: The ship in the bottle is missing the ship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted July 14, 2013 Report Share Posted July 14, 2013 A: The ship in the bottle is missing the ship. Q: What do you mean, I've been hitting the bottle a little too hard lately? A: December 8, 1941 wasn't a good day either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted July 14, 2013 Report Share Posted July 14, 2013 A: December 8' date=' 1941 wasn't a good day either.[/quote'] Q: You look really tired. hard day at the Draft Board office? A: And if there were questions in the SAT on how to rob Fort Knox, you could pass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted July 16, 2013 Report Share Posted July 16, 2013 A: And if there were questions in the SAT on how to rob Fort Knox' date=' you could pass.[/quote'] Q: Where's Waldo? Doesn't he know all the answers? A: Mango madness!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted July 16, 2013 Report Share Posted July 16, 2013 A: Mango madness!! Q: What are they calling that big sale at Tropical Fruits R Us? A: THEY RESURRECTED TWINKIES! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted July 20, 2013 Report Share Posted July 20, 2013 A: THEY RESURRECTED TWINKIES! Q: What has the Necromancer been up to now? A: From the Think Backwards Department. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.