Why Are You Yelling?

[Gauntlet]

Not sure how many of you have had to ask this question, but what do you think would be a good way to get your significant other (of any type, married or not) to accept that you are a gamer. So, how have the rest of you dealt with something like this (assuming they are not a gamer as well of course, but then again perhaps they like different games and not the type you prefer).

 

And this is just a general discussion, as I am completely without any relationship, none of it will affect me personally.

[Ninja-Bear]

I exposed her to it slowly. And after twenty years of marriage she accepts if not understands it. It’s part of “For Better or Worse” 😉 She actually has bought a Champions book for me on her own. 😱

 

However, I tell my friends that if you want any of my gaming stuff after I die, hurry cause it won’t be in the house too long after the funeral! 😂

[Lord Liaden]

I concur that the above advice often applies. It's analogous to learning to give one's S.O. space and time with his or her friends to watch sports or a rom-com, or other comparable activities.

 

However, another approach is to observe or ask your partner what type of entertainment fiction they enjoy, and invite them into a game which incorporates elements of that entertainment. IME in many non-gamers there's a gamer of one stripe or another waiting for the chance to get out.

[Scott Ruggels]

The old advice was to never marry outside of the hobby. I had a ton of odd spouse repellant hobbies like gaming, war gaming, amateur film, and WW2 re-enactments.  After a long term relationship I still got dumped and I figured out that my own happiness depends on me, and I was too selfish with my time for a proper relationship.  So the advice is avoid relationships? 

[Lord Liaden]

Kind of sounds like you're saying the advice is, don't be selfish with your time.

[Scott Ruggels]

Nah. I am comfortable in my own skin, and can entertain myself. I am complete without a relationship. I made peace with my selfishness. 

[Gauntlet]

My wife never gives me any problems about gaming, no matter how much I game she just waits patiently for me to come home.

 

Of course, my wife has four legs and a wagging tail and loves to chase cats.

[Ternaugh]

17 hours ago, Lord Liaden said:

Kind of sounds like you're saying the advice is, don't be selfish with your time.

 

It's often hard to value time spent together until that's not an option anymore. I'm almost at the 14-year mark since my wife passed away, and it's those moments that we spent together that I cherish most.

 

[dmjalund]

I'M NOT YELLING, MY CAPS-LOCK IS STUCK

[Lord Liaden]

I have gotten, perhaps, more than my share of disappointment and heartbreak from the people I loved. Everything I tried was worse than just being by myself. Eventually I reached my limit for how much grief I was willing to take on with no joy to balance it, and gave up looking for that joy.

 

But I wouldn't advise anyone to follow my example. I recognize that it's a limited way to live, that I'm missing out on something important and valuable, that it doesn't necessarily have to be this way, and that people have a right to want and aspire to more.

[Ninja-Bear]

A friend at work said if your wife buys you Star Wars shirts, don’t let  her go. 😂 She did roll her eyes earlier because I was watching Buggs Bunny. 😁

[Gauntlet]

8 minutes ago, Ninja-Bear said:

A friend at work said if your wife buys you Star Wars shirts, don’t let  her go. 😂 She did roll her eyes earlier because I was watching Buggs Bunny. 😁

 

Yea, but which version???

[Duke Bushido]

Not only do I not really understand the question, but the answers thus far are making me feel like I should make a heavy investment in lottery tickets, to boot!

 

When we were dating:

 

You have a motorcycle!  Two motorcycles!  I _love_ motorcycles!

 

Yeah, me, too.

 

Why do you keep them on the driveway like that, with the truck?  Don't most bikers keep them in the garage?

 

It's a one car garage.  It only holds twelve bikes.

Hunh?  Ohhhh......

 

Wow!  That's quite the library for a single guy!  You have an entire wall of books!  I am impressed!

 

No; those are games and gaming books.  Pleasure reading is that wall over there.

 

Those...  Those are technical manuals.

 

I know!  Aren't they awesome?!

 

Oooh!  I filing cabinet!  I love an organized man!

 

Yeah, that one is for character sheets, though,  the one for records is in between the washer and dryer.

 

What is the one in the bedroom?

 

Instruction manuals and warranty cards for power tools.

 

 

Tell me these aren't for paintball or nerf or something....

 

No; those are real.  

 

What's this wierd ghost toy on the television?

 

That"s Earthworm Jim.  The cat loves him.

 

Cat?

 

Yeah.  When the sun is on the TV, he sleeps up there and grooms Earthworm Jim.  When the sun is not on the television, he is on top of the water heater.

 

What do you mean?  He doesnt run around and play?

 

Nah. He's like twelve.   Really, he's the perfect pet.  Wherever you left him yesterday, that's where he will be until you move him.  It's more like owning the pelt of a cat, really....

 

You were going to look at my car...?

 

Oh yeah; let me open the garage.

 

Wow!  It's full of motorcycles!

 

I told you; it holds twelve.  So anyway, got plans for this afternoon?

 

I don't know.  Why?  What have you got in mind?

 

I dunno.  Get married?

 

Damn right!

 

 

 

 

Edited August 25, 2023 by Duke Bushido

[Lord Liaden]

I sometimes feel like the rest of us are supporting characters on The Duke Bushido Show. 😉

[Ninja-Bear]

9 hours ago, Gauntlet said:

 

Yea, but which version???

If you mean the shirts? Well, what ever she buys, I wear! 😁 (I prefer the classic myself).

[Duke Bushido]

 

 

 

On 8/24/2023 at 11:57 PM, Lord Liaden said:

I sometimes feel like the rest of us are supporting characters on The Duke Bushido Show. 😉

 

   

 

 

admittedly, that was a hyper-condensed recounting of events from across six or eight months, but by the time she knew we were going to get married (took her a while.  I knew it on the first date.  She didn't believe me.  (Who's crazy now, Woman?!    )

 

I totally admit it: I got lucky.  I am a bluntly open person.  There wasn't anything she didn't know pretty early on, so there was nothing to wonder about how she would react.

 

Now as for the proposal, it was more like this:

 

I got phone call that the ring I had specified had been completed.  I swung by the jeweler's on the way home and picked it up.  Timing was great! We had a weekend trip planned, etc.  

 

I went home, and she was asleep on the couch (she had worked a double, and wasn't home when I left.  I was still three years away from having my spine crushed, so I took the cat off of her (they both enjoy napping in the sun), squatted down, scooped her up, and carried her to bed.

 

She opened an eye as I was sitting her onto the bed, mumbled something that could have been a thank you or a curse, and sort of smiled (so no help there; a sort of smile is a sheepish thank you or a mean spirited curse.  See, I haven't always been crippled, but I can't even remember a time before hearing problems, even back in childhood).

 

As I straightened up, she saw the receipt in my shirt pocket (because like an idiot, I followed that habit) and grabbed it, jokingly mumbled "aww, did you buy me something...?"

 

Then her eyes bugged out and she jerked upright, wide-awake, wider-eyed, spouting ejaculations of surprise that aren't really fit to repeat, waving the receipt about and sputtering half-thoughts and half-plans (not a small amount of which were thoughts on discouraging me!)

 

Then she calmed down and said "Okay; fine (because she is so romantic), but one more year.   When we have been together for three years, we can get married.

 

So we can buy a house at eight months, but marriage is a serious commitment?

 

Yeah; exactly."

 

Great!  But what if I want more?  What if I decide I want to shoot for first prize? 

 

You will have to get kneed in the groin at least twice a week while we sleep.

 

Sweet!  

 

Sweet?

 

Well that"a way better then the current twice-a-night arrangement!

 

 

That was over twenty years ago.

 

I hate past tense me; younger, muscular, uncrippled me.  I really wish he had tried harder for first prize.

Edited September 8, 2023 by Duke Bushido

[Asperion]

My wife does not totally understand this gaming,  but sees that it has helped me out in many ways so encourages it.  The primary problem I have is that I am in a small community that looks at them in a terrible manner,  so won't accept anyone who is willing to game with me. Looked into vtts and found a less than desired alternative. 

[Cygnia]

Communicate, communicate, communicate

[Duke Bushido]

On 8/25/2023 at 9:58 AM, Cygnia said:

Communicate, communicate, communicate

 

 

Agreed.

 

No secrets!

 

 

You got a package.  What did you order?

 

Oh, that's a set of points and a points plate for a Kawasaki 750 H2 triple.

 

You don't have a Kawasaki H2 triple.

 

Ah.  So it was just the one package today, hunh?  In the interest of open communication, you should be on the lookout for a much larger package, probably on a liftgate truck.....

 

 

 

Edited September 8, 2023 by Duke Bushido

[Ninja-Bear]

21 hours ago, Cygnia said:

Communicate, communicate, communicate

I do and the family says I’m yelling.😁

Edited August 26, 2023 by Ninja-Bear
I added the smiley emoji

[Sketchpad]

I'm a pretty lucky guy as well. I met my wife while working as a chat cop for WotC back in the very late '90s. She was my first trainee, and things just hit off from there. 20 years later, we're still together and gaming regularly (both in groups and solo). That said, that luck was earned through some rough relationships. In high school, I was steadily dating someone that despised gaming. She tried it once, hated it, and tried everything she could to pull me away from it. The ex-wife, to her credit, tried to game and understand what the hobby was, but she had other "hobbies" that were more fitting to her. Honestly, it was after her that I started looking for someone that was already into gaming to spend my life with, as it was important to me and something I wanted to share (along with comics, movies, art, and world domination). 

 

With all that in context, I agree with everyone that said "Communicate." Talk about what you enjoy, and why it's important to you. Relationships are odd in so many ways, as we tend to form them on a context of common interests, but find the commonality fleeting at times, especially with the little things in life.

[Ninja-Bear]

I do want to add that over the the entry years, it hasn’t always been rainbows and unicorns. One thing that helped though is Faith and Psy lim: Marriage Vows 20 pts Total.  She would tell you Psy Lim: Stubborn (and that politely putting it) 35 points. There are times and places where being stubborn is good.

 

Note on Communication. My father always said “ You can tell people who you are but your actions tell them what you are.”

 

[Sketchpad]

6 hours ago, Ninja-Bear said:

Note on Communication. My father always said “ You can tell people who you are but your actions tell them what you are.”

 

I was told something similar, N-B. "You can tell folks who you think you are, but your actions will prove you're either a liar or telling the truth. Unless you're a REALLY good liar."

[Gauntlet]

On 8/26/2023 at 11:34 AM, Sketchpad said:

I was told something similar, N-B. "You can tell folks who you think you are, but your actions will prove you're either a liar or telling the truth. Unless you're a REALLY good liar."

 

I not sure, I am a very good liar, but still actions are much stronger than words.