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Quote of the Week from my gaming group...


Darren Watts

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Session 5 of our Fantasy Craft game.

 

Syrnix the Gorgon Martial Artist to Ronan Bravecrow the Human Emissary: "You're good with people, you should talk to him."

 

GM: "You know this much..."

Summer the Human Mage: "It hurts?"

GM: "Yes."

 

Session 4 (or 5) of Marvel Heroic Role-Playing:

 

GM: "Doctor Strange is tracking the [Wrecker's] crowbar."

Spider-Man (OOC): "Some guy named Freeman has it."

 

Spider-Man on how to ID Doctor Doom: "If Doom is winning, it's Doom. If Doom is losing, it's a Doom-bot."

 

"We travel by cut-scene."

 

"Imperial Fiat" -- a local car dealership.

 

"Wait! Let's start at the beginning: who killed Rembrandt?"

 

"I think the dice are afraid of Thor."

 

Thor: "Executioner came after me and I blew him off."

Spider-Man (OOC): "They're going out on a second date next week."

 

Thor: "I'm going next? What am I going to do?"

Spider-Man: "I don't know, but it's probably going to involve someone getting hit."

 

Session 7 of Ironclaw:

 

Trake: "This is one of those plans that ends with one of us losing a hat."

Zepharine: "I don't have a hat."

Trake: "Neither do I."

Zepharine: "Then how can anything go wrong?"

 

Koda: "I thought guards were supposed to be fat and lazy. Once again TV has lied to me."

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Session 8 of Ironclaw:

 

On going into battle with rusty and/or filthy weaponry: "I call my sword Lockjaw."

 

Trake: Where's the magician?"

GM: "oh, him? He's an eccentric one. [He's] upstairs with his daughter."

Zepharine: "Ewwww...."

Trake: "That's not what eccentric means!"

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... The further exploits of The Vorpal Bunny - i.e. Lovewalker's Rogue Trader Game.

Session started late, and due to a recent move the GM has misplaced some notes.

Making it up as we go.... Six Dark Eldar Ships enter the system, five raiders and a cruiser. Our contingent is a still damaged Storm & Fury (Cruiser), the Tyrant Sun (Cruiser), and The Vorpal Bunny (death incarnate) The five raider take up a forward battle formation, the VP immediately charges forward, with the PC Eurydice (Ex Sister Of Battle) on board to assist, the captain (Ex Space Wolf Spacemarine, booted out for lack of discipline) tells her "Just don't get in the way" - and then it goes as so;

 

The VP manages to position itself so only two of the five Dark Eldar can shoot at it, but then it immediately destroys them, one hit each, losing cover.

The Dark Eldar are able to decipher the last Ork transmission from the previous battle "OH, that's who They are."

At the tend of the fight the Vorpal Bunny has damaged two Eldar Raiders so badly their first and only action was to retreat, hulled another Raider (incidentally the first ship to damage it in combat and like most things that cause hull loss, the VP decapitates it by shooting off the bridge), and has exactly 1 Hull Point left.

The Tyrant Sun and Storm & Fury shot at things too, we're told.

The Dark Eldar flee (we don't tell the VP that their objective was to rescue some comrades from the planet below and the fight was a distraction...) only to have and Ork Fleet (13 ships) show up. Who like the cut of our jib and invite us to engage their Waagh Boss in battle, at our leisure.

We are confused, but relieved as the Eldar did a lot of damage. Vorpal Bunny (as played by teh bunneh, no less): *spits out teeth, eyes orks* I can take 'em.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

GM: "There's a cross above the bed. It looks very comfortable."

Two other players, in unison: "The cross or the bed?

GM: "The bed."

Me: (Stretching out with my arms straight out) "Oh, Jesus, this is comfortable ..."

 

 

Caution, language

 

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

March 2nd – 10th, 1925 – Horror and stubble abound. Certainly, the tabloid press are delighted when Miss Kendall is found wandering the streets of Soho covered in blood, bile, and well-chewed fragments of unshaved human facial tissue, even if she does attack the ambulance officers. Police enquiries also locate the thankfully unchewed Johnson, but the Chief Inspector who is covering the Misr House Massacre is extremely unimpressed to find Johnson at the scene of more horrible carnage. Timmons is fetched from the hotel – after all, there aren’t many other party members left.

 

Timmons
: Please tell me my friends are still alive.

Chief Inspector Kew
: Yes, they're still alive.

Timmons
: Oh. This is better than last week

 

Timmons manages to convince the copper that it’s in his best interests to let Johnson recover from whatever ‘mystery drug’ has lead to the carnage in Soho, before questioning him – it’ll make any subsequent charges more likely to stick.

 

Timmons
: It’s in your own best interests to give him this, show compassion, and THEN string him up the ba... come back tomorrow.

 

Kendall
: I’m sure he knows what he's talking about...

Johnson
: I know what he's talking about.

GM
: And what he's talking about is a pile about this big, and steaming.

.

Timmons
: I’ll nip out and get some flowers. Do they have flowers in London? That aren't black and covered in soot?

Johnson
: Yes, they paint them.

 

Timmons is also apparently trying to be McGinty’s spiritual as well as financial heir, and can think of some good reasons why Miss Kendall’s psychotic anthropophagy is useful for the party.

 

Timmons
: Sic 'em! Get 'em get 'em get 'em!

Kendall
: I'd have to wear some kind of Hannibal Lector mask or something...

Timmons
: And a bib.

 

( )He is, however, highly alarmed to learn that Virginia met and made a deal with Charles Aching. He immediately runs off to tell his ‘uncle’, and Agent Johnson.

 

To: OFFICE OF THE GOVERNOR

 

UNCLE PATRICK AM IN LONDON STOP SPEAKING TO LADY WHO HAS DEALINGS WITH YOUR FRIEND CHARLES T A STOP YOU MENTIONED IF I HEAR NAME CONTACT YOU ASAP STOP SHE HAS FOUND WAY TO FIND CTA STOP

 

Timmons
: You know your friend? You know how McGinty had that enemy? Charles Tow Aching?

Johnson
: ....yesssss....

Timmons
: She made a deal with him. The kind of deal you don't go back on.

Johnson
: ಠ_ಠ

 

Agent Johnson's expression is a picture. Quite possibly one painted by Miles Shipley.

 

Johnson
: Why is it that I want to shoot every female party member shortly after they join?

 

Timmons anticipates McGinty will unleash his wrath upon whatever continent contains Aching, even if that means visiting England.

 

Timmons
: McGinty is on his way. We might want to head for the bomb shelter now.

Johnson: Or leave the country.

Timmons
: But we don’t know what country Aching was in.

Johnson
: I thought the painting looked somewhere tropical. Let’s head to the arctic.

 

Timmons
: There’s a reckonin' coming, and we're leaving the country.

Kendall
: We?

Timmons
: Johnson and me. We thought we'd pass on the information and give you a ticket, while we run.

Kendall
: Why?

Timmons
: HE is coming...

Johnson
: The eldritch abomination we fear! McGINTY....

 

Johnson
: Do we have a standard 'the world is older than you know' speech?

Timmons
: That shit you saw? That’s regular. That’s normal.

Johnson
: Today was pretty tame, actually. Apart from the sorcerer. And the face-eating.

 

Actually, Timmons is getting his stories confused. Carl Stanford in the cultist that Governor McGinty would cheerful burn down half the world to kill. Charles Tow Aching is the avatar of Nyarlathotep that McGinty cheerfully hopes he never runs into again. Aching is a foe that has McGinty, Rondale, and other investigators actively terrified. Indeed, McGinty is quite relieved to hear that Aching is apparently no longer in America.

 

McGinty
: *
sings
* He’s in England he's in England I hope he blows it up blows it up blows it up.

 

Of course, nuking half the planet is still an option. McGinty knows how to summon the seething nuclear chaos that bubbles and blasphemes at the centre of all infinity, after all. Although only madman would worship, or summon, such a god.

 

Johnson
: Well, McGinty....

 

Fortunately, McGinty is only half-mad. Perhaps he'd only half-summon him?As it happens, Johnson’s story that they met Virginia in London (true) and that she lent him the money for the painting because she was there at the murder of Jackson Elias (true) and Shipley’s paintings were mysteriously connected to Elias’ investigations (true, as far as the investigators can tell) is enough to fit the Chief Inspector’s theory that the Shipley’s attempted to drug and kill the investigators for their money. The discovery of a mystery drug on the Soho premises certainly helps. For once, the evidence actually makes the party looks good.

 

Johnson
: That’s a first.

 

The investigators settle down to go over their assembled clues, such as the letter from the Misr House torture chamber. Virginia has to assure Timmons that not all English Stately Homes feature such decor.

 

Kendall
: My father has many foibles but that is not among them

 

But it’s Johnson’s realisation that they somehow failed to notice the all-important lines from Elias’ final notebook – to whit “These dreams. . . . dreams like Carlyle's? Check that psychoanalyst's files. . . . All of them survived! They'll open the gate. Why? . . . so the power and the danger is real” - that shocks him to the core.

Urgent telegrams are sent to New York, where the files from Dr Huston’s practise are obtained. Possibly by sending ONI agents around to yell at them until they run away and cry, then kicking the door in, or more likely by sending the unlucky Dr von Habsburg (a New York medic who among other injuries had a leg ripped off by Cthulhu) to obtain them less dubiously.

What they learn from Huston’s notes changes everything they thought they knew about the Carlyle Expedition. Johnson is understandably horrified to realise that the entire Carlyle Expedition was compromised from the start, and under the influence of the High Priestess of the Bloody Tongue Cult, and that they could have learned this before they ever left New York – if they’d been paying attention.

 

Perhaps they should have Jackson Elias raised from the dead, so they can learn what else they’ve missed. True, this would involve enlisting McGinty’s aid, and a very real risk of vampirism, but there’s enough stuff they can bribe McGinty with to ensure he co-operates. Aldous’ mortal remains, for example. But the Dark Stone and attendant evil seven-foot tall invisible demon-bunny are probably still out of the question, given what happened the last time McGinty had that artifact.

 

TO: RONDALE

 

HAVE MCG RAISE ELIAS STOP ENTIRE CARLYLE EXP ALIVE AND EVIL STOP BRIBE HIM WITH SOMETHING IF NEED BE STOP ALDOUS FOR STARTERS NO CRYSTAL STOP GET OUT OF TROUBLE FREE CARD STOP LIFETIME SUPPLY OF ALCOHOL STOP LIST GOES ON

 

And McGinty’s reply:

 

GET F-ED NOT WORTH IT GET STUFFED

 

Johnson
: Well, at least if we run into them, we don’t have to worry about keeping them alive.

Timmons
: And if they’re already dead we can’t even be charged with murder.

 

Plans are brewed to use a star vampire as an intercontinental missile, in the event they can find a blood sample to use for the scent, and somebody willing to make a giant satchel charge with a five-foot detonator.

 

Timmons
: Mr McGinty has powers beyond those of ordinary men – he’s awesome.

 

Indeed. For one thing he can drink enough to kill a horse and not die.

 

Kendall
: I thought you weren’t allowed to drink in America.

GM
: It’s not a crime if the President does it. And it’s not a crime against Nature, God and Man if McGinty does it.

 

But perhaps the Governor has a point, even if he does intend to resurrect dead presidents based on their awesome hats or awesome propensity for violence. It’s a dog-shank-dog world.

 

Timmons
: Frontbottom taught me a lot, too.

GM
: You’ve got to twist the knife?

Timmons
: Nah, you’ve got to stick your tongue out of the side of your mouth as you’re doing it and go GNAHGNAHGNAH.

 

Concerns are raised that the Beast of Derbyshire is not, in fact, a werewolf, but is the hyena-headed sorcerer that McGinty once encountered. Timmons recalls some sage advice regarding that entity – wear a protective cup with a spike on it. After all, that was the beast that McGinty started a transatlantic magic duel with, despite the threat of having his soul devoured by vermin.

 

Timmons
: ... god, McGinty is an arsehole.

 

Yes, yes he is.

While Abbagale, Johnson, and Virginia continue their recuperation, Timmons heads around to the Penhew Foundation. The board and the new Director are eager to cooperate, given the severe blow to their reputation they’ve suffered. And by the third day of going through everything they’ve got for any clue of the cult’s activities and destination, he discovers Gavigan did indeed leave something hidden here – a concealed room below ground level, cleverly concealed from all but detailed search.

Wisely, given the way they’ve found zombie defending every other subterranean hide-out they’ve explored, he opts to go find the police and his colleagues to help.

 

Johnson
: The bad guy knows how to raise zombies because we gave him the book.

Timmons
: ಠ_ಠ

Kendall
: ... you expect to find zombies?... You two don’t have anywhere to stay, do you?

Johnson
: I think I’ve still got a room at the Temperance Hotel... oh, wait – we we gave him our address there too.

Timmons
: *headdesk*

Kendall
: ... Tell you what, why don’t you two stay with me when we get out of hospital. I’d hate to think of you out on the streets.

 

There’s no need to dwell on the police efforts to sneak in through the window, to avoid alerting any cultists still on the staff, but the investigators do indeed discover a hidden room of evil at the bottom of the narrow stares. But no zombies, unusually.

What it is full of is the private library and art collection of a powerful cultist. Complete with food supply, false passports, and everything else an up-and-coming madman could desire.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

A few I remember from our last Rogue Trader session (where the Captain's player has finally been able to rejoin us after several months absence).

 

Sensor Team turns to the Master Helmsman: Ma'am, a ghost ship is in the Warp, do you want us to lock on?

Vesper: No! Wait, well... We should ask the Captain *turns to captain and the Player has left the table for a minute, leaving an empty chair* Sh- ....

 

As we approach the drifting ship

Player: What's the name of the ship?

GM: ... uh... *starts running through big list of names to use*

Eurydice: Encounter 7b.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Steel Jackal: I dont know how youre here! Youre supposed to be DEAD! But -I- should have been the one to kill you! SO NOW I WILL!

 

*Fires energy bolts at Gold Guardian, who barely dodges them*

 

Gold Guardian: Your targetting system seems to be a bit off...I could recalibrate that for you if you-

 

Steel Jackal: I CAN CALIBRATE MY OWN SENSORS! Im a good scientist!

 

Gold Guardian: ...Youre a..."good"..scientist

 

Steel Jackal: GWAAAAAHH! *pew pew pew pew pew*

 

(This ends up with Gold Guardian hacking Steel Jackals suit and sending it home, then following it to find out where the villian is hiding)

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Steel Jackal: I dont know how youre here! Youre supposed to be DEAD! But -I- should have been the one to kill you! SO NOW I WILL!

 

*Fires energy bolts at Gold Guardian, who barely dodges them*

 

Gold Guardian: Your targetting system seems to be a bit off...I could recalibrate that for you if you-

 

Steel Jackal: I CAN CALIBRATE MY OWN SENSORS! Im a good scientist!

 

Gold Guardian: ...Youre a..."good"..scientist

 

Steel Jackal: GWAAAAAHH! *pew pew pew pew pew*

 

(This ends up with Gold Guardian hacking Steel Jackals suit and sending it home, then following it to find out where the villian is hiding)

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I've taken over running my champions game while the guy who usually runs it is playing a character who looks a lot like an angel called Guardian Angel.

 

My usual character takes on the responsibility of meeting the smut quota each week but he was away on a gender and diversity awareness course (I've even spent some character points on this) and the others had to step in to maintain the requisite level of smut:

 

Whiplash (the lesbian speedster): Can you have sex while you're flying?

 

Malinda (Who transforms in to a dragon): Looks like a couple of spicy wings to me! Do you moult?

 

Whiplash: He must be an angel, he's turning me straight!

 

GM: I'm sure they just want a look at your firey sword.

 

Guardian Angel is now beset by women and seriously considering some smiting.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I've taken over running my champions game while the guy who usually runs it is playing a character who looks a lot like an angel called Guardian Angel.

 

My usual character takes on the responsibility of meeting the smut quota each week but he was away on a gender and diversity awareness course (I've even spent some character points on this) and the others had to step in to maintain the requisite level of smut:

 

Whiplash (the lesbian speedster): Can you have sex while you're flying?

 

Malinda (Who transforms in to a dragon): Looks like a couple of spicy wings to me! Do you moult?

 

Whiplash: He must be an angel, he's turning me straight!

 

GM: I'm sure they just want a look at your firey sword.

 

Guardian Angel is now beset by women and seriously considering some smiting.

 

 

 

It's good to know that Australia no longer has the monopoly on the spontaneous generation of Smut Fields ...

 

 

 

Major Tom 2009 :eg:

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I've taken over running my champions game while the guy who usually runs it is playing a character who looks a lot like an angel called Guardian Angel.

 

My usual character takes on the responsibility of meeting the smut quota each week but he was away on a gender and diversity awareness course (I've even spent some character points on this) .

 

Buying off a Complication?

 

Lucius Alexander

 

The palindromedary has a Y-chromosome and a Y-not?-chromosome

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Buying off a Complication?

 

Lucius Alexander

 

The palindromedary has a Y-chromosome and a Y-not?-chromosome

 

No, just spent a couple of points on it to make it fit the what the character has done. I don't ever intend to use the skill and Black Jack will be back to his old ways in no time.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Our time-travelers scope out the Ladies at King Arthur's Court. Jack hits on Guinevere (unsuccessfully). Assim scores with the Lady Elaine. As for Gahn the Lovesick Neanderthal...

“I’m going after the one-eyed girl by the fire.”

“That’s a mop.”

“Foiled again!”

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I present a collection of quotes gleaned from three different campaigns:

 

Marvel Heroic Role-Playing Session 7

Cast:

Ms. Marvel

Doctor Strange

Captain America

Moon Knight

 

Doctor Strange ties to sum up our last (pre-Christmas) session: "Chain-ball man."

GM: "Ahem... Thunderball."

 

"Emo Doctor Strange"

 

GM: "What sort of Doom Pool power do you need to un-Hulk Bruce Banner?"

Ms. Marvel (OOC): "Who cares? We all know it's only temporary."

 

Moon Knight on how to calm the Hulk: "I'm going to find a puppy."

 

Iron Claw Session 9

Cast:

Zepharine LaFluer

Koda

Sigmund Kinsbrough

Captain Fancy

Tráke

 

GM: "Vast... vast stands of trees."

Zepharine (OOC) preempts any possible Monty Python comment from Koda with: "Shut up."

Koda (OOC): "I wasn't saying anything."

 

Zepharine on her new gear: "Hokey religions and ancient superstitions are no replacement for a good broadsword at your side."

Captain Fancy: "I find your lack of faith disturbing."

Zepharine: "Don't try and trick me with your paladin's ways."

Captain Fancy: "The ability to cleave a man in twain is insignificant to the power of faith."

 

Fantasy Craft Session 8

Cast:

Ronan Braveclaw, Human Emissary

Summer, Human mage

Syrinx, Gorgon(?) Martial Artist

Khyrshakk, Saurian Scout

 

Syrinx: "I climb up onto the mechanical scorpion and get in the seat."

GM: "One problem, it's occupied."

Syrinx: "By what?"

Khyrshakk (OOC): "You have no idea, but it's chest is burst open."

All: *laughter*

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

from Avengers, Convention Game:

 

GM: You've been Reeded!

 

Player: What?

 

GM: You've been personally entangled by a stretchy villain

 

Other Player: Richarded?

 

Other Player: Fantasticated.

 

GM: he's wrapped you up, you can't move.

 

Player: Dicked.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

At an Inn full of time travelers, our Heroes walk in on a shouting-match-about-to-come-to-blows between a group of French knights led by Joan of Arc, and a bunch of Nazis led by some short guy with a funny mustache.

 

Innkeeper: "Would you like a room?"

Aetia: "I'm not sure, but I am enjoying the floor show."

Gahn: "I hope Joan of Arc kicks Hitler in the balls then tears Eva's shirt."

Jack (OOC): "Are we adding Jello to the room?"

Gahn (OOC: "There’s always room for Jello!"

(Joan did in fact kick Hitler in the balls, but sadly no shirts were torn.)

 

Afterwards, Gahn explains Hitler to the pre-20th Century characters:

“He is terrible on a scale that only other men with similar mustaches can be.”

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Marvel Heroic Role-Playing Session 8

Cast:

Ms. Marvel

Doctor Strange

Captain America

Moon Knight

 

"What? My meta-gaming sense failed me?"

 

Comment on some artwork of Moon Knight: "He has arms like legs and legs like people."

 

Daredevil turns out to be Taskmaster, leading to (said in bad Russian accent): "Daredevil is Spy!"

 

"Doom and the Doombots: Live in Concert"

 

Ms Marvel has an idea on how to defeat Doom: "Is Doom susceptible to 'dat ass'? 'cause as we all know, Ms Marvel has 'dat ass'."

 

"This is a bad night to be a mook."

 

The GM rolls 7, 7, 7, 7, 10 for Doom, resulting in "[Doom] rolled a straight!"

(really 4-of-akind, but lets not quibble)

 

"Telemundo Doom"

 

"Mystic waterboard"

 

"Tom Cruise: Murder Hobo"

 

New Dr Strange spell: "Testaverde's Testicular Trauma"

 

Iron Claw Session 10

Cast:

Zepharine LaFluer

Koda

Sigmund Kinsbrough

Captain Fancy

Tráke

 

Zepharine shows where we've traveled on the map: "We went from the light gray area to the dark gray area along the black area."

 

Tráke: "Don't worry Koda, I'll kill you before I let them take you alive."

Koda: "That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

 

Koda (who is illiterate) pantomimes holding up a book to look at the centerfold, resulting in:

Zepharine: "That's gotta been illuminated, there's no way those are real. Besides, I can see the brush strokes from here."

 

A giant flaming spider spew goo all over some of the heroes.

Zepharine: "Ewww... It bukkakes for villainy."

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

New Dr Strange spell: "Testaverde's Testicular Trauma"

 

Hmm, Vitus detects the stench of intellectual property infringement. But no doubt a few a few compariative applications to suitable test subjects, he'd agree that the similarities between "Testaverde's Testicular Trauma" and "Detonate Scrotum" are co-incidental :)

 

Now there's an alarming thought - Vitus in the Marvelverse....

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Hmm, Vitus detects the stench of intellectual property infringement. But no doubt a few a few compariative applications to suitable test subjects, he'd agree that the similarities between "Testaverde's Testicular Trauma" and "Detonate Scrotum" are co-incidental :)

 

Now there's an alarming thought - Vitus in the Marvelverse....

 

;) Well, the MU does need major house-cleaning - and it is difficult to see how Vitus could actually make things worse.

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