Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[BlueCloud2k2]

Drhoz Says: Anyway - hot on the trail of two more of the stolen personality chips. One for Cleopatra VII, and the other for Jack the Ripper. We've got a good idea of where they can be found too - one at a party held by the Hollywood exec that was to receive the chips, and the other roaming downtown Seattle murdering streetwalkers. With any luck we can recover both, without embarrassing the creators, but still giving our employer enough rope to hang the executive that arranged the insider-job theft, and the Ripper Chip, in the first place

I used to have this Shadow Run module. Lost it sometime during moving. I adapted it for my 4e Kaze 5 campaign. Players loved it and hated it. Especially when going after Ghengis Khan's chip, they ran into a biker gang being lead by a full Hard-Shell conversion calling himself Bone Crusher (who had the Khan chip).

[Drhoz]

Celebrating the successful dreamchip run with a dinner party at Felix and Inkubus' apartment

Greenlight: My mother was really big on Natural foods. But it's taken three years on nutrasoy for me to really appreciate her cooking.

Felix: hmm. Nutrasoy autocorrects to Nut Raspy
Greenlight: I don't think I've been eating that for three years

But what should be on the menu? A garden salad from the hydroponic garden, crumbed real pork cutlets for the main course, and so on.

Felix: We'll hit that grocery.
Inkubus: No.
Felix: Not in a criminal sense!

Felix: Something simple for dessert...
Inkubus: Strawberry mousse with whipped cream?
Felix: I think I saw some nutmeg at the store.

The drinks with each course are an important consideration, too. Inkubus selects one of his favorites - an import from one of the Elf nations, that's 500 NuYen a bottle.

Felix: The wine locker has a better lock than the apartment.

Indeed it does. Including palm-print recognition, and a level four maglock.

Warhammer: What do you do when you get drunk?
Felix: You do not get drunk on this wine.
Inkubus: This is for special occasions - if I want to get drunk I go out.

Felix: I do wonder what will happen the first time someone breaks in here and sees all the security is on the wine locker.

A wild job offer appears! Apparently some band are trying to run out on their recording contract. The company want them and their album back. This sounds like an ideal job for Inkubus, given his links to Seattle's entertainment scene. The Johnson wants to meet us at a stripper bar.

Felix: The Pink Pitbull?
Inkubus: Is that the one where I have to wear a chain and padlock as a belt?

Greenlight: I was hoping somebody would know the club.
Felix: Why is everybody looking at me?

Inkubus: I think the rest of the party might like some warning if it's a male strip joint.
GM: They're women
Inkubus: OK
Titus: But they're all trolls.

Inkubus eyes the almost pornographic neon displays outside, and tries to resist temptation, just like he tries to resist everything else.

Warhammer: Just walk it off, dude.
Inkubus: Hey, I've NEVER had to pay for it.

Inkubus: I don't think you can use Orgasm on yourself
Felix: If you could, you'll never go out
Inkubus: True

The decor at the Pink Pitbull leaves something to be desired

Greenlight: Jesus Christ, this is like the shattered dreams of a 50 year-old Barbie

Greenlight: I thought we were retrieving property, not people
Titus: You honestly think the corps make any distinction?

Staking out the private recording studio where the band are believed to be working,opposite a mall.

Inkubus: Redmond Morgue?
GM: Mall.
Inkubus: Ah, not morgue then.
Greenlight: Depends on the day.

Inkubus: It'll be just our luck that they're a former Shadowrun team.
Felix: Thank you for that exercise in pessimism

Felix: I'm fascinated to see just how badly this can go wrong. There's a certain morbid curiosity.
Warhammer: That's why I came along

The band are indeed there - and proceed to leave in four different directions. And we only had one radio tracking bug. We hurriedly split up in pursuit. Titus gets sent after Bambi, the band's troll drummer.

Warhammer: Troll on troll.
Felix: You might want to rephrase that.
Inkubus: People will pay a lot of money to see that. Ever had a troll roll? I recommend it.

At least we managed to track some of them home to their shops and apartments. Unfortunately, some of us also get spotted. By a bizarre coincidence, the band's lead singer lives only a few blocks away from Inkubus and Felix. This suggests a new ploy - rather than drag them back to their corporate masters, persuade them.

Titus: Fetch the charisma stick!
Greenlight: Hoist the Charisma Beam! Free hookers and beer here!
Warhammer: Hwah? Where's that beam?

Greenlight: 'I have pointed ears, therefore I have charisma.'
Felix: Just ask Spock.
Greenlight: *turns Vulcan salute into a one-fingered salute*

Inkubus turns up at Whispering Wind's door, with a bottle of extremely expensive booze, to talk to the young woman about independent recording contracts and promotional opportunities. While he's there, however, Bambi calls up with a somewhat frantic tale about how they were tailed back to their shop by Titus. W.W. naturally assumes Inkubus is part of the snatch team, and rolls a concussion grenade under his chair. Lurking on the street, the youth Greenlight hears the explosion and comes running.

Greenlight: That was quick. It usually takes longer than this.
Felix: And the worst thing? It'll shatter the bottle.

Greenlight: Are you alright in there? We heard a loud banging!
Felix: *snrk*

Inkubus modifies the plan on the fly - if they can't be persuaded, perhaps they can be scared back into the fold. He plays stunned but innocent. Greenlight, outside the door, might be one of the snatch team! Inkubus proceeds to scare Whispering Wind with stories about how scary shadowrunners can be - after all, he has material to work from.

Inkubus: Did you say somebody was trying to kidnap you? Do you think that might be one of them?

Felix: 'Those guys are all crazy! They'll stop at nothing! I heard they kidnapped some Hoillywood exec's girlfriend right from his yacht!'

Inkubus: That grenade was supposed to stop a shadowrunner? It didn't even stop me!

Titus: 'They could be anywhere! Shadowrunners are like ninjas!'
Warhammer: 'Except for the troll'

Inkubus: You need a safehouse - somewhere completely unconnected to you. Hey! I live a few blocks away! Just a minute, I'll need to call my flatmate and clear it with him.
Titus OoC: Beware a social character doing his job.

Felix: He's just talked them into hiding out at our apartment
Warhammer: .... F**k, he can spin some shit, can't he? That's why I do the shooting and he does the talking.

Greenlight dresses like a villain from one of the Shadowrun movies, and follows Inkubus and Whispering Wind down the street, until they 'lose' him. Of course, once the entire band has been gathered at the apartment, there's a chance of blowback if they ever do find out how they're been conned. Text messages are hurriedly exchanged. Warhammer, Felix, and Inkubus will be babysitting the band. Titus and Greenlight wait to launch their attack. Warhammer and Inkubus do their best to make the band rethink going independent, while Felix plays the sceptic.

Inkubus: I'll convince them it's our safe house - what sort of idiot would take you to their actual home?

Inkubus: You need to have more faith in me.
Greenlight: I heard an explosion!
Inkubus: If I need help I'll scream
Warhammer: You have to admit a grenade probably meant trouble 'Where the fuck did that come from?!'
Greenlight: 'That escalated quickly'

Inkubus: You know that gangwar? I heard Shadowrunners started that, just to get one guy.
Felix: Yeah, right. *rolls eyes*
Warhammer: Some of my ex-military buddies say there's been a lot of runner activity in the neighbourhood
Felix: Oh, not you too.

Felix: What tail? You were probably imagining things.
Inkubus: Yeah? Seeing the same troll in two places! Explain that!
Felix: How would you tell them apart?
Inkubus: ....
Felix: Sorry.
Inkubus: Excuse my friend, he's from down south.

Warhammer: The important thing is that you lost the tail.
*doorbell rings*
Felix: I'll get it.
Warhammer: Shouldn't you check the security cam first?
Felix: Why? It's probably the grocery boy anyway.
Inkubus: Oh no... Felix... I'm so sorry
Titus: *kicks door in*

Inkubus casts a mass Orgasm Spell while the band panics. Felix hits the floor, pretending to be affected, and Warhammer blazes away with automatic gel-round fire, which sounds very impressive, but is unlikely to actually hurt or even hit anybody. It still does, however.

Inkubus: You're not supposed to be *successfully* defending them
Greenlight: 'Sorry, I don't practise missing people'

Bambi grabs for his own weapon, in blind panic, and manages to empty the clip into the ceiling. Felix, hiding behind the furniture, bites his tongue and manages to choke down his fury at the property damage to his home.

Felix: Maybe we can spin this into a rent reduction

Titus 'punches Warhammer out', and Greenlight steps in, surveying the screaming, twitching bandmembers and hefting his own weapons.

Greenlight: Nice hit, Akuma. Are you going to come quietly?
Bambi: *still pulling the trigger of the empty gun* Click click click!
Greenlight: Thought so. *charges with shock-maul and gel-pistol*

Inkubus attempts to 'rescue' Whispering Wind

Inkubus: Come on! I'll get you out of here! *stunbolt*

Titus: Right, you lot. You have a choice. Stun-rod or Tranq Patch

Band unconscious and terrified out of their wits, the team considers their next move. Truck them across to Titus' hide-out, for a start. Inkubus magically interrogates the band for the whereabouts of the finished album - apparently they've hidden it in a book - and Felix suggests using the spell Catalogue to locate it, at each of the bandmember's apartments.

Inkubus: I knew I kept you around for something. More than your share of the rent.

Inkubus wants to stay with the band, still pretending to be a helpful bystander caught up in the mess.

Inkubus: You're going to have to rough me up.
Greenlight: *Gestures Inkubus closer, cracks knuckles.... and gets out the make-up kit.*

But what to tell the cops, if they show up?

Inkubus: I'll tell them a version of the truth. I was entertaining a young woman, and a troll burst in, shot up the roof...
Greenlight: ... Burst into tears...
Inkubus: ... And left.

Starcops: And what did this troll look like, sir?
Inkubus: Big!
Titus: Same problem the cops have every time they need to ID a troll

Starcops: And the young woman?
Inkubus: I'll give them a good description - that's an amalgamation of my last three dates.

Felix: Congratulations on that masterpiece of theatre.
Titus: What if they ever come to see you afterwards, and we're all here?
Inkubus: 'Ooh, this is awkward. Hi! I'm a bastard.'

[Drhoz]

And of course Jrska doesn't object to female partners. I think this new chickie is in for a big old shock in the very near future.

 

*nods* I'm confidant that Jrska could seduce her, too. Better hope Cassius can keep them separated....

[Christopher]

And of course Jrska doesn't object to female partners. I think this new chickie is in for a big old shock in the very near future.

Male. Female. Both. Neither. And 'other' of course too.

[Drhoz]

Played my first game of Firestorm Armada this weekend. Was a close thing - my Aquan fleet eventually managed to take down the enemy flagship and kill their admiral, but not before they'd disabled mine, boarded it, and kidnapped my own fleet commander.

 

."We shall rescue our beloved leader! We shall not let him languish in the hands of those air-breathing human scum!"

"Hey! Humans serve on Aquan ships as well!"

"Aqualungs don't count - you're good humans. Do a trick and we'll throw you a sardine."

[Houston GM]

Quotes from Owlcon - part I

 

Pulp Hero "The Fiendish Plan of Dr. Mephisto"

 

The Sentinels of Justice investigated the mysterious disappearance of a skyscraper.

 

GM: Theron

Dirk Morgan: a newspaper editor

Huan Ju Morgan: Dirk's Chinese adopted sister, a martial artist

Dr. Diogenes Sinclair: a jungle doctor

"Pat" Garrett: an Arizona cowgirl

Jeremiah "Sparks" McGee: a mad scientist

Eugene Bullard: a black American fighter pilot who fought in French Foreign Legion during the Great War

The Amazing Bosco Patterson: an acrobat and brawler

 

A 27 story skyscraper was under construction. Then it disappeared. All that remained was the foundation.

Dirk: "I could have sworn that I parked it right here."

 

Elmo, a homeless man, was the only witness.

Bosco: (to Elmo) "There's a drink in it for you."

Elmo: (slurring) "I don't touch the stuff."

Bosco: "You don't touch it ... but you will drink it."

 

The Sentinels of Justice were attacked by a group of mooks.

Huan Ju: (catching a mook's fist in her hand) "Denied."

 

Pat tried to climb a fire escape to reach a gunman. The fire escape wouldn't lower, which left her hanging from the bottom rung.

Pat: "Could you give me a boost?"

Sparks threw his wrench at the mechanism, freeing it and allowing the fire escape to deploy.

Sparks: "I used my science."

 

The Sentinels of Justice tracked Dr. Mephisto down to his dirigible. While Eugene flew the plane, the rest parachuted onto the top of the dirigible, then climbed down through the superstructure. When they were attacked by mooks, Pat lassoed one of them and pulled him so he was dangling by one leg.

Dr. Sinclair: Piñata time.

 

While the rest of the team climbed down through the superstructure, Eugene discovered that the dirigible had a "trapeze": a mechanism which allowed it to deploy and retrieve a small fighter plane. The Sentinels' seaplane had a hook, allowing it to make use of the trapeze. Even though the seaplane was too large for this trapeze, Eugene managed to catch the seaplane's hook on the trapeze, wedge the seaplane up into the dirigible's hangar, climb out of the seaplane, fight off two mooks and sneak onto the dirigible.

 

Eugene coincidentally entered the dirigible just as the rest of the group climbed down out of the superstructure.

Dr. Sinclair: (to Eugene) "It took you long enough."

Eugene: "I had a hard time finding a place to park."

Bosco: "Parking is hell in New York."

Eugene: "I nearly got towed."

[Houston GM]

Quotes from Owlcon, part 2

 

Champions 3rd Edition "School Holiday"

 

Some supervillains and mercenaries took over a local junior high school. Strike Force was called in to rescue the students and faculty.

 

GM: Theron

 

Strike Force roster

Phosphene: teleporting martial artist

Lightrune: flying brick, can manifest an energy sword

Plasma Ranger: energy projector

Shadow Walker: ninja

La Panthere: enhanced human martial artist

Sammael: shapeshifter with 4 distinct forms (monkey, hawk, gorilla, allosaurus), uses a neural whip

 

While players were picking their characters...

Player: So, Night Walker is kind of like a ninja?

GM: No. He's exactly like a ninja.

 

Plasma Ranger jammed the mercenaries' radios.

Phosphene: "They're playing your song."

 

Sammael: (switching to gorilla form) "I'm a gorilla with boobies."

Phosphene: "I need to scrub my brain with bleach."

 

Strike Force quickly dispatched the mercenaries guarding the larger group of students and teachers. A smaller group of students and teachers was being held in the basement cafeteria by the supervillains and more mercenaries.

 

Supervillain roster

Denier: demon, leader

Briareus: 4-armed brick, unintelligent construct

Flare: fire projector

Sliver: martial artist, also used flechettes

Scanner: mentalist

 

As Phosphene teleported the members of Strike Force into the cafeteria's kitchen, the supervillains began to suspect that something was going wrong.

Flare: "Sliver, Briareus: go check out the gym. There's a problem upstairs."

Lightrune: (yelling from the kitchen) "No there's not."

 

Denier: "Impudent mortals! You will pay for this!"

Plasma Ranger: "Do you take credit?"

 

Sammael, back in gorilla form, slashed Denier with her whip. Then she turned to the mercenaries and made an exceedingly lewd gesture.

Sammael: "Who else wants a piece of this?"

Phosphene: "I need to scrub my brain with bleach ... again."

 

Lightrune slammed his fist down onto Sliver, knocking her out and cratering the floor beneath her.

Phosphene: "You knocked her into the sub-basement."

Night Walker: "There is no sub-basement."

Phosphene: "There is now."

 

 

Night Walker's player had forgotten to take his ADHD meds ... and talked non-stop.

Sammael (ooc): "You're the noisiest ninja I've ever met."

[Drhoz]

The plan : help that Imperial starship out of the Vortex, so they'll unwittingly feed information back to the forces of Chaos - i.e. Us.

Doing so, however, means using the Thirteenth Station, the only safe route in and out of the Screaming Vortex, and even then most Chaos ships sacrifice a few hundred slaves before they dare. Over the centuries, the frozen corpses have become something of a nuisance. The blockade fleet that patrols this side of the Warpgate is a nuisance as well.

Aladar: So what am I flying and what am I shooting?
Cog: You're not flying anything.
Jrska OoC: And you're not shooting anything because Jrska cut your balls off.

Cassius' ploy - Lure the fleet away from the gate, while our new 'friends' sneak past, silent running. We'll be towing the hulk of that raider ship we shot up too, so the prospect of an apparently Inquisitorial ship, with something no-doubt valuable in tow, should be irresistible.

Of course, we also have to repair the Imperial ship, strip the raider, and pull off our stunt, without anybody , including our own mix of mutant and deluded Emperor-worshipping crew, figuring out what we're actually doing. Tricky, given Cassius' winged mutation, disturbing psychic aura, and the need to work closely with the naive Imperial captain.

Jrska: Not as disturbing as me. And then there's the drooling noises whenever the captain is around and I'm there.

At least Jrska has something to distract her - brainwashing that Space Marine Dreadnought.

Cassius: I gave Jrska a challenge - break someone who is immune to sensation.
Jrska: That's OK, I'm watching chick flicks with him. Non-stop. For days on end.

Cassius: Jrska - I want you to select the prize crew for the raider. I want them competent, and loyal. A proportion of them are allowed to be worshippers of Slaanesh.
Jrska: ... 100% is a proportion...
Cassius: Not more than 1 in 10

Aladar van Rijn attempts to make himself useful, by getting some neural upgrades from the ships' Magos-engineer. He phrases it in a way that would make Slaanesh proud.

Aladar: I'm plugging myself into Father.
All: ....

He remains useless. The opening move of the Cassius Gambit nearly stalls the engine and almost tears the hulk free of its tow chains.

Aladar: Why are there four pedals when there are six directions?
Cassius: Why do you insist on flying the ship when you're no good at it?

Happily, the rest of us can offset Aladar's failings, by intimidating, cajoling, and exhorting the crew into working harder.

Aladar: Why do you keep calling it extorting the crew?
Jrska: Because I'm making them do stuff

Even then, there are limits to what we can achieve, even as we run rings around the blockade's formidable raiders, and start earning the attention of the hulking and extremely formidable cruisers.

Jrska: No matter how fast I beat the drum, they're not going to turn the ship any faster.

Aladar: The engines cannae take it, Captain!
Cassius: You weren't raised by the Adeptus Mechanicus - you don't know that ancient prayer

But it works ( apparently Aladar can remember how to pilot a ship if Cassius threatens to flay him alive ) and the Chains of Judgement retreats into the Vortex, and that delectable captain and her ship make a successful dash for the Thirteenth Station. No doubt the blockade's admiral will carry out a few disciplinary executions.

Back to Jrska's brother's lair in the Ragged Helix, where we discover that some of his supposedly loyal minions attempted a coup. There's considerable damage, but at least the traitors were driven off. Cassius is annoyed by this evidence of Chaos' unreliability.

Cassius: I make a point of not screwing people over until they've screwed me.
Jrska: ... Interesting phrasing, my lord.

Some of the survivors suspect it was Jrska's arrival that prompted the coup - a more important question is who egged it on? Leading suspects include Seyr the Bereft, who we acquired that Tyrant's Cord for months ago, and Gray the Mercenary.

Cassius: I don't buy it. Gray has always been like me, an honourable -
Jrska: So he was acting out of character, my lord?
Cassius: ...True.
Aladar: You think he was mind-controlled?
Jrska: No. I'm implying that his persona of an honourable mercenary may be just that - a persona.

Cassius: For some reason you're earning more infamy than me, and I don't know why.
Jrska: Perhaps it was the thing with the penguin, my lord.

But there we had to leave it for the session, after helping with the clean-up and acquiring a few more shiny things from the piles of wreckage. We still have to get more weapons built into the Chains, too. Perhaps something powered by that vault-full of tortured human souls?

[Houston GM]

Quotes from Owlcon - part 3

 

Drama Dice 2.0 "Witch Girls - Wyrd High"

 

Set in and around Wyrd High School, Strangeville, Nebraska

 

First animals started disappearing. Then people started disappearing. Finally someone important enough to matter has disappeared. Sissy, head cheerleader, daughter of the Sheriff was missing from her room this morning. Upon the principal's recommendation, the Sheriff grudgingly agreed to let a group of students help out with their own parallel investigation.

 

Ross: a normal with minor psychic senses, leader of the group

Beowulf: Ross' dog (no, he's not a great dane)

Wakiza Sunwalker: an immortal, incredibly strong and fast

Jake Cult: werewolf

Hakim: efreet, has power over fire

Tammy: studious witch, specializes in alteration magic

Stephanie: dark elf with pink hair, necromancer, sullen and suspicious

Xavier: vampire, heartthrob, has power over shadow

 

Upon meeting the teens, the Sheriff insulted them collectively, then insulted each one directly.

Xavier: (to the Sheriff) "Are you sure you're done? Because I think you missed a few racial slurs. It seems like you're on a roll, and I don't want to spoil it for you."

 

Tammy: "Someone needs to investigate Sissy's bedroom, and someone needs to talk to the cheerleaders."

Xavier: "I'll chat up the cheerleaders."

Stephanie: (glaring at Xavier) "And I'll go with him to keep him out of trouble."

Ross, Jake and Hakim decided to investigate Sissy's room. Tammy decided to accompany Xavier and Stephanie.

Tammy: "And Wakiza needs to decide whether he'll check out the room or talk to the cheerleaders."

Wakiza: (pretending to think about it) "Hmmm. Do I want to check out the room, or do I want to check out the cheerleaders...."

Xavier: "Life is full of tough decisions."

 

On Sissy's computer, Ross discovered a website that promised to teach people how to do real magic.

Ross: "I'm going to text Tammy a link to this website, so she can tell us what it does." (After thinking for a minute, he added as an afterthought) "And I'm going to warn her that the website will try to take over her mind."

 

The boys discovered other clues in Sissy's room - a token doll, a pumpkinhead minion which attacked them...

Jake knew they weren't experts in this kind of magic, so he decided to send the information to someone who was more likely to understand it.

Tammy: "Jake took a selfie with a destroyed pumpkinhead minion! And he sent it to me! WHY ?!?"

 

Tammy discovered that the "real magic" taught by the website wasn't real magic at all. It would allow a person to summon a minor shadow spirit. That shadow spirit could animate a pumpkinhead minion. It could also consume small amounts of soul energy from people and animals in order to do other things.

 

Xavier and Wakiza interviewed the cheerleaders without learning anything important ... until ...

Jenny the cheerleader: "Xavier, could I speak to you ... privately?"

Xavier: (smiling) "Of course."

Stephanie: (under her breath, to Xavier) "Jerk!"

Xavier followed Jenny into a back room. Stephanie snuck up to the door to eavesdrop.

Jenny turn to face Xavier, her eyes and mouth filled with dark shadows...

Jenny, the possessed cheerleader: "Fool. You should have left things alone. But you had to keep asking questions."

Xavier smiled broadly at Jenny.

Jenny, the possessed cheerleader: "Why are you smiling?"

Xavier used his powers to lock the shadow spirit into place.

Xavier: "Because you are a minor creature of shadow, and I am a major creature of shadow."

Stephanie burst into the room and used her necromancy to banish the shadow spirit.

Jenny the cheerleader: (looking confused) "What are you doing? Get away from me you weirdo."

Stephanie: (to Xavier) "HA! She rejected you!"

Xavier: (shrugging) "It was bound to happen sooner or later."

Right before Jenny walked out of the room, she looked over her shoulder and winked at Xavier.

Stephanie: (to Xavier) "I hate you."

 

After regrouping at the school, the teens continued their investigation. Hakim and Stephanie decided to search the library.

GM (ooc): "What's your favorite manga?"

Hakim (ooc): "Full Metal Alchemist."

GM: "As you walk through the manga section of the library, a copy of 'Full Metal Alchemist' falls of the shelf. The pages start tearing themselves out of the book, flying into the air, and forming into the outer layer of a figure that looks like a suit of armor."

Stephanie (ooc): "Good thing you're not a fan of Van Helsing."

 

The clues pointed to Mary Danvers, formerly a school librarian, currently a unaging necromancer at least 100 years old.

Ross: "I called the Sheriff and told him that Mary Danvers was a suspect."

Nancy, Wakiza and Xavier: "Why?"

Ross: "He seemed really concerned about his daughter, and I wanted to let him know we were making some progress."

 

The teens raced to Mary Danvers house in an attempt to get there before the Sheriff got slaughtered. Xavier and Wakiza decided to enter the house, while the rest followed the trail into the pumpkin patch. As they reached the middle of the patch, a giant pumpkinhead erupted up from the middle of the patch with the Sheriff entangled in its torso.

Giant Pumpkinhead: (bellowing) "You spoil everything!!"

Tammy: "Good!"

Meanwhile, the noise could be heard up at the porch of the house.

Xavier: (to Wakiza) "Oh joy. Look what they just woke up."

 

Wakiza pulled the sheriff out of the pumpkinhead's torso, causing it to shrivel up.

Ross: "Someone must be out of their gourd."

 

The group entered the house and ganged up on Mary Danvers, the necromancer. Jake had pinned her and slashed her throat. Xavier swooped in for the kill.

Xavier: (pausing and whispering to Mary Danvers) "They say the first taste is free."

[Houston GM]

Quotes from Owlcon - part 4

 

Drama Dice 2.0 "Team Maximum: Little Girl Lost"

 

Team Maximum is the Justice League of their universe. That level of power, but without the squeaky-clean image.

 

The core members of Team Maximum

El Bombastico: the toughest man in the world, Em's husband

Em: a powerful witch, El Bombastico's wife

Ghost: the deadliest man in the world, ex-special ops with high-tech gear

Mach: the fastest man in the world, a flying speedster

Madame Raven: the supreme sorceress

Fox: the world's greatest shapeshifter

The Imagineer: the world's smartest man, wears nano-crystalline powered armor

 

While selecting characters.

Player: "Em has a signature spell called 'Find MacGuffin'."

 

El Bombastico and Em have a daughter. Loki kidnapped her.

El Bombastico: "I'm going to shove my boot so far up Loki's ___ that he's going to be tasting shoe leather for a year."

 

The daughter's trail led to Asgard. Loki's trail led to Earth-616. The core members followed the trail to Asgard.

 

Asgard was shielded and ready for war. The group opened a small hole in the shield and snuck through. Em used her illusions to disguise Madame Raven as the Enchantress. Em disguised the rest of the group as normal Asgardians. Madame Raven made the illusion look more complete by charming two valkyries. The group used the disguises to reach Odin's throne room unopposed.

Em: "As we walk into Odin's throne room, I'm going to drop the illusion."

Mach: "Why not leave it up and try to fool him?"

The Imagineer: "We will be facing Odin, on his throne, at his center of power."

Madame Raven: "There is no illusion powerful enough to fool him."

The Imagineer: "That's his thing."

 

The Imagineer, Mach and Fox were of Atlantean descent, so they decided Odin would be more receptive to having them speak on the group's behalf. Fox assumed a large, imposing, regal, draconic form for the meeting.

The Imagineer: (to Odin) "Odin All-Father, we apologize for this intrusion into your domain, but we do so only under the utmost duress. The daughter of two of my companions was stolen from them, and the trail led here. As a father, I'm sure you understand the lengths someone would go to to protect their own child."

Loki: (stepping out from the shadows behind Odin's throne) "Father, they are telling you lies...."

Fox: (interrupting) "I see you have a serpent too."

 

Loki: "If what they are saying is true, then why have they weakened our defenses and allowed our ancient enemies to attack?"

Loki paused. Nothing happened.

Loki: (yelling loudly) "Why have they weakened our defenses and allowed our ancient enemies to attack?"

Sounds of battle erupted outside. This was followed by an explosion as Surtur, king of the fire giants, smashed through the wall of the throne room.

 

El Bombastico, Mach and the Imagineer forced Surtur out of the throne room, off the bridge and into the lake.

GM: "Surtur is standing in 20 feet of water, but he's 50 feet tall."

Fox: (describing actions) "As I stalk out of the throne room and onto the bridge, my scales shift to a silvery-white color."

GM & various players (ooc): "Oh my god. I don't believe it. He's a white dragon."

Fox blasted Surtur with his frost breath, leaving Surtur's legs pinned with ice. Surtur was alive, but ashen-skinned, with only a few small flames still flickering around him.

Fox: "Surrender ... or die ..."

Fox inhaled. Surtur surrendered.

 

Loki fled the throne room during the battle. Afterwards....

The Imagineer: (to Odin) "Hopefully we have demonstrated that we are not your enemy. But we cannot leave without my companions' daughter."

Odin: (nods) "Follow me."

Em: (quietly) "I'm glad he didn't say, 'Walk this way.'"

 

The group caught up to Loki in the vault and rescued El Bombastico and Em's daughter from him.

Daughter: "Mommy! Daddy! You came! I missed you!"

El Bombastico: (sweetly, to daughter) "Look away honey. Daddy has some business to attend to." (not so sweetly, to Loki) "Prepare to taste some boot leather."

Fox: (cheerfully, to Loki) "Bend over and cough."

 

If Loki was in Asgard, why did his trail lead to Earth-616 ... ?

[Houston GM]

Quotes from Owlcon - part 5

 

Drama Dice 2.0 "Avengers: Little Girl Lost"

 

While the core members of Team Maximum were tracking down the kidnapped daughter, the Team Maximum reservists (inside Team Maximum's ship, Axis Mundi) pursued Loki. But why did his trail lead them to earth?

 

Avengers roster

Iron Man / Tony Stark

The Hulk / Bruce Banner

Thor

Black Widow / Natasha Romanova

Wasp

Quicksilver / Pietro Maximoff

Scarlet Witch / Wanda Maximoff

 

 

Reed Richards warned Iron Man of an impending incursion from the Negative Zone. It could be Annihilus and his army. Iron Man immediately called the Avengers to assemble in the mansion's ready room.

GM (ooc): Banner walks in, instead of the Hulk. You're not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Iron Man (ooc): It's a good thing. I don't feel like redecorating.

Quicksilver (ooc): The mansion?

Iron Man (ooc): No. New York City.

 

There was a horrible noise in the sky over Manhattan. A large vehicle, ten miles tall and six miles in diameter entered from the negative zone. Four spheres, the size of large buildings, orbited the ship. Objects rained down from the ship, all over Manhattan.

 

One of the objects landed on the lawn of the Avengers' mansion. It appeared to be the headless body of Annihilus. The other falling objects appeared to be thousands of insectoid corpses.

Iron Man: "Well, that's one problem we don't need to worry about."

 

 

A huge hologram of a blue, crystalline woman broadcasted that they were searching for something that was lost. Anyone in their way would be dealt with harshly. Iron Man made two attempts to communicate with the ship. The first attempt was ignored. The second was blocked.

Jarvis: "S.H.I.E.L.D. is calling. They are most insistent."

Iron Man: "Put them through."

The connection was made.

Iron Man: "S.H.I.E.L.D., Stark here. Little bit busy right now."

Nick Fury: "Stark, there's an incursion over Manhattan. Do everything in your power to stop it."

Iron Man: "What do you think we're busy doing?"

 

The ship sent out a worldwide pulse, which reacted to Thor's hammer, and some more distant items. The ship immediately responded by unsuccessfully trying to wrest Mjolnir from Thor's hand.

Black Widow: "S.H.I.E.L.D. has some Asgardian artifacts at its local headquarters. Maybe that's what they're looking for. Should we give the artifacts to them?"

Iron Man: "Let's wait until they tell us what they want. I don't want to just start handing them artifacts, hoping they'll go away."

 

A powerful force field surrounded the ship. Wasp flew through it, apparently unnoticed. Hulk wanted to get through the force field too, but couldn't break through on his own.

Hulk: "Hammer man hit wall. Hulk hit wall. Smash through."

GM (ooc): "You know, I actually understood that."

 

With Thor's help, Hulk smashed through the force field, onto the exterior of the ship.Scarlet Witch fired a hex bolt through it, causing one of the enormous spheres to malfunction and crash into the side of the ship.

Iron Man: (broadcasting again) "Are you ready to tell us what you're looking for, or should we continue breaking your toys?"

 

Several superhumans teleported into S.H.I.E.L.D.'s Manhattan headquarters, apparently to retrieve the Asgardian artifacts from the vault. Black Widow, Iron Man, Quicksilver and Thor headed to S.H.I.E.L.D., while Hulk, Scarlet Witch and Wasp continued to deal with the ship.

 

Wasp entered the ship through the large hole caused by Scarlet Witch. Upon entering, she found herself in a park where several children were playing.

Wasp: (growing larger so she can be seen) "Children, it's not safe here. Follow me and I'll take you to shelter."

Little Girl: "It's a pixie! Mine! Mine! Mine!"

Roots shot from the ground near the girl, trying to entangle Wasp.

Little Boy: "No! It's mine! Pixie! Pixie! Pixie!"

Darts shot from the boy's hand, narrowly missing Wasp.

Wasp: (with a horrified look on her face) "These children will be fine on their own. My work here is done."

 

Four Avengers arrived at S.H.I.E.L.D.

Black Widow: "I think they're heading for the vault."

Quicksilver: "I'm guessing the trail of destruction won't be hard to follow."

 

Four superhumans reached S.H.I.E.L.D.'s vault. Iron Man squared off against WarTalker, who had skill mimicry like Taskmaster, wore nanocrystalline armor made by The Imagineer, and could use his armor to create solid light objects like Green Lantern.

Iron Man: "It's not the quality of the suit that matters ..."

Iron Man remotely hacked WarTalker's suit, then shut the suit down.

Iron Man: "It's the quality of the man inside of it."

 

As Scarlet Witch flew near the ship, a magic portal opened. Witch Girl flew out and attacked Scarlet Witch.

Scarlet Witch: (flying past Witch Girl and into the ship) "Thanks. Bye bye."

Scarlet Witch closed and sealed the magic portal behind her, trapping Witch Girl outside.

Witch Girl: "My mom is going to kill me."

 

WarTalker managed to grab the Tiara of the Enchantress and escape. Thor recovered the Wrecker's crowbar. Thor also recovered one of Loki's staffs, which appeared to be the target that the superhumans were after. Upon grasping the staff, Thor heard Loki's voice in his head, taunting him that he was about to lose all he cared for.

Thor: "I think this staff was a trap for S.H.I.E.L.D. left by Loki. I believe he was using it to spy on S.H.I.E.L.D."

Iron Man: "Can I see it for a second?"

Iron Man attached a tiny speaker to the staff.

Thor: "What is that?"

Iron Man: "It's a little vibrating speaker. It plays an endless loop of 'The Girl from Ipanema'."

 

Black Widow: "Nick Fury doesn't seem too happy that Thor found out about the Asgardian artifacts, but I don't think he's going to make a big deal about it."

Thor gave Black Widow a dark stare.

Iron Man: "Well, Thor doesn't seem too happy that S.H.I.E.L.D. was keeping a few Asgardian artifacts. Hopefully he won't make a big deal about it either."

 

Scarlet Witch opened a magic portal from the inside the ship, allowing the four Avengers to travel from S.H.I.E.L.D. to the interior of the ship. Scarlet Witch examined Loki's staff and discovered that it broadcast a mystic signal, making it appear that Loki was at that location. Iron Man, meanwhile, found an open data port and hacked into the ship's PA system.

Iron Man: "I'm in your ship, touching your stuff. Are you ready to talk to us now?"

 

The Avengers managed to quickly reach a truce with Maxine, the blue, crystalline woman. Then a loud explosion echoed from elsewhere in the ship ... and it wasn't the Hulk.

Maxine: "Perhaps you could help us with an enemy. Especially since if you don't, everyone on your planet might die."

Quicksilver: "You say that like it's a rule: Superhero groups have to fight each other before they team up."

[phoenix240]

After getting pretty badly kicked around in a surprise attack during a press conference, the PCs are taking stock of what happened. Their leader "Major Victory" who's prone to somewhat melodramatic speeches says in a perfectly serious tone "This was incredible well planned... we were struck down by a smooth criminal."

 

Without missing a Polaris turns to Eastern Knight (AKA: Adeline King) and asks,"Addy, are you okay, are you okay, Addy?"

[Lord Mhoram]

Villian with a nasty knife attacks the brick. Who hits him with a largish vehicle.

 

Player "He brought a knife to a van fight"

[DusterBoy]

Great quotes from everybody. I love the MJ reference.

[Drhoz]

Inkubus OoC: We still have to figure out how we met.
Felix OoC: Craigslist.
Inkubus OoC: I probably used my usual trick - turned up with a really expensive bottle of wine.

Inkubus: Felix and I both like the good things in life
Titus: It's your only good point
Inkubus: I like all the debased things in life too. I just like life

On Inkubus' ability to solve every problem with his 'charisma'

Inkubus: When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail
Felix: 'the hammer is my penis'?

Anyway, regarding the latest job, getting the band back together. Specifically, the Elementals, back to their recording company. This we achieved by convincing them Shadowrunners were after them, staging a raid on our home, and dragging their unconscious behinds off to one of our hideouts.

We then reinforced this 'ransoming' them back to their company, thus making the company look good, and the band unlikely to try going independent again in future. Just a little bonus for our employer - it's little touches like that that ensure repeat business.

Inkubus: Not bad for having a concussion grenade go off between my legs.
Titus: How are the plums, anyway?

In fact, the client is so impressed he immediately offers us extra work - in order to promote the Elemental's latest album, they were going to be filming a music tri-vid. Of course, the band doing a runner wrecked the schedule, which is extremely inconvenient, since they were going to be filming outside Seattle's border in Salish-Shidhe (one of the Native American States) and the permit to do so has now expired. Perhaps our team can escort the band and film crew across anyway, so they can get the filming done anyway without anyone noticing?

Inkubus: I wonder where they want to film that's so important
Inkubus: Mt Rainier?Felix: Mt. Rainier? That's an active volcano isn't it?
Inkubus: We better not be filming there.
Felix: Wouldn't surprise me - they are the Elementals.

Felix: Bloody artistic integrity - can't they find a forest this side of the border to film in?

A major challenge, given half the team were the ones that 'kidnapped' them the day before. This new mission will need some thought before we accept - even though Labrat actually has dual citizenship of Seattle and Salish-Shidhe, we're going to need bribe money at the very least.

Greenlight: We're going to need extra money for this - one of us has already taken a stun grenade to the balls tonight.

GM: He's willing to let you keep the any vehicles and materiel you require.
Felix: 'We require a nuclear submarine.'

Inkubus: We'll use a novel technique to get past the border patrol - the truth. 'We HAD a permit, and these pricks went and run off to do their own thing - you know artistic types - and by the time we got them back the visa expired.'
Felix: 'and THIS prick insists on artistic integrity, so we have to film in your forest'.

Greenlight: Get your Inkubus Action Figure!
Felix: With Realistic Hip Thrusting Action!
Greenlight: Irrational Hatred of Scarves!
Felix: Dressed like a Chippendale Dancer!

Thus back to Titus' hide-out - the one with the sealed-up windows, sunlamps, and indoor farm. Of vegetables and chickens, not weed, since real food is rather more desirable than drugs these days. It also has something new - a vampiric assassin, who drops on us from the ceiling, spraying magic and automatic gunfire with gay abandon.

Inkubus OoC: Fangs for the Memories! One Shadowrunner! Two Shadowrunners! Three Shadowrunners! HAHAHAHA

FelixOoC: I wonder who we pissed off so much that they sent a vampire after us.

Despite the fact we outnumber him severely, the vampire is a formidable opponent. Even the fact that the entire team consists of mages and adepts didn't given him reason to pause.

Felix OoC: So six of us vs. one guy is a worse fight than us vs. several hundred bikers.
Inkubus OoC: Yup. Conservation of ninjitsu - 'hey, they only sent one ninja! ..... We're boned.'

Felix calls up a bound Earth Elemental, before being gunned down ( good thing he bought that very very expensive bulletproof coat ).

Labrat: So a big orange rocky thing has appeared, saying 'It's clobbering time!'?

Actually, no - the elemental itself is badly outclassed. Especially since the vampire can go to mist form and still cast magic. It's only Titus' desperate swing with his sledgehammer that saves us, since even in mist form, carriers of the vampire virus are still violently allergic to wood.

Labrat: We have wood for vampire

Greenlight manages to disarm and stun the bastard with a shock baton, and we tie him to a wooden chair for magical interrogation. We haven't figured out the allergy thing yet, but once we notice the haemorrhaging hit points we realise we'd better hurry. Since we don't dare risk untying him, either. Inkubus gets to work, telepathically ripping out the vampire's banking details, safety deposit box numbers, and anything else we can use. Such as the information that he was trying to kill us, as a favour for his friend Eclipse - the music exec that hired us.

Inkubus: Jeez, I know they say the music industry is a bunch of bloodsuckers, I didn't think they meant it literally.

We are more than slightly pissed off - after going to all that trouble to make the exec look good, being assassinated as loose ends is a bit aggravating. Naturally, we intend to reciprocate.

Inkubus: We'll send him a photo of his assassin tied to a chair
Greenlight: With a caption - See You Soon

Labrat: I'll include a musical sting 'nana nana, nana nana, hey hey hey, goodbye'

To add insult to injury, we'll 'rescue' that band and help them go independent.

Inkubus: We're going to rescue them. I 'hired' the very Shadowrunners that kidnapped them in the first place
Felix: Schlock Mercenary -
All: WE GET PAID TWICE
Inkubus: Do the happy dance, Tagon!

Labrat finishes off the dying assassin in a manner that would make Cronenberg or Kurosawa proud.

Greenlight: Jesus Christ, Labrat, what the fuck?!?! I thought you were going to cut his throat, not cut his fucking head off! Are you fucking Yakuza!?!

Hopefully, nobody will catch HMHVV from all the blood that sprays around.

So, time for revenge - Inkubus and Felix will set up shop a few kilometres away with telescopes, where they can overlook the exec's penthouse apartment in an otherwise empty ten-storey block. Line-of-sight magic is so damn useful. Labrat and Greenlight will go up the inside of the building, working their way past any security. Titus and Warhammer will climb up the outside. Then, when we're all in position, we send the 'Seeing You Soon' gif to the target and each other, to scare the execs shitless and then render him lifeless while he's panicking.

Greenlight: This is a military-grade lock. I've only heard of these things in a theoretical 'zine. This might actually be a challenge.
Labrat: *ClickclickclickPOP* Or not.

As it happens, our elaborate efforts are wasted - he's not home. His giant salamander fire elemental is.

Felix: He's got a fucking pet crocodile!

There's a naga too, hiding in the teepee/medicine lodge set up in one of the rooms, but after he sees what happens to the salamander he surrenders without a fight. At least this explains how the exec knew where to send the vampire - he's a magician. And according to certain notes on his computer, found while the team is busy ransacking the place, he's intending to use the band to awaken an ancient and probably evil spirit called Twilight.

Greenlight: Eclipse? Twilight?
Inkubus: Noooooooo! The Sparkles! The Sparkles!
Felix: And their video director is Lupus.
Inkubus: Damn you Stephanie Meyers!

It's also a full moon. But at least this explains why he tried to have us killed - we were rather more important loose ends than we thought.

GM: Who enters the teepee first?
All: *point at the troll*

Kaa, the Naga, happily comes with us. He should find the sunlamps and pond at Titus' hide-out quite comfortable. Such are the drawbacks of using intelligent creatures as your slaves - they tend to resent it.

Titus: Kaa... Which is... Ukrainian for Penis?
All: *give Titus a Look*

Inkubus: Hang about, I've got the badge - Nagas Are People Too

Just prior to setting the apartment on fire and blaming the salamander, one last ransacking for anything valuable, anything magical, anything that should be given to the band, and anything we can use for a long distance magical attack on the exec. Hair and fingernail clippings would be good.

Felix: Did you check the drain in his shower?
Greenlight: I was afraid to touch it
Labrat: He was afraid it would become sentient and attack him.

So off on a cross-border roadtrip, to stop a major ritual, kill a backstabbing exec, liberate a band, and avoid whatever werewolves, snipers, and other protections Eclipse has arranged. There's no point telling the authorities - even if they believed us it would take too long for them to get off their collective asses.
 

[Christopher]

Inkubus: We're going to rescue them. I 'hired' the very Shadowrunners that kidnapped them in the first place

Felix: Schlock Mercenary -

All: WE GET PAID TWICE

Inkubus: Do the happy dance, Tagon!

 

[...]

Just prior to setting the apartment on fire and blaming the salamander, one last ransacking for anything valuable, anything magical, anything that should be given to the band, and anything we can use for a long distance magical attack on the exec. Hair and fingernail clippings would be good.

 

Maxim 1 - Pillage, then burn.,

It's not surprising that the Maxims work well for Shadowrun.

[Drhoz]

Maxim 1 - Pillage, then burn.,

It's not surprising that the Maxims work well for Shadowrun.

*nods happily*

[BlueCloud2k2]

[DusterBoy]

I thought a Maxim was a machine gun?

[csyphrett]

I thought a Maxim was a machine gun?

Schlock Mercenary has a set of 77 rules, or maxims, that people quote in the strip.

'There is no overkill, there's only open fire and reload.' 

'An enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy, no more no less.'

'Close air support should be easier to tell from enemy fire.'

CES

[Christopher]

Schlock Mercenary has a set of 77 rules, or maxims, that people quote in the strip.

'There is no overkill, there's only open fire and reload.' 

'An enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy, no more no less.'

'Close air support should be easier to tell from enemy fire.'

CES

"The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries" (formerly "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates", but than ran into legal trouble).

Not, it is not exactly 70.

So far only part of the ones from 1 to 47 have been noted (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schlock_Mercenary#The_Seventy_Maxims_of_Maximally_Effective_Mercenaries)

[BlueCloud2k2]

And best of all it fits most genres of gaming (with some editing for Fantasy Genre).

[DusterBoy]

"There is no overkill, there is only "open fire" and "reload" ," dates back to Vietnam, I believe. Or it could be earlier than that.

[Christopher]

"There is no overkill, there is only "open fire" and "reload" ," dates back to Vietnam, I believe. Or it could be earlier than that.

Nr. 3 (Explosive tech on the run) also makes a apperance in Space Engineers. There it is said to come from the US Military, not sure wich branch from memory.

[Cancer]

"I've got four chainsaws. That should last me the fight. There's not quite a hundred of them [zombies]."