BoloOfEarth Posted January 8, 2013 Report Share Posted January 8, 2013 Re: Jokes Did you know that 3.14159% of all sailors are pirates? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Celt Posted January 19, 2013 Report Share Posted January 19, 2013 Re: Jokes A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and Needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my Car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?" Finally... a smart blonde joke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matrix3 Posted January 19, 2013 Report Share Posted January 19, 2013 Re: Jokes A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and Needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my Car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?" Finally... a smart blonde joke. Pretty good. Unfortunately, there would also be the filing fees, and the research fees, and the transportation fees, and the talking to a live person fee, and, and, and. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted January 19, 2013 Report Share Posted January 19, 2013 Re: Jokes Grammar: the difference between feeling you're nuts and feeling your nuts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 19, 2013 Report Share Posted January 19, 2013 Re: Jokes The Oxford comma: The difference between "My parents, Ayn Rand, and God" and "My parents, Ayn Rand and God". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted January 20, 2013 Report Share Posted January 20, 2013 Re: Jokes (._.) ( I: ) (.-.) ( :I ) (._.) They see me rollin', they hatin' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teh bunneh Posted January 21, 2013 Report Share Posted January 21, 2013 Re: Jokes The bartender says, "We don't serve tachyons here." A tachyon walks into a bar. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 21, 2013 Report Share Posted January 21, 2013 Re: Jokes The bartender says, "We don't serve tachyons here." A tachyon walks into a bar. That's lol in reverse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveZilla Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 Re: Jokes What's the difference between an ancient Japanese pole arm, and a Bhuddist Serpent Diety acting badly? One is a Naughty Naga, the other is a Naginata. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 Re: Jokes What's the difference between an ancient Japanese pole arm' date=' and a Bhuddist Serpent Diety acting badly?[/quote'] You could use... A naginata to carve up some real naugahyde. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tim Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 Re: Jokes I ought to tan your hide for that pun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveZilla Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 Re: Jokes Here, have some Nagasaki. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrankL Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 Re: Jokes Bad puns make me hiss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 1, 2013 Report Share Posted February 1, 2013 Re: Jokes A bunch of kids in my lab the other day were telling juvenile jokes of the "What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a ____" variety, so i told them two they'd never heard before. Q - What do you call two guys with no arms and legs above your window? A - Kurt and Rod. Q - What do you call a dog with no legs? A - Doesn't matter. He won't come even if you call him. Oh, and when they got to the old "What's black and white and red all over" jokes, I told them this one: Q - What's pink and red and won't fit through a revolving door? A - Dolores Umbridge with a spear through her chest. Some of my students think I'm hilarious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrosshairCollie Posted February 2, 2013 Report Share Posted February 2, 2013 Re: Jokes Earlier tonight on Twitter, #WhatToSayAfterSex was trending. I joined in with ... #WhatToSayAfterSex "Keep the change." Well, I thought it was funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted February 2, 2013 Report Share Posted February 2, 2013 Re: Jokes Earlier tonight on Twitter, #WhatToSayAfterSex was trending. I joined in with ... #WhatToSayAfterSex "Keep the change." Well, I thought it was funny. #WhatToSayAfterSex "Good night." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 2, 2013 Report Share Posted February 2, 2013 Re: Jokes Better than "What was your name, again?", I suppose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted February 3, 2013 Report Share Posted February 3, 2013 Re: Jokes Or this: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 3, 2013 Report Share Posted February 3, 2013 Re: Jokes Q - What's the difference between a cat and a comma? A - A cat has claws at the ends of its paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted February 7, 2013 Report Share Posted February 7, 2013 Re: Jokes There were two sisters, one called Petal and one called Fridge. One day, Petal asks her parents, "Why did you call me Petal?" and they replied "Because when you were a baby, a petal fell on you." And then Fridge says "bllaaarrarararraraaarg". SteveZilla 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matrix3 Posted February 8, 2013 Report Share Posted February 8, 2013 Re: Jokes A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house. The Physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate.". The Biologist: "They have reproduced". The Mathematician: "If now exactly one person enters the house then it will be empty again." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matrix3 Posted February 8, 2013 Report Share Posted February 8, 2013 Re: Jokes How about a funny limerick? (12 + 144 + 20 + 3 * 4 ^ .5) / 7 + 5 * 11 == 9 ^ 2 + 0 A dozen, a gross, and a score, plus three times the square root of four, divided by 7, plus 5 times 11, is nine squared, and not a bit more. Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matrix3 Posted February 8, 2013 Report Share Posted February 8, 2013 Re: Jokes How do you recognize a field service engineer on the side of the road with a flat tire? ... He's changing each tire to see which one is flat. And the related problem: How do you recognize a field service engineer on the side of the road who has run out of gas? ... He's changing each tire to see which one is flat. Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted February 8, 2013 Report Share Posted February 8, 2013 Re: Jokes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveZilla Posted February 15, 2013 Report Share Posted February 15, 2013 Re: Jokes I think I'm going to start an 'alternative religious organization'. It will worship guns, and to a lesser extent, beer. I'm going to call it: Cult 45 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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