[Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

[Alverant]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

I've used this:

"The voice in my head won't shut up about becoming a hero until I started being one."

[Weldun]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

I want to eliminate all my competitors before taking over the world. Ahahahaha!

I’ve actually used this one in that other game' date=' where I was playing a Power-armored character, who built some add-ons for a villainous ID and a pair of robot doubles. The rest of the party never figured it out until it was too late, and I was using the APS:Plasma character as a power source for my flying fortress.

I'm not a hero. My ten year old "side kick" is forcing me to do this.

With Whisper, it’s a 12 year old, but hey.

Being an alien anthropologist who wanted to be a “participant observer” of the “costumed adventurer subculture” of Earth.

Thanks for this one' date=' Lucius. I actually think that this isn't so bad, and it works perfectly for a character I'm developing called, The Traveller. I owe you some rep.

It was this or Politics, and I have a soul.

And I owe you some rep, too.

[teh bunneh]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

From my character in the New Thunderbolts game, on Hero Central...

 

Georgette Batroc grew up her entire life listening to her father blather on about his stupid life. "I fought Captain America!" "I held up the United Nations!" "I was the greatest super-criminal who ever lived!" and so forth. But for all his talk, he never answered Georgette's one question: If you were so great, why did you never win?

 

Yes, despite the fact that her father spent years and years training her in all of his skills (as well as hiring the best tutors and instructors for her to learn the things he could not teach her), she despised him. In spite of all his big talk, he was a failure at everything he ever tried; how could she look up to this man?

 

It was unfortunate that she could never hide her feelings from him. He could see it every time he looked in her eyes -- he knew he disgusted her. He tried hard to be a good father, to help her succeed where he failed, but every moment of every day, he knew he was failing at that, too. She did not love him, and that was far worse than any beating or jail time he had ever received.

 

When Georgette turned 18, she left her home without a backward glance. She would make it on her own; she would do what her father never could – she would succeed. She would be the criminal he always dreamed of being. And she was – she was good at everything she tried. Something her father never intentionally taught her, but which she had quickly learned: a good thief steals a lot, but a great thief never gets caught.

 

And she was a great thief. She was so good, in fact, that most of her victims didn't even know they had been robbed; even those who learned of their misfortune had no idea who had stolen from them. Though wanted by the law, she was a mystery, a cipher, a ghost; unpredictable and unstoppable.

 

She became quite rich in a relatively short time. But soon enough, she grew tired of being a cat-burglar. Some part of her – perhaps some leftover chromosome from her father's genes – made her want to be out in the public spotlight, reveling in the attention of the adoring masses. But she knew that criminals who make a big show of their criminality (like her father and his many cohorts) tend to get caught and thrown in jail.

 

The answer was obvious. She created a new identity for herself and became a hero – all the glory, none of the risk! And how easy it was! Simply stop a bank robbery or capture a stupid supervillain, and the world proclaims you to be a good guy!

 

She became Batroc the Fighter, after the moniker and costume of her foolish father. She did not do so to redeem his name, or out of some sense of familial loyalty (though that's what she tells the newspapers), but rather because his reputation as an idiot and a screw-up makes her enemies underestimate her.

 

And today, when Georges Batroc looks at the television and sees his daughter's smiling face – successful, heroic, proud – he cannot help but feel the shame of a lifetime of failures cut even deeper.

[Weldun]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

A new spin on an old theme. Repped!

[Marcus Impudite]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

"I'm actually just a singing telegram, but I always end up in the wrong place at the wrong time."

[Enforcer84]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

My mom said I could.

[OddHat]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

"I'm hoping to build up more of a readership for my web comic."

[Enforcer84]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

It's a temp gig until the Band Makes it.

[Enforcer84]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

I figured in order to get famous I could a) use my superpowers for the benefit of mankind or Sleep with Paris Hilton and have it video taped.

 

....

.

...

She said I wasn't "man" enough for her.

[yamamura]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

Looking the way I do it was either this or a freak show.....

[jkwleisemann]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

"I used to work for Dr. Destroyer, but then I found out the Champions have a better dental plan."

[OddHat]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

"The other villains always used to bully me, so I joined a hero team. Now I can hide behind Captain Manslab and watch him beat up my old tormentors."

 

"It's the perfect alibi for my duplicate's crimes."

 

"Thanks to the 'collateral damage' excuse, I can break stuff all day and stay out of jail."

[Korvar]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

"I used to work for Dr. Destroyer' date=' but then I found out the Champions have a better dental plan."[/quote']

 

...in that I don't get my teeth punched out quite so often.

[OddHat]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

"I noticed that my old boss, Doctor Naughty, was killing a lot of us minions to make a point, or for failing missions, not paying attention, farting while he was talking, etc. You know the drill. But he never killed the good guys; he just tied them up and stuff. Being a good guy just seemed safer."

[Trained Chicken]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

I killed Captain Cold and was surprised at how easy it was.

 

My braces sometimes receive radio signals. That's a power, right?

 

I'm pretty good at poking you in ther eye.

 

I want to get my face on a gum card.

 

Meeting chicks.

 

I fell into a vat of irradiated goo, and nothing happened. I have to try harder.

 

This parachute means I'll never be afraid of heights again.

 

If I do it right, I can climb a wall using only these two plungers.

[FenrisUlf]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

"My uncle runs a construction business that repairs the buildings knocked down in super-battles, and every time I beat Bulldozer up I get a percentage of his profits."

[pinecone]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

As a joke, here's a list of some of the worst reasons I can think of to be a superhero. Feel free to contribute your own "worst reasons."

 

"I was drunk when I decided to do this."

 

"I was torn between wanting to help good people or punch bad people. This seemed like a good compromise."

 

"Between you and me, well, I have this thing for how spandex feels on my skin."

 

"I lost a bet."

 

"This is a part of the community service I have to perform after the 'Tapioca incident.'"

 

"I couldn't qualify to be a cop."

 

"I couldn't qualify to get a real job."

 

"Between you and me, well, my wife has this thing for spandex and I do this just to impress her."

 

"Ever since the Pride March, I had come to realize that someone must fight for Truth, Justice, and Gay Dignity!" (Note: I heard about those marches. And frankly, I am convinced that these were drempt up by homophobes looking for something to mock, because the alternative (that LGBT folks really are this stupid) is just not right!)

 

"We've got people defending women, people defending children, ethnic defender, gay defenders, and all sorts of other defenders. And yet, we still need someone to look out for the needs of the duckies."

 

"Between you and me, well, I have a thing for kids in spandex."

 

And now for a very bad reason to be the kid sidekick...

 

"Between you and me, well, I have a thing for spandex-clad guys way older than I am."

 

What horrible reasons can you think of to be a superhero or a kid sidekick?

 

"I like to hurt people, as long as the people I hurt are looked on as Bad, I stay out of jail"

[jkwleisemann]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

And now for a few Bad Reasons to Be a Sidekick....

 

"I've got a deathwish."

 

"When the supervillains capture me they tie me up *really* tight... mmm... ropes.... Excuse me, what were we talking about again?"

 

"Doc D wanted somebody to keep an eye on these jerks, so here I am! Oh... wait... I wasn't supposed to say that out loud, was I?"

[Enforcer84]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

It's Thursday.

[Drhoz]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

"There aren't many vacancies for stranded alien spellcasters, and wiping out everybody that pisses me off is too much hard work. Barely."

[Drhoz]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

"Because my team mates will protect me when Dr Destroyer comes looking for revenge"

[OddHat]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

"I read the Hero with a Thousand Faces, and I figured this was part of my journey towards adulthood."

[casualplayer]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

"No one seems to mind if you steal from villains."

 

"I get to look down whoever's shirt I want to."

 

"Underroos licensing fees, baby!"

 

"Groupies dig perversion."

 

"I have to hit someone every day. Could be Grond, could be you."

 

"Wire Mother rearing. I don't like to talk about it."

 

"What you call "aggravated assault," I call justice."

 

"How else can you get Wonder Woman's number?"

 

"My therapist told me to punch a pillow to express my anger. When you can lift 75 tons, people feel just like pillows."

 

"I can drop whatever from the sky and people just blame pigeons."

[OddHat]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

"I'm a 45 year old comic book reading virgin working a minimum wage job. I've spent the last thirty five years exercising obsessively in a series of empty, lonely apartments. Finally I realized that I had a calling."

 

"My brother told me I was an idiot, and this is my way of proving him wrong."

 

"My brother is an aspiring politician, and this is my way of destroying his chances of being elected."

[SKJAM!]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

And now for a few Bad Reasons to Be a Sidekick....

 

"Wait, that's why he has us wearing these skimpy costumes? I thought it was just some weird fetish, like my old boyfriend had."

 

"...You're saying this isn't a LARP?"