[Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

[AdamLeisemann]

As a joke, here's a list of some of the worst reasons I can think of to be a superhero. Feel free to contribute your own "worst reasons."

 

"I was drunk when I decided to do this."

 

"I was torn between wanting to help good people or punch bad people. This seemed like a good compromise."

 

"Between you and me, well, I have this thing for how spandex feels on my skin."

 

"I lost a bet."

 

"This is a part of the community service I have to perform after the 'Tapioca incident.'"

 

"I couldn't qualify to be a cop."

 

"I couldn't qualify to get a real job."

 

"Between you and me, well, my wife has this thing for spandex and I do this just to impress her."

 

"Ever since the Pride March, I had come to realize that someone must fight for Truth, Justice, and Gay Dignity!" (Note: I heard about those marches. And frankly, I am convinced that these were drempt up by homophobes looking for something to mock, because the alternative (that LGBT folks really are this stupid) is just not right!)

 

"We've got people defending women, people defending children, ethnic defender, gay defenders, and all sorts of other defenders. And yet, we still need someone to look out for the needs of the duckies."

 

"Between you and me, well, I have a thing for kids in spandex."

 

And now for a very bad reason to be the kid sidekick...

 

"Between you and me, well, I have a thing for spandex-clad guys way older than I am."

 

What horrible reasons can you think of to be a superhero or a kid sidekick?

[Susano]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

"I needed the money."

[McCoy]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

(Note: I heard about those marches. And frankly' date=' I am convinced that these were drempt up by homophobes looking for something to mock, because the alternative (that LGBT folks really are this stupid) is just not right!)[/quote']

You've heard about them, never seen one, and feel qualified to comment?

 

OK.

 

Pride Marches are every bit as represenative of the Gay community as Mardi Gras parades are of the Straight community, and I go to both every time I get an opportunity. [edit: And I hope to someday get to the Sidney Mardi Gras parade, which I understand is both!]

 

Why do some people get so bent out of shape that someone is throwing a party and having a good time?

[yamamura]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

Because I couldn't get on American Idol and this was the next best thing.

 

Because Super Heroes are beautiful and I like hanging around beautiful people.

 

My Agent said this would further my career.

 

I was going to a cosplay and got dragged into being a side kick.

[Korvar]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

Super hero? What are you talking about? No, I dress like this normally...

 

Superhero? Uh, yes, that's it. I'm a Superhero. Absolutely.

 

The fish told me. The ones that live in my fingers.

 

I really, really like hitting people. I mean really like it.

 

I really, really like being hit by people. I mean really like it.

[OddHat]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

I've used almost all of these. Repped.

[Hermit]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

"I was torn between wanting to help good people or punch bad people. This seemed like a good compromise.

 

Actually, this one is almost a mantra for many of my characters

 

Anyway, other reasons that might be on topic might include:

 

"Denim and cotton blend make me break out in rashes, so I took a job where spandex and leather are the norm"

 

"I was given these powers by the Tooth Fairy, in order to keep them I must collect a tithe of molars and such."

 

"It shows off my package nicely."

 

"You wouldn't believe how much action you get when you put on a mask"

 

"Actually, this started out as a sidegig in a rock video, and no one told me had ended."

[Weldun]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

This way I can wear a thong bikini and fishnets, and not get hauled up on public indecency charges.

 

Because superstrength gets you black-listed in pro-boxing.

 

This way I get to beat people to a pulp and not get arrested. My day job? I work in a Technical Support call centre.

[McCoy]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

This way I get to beat people to a pulp and not get arrested. My day job? I work in a Technical Support call centre.

Battlecry: R! [punch] T! [punch] F! [punch] M! [punch]

 

Or Distinctive feature: tattoo on knuckles, RTFM

[AdamLeisemann]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

You've heard about them, never seen one, and feel qualified to comment?

 

OK.

 

Pride Marches are every bit as represenative of the Gay community as Mardi Gras parades are of the Straight community, and I go to both every time I get an opportunity. [edit: And I hope to someday get to the Sidney Mardi Gras parade, which I understand is both!]

 

Why do some people get so bent out of shape that someone is throwing a party and having a good time?

 

No need to get bent out of shape. I've heard from gay folks who've been to those celebrations and have felt rather demeaned by them, so I have gotten my comments from people who are more than qualified to comment, and I am simply taking their comments and agreeing with them. That's all.

[Chimpira]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

Because Oprah was on and I needed a way to kill an hour.

[AdamLeisemann]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

"It was either that or sell insurance."

 

"I like wearing a costume. It was either this or being a mascot."

 

"I'm! Too sexy for my shirt! Too sexy for my shirt! So-Se-Xy Yeah!" (edit: Be glad you didn't hear me sing that for real. I suck at singing.)

[McCoy]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

No need to get bent out of shape. I've heard from gay folks who've been to those celebrations and have felt rather demeaned by them' date=' so I have gotten my comments from people who are more than qualified to comment, and I am simply taking their comments and agreeing with them. That's all.[/quote']

Humm, your PM on this subject had a much more conciliatory tone, but as I said there, you expressed an opinion, I disagreed. 'Nuff said.

[Manic Typist]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

"My therapist recommened it."

 

"It was either this or be a supervillain, and they seem to have to be so much more proactive..."

[Adventus]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

Everybody else was doing it!

 

My friend dared me to become a superhero!

 

Because. That's why! Just Because!

[David Johnston]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

I'm making a mint off endorsements!

 

I want to eliminate all my competitors before taking over the world. Ahahahaha!

 

The dental plan totally rules.

 

I'm afraid of death, but superheroes keep coming back from it.

[OddHat]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

Bad reasons I've used (in addition to the many others in this thread):

 

I want to die, and I'm afraid of suicide.

 

The spirit of a dead hero is haunting my pants.

 

Supervillains are hot, and I hope to breed with some.

 

I'm not a hero. My ten year old "side kick" is forcing me to do this.

 

No one complains when I drink bad guys blood.

[assault]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

I'm doing research for a book. (Tarantula, DC)

[Lucius]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

You've heard about them, never seen one, and feel qualified to comment?

 

OK.

 

Pride Marches are every bit as represenative of the Gay community as Mardi Gras parades are of the Straight community, and I go to both every time I get an opportunity. [edit: And I hope to someday get to the Sidney Mardi Gras parade, which I understand is both!]

 

Why do some people get so bent out of shape that someone is throwing a party and having a good time?

 

You have a point, comparing Pride Marches to Mardi Gras. The difference though is that no one is likely to judge all heterosexuals by what they see at Mardi Gras. I know I’d hate to be judged on that basis.

 

No doubt Mr. Liesemann’s acquaintances felt annoyed or resentful that ignorant people WOULD judge them by what they see or hear of a Pride March. Personally, I blame the media – I have seen even media I thought would know better or show more restraint to focus on the most sensational images or quotes they can get, leaving the impression the whole thing is far more of a “freak show” than it was.

 

However, all this is off topic.

 

Some of my character’s reasons have included:

 

Being an alien anthropologist who wanted to be a “participant observer” of the “costumed adventurer subculture” of Earth.

 

Being a robot programmed to “sell itself” and convince the public it was literally worth a billion dollars, that responded to that programmed imperative by becoming a crime-fighter for the good publicity.

 

Lucius Alexander

 

The palindromedary’s motives are a mystery.

[McCoy]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

OK, do ANY of my characters have a good reason?

 

Millennium: "As the living avitar of the Hero with a Thousand Faces, I want to inspire the current and next generation of meta-humans to connect with their Inner Hero."

 

Cheeta: "As a college athlete, I took preformance enhancing substances. They worked beyond expectations, but people got killed. This is my atonement. Self-imposed community service."

 

Snow Leopard: "Family tradition. My father and grandfather are both 'in the business,' on different sides."

 

Iron Will: "I want to be an astronaut. Hanging out with metahumans means sooner or later I'll get access to a spaceship."

 

Dolphin: "I'm not a superhero. I'm a marine biologist whose friends have an unfortunate tendency to get razzled by supervillians. Oh, and my great-grandchildren came back from the future to tell me that I blew up the world. I'm hoping they were mistaken."

[Manic Typist]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

 

Iron Will: "I want to be an astronaut. Hanging out with metahumans means sooner or later I'll get access to a spaceship."

 

Dolphin: "I'm not a superhero. I'm a marine biologist whose friends have an unfortunate tendency to get razzled by supervillians. Oh, and my great-grandchildren came back from the future to tell me that I blew up the world. I'm hoping they were mistaken."

 

The first one is my favorite, and the second is quite funny.

[wcw43921]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

I created a hero character for the Good, Bad & Ugly feature in Knights Of The Dinner Table. He wants to rule the world, but rather than imposing his will upon people like so many power-crazed megalomaniacs before, he uses his powers to fight villains, save lives, and all the other hero-stuff, thereby convincing people of his superiority and his right to rule over them. Logically (according to him) they should then consent to his leadership.

 

Hopefully it will be published soon in KODT--I'll let you know when that happens.

[John T]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

"Someone dared me to swallow a radioactive, retroviral engineered newt..."

[Susano]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

The first one is my favorite' date=' and the second is quite funny.[/quote']

 

Ditto.

[jkwleisemann]

Re: [Worst Ever...] Reasons to be a superhero

 

"My other secret identity gives BTK nightmares. Figured I had to balance it out one way or another."

 

"I got dumped in a vat of glowing orange stuff by a crook during a stint as a security guard. What else was I gonna do?" (I've actually used this one....)

 

And in honor of the recently-ended (according to my timestamp) holiday:

 

"Okay, so maybe I should've known that microwaving a frozen turkey could've had negative side effects, but that's in the past. Who else is going to fight The Gobbler's plans to flood the city with cranberry sauce?"