Asperion Posted August 21, 2012 Report Share Posted August 21, 2012 Re: Answers & Questions A: A lack of trust. Q: Mr. Lister, what is the problem with you? A: If you're going to be like that about it, I want my cushion back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted August 21, 2012 Report Share Posted August 21, 2012 Re: Answers & Questions A: If you're going to be like that about it' date=' I want my cushion back.[/quote'] Q: You expect me too sleep on this couch? It's so hard and rough! Are you really that angry at me? A: But buy her the penguin and you get beat up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted August 23, 2012 Report Share Posted August 23, 2012 Re: Answers & Questions A: But buy her the penguin and you get beat up. Q: OK, OK, I'll go ahead and buy her the emu, if that's what she wants. Why does she have to have the tall flightless bird? A: As long as you don't keep your head in the sand, you'll do fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klytus Posted August 23, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 23, 2012 Re: Answers & Questions A: As long as you don't keep your head in the sand' date=' you'll do fine.[/quote'] Q: What advice did Joe Paterno listen to that he wish he hadn't? A: Actually, a "douchebag" would be a few steps up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 25, 2012 Report Share Posted August 25, 2012 Re: Answers & Questions A: Actually' date=' a "douchebag" would be a few steps up.[/quote'] Q - I'm thinking about becoming a white supremacist. Better than being a douchebag, right? A - I never, ever want to do that again. Not ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted August 25, 2012 Report Share Posted August 25, 2012 Re: Answers & Questions A - I never' date=' ever want to do that again. Not ever.[/quote'] Q: How did your tongue transplant work out? A: He would have been the greatest plumber of his generation were it not for his little death problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcus Impudite Posted August 25, 2012 Report Share Posted August 25, 2012 Re: Answers & Questions A: He would have been the greatest plumber of his generation were it not for his little death problem. Q: What do you mean Mario lost his last life? A: Low Shoulder Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted August 25, 2012 Report Share Posted August 25, 2012 Re: Answers & Questions A: Low Shoulder Q: What's stopping you from lifting the Washington Monument? A: Somehow I didn't expect the secret handshake to involve prosthetic limbs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klytus Posted August 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 25, 2012 Re: Answers & Questions A: Somehow I didn't expect the secret handshake to involve prosthetic limbs. Q: Why are you not removing your left hand, "Brother"? A: It involves fasting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted August 25, 2012 Report Share Posted August 25, 2012 Re: Answers & Questions A: It involves fasting. Q: Wow, God really seems to listen to you! Have you got a secret? A: You just don't see guys like that wearing thousand-dollar custom-tailored Italian suits very often. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klytus Posted August 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 25, 2012 Re: Answers & Questions A: You just don't see guys like that wearing thousand-dollar custom-tailored Italian suits very often. Q: Was that the Dali Lama? A: No bananas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted August 26, 2012 Report Share Posted August 26, 2012 Re: Answers & Questions A: No bananas. Q: This is great! The All Kinds of Fruits and Vegetables Emporium just opened! Wait -- is something wrong? A: No, that's the Salvador Dali Llama. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted August 26, 2012 Report Share Posted August 26, 2012 Re: Answers & Questions A: No' date=' that's the [i']Salvador[/i] Dali Llama. Q: Is this the famous Dali Llama? A: The end of time and the beginning of eternity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted August 26, 2012 Report Share Posted August 26, 2012 Re: Answers & Questions A: The end of time and the beginning of eternity. Q: What will we call it when The Last Watch on Earth stops? A: Here! This piece of paper ain't goin'! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted August 28, 2012 Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 Re: Answers & Questions A: Here! This piece of paper ain't goin'! Q: What did Noah say that kept us from having paper tigers? A: He said arc of the cotangent, not Ark of the Covenant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted August 29, 2012 Report Share Posted August 29, 2012 Re: Answers & Questions A: He said arc of the cotangent' date=' not Ark of the Covenant.[/quote'] Q: What is this mysterious arc that has everyone so upset? A: Thus fortified, they can report for work in the morning and then commence merrymaking all over again that evening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted August 29, 2012 Report Share Posted August 29, 2012 Re: Answers & Questions A: Thus fortified' date=' they can report for work in the morning and then commence merrymaking all over again that evening.[/quote'] Q: Why are aspiring comedians so fond of Double Vanilla Lattes? A: Remember, though, you're free to go where your master tells you to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted September 7, 2012 Report Share Posted September 7, 2012 Re: Answers & Questions A: Remember' date=' though, you're free to go where your master tells you to.[/quote'] Q: So the collar gives me a 50 kilovolt shock if I go outside the boundary? A: Next time, wire the toilet seat instead! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klytus Posted September 8, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 8, 2012 Re: Answers & Questions A: Next time' date=' wire the toilet seat instead![/quote'] Q: I tried to sabotage the shower, but curse our luck, he never uses it! What now? A: He'll make a killing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted September 8, 2012 Report Share Posted September 8, 2012 Re: Answers & Questions A: He'll make a killing. Q: So Wolverine is going into the assassinations business? A: You should know better than to pick up a duck in a single's bar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klytus Posted September 8, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 8, 2012 Re: Answers & Questions A: You should know better than to pick up a duck in a single's bar. Q: How was I supposed to know it wasn't a weight-lifting contest? A: Tornado warning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted September 8, 2012 Report Share Posted September 8, 2012 Re: Answers & Questions A: Tornado warning. Q: What makes you think Oz needs more money from tourists? A: Follow the Purple Asphalt Freeway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 9, 2012 Report Share Posted September 9, 2012 Re: Answers & Questions A: Follow the Purple Asphalt Freeway. Q - How do I get to the Timothy Leary Memorial Laboratory? A - Letters I've written, never meaning to send. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted September 9, 2012 Report Share Posted September 9, 2012 Re: Answers & Questions A - Letters I've written' date=' never meaning to send.[/quote'] Q: Remind me again what the burglar is blackmailing you with. A: Hey, don't pay no mind -- you're under 18, you won't be doin' any time! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted September 19, 2012 Report Share Posted September 19, 2012 Re: Answers & Questions A: Hey' date=' don't pay no mind -- you're under 18, you won't be doin' any time![/quote'] Q: You were convicted of larceny. Why are you so happy? A: The light-pulse of darkness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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