Lucius

Online abuse isn't going away, but you're not helpless to fight it

*sigh* you have to go there.  Google Disney Princess Jabba, then.

In the Turakian Age, everybody hates the Ulronai. It's a rule.
 
If you have a group of people everyone hates, there will surely be jokes about them.
 
I'd like to hear suggestions for Ulronai jokes. I'll start.
 
 
Q: How many Ulronai does it take to light a candle?
A: Why would they light a candle when they can sneak up on you in the dark?
 
 
Q: Why did the evil wizard hire a bunch of Ulronai mercenaries?
A: There are some things that Orcs just won't do.
 
 
Q: Why did the baron hire all the Ulronai males in his realm to tend his flock of sheep?
A; Hey, if they're flocking with the sheep they're not flocking their own women and making more Ulronai!
 
 
Q: Why should you never make fun of Ulronai to their faces?
A: I don't know about you but I don't want to be close enough to one to look them in the face.
 
 
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: He saw an Ulronai coming.
 
 
Q: Why did the jester take off in such a hurry?
A: He saw the Ulronai coming too!
 
Lucius Alexander
 
Why are there Ulronai in the tagline? They're probably trying to steal the palindromedary.

Two-faced.

Wow. The Basic Set that came with the module In Search of the Unknown, aka Quasquaton. The reason I tell people I have actually never been to the Keep on the Borderlands because I got into D&D too EARLY for that module.
 
Lucius Alexander
 
That was be ore I had a palindromedary

We should be so lucky!

Fordite
 
Jamal Edsel Fordham was born in Detroit and no one is quite sure how he got his powers it might be from industrial waste or just natural mutation what is known is that when Detroit was destroyed in 1992 6 year old Jamal was found shielding his baby sister with his own body and his skin had turned into a vibrant patchwork of colours. Now in his late 20s Jamal has been a super hero his whole life. while his power is mostly defensive invulnerability with a little super strength he has learnt to maximize it he has excellent tactical skills and trains himself in martial arts and in superhuman physiology psychology and culture to allow him to find and exploit weaknesses and counter the strengths of his foes.
Fordite's name comes from peculiar visual effect of his power when ever his invulnerable skin prevents damage it changes colour and changing hue as he absorbs more damage and then slow fading at different rates when he rests making him appear like Fordite a mineral created in the autoplants from the accumulation of hundreds of layers of car paint being heated again and again. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fordite

How did you come up with your 'handle' (forum name)?
First Champions character I was satisfied with, based on Captain America
What was the first tabletop RPG you played?

Back in 1978
What was the first tabletop RPG you GMed?
See above image
What are you currently playing/GMing?
Tend to play only Champions with a slight smattering of Pathfinder

In the Turakian Age, everybody hates the Ulronai. It's a rule.
 
If you have a group of people everyone hates, there will surely be jokes about them.
 
I'd like to hear suggestions for Ulronai jokes. I'll start.
 
 
Q: How many Ulronai does it take to light a candle?
A: Why would they light a candle when they can sneak up on you in the dark?
 
 
Q: Why did the evil wizard hire a bunch of Ulronai mercenaries?
A: There are some things that Orcs just won't do.
 
 
Q: Why did the baron hire all the Ulronai males in his realm to tend his flock of sheep?
A; Hey, if they're flocking with the sheep they're not flocking their own women and making more Ulronai!
 
 
Q: Why should you never make fun of Ulronai to their faces?
A: I don't know about you but I don't want to be close enough to one to look them in the face.
 
 
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: He saw an Ulronai coming.
 
 
Q: Why did the jester take off in such a hurry?
A: He saw the Ulronai coming too!
 
Lucius Alexander
 
Why are there Ulronai in the tagline? They're probably trying to steal the palindromedary.

In the Turakian Age, everybody hates the Ulronai. It's a rule.
 
If you have a group of people everyone hates, there will surely be jokes about them.
 
I'd like to hear suggestions for Ulronai jokes. I'll start.
 
 
Q: How many Ulronai does it take to light a candle?
A: Why would they light a candle when they can sneak up on you in the dark?
 
 
Q: Why did the evil wizard hire a bunch of Ulronai mercenaries?
A: There are some things that Orcs just won't do.
 
 
Q: Why did the baron hire all the Ulronai males in his realm to tend his flock of sheep?
A; Hey, if they're flocking with the sheep they're not flocking their own women and making more Ulronai!
 
 
Q: Why should you never make fun of Ulronai to their faces?
A: I don't know about you but I don't want to be close enough to one to look them in the face.
 
 
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: He saw an Ulronai coming.
 
 
Q: Why did the jester take off in such a hurry?
A: He saw the Ulronai coming too!
 
Lucius Alexander
 
Why are there Ulronai in the tagline? They're probably trying to steal the palindromedary.

I was just issued a new iPad Air at work, and the assistant IT guy (a former student) came by to help me set it up.  He introduced me to Siri.  This has led to a few amusing Q&As.
 
 
Me: Who's on first?
Siri: That's right. Who is on first.
 
Me: What is the meaning of life?
Siri: I don't believe there's a consensus on that question.
 
Me: What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Siri: The last person who asked me that ended up in a crevasse.
 
 
Who says programmers don't have a sense of humor?

I had always thought crickets to be loathsome insects. I wished the constant chirping would cease. While I awaited the old carver's return, and to distract myself from the noise of the crawling thing loose in his workship, I diverted myself with viewing the products of his craft. One item in particular, seated on a chair that was surely made for it, at first caught my attention and then repelled it. It was a little manikin with a comically long nose, skillfully put together, painted, and dressed quaintly in garments that might have come right off of the youngest and smallest of the lads I had seen at play in the winding streets of this ancient village. It was so lifelike I found it disturbing, so I turned to look at the old man's other stock, and it suddenly seemed that the song of the crawler grew even louder. Absurdly, I thought I heard words in its endless repetition, be good, be good, be good. Despite the old man's superstitious admonition I thought of crushing the filthy insect and turned towards the sound, and found my eyes meeting a painted pair of eyes that were not nearly lifeless enough. I no longer wanted the cricket's silence. A dread had come on me that this dull and banal song was the only thing that stood between myself and some terrible fate. My heartbeat was near as loud now as the chirping, for the wooden thing's face had not been turned towards me a moment ago. It had moved when my back was turned.
 
Lucius Alexander
 
Copyright Palindromedary Enterprises

The amazing thing is that even Lovecraft cannot make penguins scary. In fact, if you feed a giant penguin to a shoggoth, it just makes the shoggoth less scary.
 
Meanwhile, massey pretty much sums up the whole thread.
 

   

  Repeatedly, I'm sure.
 
Still, you got me thinking on the subject, so I might as well inflict that thinking on the thread.
 
Here's how the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark would look, written by Lovecraft:
 

Lucius Alexander
 

"I AM IRON MAN!!!"

Florida finally does something right!

ADA AZULE
 
Ada Azule mysterious mistress of mystical matters this tattooed temptress twines transdimensional topologies through tangled twisted swirling symbols summoning scintillating solar spears and solid shields of steely crystal closely cocooning her cohorts. Her occult observations and obvious offensive virtuosity virtuous valor and vibrancy. deliver decisive domination to the team

It is an ill wind that blows no minds
 
Lucius Alexander
 
The palindromedary notes that many people seem to mind being blown

Me: I mean, here I am supposed to be close to graduating with an Interdepartmental Major in English and Religious Studies, and I find I don't have a definition of "Literature" that I'm satisfied with and I don't have a definition of "Religion" that I'm satisfied with either."
 
Barry Childs-Helton: You're doing good. Most people are graduate students before they realize that they can't define the basic terms of their own disciplines.
 
On a separate occasion, many years earlier in my life:
 
Me: You haven't really understood a subject, until it has blown your mind at least once.
 
Lucius Alexander
 
The palindromedary now blows my mind by asking if that applies to people as well as to subjects.

How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb? 
One. They are efficient and they aren't funny.

I know I'm closer to sitting on the porch screaming at kids to get off my lawn, but as someone who still has some college loans (and never gets flack from his parents about it) I did find this cathartic.

Millennium City's got its hustlers,
Vibora Bay's got its bums.
Campaign City's got Big Jim Walker;
He's a lifestealing son-of-a-gun.
 
Yeah, he's big and dumb as a vamp can come
But he's stronger than a zombie horse.
And when the lesser undead come together at night
You know they all call Big Jim "Boss," just because.
 
And they say you don't tug on Dracula's cape,
You don't spit into The Blob,
You don't pull the mask off the Phantom of the Opera,
And you don't mess around with Jim.
 
 
Big Jim carries around a custom-made two-piece pool cue (aluminum, not wood; he doesn't want to give anybody a handy stake to use) that he knows how to use well in hand-to-hand combat.  He dresses well, and usually has a cigarette dangling from his lips.  ("They said smoking would be the death of me.  Heh.")

Major Catastrophe
 
The records that actually state why John Brubeck left the services are either sealed or lost which is odd. It was a discharge but the grounds are unclear. But he is the one in charge of this happy bunch of campers. He was an officer that is clear as he has the leadership talent and can make the others do what he wants. He is also aware of the weaknesses of his crew and how to curb them or exploit them. He uses Ghost and Keyhole to knock the others out if he needs to providing them with specific ammunition or munitions. X-Marine and Granite are usually the recipients of this.
John maintains discipline and foes not allow them to make fun of their teammates. If others do then the group can open up on them.
John is a psychopath but one who is in control and one who can function amongst others without being noticed. he tends to use a rifle as machine guns run out of ammunition too quickly.
He has a particular distaste for others who have served in the services whether it in in the army, navy, marines or the Coast Guard. This means that working with the Rogues Battalion for example is not possible.
Who John is working for is not clear but technically he finds the jobs and sources equipment for the others.
 
New Team: Two Fat Ladies
Something simple. Two women who are a trifle large. Knock yourselves out.

Fantastic four, directed by ( and possibly starring) Woody Allen ?

Before I get into last night's game, some quotes from the week before:
 
During some pre-game discussion of the Jessica Jones show on Netfllix, the player of the team's mentalist had this to say:
 
Circe:  (OOC) After watching that show, now I know why everyone thinks mentalists are pure evil.
 
The week's Heronet.Herald news had a recap of the prior adventure.
 
News article:  "Honey Badger would not give further details, except for one cryptic comment that 'DEMON doesn't have cool hats.'"
Honey Badger:  (pouting that he hadn't gotten a headgear trophy from the prior adventure)  Well, they don't.
 
Another article was about an environmental group's research ship sinking, and the Coast Guard revealing it this was no accident as several bodies recovered from the wreck had been shot.  Two of the heroes do some preliminary investigation, including diving on the wreck (with the Coast Guard's okay), and then ask Malarky to hack into the environmental group's computer files.
Malarky:  The more I hang around with heroes, the more criminal I become.
 
Noting that the shipwreck doesn't include the 3-man submersible that was part of the ship's manifest, Maker and Honey Badger go to the last location where the ship's scientists were in contact with their home base.  Maker sends an ROV down and finds an extensive dump site of toxic chemicals and radioactive waste, along with the submersible lying on the seafloor nearby.  From the state of the dump site and the submersible, it appears someone also dropped a bunch of depth charges on the site to make it impossible to identify who did the initial dumping.  Honey Badger offers to go down and check out the sub first-hand.
 
Maker:  But what about all the radioactivity and toxic waste?  Oh, never mind, that's right.  Honey Badger don't care.
 
Honey Badger not only doesn't find any bodies in the sub; it appears that something clawed its way through the hatch, from inside the sub.
 
Malarky:  So, what they're looking at is a supervillain group's origin story.
 
The weekly news also included an item on the hero team raiding a warehouse where the New Gods (androids with the appearances and powers of various Greek gods) had taken a kidnapped scientist.  This event hadn't happened in-game (yet).  The news item included a quote from Circe.
 
Circe:  "Hey, Apollo's head was lying there when we popped in!"  Yeah, I could see me saying that.
 
The actual adventure started out right after the heroes had raided the warehouse and were investigating.  The kidnapped scientist (a 41 year-old expert in nanotechnology at MIT) was found unconscious and, when awoken, insisted he was an 18 year-old freshman at SoCal and that it was 1992.  Circe goes into his head and, in his mindscape, discovers all of his memories are badly faded and water-damaged, and the place smells like a not-so-pleasant beach.
 
Circe:  I guess what we're looking for is an aquatic mentalist. 
Pops:  Shouldn't be too many of those around.
GM:  More like, none.  Well, other than Aquaman types who can mentally control fish.  But the scientist is decidedly not a fish.
 
Since two of the news items featured the Foxbat Force (the cowled crusader's newly-formed supervillain team), the heroes suspect they're somehow involved.
 
Circe:  Does Foxbat have a mentalist on his team?
GM:  Garble.  And even though you've never encountered him or any victims of his powers, you're pretty sure from what you know of him that if he were involved, you'd be finding the scientist's memories all jumbled and mixed up instead of faded.
Shadowboxer:  Garble - the only person to whom Foxbat's Master Plan makes sense.
 
At the warehouse, they also find shattered pieces of glass lying on the floor that appear to have come from a fishbowl.  Picking up one of the pieces, Nexus has a vision from the POV inside the fishbowl, apparently being carried into the warehouse though she doesn't see any hands holding it.  She sees Apollo, the scientist, and four mercenary soldiers who serve as ground troops for the New Gods, all doing normal things, when suddenly they all clutch their heads in pain.  The scientist and soldiers fall unconscious, and then Apollo stops and stands stock still for about a minute, before walking over to the table and begins working at removing his own head.
 
Nexus:  Wait, he's cutting off his own head?
GM:  No, removing it.  With tools.  Unscrewing and stuff.  Remember, he's an android.
Nexus:  Still, ewwww...
 
Apollo also dumps the contents of the fishbowl into a larger glassteel globe, with the vision's POV likewise changing to inside the globe.
 
Pops:  It's a mentalist goldfish, isn't it?  We're going to have to fight a mentalist goldfish.
Honey Badger:  You mean I'm getting sushi?  (grins and licks his lips)
Malarky:  Y'know, I'm not sure about the ethics of eating a hyperintelligent fish.  That might actually be okay.
 
Eventually, Apollo resists enough that he's mind-blasted to unconsciousness, and then the tools float up on their own and complete the work.  After the detached head falls off, the globe floats up and mounts itself atop Apollo's former body.  The body then picks up the fishbowl and chucks it at the floor, shattering it and ending the vision.
 
Maker:  Well, at least we know what happened to Apollo's body.
Shadowboxer:  A mentalist with Apollo's light powers.  That's just great.
Nexus:  You're pretty tough.
Shadowboxer:  Not against light I'm not.  (Note:  most of his defenses don't apply against light powers.)
Nexus:  Oh, yeah.  Ouch.
 
Through a fashion model friend, Circe learns that local fashion designer Candice Wu has had a "stroke" with loss of memory similar to the scientist (but only the past year or so).  This happened the day after the warehouse incident.  A check of her mind reveals the same mental signature - faded and water-damaged memories, fishy smell.
 
GM:  Ms. Wu works primarily with 3D-printed clothing.
Maker:  (who also works with 3D printing)  Wait, can we get into her studio and check out her printer?  It should have its most recent jobs in memory.  Maybe we can find out what was printed.
Malarky:  So, we're doing some B&E?  (shakes his head)  The crimes are just piling up.
Circe:  (waves hand dismissively)  I know her professionally.  I'm sure she'd give me permission if she still remembered me.
 
What was printed was an aquatic-themed costume, in bright orange and purple, with brass-colored bracers, boots, and abdomen piece.  I show them a picture of Dr. Pisces.
 
GM: Hey, he needed a costume.
Circe:  He stole Candice Wu's skills at fashion design and came up with that?  (pause)  It's probably a good thing she lost her memories.
 
One of the news items had reported two of Foxbat's minions (Harmonious Fist and Exoskeleton Man) stealing a weapon-capable Predator drone and portable control gear from a USAF base, which seems a bit more hard-core than Foxbat's normal modus operandi.  So when Foxbat and Batfox break into a Millennium City University lab and steal a sample of weaponized version of ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) taken from one of Dr. Destroyer's labs to try and find a counteragent, the heroes worry that perhaps he's being mind controlled.  Perhaps by a hyperintelligent fish riding an android body.  It's nice when the players are all on the right page, isn't it?
 
Dr. Ellis:  The samples were all kept in a special vault, to which I had the only key.  It was built to withstand even Grond.
Honey Badger:  So how the heck did Foxbat get in?
Dr. Ellis:  Take a look.  (leads heroes into the lab to reveal the vault door has been reduced to powder, and a ping-pong ball lying in the pile)
Malarky:  (after Maker inspects the ball and figures out it could project vibrations at variable frequencies)  Resonance.  He found the precise resonant frequency for the vault door.  Brilliant.
Honey Badger:  Brilliant?  This is Foxbat we're talking about.
Pops:  Yeah.  Now we know he's being mind-controlled.
 
During the lab breakin, Foxbat insisted he was stealing a mind control drug.
 
Foxbat:  With this, I will take my rightful place as President of the United States.  Maybe even the world!  All will be mine!  Perhaps I'll even have enough power to... dare I say it?... get the rights to the Fantastic Four returned to Marvel Studios!
 
After discussing and rejecting various ways they can track down Foxbat, Nexus decides to bite the bullet.

Nexus:  Okay, I guess there's no other way.  I'll send him a message through his fan club, offering to go on a date with him.
Circe:  Are we really that desperate?
Honey Badger:  She does go for bad boys.
Nexus:  (OOC) Hey, Nexus hasn't done that.
Honey Badger:  (OOC) Yet.  All of your prior characters did
Nexus:  (OOC)  Not all of them.  That one dated a PRIMUS agent.
Honey Badger:  (OOC)  But didn't Shamrock also get lucky with her?
Nexus:  (OOC)  Oh, yeah.  I forgot about that.
 
Her posting on his fan club website gets her two responses.
 
Foxbat email:  While I'd love to meet you and discuss my many fine qualities, I'm currently rather tied up in another project.  Perhaps we can get together for dinner next week?  In the meantime, I'll send a signed photograph and a commemorative ping-pong ball.
Nexus:  That man is all humility.
Batfox email:  You'd better stay away from my Foxy, you shameless hussy, or I'll use my Batfox Paws to rearrange your face!
Circe:  Looks like you've acquired a new Hunted, Nexus.
 
When the photo and ball arrive at Just Cause's public office, Maker discovers that the ball is actually a recording device and projector of some sort.
Playing the recording, they see various members of Foxbat Force in a large (100m long) room whose metal walls have evenly-spaced indents.  There's a slight rocking motion.  Exoskeleton Man and Dot are working on the Predator drone, mounting missiles that apparently contain the deadly virus.  It is apparent that Foxbat recorded the scene in secret, then palms the ball to turn it off. 
 
Maker:  The indents in the walls - can I calculate how long and tall they are?  Are they roughly as long as a shipping container?
GM:  They're exactly the same size as a standard shipping container.  Good job.
 
The covert recording of Foxbat Force ends, replaced by a scene from the pilot episode of Firefly. 
 
Honey Badger:  He must have recorded over his favorite episode.
 
The heroes get access to the records of all container ships coming into Boston harbor over the past few weeks, and mention of the SS Nate Fillion catches their eye.  They go to the docks and Shadowboxer decides to use his Clairsentience to take a peek and listen from the shadows.  I lay out the map and begin placing all the characters on it.  Dr. Pisces, Foxbat, Batfox, Dot, Exoskeleton Man, Harmonious Fist, Static Man... and four Foxbots.
 
Pops:  Man, that's a lot of guys to fight. 
GM:  Don't worry.  The Foxbots serve one main function.  (turns to Shadowboxer)  You hear the following:
Foxbat:  Soon, we'll be ready to launch and can disperse the mind control drug over Boston! 
Foxbot 1 (Froederick):  Great plan, boss!
Foxbot 2 (Freddo):  Couldn't have come up with anything better myself!
Foxbot 3 (Frederika):  Wow, he's handsome and brilliant!  (swoons)
Foxbot 4 (Derf):  Are you sure that's a good idea, boss? 
Foxbat:  (sighs)  Open up, Derf.
Foxbot 4's abdomen opens and Foxbat makes some adjustments.  Once he's done:
Foxbot 4 (Derf):  Amazing plan, boss.  Where do you come up with them?  (rolls eyes once Foxbat's back is turned)
 
The heroes teleport in and the fight is joined.  The dice seemed to know that Foxbat Force's heart really wasn't into the fight, because the battle was decidedly one-sided.  Nexus stayed invisible the entire time, robbing Batfox of the opportunity to use a stink-paint pellet (3d6 Drain Striking Appearance) on her.  Once Dr. Pisces is taken out, Foxbat shoots himself with a ball that boosts his Ego enough to allow him to break free of Dr. Pisces' mind control, then orders Foxbat Force to stand down.  The heroes graciously allow Foxbat and his people to leave before calling in PRIMUS.
 
PRIMUS Lt. Det. Williams:  Let me get this straight.  You guys had Foxbat captured, dead to rights, but you let him go because... he said a goldfish made him do it?
Malarky:  I think it's more of a puffer fish.  Or maybe a beta.  (OOC)  It's hard to tell from the picture.  (IC)  It got mutated by radioactivity and toxic waste, so we're not sure what it was originally.
Williams:  Still... a fish?!
Malarky:  It's not that much stranger than some of the other stuff we've faced.
Williams:  (shrugs, turns to his men)  Okay, take this... fish into custody.  (shakes his head as he walks away)
Malarky:  (to Williams' partner Melissa Garrett)  I'm not kidding.  The fish really can do nasty mental stuff.
Garrett:  Don't worry, I'll make sure we put it under psionic protocols. 
Honey Badger:  Wait, don't I get to eat it?