The cranky thread

[tkdguy]

Re: The cranky thread

 

Cancer, I hope things get better financially for your mom.

 

AdamanNaBriona, Hopefully, your relationship normalizes soon.

[Enforcer84]

Re: The cranky thread

 

My cranky update.

My ex girlfriend, who broke up with her gamer boy, got a job and moved several hours away.

Now she's vehement about NOT being considered a couple, as we live too far apart, and I don't have enough of a "LIFE" to warrant her seriously considering me as a potential partner. Mind you... she doesn't want to date others... she just doesn't want to be consider dating me.

I'm good enough to shag her to take care of her needs, but not good enough for a real emotional connection.

And nothing I've done to improve myself, or start a new more "grown up" carrier than running my own buisness has made even a lick of difference to her.

She wants me to go it solo, get out of where I'm living and get my own place and a REAL job. Like she did. Except that the only way shes managed to do so is through the beneveloence of friends. Shes staying someplace where she currently pays no rent, set up by the same friend who offered her the job she's working at, that she never would have gotten had she not been friends with the boss.

My lack of people I can cry to to get my life in order translates into being less sucessful than her how?

 

Oh... and during the time we were together she frequently and loudly proclaimed how much she disliked both gaming and ren faires.

I did everyhting I could to show her that neither were inherently bad. She got into faire breifly, got into trouble and decided that it sucked.

Now that shes in a new place, every weekend we haven't gotten together that she hasn't been working shes either gone to a Faire or gamed. because thats what her new friends do, I guess. Perhaps I should be flattered... maybe its a sign she misses me.

Or maybe she just hated them to be contrary.

I am heartsick and confused.

 

Sorry, just had to get that off my chest... It kept creeping into my head everytime I see Enforcers sigline...

This too sucks. Sorry I am giving you bad memories.

[zornwil]

Re: The cranky thread

 

My cranky update.

My ex girlfriend, who broke up with her gamer boy, got a job and moved several hours away.

Now she's vehement about NOT being considered a couple, as we live too far apart, and I don't have enough of a "LIFE" to warrant her seriously considering me as a potential partner. Mind you... she doesn't want to date others... she just doesn't want to be consider dating me.

I'm good enough to shag her to take care of her needs, but not good enough for a real emotional connection.

And nothing I've done to improve myself, or start a new more "grown up" carrier than running my own buisness has made even a lick of difference to her.

She wants me to go it solo, get out of where I'm living and get my own place and a REAL job. Like she did. Except that the only way shes managed to do so is through the beneveloence of friends. Shes staying someplace where she currently pays no rent, set up by the same friend who offered her the job she's working at, that she never would have gotten had she not been friends with the boss.

My lack of people I can cry to to get my life in order translates into being less sucessful than her how?

 

Oh... and during the time we were together she frequently and loudly proclaimed how much she disliked both gaming and ren faires.

I did everyhting I could to show her that neither were inherently bad. She got into faire breifly, got into trouble and decided that it sucked.

Now that shes in a new place, every weekend we haven't gotten together that she hasn't been working shes either gone to a Faire or gamed. because thats what her new friends do, I guess. Perhaps I should be flattered... maybe its a sign she misses me.

Or maybe she just hated them to be contrary.

I am heartsick and confused.

 

Sorry, just had to get that off my chest... It kept creeping into my head everytime I see Enforcers sigline...

This is very easy to say, hard to hear, but based on your comments and what seems to be a strange nature of expecations and communication, really she's not worth it. Really.

[AmadanNaBriona]

Re: The cranky thread

 

Thanks guys.

I'll get over it, one way or another.

But the support helps.

Enforcer... no bad memories bro... no more than every damn song I hear gives me anyway.... I just see the quote in your sig and think how ironically it sometimes seems to fit.

 

Zorn... You're probably right... but honestly I'm not always the best horse to back in a race either. We'll see if some kinda common ground, either together or apart, gets reached. I suspect that when I'm actually working my new tech job as opposed to waiting for it to start, things will get a bit better. Right now I just have WAY too damn much time on my hands.

Heck... there are compelling resons for my feeble attempts to work things out with her rather than moving on. It's a lot like riding a motorcycle rather than driving a car.... its a lot more dangerous, and you KNOW that you're gonna get banged up someday... but the ride is WAY more exciting.

(That, BTW, pretty much sums up my addiction to redheads in a nutshell)

Besides... if she keeps at the job, it might give me the motivation to move back to Sacramento, where I have some pretty good friends, and we have a bunch of posters whom I might be able to actually game with

[zornwil]

Re: The cranky thread

 

My concern is that she seems to be making serious value judgements about you and maintaining those and related expectations at a level that, good or bad, doesn't conform to reality. What strikes me is the "let's not say we're dating" thing, which smacks of "I don't want to admit a relationship with you because you're inadequate." Which isn't a good way to relate in any stage of a relationship, IMHO.

[tkdguy]

Re: The cranky thread

 

I wasn't going to say anything, but I have to agree with zornwil's last statement. I can't make any absolute judgement since I don't know your situation other than what you just said, but it does sound like she's making a lot of unfair demands on you.

 

And zornwil seems to be so upset about this whole thing, he's turned completely red!

[Enforcer84]

Re: The cranky thread

 

No one deserves to be treated like an "auxilery option" when it comes to relationships. That's unhealthy. Tell her to get bent.

[AmadanNaBriona]

Re: The cranky thread

 

My concern is that she seems to be making serious value judgements about you and maintaining those and related expectations at a level that' date=' good or bad, doesn't conform to reality. What strikes me is the "let's not say we're dating" thing, which smacks of "I don't want to admit a relationship with you because you're inadequate." Which isn't a good way to relate in any stage of a relationship, IMHO.[/quote']

She is making value judgements, you're absolutely right.

But to be perfectly honest with y'all and myself tho, I haven't given her much reason to expect me to change, and I'm the one who's been pushing for someting more than a friends-with-very-occasional-benefits relationship. She made it pretty clear when she moved that everything was changing, not for the better, and I'd better get my thinking adjusted accordingly. I'm the one trying to rekindle things. She's doing the same thing I've gotten from many of my ex's... the classic "Grow the F**k up" speech. I have a classic case of Peter Pan's syndrome, and have done quite a few things in the persuit of having fun that have had a detrimental effect on my life and its long term prospects. For some reason women enjoy the ride for a while, but when they start thinking serious thoughts about the fuuture and settling down, suddenly my hippy-gypsy-tinker-bard llifestyle strats looking a LOT less attractive. Which means I'm looking at a hard choice... Keep dating young women who are in it for the ride, and never settle down... or try and get serious about my life for the first time in my 36 years.

 

I wasn't going to say anything, but I have to agree with zornwil's last statement. I can't make any absolute judgement since I don't know your situation other than what you just said, but it does sound like she's making a lot of unfair demands on you.

 

And zornwil seems to be so upset about this whole thing, he's turned completely red!

I wish they were totally unfair, but they're not. Its not the nature of her demands that are eating me... I've been going through a deep period of introspection about myself for most of this year, and KNOW I have problems.

It's the fact that she's less than willing to confront her own problems. THAT may be the irreconcilable difference. I don't know yet.

Part of it kinda hinges on my deciding if I have any mojo left for dating. My prospects have been pretty bleak these last 9 months or so. I seem to have forgotten how flirt, and don't get out much. I abso-freaking-lutely WILL go on a berserk rampage if something doesn't change for the better, with her or my social life. I am NOT cut out for a life of quiet celibate contemplation. Might as well go all DC on the bad guys of the world if I have nothing but THAT to look foreward to for my remaining 30 years or so (and yes, I know most folk live past their mid 70's... but most people aren't as tore up as I am)

No one deserves to be treated like an "auxilery option" when it comes to relationships. That's unhealthy. Tell her to get bent.

I agree with ya bro... but I can't tell her to get bent.

I'm the one who bent her. Now I hafta decide if she's someone I want to be with after she "straightens" herself out. Or if I want to try and find another gullible young thing to warp to my evil ways.

 

Actually, that didn't really need to be said, but I wanted to respond to you because you're one of the resident musical loremasters, and I was wondering if you'd recognize the song lyric that popped into my head when I saw these three posts.

"Don't say I should have stayed with her,

You don't know the full story about the girl

I only used her just as much as she used me

But sometimes you just gotta get out of New York City"

[Enforcer84]

Re: The cranky thread

 

She is making value judgements, you're absolutely right.

But to be perfectly honest with y'all and myself tho, I haven't given her much reason to expect me to change, and I'm the one who's been pushing for someting more than a friends-with-very-occasional-benefits relationship. She made it pretty clear when she moved that everything was changing, not for the better, and I'd better get my thinking adjusted accordingly. I'm the one trying to rekindle things. She's doing the same thing I've gotten from many of my ex's... the classic "Grow the F**k up" speech. I have a classic case of Peter Pan's syndrome, and have done quite a few things in the persuit of having fun that have had a detrimental effect on my life and its long term prospects. For some reason women enjoy the ride for a while, but when they start thinking serious thoughts about the fuuture and settling down, suddenly my hippy-gypsy-tinker-bard llifestyle strats looking a LOT less attractive. Which means I'm looking at a hard choice... Keep dating young women who are in it for the ride, and never settle down... or try and get serious about my life for the first time in my 36 years.

 

 

I wish they were totally unfair, but they're not. Its not the nature of her demands that are eating me... I've been going through a deep period of introspection about myself for most of this year, and KNOW I have problems.

It's the fact that she's less than willing to confront her own problems. THAT may be the irreconcilable difference. I don't know yet.

Part of it kinda hinges on my deciding if I have any mojo left for dating. My prospects have been pretty bleak these last 9 months or so. I seem to have forgotten how flirt, and don't get out much. I abso-freaking-lutely WILL go on a berserk rampage if something doesn't change for the better, with her or my social life. I am NOT cut out for a life of quiet celibate contemplation. Might as well go all DC on the bad guys of the world if I have nothing but THAT to look foreward to for my remaining 30 years or so (and yes, I know most folk live past their mid 70's... but most people aren't as tore up as I am)

 

I agree with ya bro... but I can't tell her to get bent.

I'm the one who bent her. Now I hafta decide if she's someone I want to be with after she "straightens" herself out. Or if I want to try and find another gullible young thing to warp to my evil ways.

 

Actually, that didn't really need to be said, but I wanted to respond to you because you're one of the resident musical loremasters, and I was wondering if you'd recognize the song lyric that popped into my head when I saw these three posts.

"Don't say I should have stayed with her,

You don't know the full story about the girl

I only used her just as much as she used me

But sometimes you just gotta get out of New York City"

You're right, I don't know the whole story, but I stick to my guns. She's treating you badly. I guess if you ever treated her as the boobie prize for romance she'd have a reason...so take my advice with the grain of salt that I know next to nothing abou the releationship.

[AliceTheOwl]

Re: The cranky thread

 

She is making value judgements, you're absolutely right.

But to be perfectly honest with y'all and myself tho, I haven't given her much reason to expect me to change, and I'm the one who's been pushing for someting more than a friends-with-very-occasional-benefits relationship. She made it pretty clear when she moved that everything was changing, not for the better, and I'd better get my thinking adjusted accordingly. I'm the one trying to rekindle things. She's doing the same thing I've gotten from many of my ex's... the classic "Grow the F**k up" speech. I have a classic case of Peter Pan's syndrome, and have done quite a few things in the persuit of having fun that have had a detrimental effect on my life and its long term prospects.

And why is that such a bad thing?

 

The thing Josh wants to do, more than anything in his life is join the FBI. He's excited to find out that it pays well and that, with a couple more years' education, he'd have a really good shot. So I plan on getting him there, however I can. Because it would make him happy, he'd enjoy it, and I'd be happy that he was happy. The prospect of money's a nice one, but definitely not the reason I'm encouraging this dream. I'm encouraging it because I get a lot of vicarious happiness out of his.

 

So why should any other relationship be different? Why should a woman strive for her mate to be beaten down and unhappy in his life? What the heck's wrong with having a little fun? Why make that a stipulation for a relationship?

 

It just doesn't sound worth it.

[AmadanNaBriona]

Re: The cranky thread

 

You're right' date=' I don't know the whole story, but I stick to my guns. She's treating you badly. I guess if you ever treated her as the boobie prize for romance she'd have a reason...so take my advice with the grain of salt that I know next to nothing abou the releationship. [/quote']

Dood.... you disappoint me.

Maybe you didn't know you had been tapped for the Name that Song game...

Black 47, Banks of the Hudson.

I'm pretty sure I've given her a reason... the thing I need to get through my thick skull is she needs space... I need to back the frell off, and let her get her head straight. She knows that she's not being fair, but I haven't given her the room to figure out how our new dynamic will work, so she reflexively falls back into old patterns and then gets pissed off at me and herself. Which leads to her treating me like I'm the King of Evil, and thus makes me suddenly go into a funk.

 

Can you tell we spent last weekend together and had an incredible time and an equally epic fight?

[Enforcer84]

Re: The cranky thread

 

These things do happen.

 

Sorry I dropped the ball on the song though.

[archermoo]

Re: The cranky thread

 

Dood.... you disappoint me.

Maybe you didn't know you had been tapped for the Name that Song game...

Black 47, Banks of the Hudson.

I'm pretty sure I've given her a reason... the thing I need to get through my thick skull is she needs space... I need to back the frell off, and let her get her head straight. She knows that she's not being fair, but I haven't given her the room to figure out how our new dynamic will work, so she reflexively falls back into old patterns and then gets pissed off at me and herself. Which leads to her treating me like I'm the King of Evil, and thus makes me suddenly go into a funk.

 

Can you tell we spent last weekend together and had an incredible time and an equally epic fight?

 

 

You mean you aren't the King of Evil?!?

 

 

From someone that has had very little luck with romance, here's hoping that your luck gets better.

[zornwil]

Re: The cranky thread

 

She is making value judgements, you're absolutely right.

But to be perfectly honest with y'all and myself tho, I haven't given her much reason to expect me to change, and I'm the one who's been pushing for someting more than a friends-with-very-occasional-benefits relationship. She made it pretty clear when she moved that everything was changing, not for the better, and I'd better get my thinking adjusted accordingly. I'm the one trying to rekindle things. She's doing the same thing I've gotten from many of my ex's... the classic "Grow the F**k up" speech. I have a classic case of Peter Pan's syndrome, and have done quite a few things in the persuit of having fun that have had a detrimental effect on my life and its long term prospects. For some reason women enjoy the ride for a while, but when they start thinking serious thoughts about the fuuture and settling down, suddenly my hippy-gypsy-tinker-bard llifestyle strats looking a LOT less attractive. Which means I'm looking at a hard choice... Keep dating young women who are in it for the ride, and never settle down... or try and get serious about my life for the first time in my 36 years.

 

 

I wish they were totally unfair, but they're not. Its not the nature of her demands that are eating me... I've been going through a deep period of introspection about myself for most of this year, and KNOW I have problems.

It's the fact that she's less than willing to confront her own problems. THAT may be the irreconcilable difference. I don't know yet.

Part of it kinda hinges on my deciding if I have any mojo left for dating. My prospects have been pretty bleak these last 9 months or so. I seem to have forgotten how flirt, and don't get out much. I abso-freaking-lutely WILL go on a berserk rampage if something doesn't change for the better, with her or my social life. I am NOT cut out for a life of quiet celibate contemplation. Might as well go all DC on the bad guys of the world if I have nothing but THAT to look foreward to for my remaining 30 years or so (and yes, I know most folk live past their mid 70's... but most people aren't as tore up as I am)

 

I agree with ya bro... but I can't tell her to get bent.

I'm the one who bent her. Now I hafta decide if she's someone I want to be with after she "straightens" herself out. Or if I want to try and find another gullible young thing to warp to my evil ways.

 

Actually, that didn't really need to be said, but I wanted to respond to you because you're one of the resident musical loremasters, and I was wondering if you'd recognize the song lyric that popped into my head when I saw these three posts.

"Don't say I should have stayed with her,

You don't know the full story about the girl

I only used her just as much as she used me

But sometimes you just gotta get out of New York City"

This is an oversimplification, but I think you should find someone who likes you as you are. I don't believe that's no one. I understand your lifestyle may not be "great" by a societal or even your personal standard, and while you should always strive for more, someone should like you for who you are and understand the direction you want to go.

 

But, hey, I'm a million miles away from the reality of your situation.

[gewing]

Re: The cranky thread

 

Thanks guys.

I'll get over it, one way or another.

But the support helps.

Enforcer... no bad memories bro... no more than every damn song I hear gives me anyway.... I just see the quote in your sig and think how ironically it sometimes seems to fit.

 

Zorn... You're probably right... but honestly I'm not always the best horse to back in a race either. We'll see if some kinda common ground, either together or apart, gets reached. I suspect that when I'm actually working my new tech job as opposed to waiting for it to start, things will get a bit better. Right now I just have WAY too damn much time on my hands.

Heck... there are compelling resons for my feeble attempts to work things out with her rather than moving on. It's a lot like riding a motorcycle rather than driving a car.... its a lot more dangerous, and you KNOW that you're gonna get banged up someday... but the ride is WAY more exciting.

(That, BTW, pretty much sums up my addiction to redheads in a nutshell)

Besides... if she keeps at the job, it might give me the motivation to move back to Sacramento, where I have some pretty good friends, and we have a bunch of posters whom I might be able to actually game with

 

 

Her name doesn't start with a "Z" does it?

 

just remembering one of my redheads...

 

 

actually, that isn't fair. She didn't pull anything like this, we just didn't really have that much in common. College fling, really.

 

Now "E." was my first girlfriend. I am still sorry that I couldn't give her all the things she needed, but She was young and troubled and I was almost as young and VERY immature.

 

 

 

Life, women, memories, pain... hmm is there a common thread there?

[Old Man]

Re: The cranky thread

 

If I had a nickel for every girl I got romantically involved with that I really shouldn't have, I'd have... uh... twenty cents. Somehow that just doesn't convey the magnitude of the mistakes, you know? What is it about instincts and hormones that they can so easily override the sane portion of your mind? Why is it so easy to find yourself driving home thinking, "Wtf was I thinking?"

 

Anyway, moving on to new crankiness, I've been in pain for the past two days. My shoulder feels marginally dislocated, so I can't raise it, my knee aches if I put any weight on it, and my back is like a solid knot of that burning pain you get from overuse. And the worst part is that I have no idea where all these injuries came from. (Well, the back pain is probably from having an infant who demands to be carried 24/7. The other stuff mystifies me.)

[Enforcer84]

Re: The cranky thread

 

If I had a nickel for every girl I got romantically involved with that I really shouldn't have, I'd have... uh... twenty cents. Somehow that just doesn't convey the magnitude of the mistakes, you know? What is it about instincts and hormones that they can so easily override the sane portion of your mind? Why is it so easy to find yourself driving home thinking, "Wtf was I thinking?"

 

Anyway, moving on to new crankiness, I've been in pain for the past two days. My shoulder feels marginally dislocated, so I can't raise it, my knee aches if I put any weight on it, and my back is like a solid knot of that burning pain you get from overuse. And the worst part is that I have no idea where all these injuries came from. (Well, the back pain is probably from having an infant who demands to be carried 24/7. The other stuff mystifies me.)

I'd have a nickel. And I'm not sure I'd even get that; we were together 15 years...

 

I am having to spend the most boring day at work. EVAR!

[Old Man]

Re: The cranky thread

 

I'd have a nickel. And I'm not sure I'd even get that; we were together 15 years...

 

Doesn't she get half? Leaving you with 2.5 cents?

[Cancer]

Re: The cranky thread

 

Anyway' date=' moving on to new crankiness, I've been in pain for the past two days. My shoulder feels marginally dislocated, so I can't raise it, my knee aches if I put any weight on it, and my back is like a solid knot of that burning pain you get from overuse. And the worst part is that I have no idea where all these injuries came from. (Well, the back pain is probably from having an infant who demands to be carried 24/7. The other stuff mystifies me.)[/quote']

 

That all could come from a single spinal problem in the neck (well, anywhere shoulder level or higher) that started a few days ago, aggravated by unconcious compensation for the injury that has you moving your body in abnormal ways. An osteopath or chiropractor might be able to find it and relieve the root cause, though the collateral-damage discomforts will take a day or three to fade away.

[Enforcer84]

Re: The cranky thread

 

Doesn't she get half? Leaving you with 2.5 cents?

As long as the nickel was in my name only, no, it's mine.

[Old Man]

Re: The cranky thread

 

Yeah, but she'll take you to court for that nickel, forcing you to spend 4 cents on legal representation...

[Enforcer84]

Re: The cranky thread

 

you may have me there. Meaning you'd get the last penny.

[Cancer]

Re: The cranky thread

 

Gah, that was stupid. I deleted the wrong file. Regenerating it is trivial but takes three hours of wall time. Grumble.

[Enforcer84]

Re: The cranky thread

 

Papa Murphy's take and bake pizza is nigh divine.

[Tim]

Re: The cranky thread

 

Papa Murphy's take and bake pizza is nigh divine.

 

Agreed. I especially like their Chicago Style Stuffed Crust.