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NGD Scenes from a Hat

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County coroner.

 

"You, you, you, and you.  You're all dead.  And it's my job to say so.  Dead people can't vote or hold office, and are subject to arrest if they try."

 

NT: More nonstandard abuses of their designated duties by low-level officials.

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1 hour ago, Cancer said:

NT: More nonstandard abuses of their designated duties by low-level officials.

 

I'm reminded of the old Tom Lehrer bit about the young necrophiliac who finally achieved his boyhood ambition of becoming coroner. ("The rest of you can look it up when you get home.")

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On 1/11/2020 at 9:44 AM, Cancer said:

NT: More nonstandard abuses of their designated duties by low-level officials.

"Nobody gets into the club unless they prove to me they're willing to get down on all fours and quack like a duck. Yes, I know ducks are bipedal, but you still have to do it."

 

NT: Animals that would look really weird if they walked on their hind legs, and reasons they should do it anyway.

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37 minutes ago, Michael Hopcroft said:

 

NT: Animals that would look really weird if they walked on their hind legs, and reasons they should do it anyway.

 

Crocodiles, because that's about the only thing we haven't belatedly seen them do yet.

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On 1/12/2020 at 6:40 PM, Michael Hopcroft said:

NT: Animals that would look really weird if they walked on their hind legs, and reasons they should do it anyway.

Lions.

 

But it would prove they are the rulers of the jungle.

 

NT: Unusual results from the Royal Rumble (This can be either the Royal Rumble matches or any of the other matches)

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3 hours ago, death tribble said:

NT: Unusual results from the Royal Rumble (This can be either the Royal Rumble matches or any of the other matches)

 

The Royals get tossed out of Rochester and are forced to relocate to Cincinnati.

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18 hours ago, death tribble said:

NT: Unusual results from the Royal Rumble (This can be either the Royal Rumble matches or any of the other matches)

The last survivor is taken off to be beheaded.

 

NT: Reasons for tourists to visit the fictional Central Asian Republic of Gatchastan.

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2 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said:

NT: Reasons for tourists to visit the fictional Central Asian Republic of Gatchastan.

 

For a landlocked country, they have remarkably good clam chowder.

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On 1/26/2020 at 8:41 AM, Michael Hopcroft said:

The last survivor is taken off to be beheaded.

 

NT: Reasons for tourists to visit the fictional Central Asian Republic of Gatchastan.

 

They have some of the best BDSM clubs in the world.

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On 1/26/2020 at 7:41 AM, Michael Hopcroft said:

NT: Reasons for tourists to visit the fictional Central Asian Republic of Gatchastan.

 

No hassles about your diet.  "No charge for extra yak fat!"

 

NT: Gatchastani native recipes featuring yak fat.

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10 minutes ago, Pariah said:

New Topic: The unlikely book that this summer's big blockbuster will be based on.

 

Emeril's Exotic Recipes: Gatchastani Yak Fat, and Friends

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3 hours ago, Pariah said:

Three words: Yak fat fondue.

 

New Topic: The unlikely book that this summer's big blockbuster will be based on.

The Fictional Central Asian Republic of Gatchastan Official National Cookbook and Guide to Alcoholic Beverages

 

(And remember, Bertrand Russell says you cannot make any true statements about the Fictional Central Asian Republic of Gatchastan.)

 

NT: What they drink in the Fictional Central Asian Republic of Gatchastan to make living there somewhat less terrible.

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8 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said:

NT: What they drink in the Fictional Central Asian Republic of Gatchastan to make living there somewhat less terrible.

 

A "Zhukov Bellywarmer": in a 1-liter mug, equal proportions neutral grain spirits, diesel fuel, and warm melted yak butter.

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8 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said:

NT: What they drink in the Fictional Central Asian Republic of Gatchastan to make living there somewhat less terrible.

 

Black coffee seasoned with the ashes of burnt sagebrush.

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On January 28, 2020 at 10:33 PM, Michael Hopcroft said:

NT: What they drink in the Fictional Central Asian Republic of Gatchastan to make living there somewhat less terrible.

 

Pink poppy smoothies: all the opium, none of the import controls.

 

NT:  Fill in the blanks:

 

"Dear Professor Cancer, I am an experimental physicist specializing in measurements of ___(blank #1)___  ___(blank#2)___  ___(blank #3)___ , and I am applying for the Assistant ___(blank #4)___ position in your department."

 

Sillier the better.  ("Ultracold polarized neutrons" is actually a real entry for the first three blanks.)

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"Dear Professor Cancer, I am an experimental physicist specializing in measurements of seizure-inducing anthropomorphized tardigrades , and I am applying for the Assistant Erotic Dancer Coordinator position in your department."

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