Logan D. Hurricanes Posted November 8, 2010 Report Share Posted November 8, 2010 Re: Jokes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwiggins Posted November 9, 2010 Report Share Posted November 9, 2010 Re: Jokes Kind'a dirty read at your own risk. Two men are sitting in a bar. One sez to the other "I came home today and found my wife in bed with my best friend" The other guy replies "My God that's terrible. What did you do?" "I threw that cheating W###E out of the house that I built with my own hands." "What about your best friend?" "I said to him..." "BAD DOG! that's a VERY BAD DOG!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FireTiger Posted November 11, 2010 Report Share Posted November 11, 2010 Re: Jokes Q: What's the difference between a vulture and your mother-in-law? A: A vulture waits until you're dead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FireTiger Posted November 11, 2010 Report Share Posted November 11, 2010 Re: Jokes A woman has her portrait painted by a local artist and asks him if he would paint her dripping with fabulous jewels. She explains, "If I die before my husband and he gets married again, I want his second wife to go crazy looking for the stones." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FireTiger Posted November 11, 2010 Report Share Posted November 11, 2010 Re: Jokes A dedicated professor of music decided to go deep into the African jungle to test his theory that wild animals could be tamed by playing them beautiful music. Sure enough, his theory proved to be true. As he began playing a beautiful piece of classical music on his violin, he soon had an appreciative audience -- two giraffes, three snakes, four zebras, and a host of monkeys. All of a sudden, a lion roared into the middle of them and bit-off the professor's head. "Why did you do that!?" complained the other animals. "That was beautiful music and you've gone and spoiled it." The lion put a paw up to his ear and said, "What?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted November 12, 2010 Report Share Posted November 12, 2010 Re: Jokes If Eve risked the future of the entire human race for a piece of fruit, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike bar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SatinKitty Posted November 12, 2010 Report Share Posted November 12, 2010 Re: Jokes When Eve appeared in the garden Adam said "I'm so glad you're here. Before, I didn't have anyone to blame everything on !" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted November 14, 2010 Report Share Posted November 14, 2010 Re: Jokes A preacher dies, and goes to heaven, where he is shown his new modest home. He sees the home of a cab driver that he'd met a few times, and it's a huge mansion. He asks St. Peter, "How come that cab driver's home is so much larger than mine? Haven't I served the kingdom?" St. Peter replied, "When you preached, people slept. When he drove, they stayed awake and prayed a lot." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FireTiger Posted November 17, 2010 Report Share Posted November 17, 2010 Re: Jokes It was cold and pouring rain but the boy's mother insisted he go out and feed the animals on their farm before he could hav breakfast. The boy when out in a rage, kicked the chickens, punched the cow, and threw cold water all over the pigs. When he got back inside his mother was furious. "How dare You!" she fumed. "For that you get no eggs because you kicked the chickens, no milk because you thumped the cow, and no bacon because of the way you treated the pigs." Just then, dad come down the stairs and nearly tripping over the cat, he gave the animal a mighty kick. The boy turned to his mother and said, "Are you going to tell him, or shall I?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted November 17, 2010 Report Share Posted November 17, 2010 Re: Jokes A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started cussing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass." The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.. When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios." WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!" She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narf the Mouse Posted November 19, 2010 Report Share Posted November 19, 2010 Re: Jokes One duck turns to the other and says "Quack!" The other duck responds "How insulting! I'm a full-fledged Medical Doctor, I'll have you know!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FireTiger Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 Re: Jokes The man telephoned the local mental institution and asked to speak to the patient in room 24. “I’m sorry, sir, room 24 is unoccupied at present.” “Whoopee!” shouted the man. “I did it, I escaped!” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FireTiger Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 Re: Jokes I've heard a few versions of this one over the years. This is the shortest (and therefore cleanest) version that I can recall to mind: “Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm,” said the girl to her doctor. “What do you take for it?” he asked. “Pepper.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwiggins Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 Re: Jokes An old man goes to the doctor and says "Doc, I think my wife is going deaf. I'll say something and she will just ignore me." the doctor replies ""When she has he back turned got o the far side of the room and say something. If she doesn't reply go to the middle of the room and try again. If she still dosn't respond get right behind her and try again." So when he got home is wife was reading and from the far side of the room he asked "Honey, what's for dinner?" she didn't respond He went to the middle of the room and again asked "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again she didn't say anything So he got right behind her and asked "Honey, what's for dinner?" She turned around and yelled "For the third time, CHICKEN!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwiggins Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 Re: Jokes you were scooped on page 87 by Bazza, but nice try http://www.herogames.com/forums/showthread.php/43413-Jokes?p=1999335 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FireTiger Posted November 24, 2010 Report Share Posted November 24, 2010 Re: Jokes you were scooped on page 87 by Bazza, but nice try http://www.herogames.com/forums/showthread.php/43413-Jokes?p=1999335 Uhhh...urrr...look! Is that demonic duck of some kind!? (Forgot to search the thread before posting that one -- oops.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FireTiger Posted November 24, 2010 Report Share Posted November 24, 2010 Re: Jokes Here's one to go with the "Adam & Eve" jokes posted a few days back.... Three nuns arrived at the Pearly Gates and each was asked a question before they were allowed to enter. The first nun was asked to name the first man. “Adam,” she replied, and the gates opened for her. The second nun was asked to name the first woman. “Eve,” she replied, and again the gates opened. Then a question was put to the third nun. “What were the first words that Eve said to Adam?” “Gosh! That is a hard one,” she replied, and once more the gates opened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FireTiger Posted November 24, 2010 Report Share Posted November 24, 2010 Re: Jokes A young couple had been married for less than six months but the bride was obsessed with knowing how many women her husband had slept with. “If I tell you, it’ll only make you angry and upset” he said. “No it won’t,” she assured him. “I just need to know.” Eventually the man gave in. “OK, now let’s see. One… two… three… four… five… six… seven… eight… you… ten… eleven…” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maccabe Posted November 24, 2010 Report Share Posted November 24, 2010 Re: Jokes Question:What caused Adam & Eve to have their first fight? Answer: After they realized they were both naked they covered up with fig leaves, Eve then turns to Adam and says "Does this make me look fat?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwiggins Posted November 26, 2010 Report Share Posted November 26, 2010 Re: Jokes Why was Princess Diana upset on her honeymoon? She thought all rulers had 12 inches Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted December 3, 2010 Report Share Posted December 3, 2010 Re: Jokes Spoilered for religiosity and tastelessness. Did you hear about the cannibal who ate the Pentecostal missionary? A little while later, he threw up his hands. Which just goes to show, that you can't keep a good man down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted December 6, 2010 Report Share Posted December 6, 2010 Re: Jokes Did you hear about the guy who started a business with one shoelace and tripled his investment? Now he's trying to figure out what to do with three shoelaces. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narf the Mouse Posted December 6, 2010 Report Share Posted December 6, 2010 Re: Jokes Did you hear about the guy who started a business with one shoelace and tripled his investment? Now he's trying to figure out what to do with three shoelaces. Well, he's got two to tie up his shoes with; after that, he can triple his investment repeatedly and build himself a nice fortune. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted December 6, 2010 Report Share Posted December 6, 2010 Re: Jokes I think you're just stringing us along, but that's not surprising for such a straight-laced person. After a while, all of his investment will be tied up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narf the Mouse Posted December 6, 2010 Report Share Posted December 6, 2010 Re: Jokes I think you're just stringing us along' date=' but that's not surprising for such a straight-laced person. After a while, all of his investment will be tied up.[/quote'] This is a silly thread of conversation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.