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Jokes


Dust Raven

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Re: Jokes

 

A man gets home, screeches his car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of his lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"

 

The wife says, "Oh my god! No shit?! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

 

The husband yells back, "It doesn't matter. Just get the hell out!"

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Re: Jokes

 

Roy Rogers visits then newly elected President Hoover.

 

Roy Rogers: Mr. President, I'm here to tell you the latest jokes!

President Hoover: Too late, Roy, I've already appointed them.

 

Several years ago, there was a bagel place here that had some clever ads. One of them read as follows:

"Care for another bagel, Trigger?"

"No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed."

 

Well, I thought it was clever.

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Re: Jokes

 

(In a likely-to-fail attempt to get away from the puns)

 

A traveller was flying cross-country in a 747. About a hour after takeoff, the pilot announced over the speakers, "I wanted to inform you that one of our engines has failed. However, we still have three good engines, so we have decided to continue on. Unfortunately, this will cause us to be 25 minutes late."

 

A little over an hour later, the pilot came back on. "A second engine has failed," he said, "but we can still fly just fine on two engines. Since we are already nearly halfway there, we have decided to continue on to Los Angeles. However, we will be an hour late."

 

A few hours later, the speakers again crackled to life. "Some of you may have noticed smoke coming from our #3 engine a few minutes ago. We have been forced to shut that engine down as well. Please remain calm -- our #1 engine is still running fine and can maintain flight. Since all nearest airfields are fogged over, we have decided to continue on to Los Angeles. Our reduced airspeed, unfortunately, means that we will be arriving an hour and a half late."

 

Twenty minutes later, the pilot announced, "We have lost our last engine..."

 

At this, the passenger shouted angrily, "Oh, that's just great! Now we're gonna be up here all freakin' day!"

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