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A Thread for Random Musings


Old Man

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Re: A Thread for Random Musings

 

Come Live with me - Heaven 17

 

I was thirty-seven

You were seventeen

You were half my age

The youth I'd never seen

Unlikely people meeting in a dream

Heaven only knows the way it should have been

Here today my tomorrow

Where you lead I will follow

All that kissing

No passion missing

Come live with me

Kiss the boys goodbye

 

Dinner parties followed

And all my age implies

My friends began to talk

I began to realise

If half the things they say

Are quarter true of me

Then how can I eclipse the youth

You gave to set me free

There was something in your smile

That was hard to reconcile

The time had come to testify to reason

Though years will not erase

Remembrance of those days

At least there's no submission to hearts treason

Here today my tomorrow

No more shame only sorrow

All that kissing

There's something missing

Come live with me

Kiss the boys goodbye

 

Now there's nothing left to cry for

And there's nowhere left to go

Just another hopeless fight

But how were we to know

The strong are sometimes wrong

But the weak are never free

The choice we made we can't evade

Don't try to follow me

Here today my tomorrow

No more pain only sorrow

All that kissing

There's something missing

Come live with me

Kiss the boys goodbye

Come live with me

Kiss the boys goodbye

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Re: A Thread for Random Musings

 

A week ago I picked up a two CD set, with the second disc being a DVD of the Rat Pack performing in St. Louis. Overall it was a very good watch but there was a surprise I was not expecting. Johnny Carson was emmceeing the event, at the end the four of them were out on state and sung "Birth of the Blues." Johnny Carson could sing.

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Re: A Thread for Random Musings

 

A Christmas Diet Poem

 

'Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips

were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips.

Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care

in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.

 

While Mama in her girdle and I in chin straps

had just settled down to sugar-borne naps.

When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter

I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

 

Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash

tore open the icebox then threw up the sash.

The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow

sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.

 

When what to my wandering eyes should appear:

a marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer!

That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick

I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick.

 

The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer

I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear;

On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS

a Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox.

 

From the top of the scales to the top of the hall

now dash away pounds now dash away all.

Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress

my clothes were all bulging from too much excess.

 

My droll little mouth and my round little belly

they shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly.

I spoke not a word but went straight to my work

ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk.

 

And laying a finger beside my heartburn

I gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned.

I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry

if temptation's removed I'll get thin by and by.

 

And I mumbled again as I turned for the night

in the morning I'll starve . . . until I take that first bite.

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Re: A Thread for Random Musings

 

Memo from Santa:

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I

will no longer serve Georgia, Florida, West Virginia,

Virginia, North and South Carolina, Tennessee,

Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Texas, Ohio or Alabama on

Christmas Eve.

 

Due to the overwhelming current population of the

earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American

Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and

better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and

cookies so keep that in mind.

 

However, I'm certain that your children will be in

good hands with your local replacement, who happens to

be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the

family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of

delivering toys to all the good boys and girls;

however, there are a few differences between us.

 

Differences such as:

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your

presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his

sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:

 

"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

 

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers

that children leave RC cola and pork rinds (or a moon

pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe.

He dips a little snuff, so please have an empty spit

can handy.

 

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared,

flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the

mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one

time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's

fireplace.

 

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and

Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus arrives.. Instead, you'll

hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and

Petty."

 

5. "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw" And you

also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I

her'd dat"

 

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus'

sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the

back with the words "Back Off."

 

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle

on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not

be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead,

you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and

the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus

and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each

other.

 

And Finally,

 

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd

make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other

way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

 

 

Sincerely Yours,

Santa Claus

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Re: A Thread for Random Musings

 

Accountant on speaker: Okay, I tried entering my password and it didn't work.

Tech: I reset it to "password."

Accountant on speaker: Okay, let me try my password again.

Tech: Make sure you type "password."

Accountant on speaker: It didn't work again.

Tech: Iou typed far too many letters for the word "password." Did you type in "password" as your password?

Accountant on speaker: Yu never told me to do that.

Tech: So what part of my sentance confused you: "Type in the word

'password' when it asks you for your password", or "I reset it for you, your password is now 'password.'"

Accountant on speaker: I have a CPA, don't talk to me like that.

Tech: I can make up acronyms too. I'll be in your office in five

minutes. In the meantime, ponder this one: I'm OMGWTF certified.

:rofl:

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