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A Thread for Random Musings


Old Man

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Re: A Thread for Random Musings

 

It's not that "I have a bad case of diareahha" is a particularly bad phrase to teach someone...

 

But did they have to put it to dance, with skimpily clads hotties?

 

I went into vapor lock trying to reconcile hot asian women with liquid bowels.

 

(the dance, BTW, is just a silly as you would imagine it to be)

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Re: A Thread for Random Musings

 

I missed my first California earthquake. Apparently, everyone else in town felt it, but I didn't notice a thing.

 

I expect it is because the weighty power of my mighty tread prevented the earth from shaking in my immediate vicinity. Even the very world itself ph3ars my might! :king:

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Re: A Thread for Random Musings

 

Cabbie: So, what are you in town for? Business or pleasure?

Me: Just business.

Cabbie: Oh, business is so terrible these days. I just don't know what to do! I've never seen it like this, and I've been in this country for thirty years. People losing their jobs, their houses. It's crazy! So how's business with you?

Me: Pretty good, actually.

Cabbie: So, what do you do?

Me: I'm a hit man.

Cabbie: *silence*

Cabbie: *laughter* You're a hit man. Ha! You don't look like a hit man.

Me: What does a hit man look like?

Cabbie: Well... he's... he wears a suit and looks like a monster*.

Me: Is that so?

Cabbie: Sure! ... Isn't it?

Me: Sometimes, sometimes not.

Cabbie: *silence:

Cabbie: If you were a hit man, you wouldn't tell me about it. That's crazy!

Me: It's OK. You won't tell anyone.

Cabbie: Are you sure?

Me: Well... even if you did, no one would believe you. Your friends would all think it's a load of bulls**t.

Cabbie: I think it's a load of bulls**t.

Me: You don't believe me, your friends won't believe you... So it's OK I told you. Nobody ever believes it, at least, not until it's too late to do anything about it.

Cabbie: *silence:

 

 

* Or maybe it was "mobster"

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Re: A Thread for Random Musings

 

True Story; the wife and I are in Boston - you never drive in Boston. Ever. But you do take cabs and subways.

 

Late night after dinner, we went on a dinner cruise through the harbor so we're dressed nicely. My wife has made it a point to let me interact with the locals, being from the east I get them. . .

Cabbie: Where you from?

Me: I'm native, but we live in Denver now.

Cabbie: How long you in town for?

Me: Just the weekend.

Cabbie: How often you come back?

Me: Every now and then.

 

The Cabbie heard "Every other weekend"

 

Cabbie: Every other weekend? Wow, business must be good. What you do?

Me: *never ever one to turn down an oppotunity* Oh, I make sure things run like clockwork. Smooth out the occasional wrinkle. Trouble shoot mostly.

 

Cabbie looks back at me for a long hard minute at a light. Then turns around and says nothing for the rest of the ride.

 

Cabbie: Have a good night *as we're dropped at the upscale hotel I popped for*

Me: Hey you to.

I tip way more than I needed to, but the silence for the ride was nice. He gives me another look and then is gone.

 

Don't know what he thought I did... but I pretty much desribed my job, i just left out What I worked on. . . :eg:

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Re: A Thread for Random Musings

 

Insomnia really messes with your system...

 

At least I'm up to five hours of sleep a night, not continuous, but that's better than last week.

 

You get hungry, so you eat, but then you get nauseous from eating, and the whole time all the sounds are really far away and your vision is a combination of wide angle and tunnel vision, equilibrium is a little iffy and gravity isn't quite sure what to do with you anymore. But mostly... I wanna know why I want an icecream sandwich - of all things.

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Re: A Thread for Random Musings

 

Try eating one - Might help.

 

I remember having a bad headache and wanting to eat some cheese (Forget what type; it was white). So I did - And my headache got better.

 

Turns out that variety of cheese has some natural painkillers. Your body might be trying to tell you something.

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Re: A Thread for Random Musings

 

So I'm just rising from a night of vivid dreams.

 

Vivid, and sticking in my memory instead of fading out like dreams usually do, but disappointingly unoriginal. I dreamed about getting distracted by shopping and stuff on the way to work and suddenly realizing I was so late it wasn't worth showing up. I dreamed about going to work and realizing I had no pants. I think I remember being bored while dreaming, because these dreams are such cliches. If I'm just going to recycle classic dream tropes, why can't I have the flying dream, or the dream about an infinite building?

 

Lucius Alexander

 

Do palindromedaries dream?

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Re: A Thread for Random Musings

 

You wanna know how my day ended?

 

I get home from a night of gaming, I look at my emails one last time (I say look because if I say 'check' it implies i did more than read the Subject Line) and pick up my coffee mug for one last sip of that wonderful wonderful tasty black blood of creation.

 

....

 

It's a travel mug, so it has a lid and a little hole to drink from... it's a Dunkin' Donuts travel mug, it looks like it's made of copper. It's kind of cool. My mom sent it to me.

 

It seems a spider had decided to crawl onto my mug. Onto the lid, and then into the mug through the small opening. And drown in my ambrosia.

 

So I take a sip of this stuff and get a mouthful of grit. I say grit, I was thinking "why are there coffee grinds in this coffee??" and I scoop the gunk out of my lip and ...

 

I'm holding a very dead spider.

 

 

That's how my frickin' day ended. By drinking a spider.

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Re: A Thread for Random Musings

 

I was just putting together a list of novelizations for the summer's blockbusters that the library may want to purchase. I saw an odd trend...

 

 

  • Star Trek Movie Tie-In by Alan Dean Foster
  • Terminator Salvation: The Official Movie Novelization by Alan Dean Foster
  • Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen by Alan Dean Foster

I hadn't realized that Foster had become The Name in sci fi novelizations. Very busy guy.

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Re: A Thread for Random Musings

 

Sitting in the airport, waiting for my flight. The gate next to mine closed up about 5 minutes ago, after going through the whole "This is the last call for passengers for Flight 123, we are closing the doors" thing.

 

A woman comes running up to the gate. When she sees that it's closed and that the plane is starting to taxi away, she starts yelling, "Oh no! Oh no, come back!"

 

An airline employee comes out and she runs over. The employee says something (I'm too far away to hear it), and the woman starts yelling: "No! No! NO! NO! NO!" at the top of her lungs. Another passenger (I assume it was a friend of hers) joins her. She and the employee are trying to calm her down, but she's not having any of it. "You need to help me!" she screams. "I have to be on that plane! NO! NO! NO!" She begins pounding her fists on the desk.

 

Every person in the airport is watching the scene now. I lean over to the woman next to me and say, "If she doesn't calm down, they're going to call airport security on her. They don't mess around with that kind of s**t these days."

 

She nods and replies, "I'm a nurse. In my professional experience, the people who scream and yell and freak out the most are the ones who are not having an emergency."

 

Eventually, the woman stops yelling. I'm not sure what they ended up doing, but it was interesting to watch. Never seen a genuine airport freakout before. :)

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