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SUPERDRAFT: Cast your Fantasy KINGDOM!


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Hero:  A key part of Slick's problem is that he and Lord Borna are too old for personal combat and there are no other males of noble blood at his disposal.  This means that the distaff side has to do the dirty work, but his daughters, while trained by the Abbess and uniquely qualified for participation in alliance-making, have no martial (as opposed to marital) skills either.  This means that the single-combat hero of the film -- the one who actually sends Evil Bozo into the direct possession of those entities he sold himself to long, long ago -- is Sister Angelina Krestic, played by Uma Thurman (as seen in the Kill Bill films).  Sister Angelina is a more conventional sort of cleric than Abbess Zoot in some senses (none of that spanking stuff for her, for example), but not in others: she is a well-trained shieldmaiden of deep faith in the conventional sense, and is the best single-combat fighter in the land.  Angelina has been Brunnhilde and Sieglinde's bodyguard since their infancy.  


A significant sequence late in the film will show the council of war in which Borna lays out the strategy for handling the multi-pronged invasion by all the Twrpish forces: the large army down the main road north, harassing and diversionary raids at a number of points, and the stealthy, unholy sneak force coming in from another route.  Borna describes how the army will be handled and takes that duty to himself.  But recognizing where the greatest need will be, in private after everyone but Slick, Omar, Angelina, and he have left the council room with their assignments, Borna bestows St George's Sword upon Angelina: "Where I will be, if one sword matters, we will already have lost everything.  Where you will be, it may be the last and only way to avoid losing everything."


Side comment: This was, frankly, where I most expected to get sniped.  First alternative after Uma was Sigourney Weaver.  After that ... possibilities were Diana Rigg (from her 1960s Avengers TV series gig) and Sandra Bullock (channeling her Miss Congeniality role).

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Fantasy race: This isn't a prominent feature in our movie, but Zarko the Dhampir has a legion of less-than-human demonic servants.  These are in the form of Kishi, two-faced hyena demons from Bantu mythology that, like the original dhampir, try to seduce human women with sweet human talk and faces, and then consume them.  Writhing masses of these things are included in the CGI scenes where Zarko is prominent, but like hyenas they hold back when a powerful combatant appears ready for a fight, and let their leader do the fighting.  They are mostly present for atmosphere (borderline horror) at the scariest scenes.

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Theme music: All by Van Halen.  Opening (and closing) theme is "Why Can't This Be Love"; the first appearance of Zarko the Dhampir to Evil Bozo's summons is accompanied by "Running with the Devil"; first appearance of the daughters is with "Beautiful Girl"; the initial hostile encounter between Omar and Evil Bozo goes with "Me Wise Magic", and the combat where Angelina destroys first Zarko and then Evil Bozo ... is described in colortext to follow.

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6 hours ago, death tribble said:

You know how in 'A Knight's Tale' they had modern pop music ? I was wondering if I could have something anachronistic, you know like tanks.........

No. I already answered this one with someone else.



41 minutes ago, Old Man said:


Just out of curiosity, does this take all Camelots off the table, or just the one from First Knight?

Just the one from First Knight

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I don't have a clear narrative for the bulk of my story, but I do have a sequence of scenes worked out and in mind.


In the climax, we'll try interleaving near-simultaneous scenes of heavy action from two primary venues.  The Twrp army outnumbers Slick's force about five to one as it comes down the north road.  Borna commands (Prince Slick is present, but his marshal gives all the orders) the defense, and through brilliant tactics and audacity, the Twrp army is routed with heavy losses, with a series of scenes that I haven't worked out in detail.  It helps that Omar is there alongside Slick and Borna; they were initially worried that Evil Bozo could wreak havoc on the defending forces (especially if they get pinned into a fixed position), and having a solid sorceror of their own on tap to counter foul magics was the reason Omar is in the command party.


In this description, we focus on the sequence in Castle Splato itself.  Omar has warded the castle, but Omar himself is with Borna and army, and cannot shore up those wards in real time.  Evil Bozo is able to force open a gap in the wards through which he comes into the castle (naturally enough, through a sewer or garderobe), and finds his way into the great hall.  One cutscene shows Angelina standing between him and Princess Hilde and the two daughters.  Detail: Angelina initially is completely anachronistically fighting with two swords: a longer rapier in right hand, and St George's Sword (Sting) in the other (that style would not exist for several centuries); let's give the InTaRwEbZ fandweebs something to bitch about.


Evil Bozo summons Zarko, and one side of the great hall is replaced by darkness from which lots of hyena laughing and yipping comes.  And a show is made of Zarko manifesting out of the darkness, in the form of a very oversized hyena with even more oversized teeth, an apparently metallic hide, and featureless black orbs for eyes.  Evil Bozo stands to one side, looking menacing but not actually doing anything, for most of the rest of the scene.  Transient masses of hyenaform Kishi are visible in the darkness, but like Bozo they don't actually do anything but make noise.  Michael Anthon's pulsing out the one bass note with his teeth rhythm (from Runnin' with the Devil) underlies the entire fight.


The hyena-vs-Angelina fight goes through several interchanges, and these are time-sliced and interspersed with the big army battle scenes, and a few gruesome peripheral raid scenes of burning out small farms, massacre of country families, and so on.  In the first few great hall scenes, Angelina's rapier doesn't even scratch Zarko's hide despite two good hits.  At one point Zarko catches and bites down on the rapier, yanking it out of Angelina's hand, and a sequence shows the hyena teeth mangling and breaking the steel of the blade. 


Angelina takes Sting into main hand.  She is at something of a disadvantage with the shorter blade and subsequently she scores no hits and has to make more recovery-type moves, during which neither opponent makes contact.  After some more passes and what looks like Angelina being manuvered into what will become a fatal disadvantage against some furniture, the two daughters do what can be called the Double D Gambit: they do the Bourbon Street Mardi Gras thing, going full frontal and flashing boobies at Zarko, taunting him about what he'll never touch.


Zarko reacts to the taunt.  The black orbs stay featureless but go luminous hellish red at the sight.  His shape changes over a second or so from hyena to saber-tooth tiger. His dentition also changes, losing the hyena's bone-crusher premolars and gaining the sword-fangs of the cat.  And he loses the metallic skin, replaced by black fur with stripes of fire.  As the cat-form gathers itself for the forty-foot leap into the daughters, Angelina drives Sting into the cat's throat, blue-white fire erupts from the wound, and it grows to consume the dhampir.  Left in its place is only behind a small mound of smoking ashes.


After Zarko is despatched the Kishi fade back into the darkness -- explicitly saying in response to Evil Bozo's commands that they are servants of the dhampir and not of any human -- leaving behind the now empty darkness and forsaking Evil Bozo to face Angelina alone.  His magic zaps do nothing to her, she cuts him in two, and there is a sequence where a dark devil-form manifests and grabs Bozo's nearly bisected but still screaming form and pulls both pieces downward through the floor; think something like the end of the final fight scene in Ghost but with SFX from the 2020s instead of 1990.





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Finally, in the denouemet, Trp the Twrp shows up for the first time.  Turns out the invasion and conquest idea was Evil Bozo's, with a grand goal of eventually using the sovereign to defile the land and undo the saint's casting out of vampires and vampire-spawn.  Trp shows up to ask for a truce to recover the wounded and fallen of his army, and he's something of a rube; ideally, he's be played by a young Keanu Reeves reprising his persona from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.  Omar and Slick suggest an alliance and marriage to Brunnhilde to seal the deal, and take the role of Trpimir's leading counselors.  His cousin Bill is there too to scoop up the other von Slime sister and nail down the fusion of the two families.  Cue the end theme and roll credits.

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PART ELEVEN- The Secret of the Prince:  THE CONCLUSION


As the ground fell into the abyss, Zara’s eyes displayed the utter fear and shock that was ripping through her heart.  Shaking, she was too consumed with terror to even say a word.




The single word broke the silence, sending a wave of relief washing across her as Jessup worked his way from the dirt.  She rushed to him, throwing her arms around Jessup and pulling him close.


“Praise be,” she said, finally able to catch her breath.  She kissed him on his forehead and then on the cheek.  


“Good job, kid,” said Wyldsyde.  


“What happened to Chaos?” asked Zara.


“He got buried by the falling rocks.  So did the dragon. I do not know what his fate was, but, if he returns, we’ll deal with him.”


A deep gasp drew their attention to the wounded Ogden Wetherby leaning back against a tree.  Jessup hurried over to the warrior. It was obvious to the boy that he did not have much longer.  


“I… am so … happy ...you survived, my Prince,” said Ogden, struggling for each word.


“Take it easy,” said Jessup, kneeling down beside him.  


“I have… to say this...to you,” he said, tears scattered across his cheeks.  “I was… foolish. Lost...myself. I’m *cough* sorry for …*cough* my ...betrayal.”


Jessup placed his hand on Ogden’s chest.  


“When push came to shove, you did what was right.  You sacrificed yourself for my mother. You are forgiven… Elder.”


Ogden weakly smiled.  His eyes closed and, with one final breath, Ogden Wetherby died as the Elder. Jessup patted his chest. 


“Your majesty,” said one of the soldiers, “What do we do now?”


“This has been a terribly tragic day for Galadral,” said Zara, “and the truth behind my rule will need to be revealed to everyone.  It is now time though. For me to abdicate the throne because Galadral has a king. His name is King Jessup Stanton.”




Next day.


Jessup knelt beside the sinkhole where the city of Syn nearly devastated the world.  The boy was lost in his thoughts of what had happened and what could have been. His life was forever changed from the events of the conspiracy.


“What are ye doin’ boyo?”  The bald-headed old man, hunched over, limped his way over to Jessup. The old man’s body rounded, his neck tilting to the side like a turtle.   “Oy, what happened here?”


“An underground cavern collapsed, sir,” said Jessup.


“Ah… no.  Anyone hurt?”


“Sadly we lost a lot of good men,” said Jessup.


“That’s such a tragedy,” he said.  


“Yes, sir, it was,” said Jessup.


“You seem familiar to me, boyo,” he said.  “Do I know you?”


“I am Prince Jessup of Galadral… soon to be the King,” Jessup said.  He had no desire to hide the fact. Lies were over.


“Soon to be king?  Inconceivable,” he said. 


Jessup snapped his head to look at the old man.  His words strange, but somewhat familiar too. The old man twitched his head back and forth and he had a smirk on his face.

“It may be inconceivable, sir, but it is true,” said Jessup, turning back to the sinkhole.  “Is there anything I can do to help you?”


“No...no… I am fine,” he said, smiling.  “King? Your father must be very proud of you.”


Jessup looked back at the old man who was standing straight, with a presence that had changed dramatically.  The glimmer in the old man’s eyes showed an unspoken secret.

“I never met my father,” said Jessup, slowly and cautiously.


“Oh my… I would not be surprised to know that he is watching you, Prince Jessup, soon to be king.” the old man said.  


Jessup stared closely at the old man.  Inside his heart, he knew who this was.


“I don’t know about that, sir.  That seems to be inconceivable.”


The old man laughed.  “Good luck, son. Remember, the world is a chaotic place...and that is a good thing.”


Jessup turned back, but the old man was gone.  He glanced around knowing that he would not find him.  Those few words were enough. 


“I’ll remember.”



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Am I too late to finish up? I swear these days get away from me.


Obligatory Fantasy Race: Animistic Spirits

As inspired by "The Bear and the Nightingale", these are sprites that pertain to specific things. In a town you can find oven spirits and stable spirits and fence sprits.  In the wild there might be assorted tree spirits and mushroom spirits and trail spirits. They become more substantive and powerful when people pay attention to them and believe in them, or give them little offerings of food, or even blood. Don't get the harbor spirit on the old days when they'd drown maidens in his waters to strengthen him and win his favor; he won't shut up.


High Priest: Doug Jones as the Spirit of Summertime Thunderstorms

Well, the ones in the valley the capital lies in. This world doesn't have any full godlike spirits. No one spirit can claim the whole of a season, or all storms, and they're all pretty geographically limited. But, the High Priest functions as an arbiter and ambassador, teaching humans and spirits how to serve one another. He is one of the few spirits with enough power to be visible all the time to all the people.

He doesn't look like an anthropomorphic cloud. This is Doug Jones, so he's in a lot of prosthetics to look utterly inhuman.


The Greatest Warrior: John Rhys-Davies as the Towering Knight

A ten foot tall giant, and nobody in the kingdom can figure out how. He's the only giant in the world.


Wizard: Dany DeVito as Benjamin Franklin.

I really thought I drafted him already, but he isn't on my list. Portal Fantasy. He awoke in the fantasy world after a full life in ours. His insatiable curiosity led him down the paths of magic, and now he's been alive for a couple hundred years.


Our Hero: Jason Isaacs as the Bard

Suspected but never proven to be a spy.


A Villain: Hugh Jackman as the Huntsman

He's utterly in thrall to Snow White. Also, I didn't draft Jeremy Irons, that was somebody else.


Theme Music: Lots of Hidden Citizens.

Because I like Trailer Music


Stealing from another Studio: The Ivory Tower from The Neverending Story

Another one I thought I had


Optional Character: Martyr: Amy Schumer

She gets an epic protracted death scene. I'm always surprised when comedic actors sell serious parts, and I honestly think Schumer could do this.

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9 minutes ago, death tribble said:

My last choice will be Unicorns to use as cavalry. This is my stealing choice. Legend with Tim Curry and Tom Cruise had Unicorns


That film also had a train of reflecting optics.  Kind of the opposite of "Shades of the McMath Solar Telescope!"

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I guess I better catch up on a draft I started :o


Greatest Warrior in all the Land: James Garner as Sir Cullough the Black, Knight Pragmatic!

Wizardress: Bernadette Peters as the Lura the queen's 'useless' vamp sister, who is secretly a practicing mystic!

Stealing from another Set/Studio: Undermountain from various D&D Modules

Optional Character: Dan Frishman as the Goblin Graffle Bloodsprinkler who works for a way to free his people from the Lich

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Hopefully I will catch up today. I'll post as and when I have inspiration and opportunity.


Consort - Senatrix Marozia is the Doge's mistress, and is played by Joanna Lumley.


Title: A Very Serene Republic.


Hero: Wat Firkin will be played by Graham Chapman.


Still to come:

Optional Character

Personal Names for characters that have previously only been specified by roles.

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