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Quote of the Week from my gaming group...


Darren Watts

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

WELL OF THE WORLDS

 

The Cast

Billy Jo Earl Brown -- construction worker from the state of Georgia.

Calvin Murdoch -- frustrated artist.

Cyan Chartreuse -- ex-Army medic, now an EMT.

Donovan Knight -- ex-Air Force, now an airline pilot.

Edward Aldrich -- ex-Army, now a computer tech.

Marcus Dreamseed Anderson -- 17 year-old whiz kid and technical prodigy.

 

Session 3

 

Donovan Knight (OOC): "A bokken is a club that has style."

 

Marcus Dreamseed Anderson (OOC): "He absorbs the powers of things that damage him?"

Donovan Knight (OOC): "C'mere so we can hit him with this shark."

 

Donovan Knight (OOC) to Marcus Dreamseed Anderson: "You're just an exposition bitch."

 

Marcus Dreamseed Anderson (OOC): Suggestion to Billy Jo Earl Brown: "Charge 'em!"

Billy Jo Earl Brown: "Billy Jo charges 'em!" doing a non-combat Move-Through, arriving in the center of the enemy squad at 0 DCV.

Marcus Dreamseed Anderson (OOC): "I was joking."

Donovan Knight (OOC): "Sarcasm only works on the mentally able."

Billy Jo Earl Brown proceeds to hit and roll maximum damage and maximum knockback, and the players stop laughing at him. This sets the tone for the entire combat.

 

Example #1: Edward Aldrich takes an NND shot and goes down. Billy Jo Earl Brown gets hit twice and doesn't.

 

Example #2: Seeing this, the bad guy with a gun says "screw taking them alive" and does 5 BODY, 27 STUN past defenses. Billy Jo Earl Brown is picked up by the villagers and takes one Phase to recover to positive STUN, then charges and guts the aforementioned shooter.

 

[one of the villagers picking Billy Jo Earl Brown up]: "Damn, Billy Jo's heavy."

Donovan Knight (OOC): "He's full of badass."

 

Calvin Murdoch (OOC): "The dice are genre-savvy today."

 

Billy Jo Earl Brown: Charges and kills yet another bad guy.

Calvin Murdoch (OOC): "Can of whoop-ass? No, you're a keg."

 

At this point the adventure is officially titled, "The Day Of Billy Jo."

 

Cyan Chartreuse (OOC): "Billy Jo's like a dog after a car. Not sure what he'll do if he catches it."

Marcus Dreamseed Anderson (OOC): "He'd rip the fender off."

Donovan Knight (OOC): "And hump it."

 

Billy Jo Earl Brown: "Maybe I'm getting too overconfident."

There is general disbelief among the players.

 

Billy Jo Earl Brown's in one of the enemy APCs and two [retreating] bad guys aren't.

Billy Jo Earl Brown: "I have the high ground. I can't lose!" and he multi-attacks.

GM: "His [billy Jo's] spear turns into a lightsaber."

 

The enemy commander challenges Edward Aldrich to a duel, and after a few inconclusive rounds...

Edward Aldrich: "You're good, but not good enough." and rolls a 6 to hit.

Donovan Knight (OOC): "And he rolls two sixes for damage."

Result? Two sixes for maximum damage.

 

Marcus Dreamseed Anderson attempts to board an enemy APC, and gets shot off into the arms of the smith's wife, who refuses to let him back into the fight.

Donovan Knight (OOC): "You've been rescued by your mom."

After running across half the village Marcus approaches another APC, but it lifts off with Billy Jo in it before he can board.

Marcus Dreamseed Anderson: "God dammit."

He then sees Donovan fly up and get on (this is the first appearance of this power).

Marcus Dreamseed Anderson: "God Dammit."

He turns to pick up a sword he'd passed, only to find that it'd been picked up by the smith's wife, who'd followed him (and she’s not giving it up.)

Marcus Dreamseed Anderson: "God Dammit!"

 

We count it up and of the 28 enemy attackers (who dawn-assaulted a spear-and-club Viking-era village with guns and flying APCs), 3 of the pilots flew away and 3 attackers managed to run off. Of the 21 dead (one was taken alive), Billy Jo killed at least 8 of them—and captured the fourth APC.

GM: "Autopsies show the leading cause of death in Lizard People is Billy Jo."

Cyan Chartreuse (OOC): "Hello, I'm Hissy S. Gator. You may remember me from such films as Rub My Tummy and Put That in Your Mouth. I'm here to talk to you about the leading cause of death among male adult Lizard People, Billy Jo. If you or your loved one has come in contact with Billy Jo, seek medical care immediately."

 

Marcus Dreamseed Anderson: is asked what to do with the prisoner: "I have some definite opinions—they start with "V" and end with "-ivisection.""

 

There is discussion on who will be allowed to question the prisoner, and Mister Edward "shoot first and question the survivors" Aldrich won't let Cyan Chartreuse be alone with him.

Edward Aldrich: "The Geneva Convention states interrogations have to be 2 people."

Marcus Dreamseed Anderson (OOC): "Prisoner and torturer equal two people."

 

And you [the GM] cannot fail to mention how you divided up the casualties.

 

GM: "By my count, 17 villagers went down. Divided by six players, each of you tell me what happened to three NPCs your character's associated with."

 

The players then proceed to prove the statement, "No GM is as cruel to a character as the player himself." Highlights include:

 

1) Billy Joe's lover loses her sister and brother-in-law, leaving the niece an orphan. As the PCs have to leave and the little girl can't, this is considered an effective, if cold, way of arranging a break-up. Considering the quality of the prose written about the creation of the relationship, we're looking forward to reading about this.

 

2) Marcus, the geek, instead of choosing an NPC has one of the storage buildings that burned contain his computer, electronics, and other various experiments.

 

3) Cyan, the medic who lost her husband in a fire, has two children burn to death in one of the buildings. The GM interrupts with Cyan gaining the necessary strength, life support and defenses to brave the flames and retrieve them unharmed, but still... the intent was to have a woman who'd lost her husband in a fire to now lose two kids in a fire. That's harsh.

 

Cyan Chartreuse (OOC): "Happy characters are boring characters."

 

To all you GMs out there—if you want to do evil things like this, just give the players the opportunity to do it to themselves.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

AVATAR: AIRBENDER; game BESM:D20

 

the party goes into town looking for an air-bender.

instead some joker directs them to the local blow-hard,

a knife fight breaks out, hilarity ensues:

 

Constable: what's all this then?

Fire-Bender: Misplaced Cultural Reference, sir.

 

========

 

The earth-bender encases himself in earth-armor,

and the rogue is making called shots to the eyes.

both were decried as fighting dirty.

both had their honor soiled.

 

==============

 

the earthbender gets a critical hit on a rogue, severing a limb.

so he protests he was only trying to disarm the miscreant.

 

==============

 

Later on the party is cased by a bandit.

The GM describes him as giving the party a

"boba fett" nod as they go past.

 

so for the rest of the evening, everyone had to describe their gestures:

 

botched skill check : chewbacca flail.

loud battle cry : tusken roar.

made willpower save: solo shrug-off.

 

==========

 

The avatar is trying to decide who is a worthy vessel for her telepathic channeling.

 

she looks over the steam-tech character,

and analyzes him as having "a mind built of oil and wheels"

other player OCC: "with all the personality and charm of an overclocked lap-top"

Steam-Tech: well I would be a gateway.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Last few minutes of What Goes Around Comes Around, and the start of The Adventure of the Elysian Fields. Audio up at the usual place, but only plays with VLC for some reason.

Dr. von Habsburg's player
: I was thinking about not coming in today - because so far at the end of every adventure, I die.

Julius' player
: Welcome to Cthulhu

McGinty's player
: It's his character

Rondale's player
: It's
always
his character. And it's not even his fault - half the time.

 

Me, GM
: Shall we recap for Matt's benefit?

Dr. von Habsburg's player
: Go ahead, I only remember the bad bits.

 

Rondale's player
: Well, we have since found enough bodyparts to complete that first body, but none of them belong to the woman.

The party members continue to feel a bit guilty about smashing that Elder Sign.

McGinty
: If we're to apportion blame, let's blame the people who aren't here. Luuuuucy!

All
: You got some 'splaining to dooooo!

 

Me, GM
: [The half-demented small-town cop] is clearly, to put it mildly, out of his ****-ing mind. He's seen the four of you standing in front of the evidence he tried to conceal, put two and two together and got something non-Euclidean.

 

Pvt. Rondale
: Well, if the police aren't going to do their jobs, why should we?

Me, GM
: Nothing new in this town...

 

Me, GM
: So you're going to blow up the house you just paid $4500 for?

McGinty
: I'd still have the land.

Me, GM
: The poisoned land that not even spiders will go near?

Dr. von Habsburg's OOC
:Hey, in 50 years you'll be rich - toxic waste dump.

The situation in Charing Cross is resolved, sort of, with 600 linear feet of cement rendering and bricking up a blackboard into a wall cavity. This takes almost three weeks, and by the time they DO get back to Arkham they find their old friend Sydney Delthorn on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Apparently the University has just purchased in bulk, the entire library of a noteworthy Virginian eccentric. There's a lot of occult titles in it. And Sydney has used what influence he can to ensure that Col. Lancaster and the rest go down to complete the cataloguing - thus ensuring that any really interesting occult titles don't fall into naive hands. This has proven difficult to arrange since Lancaster is a brain in a jar and Delthorn had no way to contact the rest of them whilst they were away. They're going to need more help too - just sorting the books is going to take weeks, but fortunately another of Lancaster's more eccentric clients might be just the patsy they need.

 

Enter The Amazing Julius, an Italian-American stage magician who's recently developed a fascination with the 'real' occult books, and a morbid terror of fish and midgets. I'm sure there's a fascinating backstory there somewhere.

 

The lack of good looks among male PCs continues to draw comment ( well, there was the Colonel, but he's a brain in a jar now, which only attracts the most discriminating of dates ).

Dr. von Habsburg's player
: So what's your Appearance?

Julius' player
: ....
nine
....

All
: YAAAAYYYY! One Of Us, One Of Us, One Of Us....

 

Rondale's player
: I think this is as good a time as any to describe our characters.. or rather what our disfigurements are.

 

Rondale's player
: Of course McGinty was in the Great War. It didn't agree with him much SO HE KICKED IT'S ARSE

Reminding McGinty who Delthorn was.

Me, GM
: Sydney was the Miskatonic University student librarian

McGinty
: Oh yeah, nerdburger! Egghead likes his booky-wook, egghead likes his booky-wook...

Dr. von Habsburg
: Says the person who just devoured 7 in one sitting

McGinty
: Drunkard likes his booky-wook too.

 

McGinty
: Yah, Lancaster... He's closer to toaster than man right now

Delthorn
: Nggnn?

Pvt. Rondale
: He's .... hurt.

McGinty
: He had a little accident and he's a bit embarrassed about it

Delthorn
: Well, maybe he'll appreciate a holiday, I hear the climate is quite nice in Virginia

McGinty
: Nooo. I think he's fine where he is right now.

German handguns were popular trophies of the War, and easy to get or sell in pawnshops.

Dr. von Habsburg
: He wants to hock a Luger

First meeting between The Amazing Julius & the party does not get off to a good start

GM to Julius
: There's a knock at your door

McGinty
: There's a drunken Irishman

The Amazing Julius
: Ah, I know how to handle this
*stuffs $5 into his shirt pocket and closes the door*

McGinty
: Woohoo, I'll go buy a bottle!

Pvt. Rondale
: McGinty, stay focused

McGinty
:
*knocks on door again and holds pocket open hopefully*

 

McGinty
: You wanted some books? Or got some books? Or something?

The Amazing Julius
: I wanted books, yes.

Pvt. Rondale
: I'm sorry sir, perhaps we should introduce ourselves more formerly. I am Paul Rondale, and this is Paddy McGinty. We are associates of Colonel Lancaster.

Dr. von Habsburg
: And I am Doctor Heinrich Augustus von Habsburg. I like books. I like books verrrry much.

McGinty
: And I've got all the books. It's great fun
*trails off into incoherent muttering*

Pvt. Rondale
: We're not as crazy as we seem.

Me, GM
: Although apparently this Irishman Has All The Books. And these two just follow him around because he's their dealer.

McGinty
: I can do you a
Necronomicon
, a
Cultes de Goules
, ...

Pvt. Rondale OOC
: I think we have a party name - The Travelling Library

 

Pvt. Rondale
: Are you aware of what's actually in these books?

McGinty, Habsburg
:
*burst in their version of the What's In The Box theme song*
"What's in the books,What's in the books,What's in the books,TODAY"

 

Pvt. Rondale
: How proficient are you at self-defence?

Me, GM
: So these three strange people have come to your room, and they know about your interest in rare books, and ...

The Amazing Julius
: ... they want to know if I can defend myself. Hmmmmmm. *
locks door
*

McGinty
: We're going to Virginia to look at some books!

The Amazing Julius
:
*through the door*
And you believe you'll be waylaid by Indians on the way?

Pvt. Rondale
: No no, we'll be waylaid by madmen. With dogs.

The Amazing Julius
: The only madmen I've seen are the three standing outside my door!

McGinty
: *
spins around
* What, madmen, where? Oh, right.

Dr. von Habsburg
: Eins, zwei, drei, ... ah yes. three.

 

McGinty
: Do some magic.

The Amazing Julius
: Pick a card, any card.

McGinty
: OK. That one. I'm supposed to look at it?

The Amazing Julius
: Yes. Now put it back. *
shuffles
* Was this your card?

McGinty
: I don't remember.

They stop in New York en route to Virginia, and find Agent Landing of the Office of Naval Intelligence bemoaning the fact that he's got some senators that'll be happy to give ONI more funds as long as they focus their attention on Jews & Bolsheviks, and another senator who's attacking the Innsmouth Raid on civil rights grounds.

McGinty
: So, whadya want done with this Kennedy fella? You want him to believe in monsters? Gimme ten minutes, I'll make him believe.

Pvt. Rondale
: McGinty, let's not drive the senators insane right now.

 

McGinty
: Do you want me to ensure the office some more funding, today?

Agent Landing
: Is it likely to reflect badly on the department?

McGinty
: .... No-one will die in the process

Agent Landing
: For some reason I don't find this reassuring!

McGinty
: No-one will be
injured
in the process.

Agent Landing
: *
to Rondale*
Is he going to put the frighteners on a US senator?

Pvt. Rondale
: Totally.

Agent Landing
: No! I don't anything to do with that!

McGinty
: You SAID you need more funding

Agent Landing
: That doesn't mean I want Irish thugs going around and breaking his knees!

 

Pvt. Rondale
: McGinty - we're used to dealing with thugs. He's used to dealing with bureaucrats.

McGinty has being spending his ill-gotten gains on boltholes all over the country.

Dr. von Habsburg
: You want to buy a castle? In Austria?

McGinty
: Fook off. Why would I want to buy a place in that cesshole? It's full of fooking Germans.

McGinty's increasingly demented xenophobia should go down a treat in a town that's itchin' for a lynchin'. Possibly it'll all add up to some critical mass and they'll vanish past the Arsehole Event Horizon.

Pvt. Rondale
: Well, you broke a man's mind today, McGinty, aren't you proud?

McGinty
: I wanted to do two! One's a senator!

Pvt. Rondale
: I'm impressed you're such a go-getter.

 

Me, GM
: The railway siding is a mass of lumber, sweating workers, and swearing overseers.

McGinty
: Oh for fooks sake everybody's all over the fooking place it's fooking ridiculous.

Pvt. Rondale
: McGinty, try not to beat them in a swearing contest.

McGinty
: Why?

Pvt. Rondale
: Because we know you'll win.

 

Me, GM
: On the hill opposite the house is a dead oak, blown apart halfway up, one branch intact and flung out like a beckoning arm.

McGinty
: Is there a rope hangin' from it?

The Amazing Julius
: Keep it up and there will be

They find one room at the Elysian Fields converted into a private lynching museum. This offends Rondale's liberal tendencies

Pvt. Rondale
: Well, you know what they say - no noose is good noose!

After-dinner conversation turns to one of Dr. von Habsburg's fellow countrymen - one Sigmund Freud

The Amazing Julius
: So that means all Austrian doctors secretly want to bed their mothers?

Dr. von Habsburg
:
Everybody
wants to bed their mothers.

McGinty
: Okaaaay, that's pretty odd

Me, GM
: Apart from the ones that want to sleep with their fathers

McGinty
: Alright... can we get on to something else? It's time to go to bed.

Pvt. Rondale
:
That's what she said.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Repped.

 

Drhoz, I know you have probably lost count of the times you have been told this - but your group is a bunch of sickos. ;) Keep up the good work.

 

You don't want to know how much of the night was spent on referencing McGinty's Fifty Foot Wang. I hope that Sue's back for next session, the lads are better behaved when Nurse Amy is around.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Session 10 of Qin: The Warring States

 

The cast:

Black Cloud, a retired wu xia turned baker

Bu Ya, a calligrapher and vagabond

Silent Mountain, a wu xia and doctor

Wandering Vine, a barbarian, horse trainer, and internal alchemist

 

GM: "So.... it's night."

Black Cloud OOC: "That usually follows day."

 

Wandering Vine gets off a good one: "The flies and other carrion-eaters love the king of Qin's stability."

 

Black Cloud describes an enemy's death: "[Your foe] bites down on all of his blood packets and collapses."

 

Wandering Vine comments on fighting a river spirit: "Don't tell me it gets a Dodge roll, 'cause that's a f***ing toad."

 

Wandering Vine muses on defeating said river spirit: "I don't know if it's dissolving into mist, or that's just how I feel."

 

"Doctor Mountain... 1/2 Dr. Pepper and 1/2 Mountain Dew."

"A cheap soda knock-off."

 

Bu Ya makes a profound, OOC comment: "I've said more than I should, but not as much as I know."

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I was in an absurd DnD 4E one-shot involving zombies.

 

The Cast

(all 1st level)

DOS -- warforged swordmage

Isidor -- drow wizard

Mohad -- bugbear bard

Simli -- dwarf monk

 

GM: "The bartender gives [isidor] a beer, the rest of you get a withering glare."

 

Isidor think he knows what's going on: "May be it's those wood elves having one of their harvest festivals in a clearing. You know, where they all get naked and dance around and stuff. I've never actually seen one, only etchings. Maybe."

 

DOS: "You made Simli break his vow of silence. He only made it a week ago, but still...."

 

Isidor is apparently the world's biggest braggart, or liar. Or both.: "Oh man, this reminds me of the time me an Keith were in the Tomb of Horrors. We were told to watch our heads so we did... but we forgot to watch out feet. So Keith stepped into a sarcof... scarcoff... into a coffin and got ambushed by mummies. He ended up with mummy rot over 90% of his body! I pulled him out and took him to a priest to get healed and the priest took one look and ran off to get other priests from other pantheons 'cause no one had ever seen mummy rot on top of mummy rot, you know?"

 

Mohad: "I can't see in the dark!"

DOS: "Open your eyes, Mohad!"

Mohad: "Oh, better...."

 

Isidor OOC comments on the carnage: "Only one bard can kill this many zombies. Bring his ukelele to me!"

 

Isidor OOC: "DOS has startled the zombie!"

 

Isidor and Mohad watch DOS and Simili fight past a horde of zombies: "Non-dairy creamer?"

 

Isidor [after DOS and Simili fight past a horde of zombies]: "Wow, that looked dangerous."

 

GM: "That was your plan? 'Get her, Mohed'?"

 

DOS: "She's practicing naked-macy with clothes on!"

 

"[sorceress] Hawtbod versus her brother the platypus. Boobies versus bill."

 

Isidor tires to seduce Hawtbod: "So... what do you think about dark elves?"

 

GM: "A thrown cat is an improvised ranged weapon."

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Recent Champions game:

 

Sentinel - 70 STR Brick

 

Sentinel and his team are meeting with some federal agents at a rather trendy restaurant with a large outdoor seating area. Viper attacks during the meeting. Sentinel gets outside first and sees a Viper five team setting up heavy "blaster" on the roof of the three story building across the street. He grabs the closest table and and flings is at the Viper five team and rolls a "5" to hit.

 

Sentinel - "Your table is ready"

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Some more Embria quotes

 

-------------

 

Varga (OOC): Well, we no longer need light on this side of the cave, as we are illuminated by the glow of Metereon's "smug".

 

Metreon (OOC): Yes...my mustache has grown out to "here", just so I can twirl it! ;D

 

------------------------

 

Chyra (OOC): I can channel negative energy to my undead minions....but I am still technically non-Evil.

 

Rhiannon (OOC): Is that like "technically non-lethal"?

 

------------------

 

A Dracolich: *Shows up and Dragon Fears the team*

 

Half the team: *Runs*

 

Varga: *Beheads it (with some help)*

 

Varga: Dragon Fear is...powerful stuff.

 

Metreon: Yes...Ive used Prestidigitate on my robes five or six times now...Ill have you know that Expeditious Retreat makes you do everything faster...

 

---------------------

 

Punk Band name of the Week: Sexting Kobolds

 

--------------------

 

Metreon (OOC): Ill test the crystal ball out on my shop-girl back in town. Scrying on the helpless...Hurray! :D

 

-------------------

 

Spoilered for near language

 

 

Metreon (OOC): Monkey-biting, toad-blowing ass-waxers!

 

 

------------------

 

Rhiannon (OOC): In the immortal words of Jean-Paul Sartre...."nyah-nyah"! :PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

 

------------------

 

We are trying to convince an enclave of Elves that their queen has been replaced (400 years ago) by an imposter.

 

GM: The Queen's royal guard Captains' eyes glow hellish red, and they cast Unholy Blight!

 

Metreon: YOU ALL SAW THAT!

 

Chyra (OOC): Im True Neutral! It wont affect me as much! Yaaaaaay! :D

 

--------------------

 

Rhiannon (OOC): My brain! Theyve taken my brain! Why-does-it-hurt! [/Gir]

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

This week's session of the League of Champions had a lot of entertaining events, though very few entertaining quotes shorter than a whole conversation. There was one summery that stood out, however:

GM: So, the core of your uncertainty is that you are unsure of who is the greatest threat: the sniper with an Anti-materiel rifle or the teenager with a sharpened stick?

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

GM: So' date=' the core of your uncertainty is that you are unsure of who is the greatest threat: the sniper with an Anti-materiel rifle or the teenager with a sharpened stick?[/quote']

The teenager, obviously. The sniper is a trained the professional. The teenager is a cauldron of unstable hormones and emotions about to boil over in to violent action at any moment.

 

Now, if the sniper is out to get you, its obviously the sniper. He's a trained professional. The teenager will just thrust wildly and inaccurately at you with the sharp stick, assuming the teenager is also out to get you.

 

If its a ninja teenager, then you may have a tough decision to make.

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