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Darren Watts

Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I've been remiss in posting Amber Diceless RPG quotes... We went on hiatus over the summer, and then I got lazy. Here's a few from memory:

-----

Three members of the party have decided they need to find out what a Chaos Lord named Lysander is up to:

 

GM: As I recall, your plan was to have Quintus and Vincent stage a raid on Lysander's secret lair, only to have Conrad inform him ahead of time, so that Conrad could earn Lysander's trust and pump him for information...

Conrad: That's right. I have, however, detected a minor flaw in the plan.

Quintus: Just one?

----

Conrad: There's a slight chance that Lysander knows I killed his sister. He might just attack me on sight.

Quintus: So? Then you kill him and we raid his secret lair for real. That's Contingency Plan 'B'.

Vincent: So far, our contingency plans go up to 'F'.

-----

Vincent and Quintus succeed in breaching Lysander's security, after a fashion. Quintus finds himself in Lysander's office, pursued by guards:

 

Quintus: I kill off enough guards to give myself a little room, then 'Zorro' a 'Q' into his desktop.

-----

Vincent has kidnapped Lysander and dragged him to Amber for questioning, only to discover that he has already answered all of Conrad's questions, and been quite cordial and cooperative in the process:

 

Vincent: I... apologize.

Lysander: Wait... Did an Amberite just apologize to me? Did that just happen?

-----

Later:

 

Leandro: And, to reiterate, we really are sorry for the inconvenience.

Lysander: Twice in one day! I may faint.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I started a new superhero game to accommodate new players to the system.

 

The characters are:

 

Eternion: Possessor of the Sunheart, bestowed upon him by the Justicators of the Continuum, he was found by the US Government and asked to join a special strike force to fight a secret invasion by alien insects. After a long battle to their homeworld, and defeating the aliens (The only survivor), he burned out much of his power trying to return home. Disconcerted and out of place, he retired, trying to find a use for his eight track tapes and bell bottoms.

 

Kat'Kirra: An alien whose homeworld was declared to have nonsentient inhabitants by the N'thari consortium, a group of alien merchants, she seeks asylum on Earth after being sent there by her parents.

 

Krystal: A human scientist bonded with experimental crystals whose younger sister is constantly getting into trouble.

 

Crisis: A mutant human juvenile delinquent with the power of luck control.

 

So the characters defeat the villains who have come to steal Kat'Kirra's spaceship, and the fun with the people who come to pick the villains up begins.

 

Ptah Red Commander Andrew Smith: Well, it looks like we've got a colossal mess here. You, Eternion. You're not even supposed to be on the radar. What happened here?

 

Eternion: Was I supposed to just sit there and let them blow up downtown?

 

Smith (To Crisis): What happened here?

 

Crisis: Nothing

 

Smith: You're kidding, right? Can I see some ID? (Keep in mind the smoking crater and massive amount of explosions that just went off.)

 

So they get a PTAH White Commander come to telepathically contact the Alien, and the alien decides that she likes having Crisis around.

 

Smith: Well, sorry, kid. You're going to get ID. And a job. You'll be under surveillance the whole time, of course, but you're now an alien liason.

 

Eternion: Isn't that a violation of his civil rights?

 

White Commander Simon Cheng: Technically no, as he doesn't currently have ID.

 

Cheng: And you're some kind of superhero? Do you have a superhero name?

 

Kristal: Kristal. (OOC: They're ignoring me, right? I try to slink away.)

 

Cheng: Don't think you're going anywhere. You could be useful, too. I understand you have useful science skills that might be helpful in determining things about your new alien friend.

 

Kristal: Get out of my head. How did you know that?

 

Cheng: (Evil Smirk) (OOC: Ironically, he did nothing of the sort. He simply noted the number of witnesses who saw Kristal have a conversation with another off-camera PC who was a brilliant scientist and understood the implications of understanding her. He never read her mind at all.)

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Session 11 of Qin: The Warring States

 

The cast:

Black Cloud, a retired wu xia turned baker

Bu Ya, a calligrapher and vagabond

Silent Mountain, a wu xia and doctor

Wandering Vine, a barbarian, horse trainer, and internal alchemist

 

Silent Mountain tells the GM what he's up to: "I'm just going to chill, I don't need any drama."

 

GM: "Are you going to kick Lao She (Old Snake) out of bed?"

Black Cloud: "She's played by Joey Wang, right?"

GM: "Yes."

Black Cloud: "Sweet!"

 

Black Cloud: (OOC) "He has the Tao of Detect Plot."

 

Silent Mountain comments on his movement: "Tao of Speed My Ass Up!"

 

Wandering Vine defeats a foe: "Who da taoist?!"

 

Silent Mountain (OOC): "Paging Doctor Mountain stat. He's got a PhD in flavor!"

 

Bu Ya ponders his future: "I like bacon."

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

GM: Who has the Teamwork Skill?

Player 1: I do.

Player 2: I do.

Player 3: Not me. There is no "XP" in "TEAM."

 

There is no "I" in "Team"... but there is an "eat me!"

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Played a one shot of the new Gamma World.

We have

Charlie, human mutant, his brother

Chuck, human mutant, his brother

Charles, human mutant and

X-Box, a android

 

GM: You're Charlie, Charles and Chuck, and you're all brothers?

Chuck: We're twins.

X-Box: Twins? There are three of you.

Charles: Mom can't count.

Charlie: Besides, there are four of us.

GM: Four?

Charlie: Yes, Me, Chuck, Charles, and our little brother X-box.

X-Box: George Lucas has gone too far here!

 

Chuck mistakenly catches everyone in his area affect power

Chuck: I thought you were out of range.

Charlie: So, you can't count either.

X-Box: You won't mind if I use a grenade on them.

Chuck: Will I be in the blast radius?

X-Box: Yes.

Chuck: Karma.

 

Chuck: It wasn't the bullet with my name on it, it was the grenade labeled "Resident".

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Was late to the game, but there there have been many developments. For example, those elves from last session were worshippers of Corellon, who's annual feast day is a few days off. They'd tortured and killed the kobolds, and done worse to Olessa the Acolyte, who are followers of Bahamut - the state religion. On top of the impending religious riots, we now have a handle on the conspiracy, uncovered who poisoned who and how they're smuggling goods out of town and how many high-ranking people are going to be very upset with their relatives and in-laws. Oh, and the Emperor has been assassinated.

 

Rumbaba
: Words cannot express my joy. Although perhaps slamming my genitals in a door repeatedly would approximate it.

Murray,GM
: 80% of Americans believe the Kennedy assassination was a conspiracy. The last 20% are sure it was, since they were involved

 

Rumbaba
: I'm tempted to go find a hole and pull a rock over my head for the next fortnight

 

Rumbaba
: This plot is more Byzantine than any I ever expected to see outside a large city.

Tarmikos
: You've never been to this part of the country before, have you?

Extracting a confession from the gnome accomplice

 

Al the Wizard
: So, how are they treating you?

Rumbaba
: Can we get you a last meal?

 

Gnome conspirator
: They're going to lynch me?!?

Al the Wizard
: No, no, it'll be an entirely legal execution

Rumbaba
: Your feet won't even touch the ground

 

We and the Deputy urge him to sign a full confession and turn King's Evidence. Not least because the local Magistrate, Olessa's dad the county scribe, and the gnome's clan head are all baying for his blood.

 

Rumbaba
: Half the local authorities are willing to sign your dance card for the hemp fandango

 

Deputy
: Or you'll end up hung from a step-ladder.

 

Rumbaba
: Bruno was having it off with three different women.

Tarmikos
: At
least
three.

Adrie
: Lucky him...

Rumbaba
: Not particularly. He's dead.

 

Murray,GM
: We've determined that love triangles are dangerous and love tetrahedrons are fatal.

Al the Wizard
: Especially in Flatland.

Rumbaba
: But was she acute-y?

 

The cook ( and poisoner ) lives opposite Olessa on Baker Street

 

Rumbaba
: Careful, Major Moran is upstairs with an air-rifle

 

Tarmikos
: Open the door

Hope
: ...with the twenty-pound key *swings warhammer*

 

Exploring her larder for evidence, finding only jams, etc.

 

Murray,GM
: She's well preserved.

Al the Wizard
: She's going to bottle

Owen
: Nah, she'll just stew in her own juices

Cthulhu continues as well. Adam Gauntlett's Unhealthy Occupation from Unspeakable Oath 14/15.

 

Increasingly confused by conflicting evidence about whether the house is haunted or not, and having just dealt with a weasel, the group carefully stow a major discovery away for later perusal. Irritated with the noises of McGinty and his wolfhound crashing around when the rest of them are trying to sleep, Guiliano Giovetti hurls a boot at the wall and gets a blaze of gunfire in response. As plaster dust and laudanum settles over the library, McGinty's eye appears at one of the bulletholes and offers some advice.

McGinty
: Never startle an Irishman with a gun

McGinty also wonders what the local rednecks read, given that the occult collection at Styvessant's Folly seems a bit beyond their pay scale.

 

McGinty
: Juggs Monthly...

All
:
*give him The Look*

McGinty
: ... about how to make Moonshine

Amy arrives in town, and Paul brings her up to speed on the many and varied events and discovers at the Styvessant place so far.

 

Rondale
: Oh, and we found an Elder Sign in the cellar.

Amy
: And you mention that
last?!?

 

Rondale
: And we found a book with Deep Ones in it.

Amy
: Dried and pressed between the pages?

 

McGinty
: He says he's a magician. But his trick didn't work for me.

Me, GM
: That's because you're too brain-damaged to remember anything for more than 5 seconds

McGinty
: *
swig
* What?

McGinty wants to demonstrate some Fowl Necromancy to Julius & Dr von Habsburg, but is shouted down by Rondale & Amy.

 

Amy
: If he ever pulls out his trumpet, start running.

Me, GM
: Apparently he's an exhibitionist as well as a drunk.

 

The Amazing Julius
:
*To Dr. von H*
. What's that in your pants?

Dr von H
:
*fails to find suitably lewd double entende*

Me, GM
: Tongue depressor?

They group also discover why the locals were so unhappy to see them in the house. That situation results in one man tortured almost to death, one kicked to death by McGinty, one terrorised into silence and the rest set up to make it all look accidental. McGinty, who a short moment before had been threatening to hunt down a local and his children and blown them away with machine-gun fire, criticises others for being too triggerhappy.

 

Amy
:
*with heavy irony*
So pulling a gun makes you unstable?

McGinty
: And how! Haven't you noticed?

reading a transcript of a Q&A session with a demon

 

Dr. von Habsburg's player
: Reminds me of the
song

Amy's player
: I've never thought of that song as creepy before. Thank you so much.

 

McGinty
: Every time someone says 'it's nothing' it's fooking something

Amy
:
Every
time.

 

McGinty
: We're dealing with one of dem dere poltergeists.

Dr. von Habsburg
: Poltergeists?

McGinty
: Yeah, you know. Chicken ghosts.

I suggest a few ways to dispose of one of the corpses.

 

Me, GM
: You could always drop him into the outhouse pit.

McGinty
: That fits. He
was
a turd.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Isn't that more of a Poultrygeist?

 

Exactly. But McGinty's slurred speech and accent makes him hard to follow at the best of times, even when his isn't having an 'episode'

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Exactly. But McGinty's slurred speech and accent makes him hard to follow at the best of times' date=' even when his isn't having an 'episode'[/quote']

Ah. But, how can it be an episode? It seems more his default state.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Exactly. But McGinty's slurred speech and accent makes him hard to follow at the best of times' date=' even when his isn't having an 'episode'[/quote']

 

An "episode"?! Seems more like a full season, with next season already under contract by the network. ;)

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

 

Amy's player : I've never thought of that song as creepy before. Thank you so much.

 

 

I ALWAYS thought that song was creepy.

 

Lucius Alexander

 

Playing it for a palindromedary

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I ALWAYS thought that song was creepy.

 

Trust me, you ain't seen nothing til you've seen it sung karaoke against a random background video of nuclear armageddon.

 

I literally fell off my chair laughing.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Originally posted by Drhoz:

 

 

McGinty: Never startle an Irishman with a gun.

 

Ah, the Ulster Mantra -- always a good, common-sense bit of advice, even when

(in this particular case) delivered by someone a few fries shy of a Happy Meal.

 

 

Dr. von H: *fails to find suitably lewd double entendre*

 

Hmmmm...I think that we've actually witnessed history being made here on the

boards.

 

Think about it: when's the last time that anyone's ever seen a misfire of a Smut

Field (Tm) in a Drhoz-run campaign?!

Major Tom 2009 :nonp:

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I ALWAYS thought that song was creepy.

 

Lucius Alexander

 

Playing it for a palindromedary

Have you even watched the show Dead Like Me? The pilot episode has the creepiest version of that song I've ever heard during the credits...

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Originally posted by Drhoz:Dr. von H: *fails to find suitably lewd double entendre*

 

Hmmmm...I think that we've actually witnessed history being made here on the

boards.

 

Think about it: when's the last time that anyone's ever seen a misfire of a Smut

Field (Tm) in a Drhoz-run campaign?!

[/size]

 

Actually in this case the Smut-field had been spiked. The good Doctor had been warned to keep the smut to a minimum this week, after the incessant tea-bagging, fishy fishy, and McGinty's Giant Wang comments from the week before. The result? I start describing the vandalized bibles and they ask me what's been graffiti-ed over them. And Rondale's player - the one that asked us to stop it, pipes up with 'Wang'

 

I did of course chastise him about it, and he buried his face in his hands and cried "I know! I just couldn't help it!"

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Actually in this case the Smut-field had been spiked. The good Doctor had been warned to keep the smut to a minimum this week' date=' after the incessant tea-bagging, fishy fishy, and McGinty's Giant Wang comments from the week before. The result? I start describing the vandalized bibles and they ask me what's been graffiti-ed over them. And Rondale's player - t[i']he one that asked us to stop it[/i], pipes up with 'Wang'

 

I did of course chastise him about it, and he buried his face in his hands and cried "I know! I just couldn't help it!"

 

 

Spiking the Smut Field (Tm)? Isn't that kind of like asking Gilbert Gottfried to not talk

in that screechingly annoying voice of his -- you know, something that's not possible

under the (currently-known) laws of science?

Major Tom 2009 :sneaky:

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Not much in game banter this time around. But there was this exchange between the host and one of the players:

 

Host: We have baby carrots and dip.

Player: Baby carrots? I like my carrots to be grown up.

Host: Yeah. But baby carrots are easier to lure into a van.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Spiking the Smut Field (Tm)? Isn't that kind of like asking Gilbert Gottfried to not talk

in that screechingly annoying voice of his -- you know, something that's not possible

under the (currently-known) laws of science?

 

*nods* It certainly turned out a case of plug the hole in one spot, it it just spurts out somewhere else. (god, even my analogies turn out smutty)

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

*nods* It certainly turned out a case of plug the hole in one spot' date=' it it just spurts out somewhere else. (god, even my analogies turn out smutty)[/quote']

 

 

Just be glad that you live in Australia instead of Holland. You'd not only have problems

with the Smut Field (Tm), you'd also have the dike problem as well.

Oh, Lord -- the field's starting to expand beyond Australia's territory. I'm starting to

be affected by it...

Major Tom 2009 :fear:

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Just be glad that you live in Australia instead of Holland. You'd not only have problems

with the Smut Field (Tm), you'd also have the dike problem as well.

Oh, Lord -- the field's starting to expand beyond Australia's territory. I'm starting to

be affected by it...

 

My wife's family are from Holland... *stuffs fist in mouth to avoid stimulating the Smut Field with any further comment*

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Have you even watched the show Dead Like Me? The pilot episode has the creepiest version of that song I've ever heard during the credits...

 

Never seen that show. Just thought that song was creepy somehow when I heard it as a kid.

 

Lucius Alexander

 

Did the palindromedary eat my tagline?

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