Roter Baron Posted December 21, 2014 Report Share Posted December 21, 2014 If you guys think that NSA, CIA and other US services are fruit-cake crazy, try the German military one: M.A.D. (No kidding.) tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted December 22, 2014 Report Share Posted December 22, 2014 The wife handed me two potatoes and asked me to cube them. So I went to the store and bought six more. FrankL, BlueCloud2k2, L. Marcus and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted December 27, 2014 Report Share Posted December 27, 2014 My date ended badly last night. Everything went downhill after I demonstrated Osoto Gari: It's all her fault. She said she wanted to be swept off her feet. Old Man, Pariah and L. Marcus 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 27, 2014 Report Share Posted December 27, 2014 If you guys think that NSA, CIA and other US services are fruit-cake crazy, try the German military one: M.A.D. (No kidding.) That explains a lot tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted December 28, 2014 Report Share Posted December 28, 2014 My date ended badly last night. Everything went downhill after I demonstrated Osoto Gari: It's all her fault. She said she wanted to be swept off her feet. *facepalm* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted December 29, 2014 Report Share Posted December 29, 2014 *facepalm* At least I can claim she fell for me. Old Man and L. Marcus 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 29, 2014 Report Share Posted December 29, 2014 Hey, I know karate. (And, like, six other words in Japanese.) tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted December 30, 2014 Report Share Posted December 30, 2014 Yeesh, I wonder if I still have copies of a couple of the old Truly Tasteless Jokes books. Well, here's a couple of them I recall, only because they made my 3rd generation Russian Jewish friend laugh 'til he cried. How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb? None, dear. I'll just sit here in the dark. What's the difference between a vulture and a Jewish mother? The vulture waits 'til after you're dead to eat your heart out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted December 30, 2014 Report Share Posted December 30, 2014 A reverend, a rabbi, and an Imam walk into a bar. The bartender looks up at them and says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 30, 2014 Report Share Posted December 30, 2014 So this dyslexic guy walks into a bra.... BlueCloud2k2 and Burrito Boy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted December 30, 2014 Report Share Posted December 30, 2014 Here's one that Rand from Ookla the Mok told me a few months back: A priest, a rabbi, an atheist, and a humpback whale go into a bar. The priest says: "I believe that Jesus turned water into wine, so I'll have a glass of wine." The rabbi says: "I believe that the Messiah has not yet come, so I'll have a scotch." The atheist says: "I don't believe in any god, so I'll have a whiskey." The humpback whale says: "OoooOOOooOOOooOOOoOOOooOOOoooOOOOoOOOOoOOOOOOoooooOOooo." A reverend, a rabbi, and an Imam walk into a bar. The bartender looks up at them and says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?" Pariah, Burrito Boy, FrankL and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted December 30, 2014 Report Share Posted December 30, 2014 Four ministers take a canoe trip in the wilderness. One night around the campfire they decide to confess their sins to each other. The first minister says, "My sin is avarice. I love money. In fact, I have never put more than a quarter into the collection plate." The second minister says, "My sin is gluttony. Sometimes I will drive to a town where no one knows me and order a bucket of fried chicken and three large fries and sit in my car and eat the whole thing." The third minister says, "My sin is lust. I keep a pile of men's magazines in a secret place in the basement and pore over them every chance I get." The fourth minister says, "My sin is gossip. I can hardly wait to get home from this trip!" BlueCloud2k2, Lucius and Bazza 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted January 2, 2015 Report Share Posted January 2, 2015 Here's one that Rand from Ookla the Mok told me a few months back: A priest, a rabbi, an atheist, and a humpback whale go into a bar. The priest says: "I believe that Jesus turned water into wine, so I'll have a glass of wine." The rabbi says: "I believe that the Messiah has not yet come, so I'll have a scotch." The atheist says: "I don't believe in any god, so I'll have a whiskey." The humpback whale says: "OoooOOOooOOOooOOOoOOOooOOOoooOOOOoOOOOoOOOOOOoooooOOooo." This one was so bad that I needed to share on another board. Another poster decided to share with his family. Now there's an entire family I've never met who hates me. Edit: I changed whiskey to vodka, since scotch and whiskey are pretty much identical (the difference). Yet another poster added a new punch line: The bartender says: "One glass of wine, one scotch, one vodka, and one blue whale." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted January 2, 2015 Report Share Posted January 2, 2015 This one was so bad that I needed to share on another board. Another poster decided to share with his family. Now there's an entire family I've never met who hates me. When you tell it live, the whale's response should last a good 20 seconds or so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted January 3, 2015 Report Share Posted January 3, 2015 I don't think I know anyone with that much patience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 4, 2015 Report Share Posted January 4, 2015 Somebody stole my copy of Microsoft Office. Whoever it was, I will find you. You have my Word. Lucius and L. Marcus 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 4, 2015 Report Share Posted January 4, 2015 Somebody stole my copy of Microsoft Office. Whoever it was, I will find you. You have my Word. Hope you Excel in catching them. Lucius 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 4, 2015 Report Share Posted January 4, 2015 How did they gain Access to your Microsoft Office? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 4, 2015 Report Share Posted January 4, 2015 The police just phoned, the Outlook is dire. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 4, 2015 Report Share Posted January 4, 2015 Pariah, death tribble, Starlord and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted January 5, 2015 Report Share Posted January 5, 2015 That's what you get for leaving your Windows open. Lucius 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 5, 2015 Report Share Posted January 5, 2015 *headdesktop* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted January 5, 2015 Report Share Posted January 5, 2015 Did you really think you would ESC without Pun-ishment for your joke? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 5, 2015 Report Share Posted January 5, 2015 What makes you think you get to CTRL this conversation, anyway? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted January 5, 2015 Report Share Posted January 5, 2015 Because I can ALT+F4 you any time I please? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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