Roter Baron Posted April 28, 2014 Report Share Posted April 28, 2014 I'll cry with you, brother! Let's cry together bitter tears of ... well, let's just cry bitterly! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted May 3, 2014 Report Share Posted May 3, 2014 If I had to describe myself in just one word, I think it would be, "Not good at following directions". FrankL and Roter Baron 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted May 4, 2014 Report Share Posted May 4, 2014 A few handy tips regarding dairy products: * Milk is spoiled when it looks like sour cream. * Sour cream is spoiled when it looks like cottage cheese. * Cottage cheese is spoiled when it looks like regular cheese. * Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk in the first place, and generally cannot spoil further. And perhaps most important: * Blue cheese is spoiled when you don't remember buying blue cheese. McCoy, bigbywolfe and tkdguy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted May 5, 2014 Report Share Posted May 5, 2014 How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles. death tribble and Pariah 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christougher Posted May 5, 2014 Report Share Posted May 5, 2014 That made me laugh. Even if no pun in ten did. Chris. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted May 5, 2014 Report Share Posted May 5, 2014 Alternate ending: Eight is Enough. tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted May 8, 2014 Report Share Posted May 8, 2014 Q - Why don't you ever see a hippopotamus hiding in a palm tree? A - Because they're really good at it. Cancer, Logan D. Hurricanes, tkdguy and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted May 20, 2014 Report Share Posted May 20, 2014 An Imperial Stormtrooper and a Starfleet Redshirt are locked together in a room. The Stormtrooper fires at the Redshirt, but misses. The Redshirt dies anyway. Narf the Mouse, death tribble and tkdguy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted August 2, 2014 Report Share Posted August 2, 2014 Who is Greek goddess of hunting poultry? Artemis Fowl. Bazza, Pariah and death tribble 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted August 3, 2014 Report Share Posted August 3, 2014 Who is Greek goddess of hunting poultry? Artemis Fowl. death tribble and Cancer 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 3, 2014 Report Share Posted August 3, 2014 Q - What's long, brown, and sticky? A - A stick, of course. death tribble 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 3, 2014 Report Share Posted August 3, 2014 Q - What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a kitchen in Paris? A - Linoleum blown apart. death tribble 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted August 3, 2014 Report Share Posted August 3, 2014 I was jogging by the park this morning and met a fellow jogger. He was carrying a loaf of bread, a jug of orange juice, and a car door. I had to ask him what was going on. "I like to jog," he said. "That's fine," I replied, "but why are you carrying all that stuff?" "When I get hungry, I eat some of the bread. When I'm thirsty I drink some juice." "What about the car door?" "When I get hot, I roll down the window." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 3, 2014 Report Share Posted August 3, 2014 Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr, and Dean Martin were walking along the beach when they saw a strange creature that had been washed ashore. Frank took a closer look and said, "What do you think, boys? Some weird kind of fish?" Sammy took a closer look and said, "That's no fish. It doesn't have any fins. It's got to be a snake of some kind." Dean took a closer look and said, "That, my friends, is neither a snake nor a fish. That's a moray." Burrito Boy, tkdguy and bigbywolfe 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted August 4, 2014 Report Share Posted August 4, 2014 Mind if I steal that one, Pariah? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 4, 2014 Report Share Posted August 4, 2014 Sure, as long as you don't tell the guy I stole it from. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted August 4, 2014 Report Share Posted August 4, 2014 You're on! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted August 4, 2014 Report Share Posted August 4, 2014 I went to a bar last night and saw three, um, hefty women speaking in what I thought was a Scottish accent. So I walked up to them and said, "Pardon me, are you three lasses from Scotland?" One angrily replied, "It's Wales, you bloody idiot! WALES!!!" So I said, "Sorry about that. Are you three whales from Scotland?" And that's why I woke up in the hospital today. bigbywolfe, mikeward2534, L. Marcus and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 4, 2014 Report Share Posted August 4, 2014 Ouch! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted August 5, 2014 Report Share Posted August 5, 2014 I poured root beer into a square cup. Now it's just beer. L. Marcus, Narf the Mouse, Christougher and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow Hawk Posted August 6, 2014 Report Share Posted August 6, 2014 I have CDO. It's like OCD, but the letters are in alphabetical order. Like they should be. death tribble and tkdguy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted August 19, 2014 Report Share Posted August 19, 2014 The best joke from the Edinburgh festival fringe has been announced. Here it is with some of the others that were in competition. "I've decided to sell my Hoover... well, it was just collecting dust" - Tim Vine. "I've written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn't fit it into my set" - Masai Graham. "Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief" - Mark Watson. "I was given some Sudoku toilet paper. It didn't work. You could only fill it in with number ones and number twos" - Bec Hill. "I wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn't let me" - Ria Lina. "Money can't buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal" - Paul F Taylor. "Scotland had oil, but it's running out thanks to all that deep frying" - Scott Capurro. "I've been married for 10 years, I haven't made a decision for seven" - Jason Cook. "This show is about perception and perspective. But it depends how you look at it" - Felicity Ward. tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted August 19, 2014 Report Share Posted August 19, 2014 A farmer had 97 sheep in his field. But when he rounded them up, he had 100. death tribble, tkdguy and Pariah 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted August 20, 2014 Report Share Posted August 20, 2014 8. "I've been married for 10 years, I haven't made a decision for seven" - Jason Cook. One that a friend told me this weekend: "I've been married for 15 years. 20 if you count the wind chill." tkdguy, death tribble and bigbywolfe 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 20, 2014 Report Share Posted August 20, 2014 #3 reminds me of this one: Always give 100%...unless you're donating blood. tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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