Ockham's Spoon Posted June 18, 2022 Report Share Posted June 18, 2022 I voted in the primary on Tuesday. On my way out, I asked for an 'I Voted' sticker. The poll worker looked at me and deadpanned "We're out of 'I Voted' stickers. I have some 'I Gave Blood' ones, but I'd have to cut you." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 18, 2022 Report Share Posted June 18, 2022 Why do ducks have tails? Spoiler To cover their butt quack. mattingly 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted June 18, 2022 Report Share Posted June 18, 2022 slikmar 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted June 18, 2022 Report Share Posted June 18, 2022 How many editors does it take to change a lightbulb? Too. mattingly and Pariah 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 18, 2022 Report Share Posted June 18, 2022 I saw this today on the Book of Face: "People often ask me what it's like dating after being widowed. The truth is, my late husband and my current partner are very different, and it's taken some getting used to. "For instance, my boyfriend is very deadpan, whereas my husband is just dead. "My boyfriend doesn't always text me back right away because he's buried under a ton of work; my husband never texts me back be cause he's buried under a ton of dirt. "My boyfriend tends to run really warm; my husband is always cold. "But lucky for me, the one thing they have in common, despite all their differences, is that they have really poor taste in women." mattingly 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 19, 2022 Report Share Posted June 19, 2022 The economy is so bad right now that ExxonMobil just laid off 25 Congressmen. Ockham's Spoon and Logan D. Hurricanes 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted June 19, 2022 Report Share Posted June 19, 2022 It’s a start. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted June 19, 2022 Report Share Posted June 19, 2022 WHAT did the hook say to the coat? We should hang out. WHAT do you call it when a pig sneaks up behind you and attacks? A hambush. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 19, 2022 Report Share Posted June 19, 2022 "Are you an 'Arrgh!' pirate or a 'Yo ho ho!' pirate?" "I'm a 'There's no way I'm paying $349 for Microsoft Office' pirate." Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 19, 2022 Report Share Posted June 19, 2022 Viewed at a high enough level, most particle physics experiments are like a repetitive sitcom where every episode has the same basic plot: Joe Universe goes to the local check-cashing office and kites himself a check for a hundred jillion spazillion dollars. Every once in a long while, it actually slips through, and in a calamitous orgy of absolutely, impossibly irresponsible spending Joe Universe spends it all on Amazoo Sub-prime in less than a quadrillionth of a second on lots of stuff that he never heard of before and which doesn't actually exist for even a tenth of that quadrillionth of a second, and then the rest of the sitcom is the collateral damage from this event. It's the job of the guy at check-cashing office not to let this happen, but in truth he and Joe Universe are (when all is said and done) basically the same person and have the same cheapskate boss so they're all living paycheck to paycheck, so you can take this template to your army of a hundred jillion spazillion monkeys with typewriters and come out with enough almost-functional scripts to keep your soap opera going with the same idiotic premise for 70-plus years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted June 20, 2022 Report Share Posted June 20, 2022 They are developing a male contraceptive gel: https://healthcare.utah.edu/publicaffairs/news/2022/01/male-contraception.php It isn't on the market just yet, but when it does come out, I think they should call it SonBlock. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted June 20, 2022 Report Share Posted June 20, 2022 What’s Albert Einstein’s rapper name? MC Squared. Why don’t towels tell jokes? They always leave you hanging. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted June 20, 2022 Report Share Posted June 20, 2022 Q: How do philosophy students feel when they fail an exam on empiricism? A: Hume-iliated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted June 20, 2022 Report Share Posted June 20, 2022 What did the librarian say when a man asked him if she has a book about Schrodinger's Cat and Pavlov's dogs? It rings a bell, but I'm not really sure if it is there or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted June 20, 2022 Report Share Posted June 20, 2022 Q: What did Nietzsche complain about after visiting Egypt? A: It was way too Nile-istic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted June 20, 2022 Report Share Posted June 20, 2022 Q: What is a sweet potato's philosophy? A: "I think, therefore I yam." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted June 20, 2022 Report Share Posted June 20, 2022 What's worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 20, 2022 Report Share Posted June 20, 2022 If that happens at the same time as the winds of change, then you could get nickel-and-dimed to death. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted June 21, 2022 Report Share Posted June 21, 2022 To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft office I will find you! You have my Word. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 21, 2022 Report Share Posted June 21, 2022 Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd broke into a liquor store. Daffy picked up a bottle and asked Elmer, "Is this whiskey?" "Yeth, but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted June 21, 2022 Report Share Posted June 21, 2022 In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar fell on him. To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 21, 2022 Report Share Posted June 21, 2022 6 minutes ago, Logan.1179 said: In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar fell on him. To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted June 21, 2022 Report Share Posted June 21, 2022 I hate it when I read read as read and not read, so I have to re-read read as read so I can read read correctly and it can make sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted June 21, 2022 Report Share Posted June 21, 2022 I can't make cents of American currency Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 21, 2022 Report Share Posted June 21, 2022 Me: <getting my car detailed for the first time in 2+ years> "Wow! How did you get the car so shiny?" Attendent: "Polish." Me: "Oh, sorry. Jak sprawiłeś, że mój samochód tak błyszczy?" (Complements of our old friend teh bunneh) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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