Pariah Posted September 17, 2022 Report Share Posted September 17, 2022 Them: "What's the secret to a happy life?" Me: "The key is this: Don't argue with stupid people." Them: "That can't possibly be it." Me: "You're right, of course." Logan D. Hurricanes and Ockham's Spoon 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted September 18, 2022 Report Share Posted September 18, 2022 I usually am. Wait… Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted September 18, 2022 Report Share Posted September 18, 2022 I bought some coconut shampoo at the store. When I got home, I realized I don't even have a coconut. Ockham's Spoon, Pariah and Logan D. Hurricanes 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 19, 2022 Report Share Posted September 19, 2022 In honor of Talk Like A Pirate Day: Q: What did the hipster pirate say? A: "Yeah, there's no way I'm paying a hundred and fifty bucks for Microsoft Office 365. I'll just download it from somewhere." Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted September 19, 2022 Report Share Posted September 19, 2022 Download it from Microsoft.con Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 20, 2022 Report Share Posted September 20, 2022 Sir Arthur Conan Doyle: "I have created the greatest detective of all time." Agatha Christie: "Hold my tea." Sir Arthur Conan Doyle: "Why does this tea taste funny?" Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted September 20, 2022 Report Share Posted September 20, 2022 It’s John Silence… Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted September 20, 2022 Report Share Posted September 20, 2022 Why was the cheesecake in a hurry? Spoiler It was New York Style. wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted September 20, 2022 Report Share Posted September 20, 2022 mattingly, Pariah, L. Marcus and 1 other 2 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted September 20, 2022 Report Share Posted September 20, 2022 I just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time. I was shocked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted September 21, 2022 Report Share Posted September 21, 2022 I can't find my 'Gone in 60 Seconds' DVD. It was here a minute ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted September 22, 2022 Report Share Posted September 22, 2022 This morning my son said his ear hurt and I said on the inside or outside, so he walks out the front door, comes back in and says both. Moments like this got me wondering if I'm saving too much for college. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted September 22, 2022 Report Share Posted September 22, 2022 Maybe aim lower: community college. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 23, 2022 Report Share Posted September 23, 2022 Q: What is Captain America's favorite kind of coffee? Spoiler A: Iced Americano. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 24, 2022 Report Share Posted September 24, 2022 A World War II pilot was invited to speak to a middle school history class. After introductions, he jumped right into a story. "It was August 1944 and my squadron was escorting a bombing run over Germany. We were about 30 miles out from the target when about a dozen German Fokkers dived at us out of the Sun. We broke off and pursued, and it took us about ten minutes to put them all down." The middle schoolers were either shocked at what the old man was telling them, or trying hard not to giggle. He went on. "Then about three miles out from the target, we got a whole new group of Fokkers to deal with. There must've been twenty of 'em, or more. They took down our buddy Hank, but we found out later that he'd survived. We weren't about to let that go, so we bore down on those Fokkers and shot every last one of 'em out of the sky." At this point, the class was on the edge of hysterics. The teacher was beet red and not sure what to do. The old man just kept going with his story. "Our bombers dropped their loads and we turned back for England. As we hit the Channel, another group of them Fokkers ambushed us. We took some losses, but we sent every mother's son of 'em into the water." At this point the teacher had regained a bit of his composure and interrupted. "I want to point out that Fokkers are a type of fighter plane used by the Germans in the early 20th century." The class seemed a little deflated at this revelation. "That's true," the old man said with a mischievous gleam in his eye. "But these Fokkers were all flying Messerschmitts." Ockham's Spoon and BoloOfEarth 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted September 24, 2022 Report Share Posted September 24, 2022 I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick instead of her lipstick. She still isn't talking to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted September 25, 2022 Report Share Posted September 25, 2022 On 9/24/2022 at 2:26 AM, Pariah said: A World War II pilot was invited to speak to a middle school history class. After introductions, he jumped right into a story. "It was August 1944 and my squadron was escorting a bombing run over Germany. We were about 30 miles out from the target when about a dozen German Fokkers dived at us out of the Sun. We broke off and pursued, and it took us about ten minutes to put them all down." The middle schoolers were either shocked at what the old man was telling them, or trying hard not to giggle. He went on. "Then about three miles out from the target, we got a whole new group of Fokkers to deal with. There must've been twenty of 'em, or more. They took down our buddy Hank, but we found out later that he'd survived. We weren't about to let that go, so we bore down on those Fokkers and shot every last one of 'em out of the sky." At this point, the class was on the edge of hysterics. The teacher was beet red and not sure what to do. The old man just kept going with his story. "Our bombers dropped their loads and we turned back for England. As we hit the Channel, another group of them Fokkers ambushed us. We took some losses, but we sent every mother's son of 'em into the water." At this point the teacher had regained a bit of his composure and interrupted. "I want to point out that Fokkers are a type of fighter plane used by the Germans in the early 20th century." The class seemed a little deflated at this revelation. "That's true," the old man said with a mischievous gleam in his eye. "But these Fokkers were all flying Messerschmitts." A British comedian called Stan Boardman did a version of this joke on TV (Des O'Connor show) and it got him banned for years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 25, 2022 Report Share Posted September 25, 2022 Fortunately, I have an audience with more refined tastes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted September 25, 2022 Report Share Posted September 25, 2022 It was the 1980s and you don't do quasi F word jokes on primetime before the watershed which was 9:00 pm. The "popular press" made him front page news. This was the time when we only had 4 TV channels and ITV had adverts which means that is was responsible to shareholders so they would listen to public pressure. You could see that Des O'Connor knew where the joke was going and knew that he should not do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 25, 2022 Report Share Posted September 25, 2022 That must have been a very long time ago. I see clips from various British shows online here - Mock The Week comes immediately to mind - and they routinely include language you couldn't get away with on anything short of Game of Thrones over here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted September 25, 2022 Report Share Posted September 25, 2022 You are right, the 1980s were a long time ago; and standards and decorum have lowered. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted September 25, 2022 Report Share Posted September 25, 2022 I am going to start a church to the arch enemy of the Fantastic Four. I'm going to call it The Temple of Doom ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted September 26, 2022 Report Share Posted September 26, 2022 If you change the subject to juvenile bathroom jokes, it could be the Temple of Doo-Doo, and the lines of the joke about the WW2 air battle above. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted September 26, 2022 Report Share Posted September 26, 2022 FF’s arch enemy is Mole Man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted September 26, 2022 Report Share Posted September 26, 2022 10 hours ago, Cancer said: If you change the subject to juvenile bathroom jokes, it could be the Temple of Doo-Doo, and the lines of the joke about the WW2 air battle above. The Number Two movie for Indiana Jones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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