slikmar Posted August 12, 2022 Report Share Posted August 12, 2022 7 hours ago, Logan.1179 said: I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous, everyone hasn't met me yet. -RODNEY DANGERFIELD I always thought "Only the ones who have met you" as the second half of the second line would be better, but still funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted August 12, 2022 Report Share Posted August 12, 2022 HOW does a penguin build his house? Igloos it together. WHAT kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers. WHAT did the accountant say while auditing a document? This is taxing. WHAT do you call two octopuses that look the same? I-tenticle. WHAT'S a bad wizard's favourite computer program? Spell check. I WAS just reminiscing about the herb garden I had when I was growing up. Good thymes. DID you know the first french fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece. I'M reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted August 12, 2022 Report Share Posted August 12, 2022 Some guy with road rage rolled down his window and yelled at me "I'm going to make your life a living hell!" I yelled back "Thanks, but I'm not looking for a relationship right now" Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted August 12, 2022 Report Share Posted August 12, 2022 6 hours ago, Bazza said: HOW does a penguin build his house? Igloos it together. Except that penguins are from the Southern hemisphere and igloos are Northern hemisphere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 13, 2022 Report Share Posted August 13, 2022 What do you call a polar bear that eats a penguin? Bipolar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted August 13, 2022 Report Share Posted August 13, 2022 Hungry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted August 13, 2022 Report Share Posted August 13, 2022 10 hours ago, Pariah said: What do you call a polar bear that eats a penguin? 9 hours ago, Bazza said: Hungry. Well, not any more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 13, 2022 Report Share Posted August 13, 2022 A construction foreman walks up to his crew at the end of a long day and asks, "How's it going, guys?" "Doing great, boss", one of them responds. "We just finished the deepest well we've ever dug." The foreman, looking a little confused, looks down into the large well. "Why is there a light at the bottom of it?" "Well, we followed the plans that you gave us, all the way down to the big light at the bottom." The foreman takes a look at the plans, shakes his head, and turns them upside down. "You idiots," he says, "you're supposed to be building a lighthouse!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 14, 2022 Report Share Posted August 14, 2022 I just watched a documentary about beavers. It's the best dam show I've ever seen. Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted August 14, 2022 Report Share Posted August 14, 2022 I’m glad to hear that it was the best dam show you have seen; but was it the best beaver show you’d seen? Beaver dams are awesome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted August 14, 2022 Report Share Posted August 14, 2022 I just had a guy threaten to attack me with the neck of a guitar. I asked him, “Is that a fret?” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted August 15, 2022 Report Share Posted August 15, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmjalund Posted August 15, 2022 Report Share Posted August 15, 2022 2 hours ago, Logan.1179 said: These jokers need some better material Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted August 15, 2022 Report Share Posted August 15, 2022 I dunno. That one had me in stitches. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted August 15, 2022 Report Share Posted August 15, 2022 You are just trying to skirt the issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 16, 2022 Report Share Posted August 16, 2022 Sorry, wrong thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 16, 2022 Report Share Posted August 16, 2022 Who doesn't wish upon a falling star? Dinosaurs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmjalund Posted August 16, 2022 Report Share Posted August 16, 2022 41 minutes ago, Pariah said: Who doesn't wish upon a falling star? Dinosaurs. more than once anyway Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted August 16, 2022 Report Share Posted August 16, 2022 A TERMITE walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?" WHICH part of the military do horses like to sign up for? The neigh-vy. DO you want a box for leftovers? No, but I'll wrestle you for them. WHICH accessory won the award for best neckwear? It was a tie. WHAT does a baby computer call his father? Data. WHAT is it called when a British person takes a good look at something? Propaganda. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 16, 2022 Report Share Posted August 16, 2022 Why did the boy take a raisin to the prom? Because he couldn't find a date. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted August 16, 2022 Report Share Posted August 16, 2022 My wife woke me at 3 am last night saying she was in labor. In a panic I grabbed the phone and called for an ambulance. “It’s all going to be okay,” the operator said. “Is this her first baby?” “No,” I replied. “This is her husband!” Ockham's Spoon and wcw43921 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted August 17, 2022 Report Share Posted August 17, 2022 The next time your wife gets angry, drape a towel over her shoulders like a cape and say "Now your SUPER ANGRY!" Maybe she'll laugh. Maybe you'll die. BoloOfEarth 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted August 17, 2022 Report Share Posted August 17, 2022 I FELT like my friend really changed when she became vegetarian. It's like I've never seen herbivore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 17, 2022 Report Share Posted August 17, 2022 "Ani" is short for Anakin. "Ben" is short for Obi-Wan. "Chewie" is short for Chewbacca. And "Luke" is short for a Stormtrooper. wcw43921 and L. Marcus 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted August 18, 2022 Report Share Posted August 18, 2022 A guy broke into my house last night and was looking for money. So, I got up and looked with him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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