Pariah Posted October 11, 2022 Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 What did the astronaut call his old girlfriend? Space-ex. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted October 11, 2022 Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 I think that term is better interpreted as the label given by the old significant other to the astronaut after the breakup, though that distinction is subtle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unclevlad Posted October 11, 2022 Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 I thought that was what you did to a Space Navy crewman who mutinies.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted October 11, 2022 Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 2 hours ago, Pariah said: What did the astronaut call his old girlfriend? Space-ex. or from the g/f’s pov: I will survive. BoloOfEarth 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted October 11, 2022 Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 Ancient list of things like this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted October 12, 2022 Report Share Posted October 12, 2022 8 hours ago, Pariah said: What did the astronaut call his old girlfriend? Space-ex. 6 hours ago, Bazza said: or from the g/f’s pov: I will survive. And so you're back From outer space I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face I should have changed that stupid lock, I should have made you leave your key If I'd known for just one second you'd be back to bother me.. wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 12, 2022 Report Share Posted October 12, 2022 I went to a silent auction last night. I came home with a dog whistle and two mimes. mattingly, Logan D. Hurricanes and slikmar 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted October 14, 2022 Report Share Posted October 14, 2022 Why don’t blind people bungee-jump? Because it scares the dogs. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 14, 2022 Report Share Posted October 14, 2022 Her: "A box of condoms, please." Clerk: "No problem. Would you like a bag?" Her: < thinks for a moment > "No, I'll probably just turn the lights off." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted October 14, 2022 Report Share Posted October 14, 2022 Get the bag and make him use it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 15, 2022 Report Share Posted October 15, 2022 In other news, I've decided to accept a position with the Grammar Police. I'm going to be a Corrections Officer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 15, 2022 Report Share Posted October 15, 2022 I learned two very important lessons today. I can't quite remember the first, but the second is to write everything down. Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted October 15, 2022 Report Share Posted October 15, 2022 2 hours ago, Pariah said: In other news, I've decided to accept a position with the Grammar Police. I'm going to be a Corrections Officer. just please stay away from those grammar nazis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted October 18, 2022 Report Share Posted October 18, 2022 A guy goes into a grocery store and asks if he can get half a head of lettuce. The young man working up front says he will have to ask the manager. So he goes into the back and calls out "Hey, some dipsh!t wants half a head of lettuce." Only then does he realize that the customer followed him into the back and is standing right there. The young man quickly follows with "And this upstanding gentleman would like to buy the other half." The manager is impressed with how quick the young man is on his feet, and so pulls him aside later. "I think you have a lot of potential. I could put you in for a promotion if you like. The only thing is that the position is for a store in Canada." The young man scoffs. "Canada? Why on earth would I want to go to Canada? The only people who live there are whores and hockey players." The manager glowers at him "My wife is from Canada." The young man exclaims "Really? What team does she play for?" Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 18, 2022 Report Share Posted October 18, 2022 For several days now, a bunch of people have been talking about this clock documentary they've seen. So I finally went ahead and watched it. It was about time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted October 18, 2022 Report Share Posted October 18, 2022 A woman is driving her young son to school when they get behind a garbage truck. As the truck rounds a corner, some trash falls out the back, including a large rubber dildo which bounces off the pavement and smacks into the woman's windshield with loud thwack. "What was that?" the boy asks. The mother hesitates. "It was a, um, it was just a bird." "Wow!" exclaims the son. "It's amazing that it can fly with a wiener that big!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted October 18, 2022 Report Share Posted October 18, 2022 Did you know that if you sneeze and fart at the same time... Your body takes a screenshot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 18, 2022 Report Share Posted October 18, 2022 I put together a playlist on Spotify today. It features Eminem, the Cranberries, and music from Peanuts. I call it my Trail Mix. slikmar 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted October 19, 2022 Report Share Posted October 19, 2022 Communism jokes aren’t funny unless everyone get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 19, 2022 Report Share Posted October 19, 2022 A joke about communism is like food: Not everybody gets it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted October 19, 2022 Report Share Posted October 19, 2022 A joke about communism is asking when (am/pm) to pick up your new car in 10 years because the plumber is coming in the morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 19, 2022 Report Share Posted October 19, 2022 One night the man was listening to his daughter pray. She said, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandpa, goodbye Grandma." He thought it was a little odd but quickly forgot about it. The next day, Grandma mysteriously died. Probably just a coincidence, he thought. So a while later he was listening to his daughter praying again and she said, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, goodbye Grandpa." The next day, the Grandpa died. This is really weird, the guy thought. So while later he was listening to his daughter praying again, and she said, "God bless Mommy, goodbye Daddy." Now he began to freak out. He couldn't sleep at all that night. The next day he went to work and barricaded himself in his office. He figured if you could make it until midnight, he'd be okay. When he came home after midnight, his wife was waiting for him. She said, "I've never seen you work so late before. Is everything okay?" He said, "No, I feel like a complete wreck. I've just had the worst day of my life." She said "Oh, I'm sorry! I've had a pretty terrible day too." "Oh no, what happened?" "I found the mailman dead on our front porch this morning!" Ockham's Spoon and tkdguy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted October 19, 2022 Report Share Posted October 19, 2022 What kind of cell phone reception do astronauts get on the moon? 1/6th of a G. Pariah and mattingly 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted October 19, 2022 Report Share Posted October 19, 2022 Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.... iKid you not! Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 20, 2022 Report Share Posted October 20, 2022 Q: What is a Stormtrooper's favorite store? A: The one next to Target. Ockham's Spoon, tkdguy and Logan D. Hurricanes 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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