Bazza Posted October 20, 2022 Report Share Posted October 20, 2022 K-mart? Walmart? Burger King? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 20, 2022 Report Share Posted October 20, 2022 Q: What do you call an orphan taking a selfie? Spoiler A: A family portrait. slikmar and Hermit 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted October 21, 2022 Report Share Posted October 21, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted October 21, 2022 Report Share Posted October 21, 2022 Have you any idea how many times I've wished I could do that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 21, 2022 Report Share Posted October 21, 2022 There are a lot of great things about archery, but also a lot of drawbacks. Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted October 21, 2022 Report Share Posted October 21, 2022 Stealing this. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted October 22, 2022 Report Share Posted October 22, 2022 The police apprehended a guy who had a sexual fetish for obscure legal doctrine. He got off on a technicality. Christougher and Ockham's Spoon 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 22, 2022 Report Share Posted October 22, 2022 Teacher: "I need to talk to you about your exam from last time. I'm pretty sure you were cheating off the girl next to you." Student: "No, I would never do anything like that!" Teacher: "Well let's take a look. First question, 'Who came up with the three laws of motion?' The girl next you wrote 'Isaac Newton', and so did you." Student: "Come on, Teach, everyone knows that one." Teacher: "Okay, well, second question, 'What is the acceleration of gravity on Earth?" The girl next to your wrote '-9.81 m/s²', and so did you." Student: "Yeah, I read that in the textbook the other day and I remembered it." Teacher: "All right, question number three, 'Write the equation for the impulse-momentum theorem', the girl next to you wrote 'I don't know.' You wrote 'Me either'." Student: "Oops, gotta go!" Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted October 23, 2022 Report Share Posted October 23, 2022 The girl should have written her phone number for question 3. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted October 23, 2022 Report Share Posted October 23, 2022 Dickens: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Schrodinger: Nice. Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 23, 2022 Report Share Posted October 23, 2022 Son: "Dad, do trees poop?" Dad: "Sure. Where do you think #2 pencils come from?" mattingly and slikmar 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 23, 2022 Report Share Posted October 23, 2022 "Front desk, how can I help you?" "Yes, I'm in room 518, and I need you to send someone up right away." "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. What seems to be the problem?" "My husband and I are having an argument, and he says he's going to jump out the window." "I'm sorry, Ma'am, but I'm not sure what we can do to help." "He can't get the window open! Will you please send maintenance up as soon as possible?" Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted October 23, 2022 Report Share Posted October 23, 2022 My wife told me I ruined her birthday. But I didn't even know it was her birthday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 23, 2022 Report Share Posted October 23, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted October 24, 2022 Report Share Posted October 24, 2022 14 hours ago, Logan.1179 said: My wife told me I ruined her birthday. But I didn't even know it was her birthday. My wife said I never buy her roses. I didn't even know she sold roses. Pariah, Logan D. Hurricanes and BoloOfEarth 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted October 26, 2022 Report Share Posted October 26, 2022 I ate a kids meal at McDonald’s today. His mom got really angry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted October 26, 2022 Report Share Posted October 26, 2022 My girlfriend is missing. The police told me to expect the worst, so I when back to Goodwill, and got her stuff back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 27, 2022 Report Share Posted October 27, 2022 A young man goes to the pharmacy to buy condoms. The pharmacist asks, "How many?" He says, "Well, I've been seeing this girl for a while, and I think tonight is the night. We're having dinner with her parents, and after that we're going back to her place. I think it'll probably happen ... several times. So, a dozen, I guess." Later that night the young man arrives at his girlfriend's house. The father is about to say grace, but young man asks if he can say it instead. He does so,and then continues praying for several more minutes. Afterwards, his girlfriend says, "Wow, I had no idea you were so religious." "And I had no idea your father was a pharmacist." Logan D. Hurricanes and Ockham's Spoon 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted October 27, 2022 Report Share Posted October 27, 2022 What do you call a man who has finished digging? Doug. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 27, 2022 Report Share Posted October 27, 2022 What do you call Doug's nemesis? Phil. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted October 27, 2022 Report Share Posted October 27, 2022 Christougher and Pariah 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted October 27, 2022 Report Share Posted October 27, 2022 8 hours ago, Logan.1179 said: What do you call a man who has finished digging? Doug. 8 hours ago, Pariah said: What do you call Doug's nemesis? Phil. The Coolies release a record called Dig. Their second album was called Doug. The liner notes said, "If you dug Dig, you'll dig Doug." Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted October 27, 2022 Report Share Posted October 27, 2022 There's always this one ... wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted October 28, 2022 Report Share Posted October 28, 2022 It took a long time to wrap all those baby carrots in Tootsie Roll wrappers, but the payoff on Halloween will be worth it. Pariah and Logan D. Hurricanes 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted October 28, 2022 Report Share Posted October 28, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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