Bazza Posted July 14, 2023 Report Share Posted July 14, 2023 “Wonder if Hannibal when crossing the Alps looked at his troops (A team) and said, "I love it when a plan comes together." ? 🤣“ #quote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 15, 2023 Report Share Posted July 15, 2023 I would love to get paid to sleep. It would be a dream job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted July 15, 2023 Report Share Posted July 15, 2023 I would love to lie on a water-bed filled with Fanta. It would be my Fanta-sleep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 15, 2023 Report Share Posted July 15, 2023 Hermit, Pariah, Ockham's Spoon and 1 other 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted July 16, 2023 Report Share Posted July 16, 2023 One day a city stockbroker decides he has just had too much. Too much stress, too much of the big city, too much everything. So he quits his job, gives up his apartment and rents out a cabin in the middle of the wilderness. For six months he lives in tranquillity and isolation. Then, one day, there is a knock at the door. He opens the door to see this huge lumberjack with a giant beard shuffling from foot to foot nervously. Eventually the big man speaks: “I’m yer neighbor from the cabin about a mile down the road. Anyhow, I’m having a party on Saturday and I wondered if you’d like to come.” The guy pauses for a second and then replies: “You know what, that would be great. It is about time I got out and it would be nice to meet some new people. I’d love to come.” “Right,” says the lumberjack, looking a little relieved. “I’ll see you about eight o’clock on Saturday then.” And then he turns to leave. But he pauses for a second and then turns back: “I should probably warn you, there is gonna be some pretty heavy drinking.” “Well, I’m sure that’s OK. I used to drink quite a bit myself back in the city, so I think I’ll be alright with a bit of hard liquor.” “Right then,” says the big man. “Well, eight o’clock then.” But as he turns to go he pauses again and turns back: “Yeah, I should also mention: most likely there will also be a bit of fighting before the evening finishes.” “Uh, well, OK,” the guy replies. “I mean, I get on pretty well with most people so I don’t see that being a problem. But if it gets rough, then I am sure I can take care of myself.” “Right then,” says the big man. “See you at eight o’clock then.” But once again he pauses and turns back, scratching his beard: “So I probably also need to tell you: there might be some pretty wild sex.” The guy perks up a bit at that. “Well, you know, we are all consenting adults. And after all this time out here alone, I don’t think I’d have any problem with some intimate company if that’s what happens.” “OK then,” says the man. “Well, see you Saturday.” And with that he turns and starts to stroll away. “Oh wait, just one question,” says the guy. “What should I wear?” The lumberjack pauses to think, and scratches his beard again. “I don’t suppose it really matters much. It’s just gonna be you and me.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 17, 2023 Report Share Posted July 17, 2023 I'm sick and tired of people talking about Pachelbel and his cannon. It was Tchaikovsky. Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 17, 2023 Report Share Posted July 17, 2023 Just found out my uncle has left me a stately home in his will. I have no idea where Sod Hall is. I'm just off to Google it now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted July 19, 2023 Report Share Posted July 19, 2023 Do you know why ants don’t get Covid? It is because they have little anty bodies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 19, 2023 Report Share Posted July 19, 2023 Me: "My dog has a high fever." Vet: "Give him mustard." Me: "Mustard? Why?" Vat: "Everyone knows that mustard is great for hot dogs." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 19, 2023 Report Share Posted July 19, 2023 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 19, 2023 Report Share Posted July 19, 2023 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 20, 2023 Report Share Posted July 20, 2023 If I make you breakfast in bed, all I need is a simple "Thank you", not all of this "Who are you? How did you get in my house?" nonsense. Ockham's Spoon and Logan D. Hurricanes 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted July 21, 2023 Report Share Posted July 21, 2023 I'm realizing that cremation may be my only chance to have a smokin' hot bod. slikmar, Pariah, Hermit and 2 others 1 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted July 21, 2023 Report Share Posted July 21, 2023 My body is like a temple: Ancient, crumbling, probably cursed, and full of unspeakable horror. slikmar, Logan D. Hurricanes and Pariah 1 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted July 21, 2023 Report Share Posted July 21, 2023 Ockham's Spoon, slikmar and Pariah 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 22, 2023 Report Share Posted July 22, 2023 Her: "Have you ever been married before?" Him: "No, but I've had a few near Mrs." Ockham's Spoon, Logan D. Hurricanes and tkdguy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 22, 2023 Report Share Posted July 22, 2023 22 hours ago, Ockham's Spoon said: My body is like a temple: Ancient, crumbling, probably cursed, and full of unspeakable horror. I feel a little attacked here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 22, 2023 Report Share Posted July 22, 2023 Her: "You tend to overthink things." Me: "You're probably right." My inner dialogue: "But what if she's not?" Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted July 22, 2023 Report Share Posted July 22, 2023 A man shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" The doctor asks "Is this her first child?" The man replies "No, this is her husband!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 23, 2023 Report Share Posted July 23, 2023 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 23, 2023 Report Share Posted July 23, 2023 I accidentally put my wallet in the freezer last night. It turned out to be a good thing, though. I really needed some cold, hard cash. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted July 23, 2023 Report Share Posted July 23, 2023 Considering most of H.P. Lovecraft's stories are set in or near Massachusetts, we should mentally be giving the characters Boston accents. "Oh my gawd, it's an eldritch harrar from beyahnd the stahs!" tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 26, 2023 Report Share Posted July 26, 2023 Whole Foods sells sliced bread. Isn't that false advertising? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted July 26, 2023 Report Share Posted July 26, 2023 Your premises do not match your conclusion. 😛 Whole Foods is not advertising sliced bread; but selling it… Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted July 26, 2023 Report Share Posted July 26, 2023 A husband thanks the doctor for helping his wife deliver their new baby. He then sheepishly asks "So when do you think we will be able to have sex?" The doctor smiles and replies "I'm off in 10 minutes. Meet me in the car park." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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