Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 26, 2023 Report Share Posted July 26, 2023 Pariah and Hermit 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 26, 2023 Report Share Posted July 26, 2023 Pariah and Duke Bushido 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 27, 2023 Report Share Posted July 27, 2023 After 15 years of marriage, the wife asked her husband to describe her. The husband looked at her slowly and without blinking an eye, said, “ABCDEFGHIJK.” “What does that mean?” She asked. “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fashionable, Gorgeous, and Hot!!!” he replied. Wife Smiling asked, “So sweet of you honey. What about IJK?” He replied, “I’m Just Kidding! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted July 27, 2023 Report Share Posted July 27, 2023 He should have quit while he was ahead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmjalund Posted July 27, 2023 Report Share Posted July 27, 2023 1 hour ago, Pariah said: After 15 years of marriage, the wife asked her husband to describe her. The husband looked at her slowly and without blinking an eye, said, “ABCDEFGHIJK.” “What does that mean?” She asked. “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fashionable, Gorgeous, and Hot!!!” he replied. Wife Smiling asked, “So sweet of you honey. What about IJK?” He replied, “I’m Just Kidding! the wife's name? Noel Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 27, 2023 Report Share Posted July 27, 2023 "And that's when I hit him with the cast iron skillet, Your Honor." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 27, 2023 Report Share Posted July 27, 2023 Why does the Norway navy have bar codes on the side of their ships? So, when they come back to port, they can Scandinavian. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 27, 2023 Report Share Posted July 27, 2023 After you Shenan once, you will likely Shenanigan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 27, 2023 Report Share Posted July 27, 2023 I spent $400 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn’t include a driver. I can't believe I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it. Ockham's Spoon and Pariah 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 27, 2023 Report Share Posted July 27, 2023 I still have no idea what knights in white sat in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted July 28, 2023 Report Share Posted July 28, 2023 Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 28, 2023 Report Share Posted July 28, 2023 Ockham's Spoon and tkdguy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 28, 2023 Report Share Posted July 28, 2023 I went to the zoo yesterday, but the only animal they had was a dog. It was a shih tzu. Ockham's Spoon and Logan D. Hurricanes 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 29, 2023 Report Share Posted July 29, 2023 I was talking to this old man I know and I asked him, "After 60 years of marriage, you still call your wife sweetheart, dear, darling. What's your secret?" He said, "I forgot her name 10 years ago and I'm afraid to ask." Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 29, 2023 Report Share Posted July 29, 2023 Her: "I can't be with you any more! You know why?" Him: "Because I'm a self-centered thoughtless jerk who doesn't give a damn about your feelings." Her: "Exactly!" Him: "Piece of cake. Give me another question. Try to think of something challenging this time." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted August 1, 2023 Report Share Posted August 1, 2023 My wife and daughter were having a philosophical discussion as to whether the body was ruled by the head or the heart. They asked me what I thought, and I said "Neither. The body is ruled by the bladder, and it is a tyrant." Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted August 1, 2023 Report Share Posted August 1, 2023 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted August 1, 2023 Report Share Posted August 1, 2023 I swallowed a dictionary. It gave me thesaurus throat I’ve ever had. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted August 2, 2023 Report Share Posted August 2, 2023 You're going to have a huge vowel movement. Your next bathroom trip could spell disaster. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 2, 2023 Report Share Posted August 2, 2023 "I have a half-brother." "Different mothers?" "No, shark attack." Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 2, 2023 Report Share Posted August 2, 2023 I just sold my homing pigeon on eBay. For the 22nd time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted August 2, 2023 Report Share Posted August 2, 2023 I’d like a refund thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 2, 2023 Report Share Posted August 2, 2023 I'll send it via homing pigeon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted August 2, 2023 Report Share Posted August 2, 2023 Cheers. the homing pigeon refund is in the mail. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 3, 2023 Report Share Posted August 3, 2023 A notorious bank robber was in a shootout with police when he suddenly found himself in a great hall. There were marble floors and columns, and everything was adorned in gold. A kindly-looking man in a white robe greeted him by name. The robber was confused. "What's going on? Where am I?" "This is the afterlife, sir. I am your guide. I am here to attend to your every need and desire." "Wait, really?" He was still confused. "What does that mean, exactly?" "Well," the guide asked, "what would you like to do? Is there anything you enjoyed during your life?" "Yeah, I like to gamble." "Perfect! We have a casino not far away. Come with me." So the bank robber followed his guide to a glitzy casino, and before long he was playing the slots. From there he moved on to the craps tables, then to blackjack, and then to roulette. And he was on the greatest winning streak he'd ever known. He just couldn't lose. After a couple of days of this, he became bored. So when he saw his guide again, he mentioned it. "You know, winning is nice, but it gets boring pretty quick. What else is there to do?" "What else would you like to do?" He hesitated for a moment before answering. "Well, during my life, I was a bank robber. And I was really good at it. I don't suppose you've got any banks up here." "Of course we have banks here. We have anything and everything you require. Do you need tools? A car? A crew? Tell me, and I'll put it together for you." So the man planned a complex heist from a big bank with state of the art security. He spent weeks with his crew planning for every eventuality. Then the big day came, and everything went perfectly. They pulled the job without a hitch. The guide returned the following day to ask the robber about his heist. The man seemed unhappy. "Look, I appreciate what you've done for me here, but this isn't for me. There's no challenge here, no danger, no risk. I can't do this for the rest of eternity. I think I'd be better off in the other place." "The other place?" his guide asked. "You know, Hell." "You misunderstand, my friend," said the guide, a huge smile growing on his face. "This IS Hell." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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