Ockham's Spoon Posted June 19, 2023 Report Share Posted June 19, 2023 Devil: "And here is the pool of lava where you will spend the rest of eternity" Me: "Well, technically it is magma since it is underground" Devil: "You do realize this is why you are here" Pariah and Logan D. Hurricanes 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted June 19, 2023 Report Share Posted June 19, 2023 A Physicist and a Biologist had a relationship. But there was no Chemistry. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted June 19, 2023 Report Share Posted June 19, 2023 The Biologist had an affair with a Geologist which caused a seismic drift in the relationship between the Biologist & Physicist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 19, 2023 Report Share Posted June 19, 2023 The biologist fell under the spell of the geologist's subduction, which led to orogenies and overturned beds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 20, 2023 Report Share Posted June 20, 2023 11 hours ago, Logan D. Hurricanes said: A Physicist and a Biologist had a relationship. But there was no Chemistry. With astronomers and attorneys, I can say from personal experience, "We don't need no steenkin' Chemistry." More on topic: Another in a series of oxymoronic book titles. Great Dad Jokes Christougher 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 22, 2023 Report Share Posted June 22, 2023 (edited) Me: "This may sound strange, but I have a pathological fear of the Backstreet Boys." Therapist: "Really? Tell me why...." Edited June 22, 2023 by Pariah Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted June 23, 2023 Report Share Posted June 23, 2023 Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted June 23, 2023 Report Share Posted June 23, 2023 Is it true that we’ve only ever, seen giraffes when they're aroused, and when they are not aroused, they just look like a horse? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 24, 2023 Report Share Posted June 24, 2023 My ex: "I'm just going to marry a doctor or a lawyer and be a trophy wife." Me: "Do they give trophies for last place?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 24, 2023 Report Share Posted June 24, 2023 Uhura: "Captain, I'm receiving a priority message from Starfleet Command." Kirk: "Starfleet Command? What is it?" Uhura: "It's a big building with lots of admirals, but that's not important right now." tkdguy and Starlord 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted June 24, 2023 Report Share Posted June 24, 2023 Spock: It is the place with admirals that give orders that you constantly ignore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L. Marcus Posted June 24, 2023 Report Share Posted June 24, 2023 They were well-intentioned suggestions, and you know it! Starlord 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted June 24, 2023 Report Share Posted June 24, 2023 5 hours ago, Pariah said: My ex: "I'm just going to marry a doctor or a lawyer and be a trophy wife." Me: "Do they give trophies for last place?" Yes they do; they are called participation trophies. And another initiative, paraphrasing, ‘no trophy wife left behind’. Starlord 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 24, 2023 Report Share Posted June 24, 2023 Why programmers like carrots: You peel the carrot. You chop the carrot. You add the carrot to the stew. You don't find out that your peeler is three updates behind, or that they dropped support for carrots in version 4.3. wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted June 24, 2023 Report Share Posted June 24, 2023 When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad, and one day, it will be mine. It's our family hair loom. Pariah and Christougher 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 24, 2023 Report Share Posted June 24, 2023 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 25, 2023 Report Share Posted June 25, 2023 A filthy rich Florida man invites all of his friends and neighbors to a party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. He also invites Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood. Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating BBQ, and flirting with all the women. There was a 10-foot long alligator in the pool and after a few hours of partying the host announced, “I’ll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in the pool.” The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash. Everyone turned around and Leroy was in the pool! Leroy was fighting the gator and the water was churning and splashing everywhere. Leroy was jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, punching it, and attempting to strangle it. He finally succeeded and left it floating in the water as he slowly climbed out of the pool. The onlookers were staring at him in disbelief. Finally, the host says, “Well Leroy, I guess I owe you a million dollars.” “No, that’s okay. I don’t want it,” says Leroy. The rich man says, “I have to give you something, you won the bet. How about half a million bucks?” Leroy says, “No thanks, I don’t want it.” The host says, “I insist on giving you something. How about a new Porsche, a Rolex, and some stock options?” Again Leroy declines. Confused, the man asks him, “Well, Leroy, then what do you want?” Leroy says, “What I want is the name of the [REDACTED] who pushed me into the pool!” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted June 25, 2023 Report Share Posted June 25, 2023 How much room is needed for fungi to grow? As mushroom as possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starlord Posted June 27, 2023 Report Share Posted June 27, 2023 Fred says to Joe, "I found this pen, is it yours?" Joe replies, "Don't know, give it here." He then uses it and says "Yes, it is." Fred asks, "How do you know?" Joe replies, "That's my handwriting." Logan D. Hurricanes, mattingly, Pariah and 2 others 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 27, 2023 Report Share Posted June 27, 2023 I just got a job on Old MacDonald's farm. I'm the CIEIO. Christougher 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 27, 2023 Report Share Posted June 27, 2023 "Sam, do you ever walk into a room and forget why you're there?" "Mister Frodo, please just throw the ring into the fire." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted June 28, 2023 Report Share Posted June 28, 2023 Given how easy it is to be anything you want to be on the internet, it is amazing how many people choose to be stupid. slikmar, Pariah, Logan D. Hurricanes and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted June 28, 2023 Report Share Posted June 28, 2023 My wife yelled from upstairs and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" I replied "No." She responded, "How about now?" wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slikmar Posted June 29, 2023 Report Share Posted June 29, 2023 scream and answer yes, no matter what. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted June 29, 2023 Report Share Posted June 29, 2023 My first girlfriend never stopped counting, so I broke up with her. I wonder what she’s up to? Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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