Cygnia Posted June 30, 2019 Report Share Posted June 30, 2019 Surprisingly, NOT Florida for once... Fugitive 'attack squirrel' owner arrested in Alabama chase pinecone and Lawnmower Boy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnia Posted July 2, 2019 Report Share Posted July 2, 2019 Wisconsin 'Serial Toilet Clogger' Sentenced To 150 Days In Jail For His Crimes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duke Bushido Posted July 3, 2019 Report Share Posted July 3, 2019 9 hours ago, Cygnia said: Wisconsin 'Serial Toilet Clogger' Sentenced To 150 Days In Jail For His Crimes You know, I'm going to tell this story. I haven't told to many people since the days it was going on, but I'm going to tell it now. Many years ago, I lived in Savannah (can't recommend it). I won't tell you his name, but at the time, he was THE FREAKIN' MAYOR OF SAVANNAH! He was, in the most proper of respectful southern speech, a big man. I mean he was a _real_ big man. Getting less respectful, he was about five-foot-eight. In every possible way you could measure him. I mean (another true story), the day he got elected a morning DJ got fired for playing the Fat Albert theme music and voicing over with "Hey-hey-hey! It's Fiiiiiiiiirrrssst Last name...." (it helped that the syllabic rhythm was identical) When I was single, after I got out of the house-moving business, I was so used to being on the road and working long hours that I found myself with "too much" time on my hands, so I took a part-time night job working at a Home Depot. I worked three nights a week doing tool maintenance. Liked it okay: nice and quiet and I was left to myself. The mayor came in four or five mornings every week. At first, I'm thinking "Oh cool. The mayor hangs out at my second job. Neat." Eventually I noticed the way the faces of the "normal" employees would have that "oh, no!" look on them. So here he was, the grand poobah of the Jewel of the Coastal Empire, and people hated to see him come in. Turns out he was an early riser. He liked to get breakfast at the god-awful locally-revered twenty-four restaurant across the street from Home Depot. Then he came across the street to Home Depot. Why? Because we (at least in this store at that time) had a nearly-full-time custodial staff that did nothing but spend the day cleaning the restrooms, the break room, and the kitchen cabinets and countertop display area. I mean seriously: they'd finish one, move on, move on again-- it was all day. The restrooms got cleaned almost exactly every four hours starting at 5 AM (an hour before opening at that location) and going on until closing time at 9 pm. They came in about an hour before the mayor did, and they were finished with the men's room just about the time he came in. It was like having a brand-new twelve-seater all to himself. And every single morning, when he left, there was a clogged toilet. Every _time_. He wasn't shoving in plastic bottles or anything that wasn't his own byproduct, either. He just had way, _way_ more byproduct than a commercial high-pressure flush toilet could handle. My mind _still_ boggles at the idea of that (and no: it's _not_ something I ever considered double-checking!), but I have never felt more sorry for a group of guys in my life than the morning cleaning staff.... Cygnia 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tombrown803 Posted July 3, 2019 Report Share Posted July 3, 2019 16 hours ago, Cygnia said: Wisconsin 'Serial Toilet Clogger' Sentenced To 150 Days In Jail For His Crimes His jail cell's toilet should always be clogged and his comunity service should cleaning public toilets Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted July 7, 2019 Report Share Posted July 7, 2019 Scaphism is probably too severe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnia Posted July 10, 2019 Report Share Posted July 10, 2019 Loud fart gives away suspect's hiding spot, leads to arrest Logan D. Hurricanes and pinecone 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnia Posted July 10, 2019 Report Share Posted July 10, 2019 Florida Woman Accused Of Peeing In Business Rival’s Ice Cream Machine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 10, 2019 Author Report Share Posted July 10, 2019 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 12, 2019 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2019 Fearing he was about to be mugged, a Milwaukee man shot himself pinecone 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinecone Posted July 15, 2019 Report Share Posted July 15, 2019 "Darwin called, he said get a bigger pistol..?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duke Bushido Posted July 15, 2019 Report Share Posted July 15, 2019 On 7/12/2019 at 3:02 PM, Logan.1179 said: Fearing he was about to be mugged, a Milwaukee man shot himself Did anyone else flash back to Clevon Little for a second there? No? Just me? Well, crap..... Ternaugh and BNakagawa 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drunkonduty Posted July 15, 2019 Report Share Posted July 15, 2019 I love Blazing Saddles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnia Posted July 16, 2019 Report Share Posted July 16, 2019 Man Arrested In Spain Had Cocaine Under Toupee: Police Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnia Posted July 19, 2019 Report Share Posted July 19, 2019 Florida Man Allegedly Tries to Carjack Elderly Man, Realizes He Can't Drive Stick Shift Vehicle: Deputies Pariah and pinecone 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnia Posted August 3, 2019 Report Share Posted August 3, 2019 Cops Say Suspected Bank Robber Handed Teller a Note With His Name and Address On It Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnia Posted August 27, 2019 Report Share Posted August 27, 2019 Man's Truck Stolen While He Was Allegedly Burglarizing Store Across The Street Tom Cowan and Duke Bushido 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnia Posted September 13, 2019 Report Share Posted September 13, 2019 Suspected Cat Burglar Turns Out To Be An Actual Cat, Cops Say Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ternaugh Posted September 13, 2019 Report Share Posted September 13, 2019 27 minutes ago, Cygnia said: Suspected Cat Burglar Turns Out To Be An Actual Cat, Cops Say Oh, great, now we've got Florida Cat! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted September 14, 2019 Report Share Posted September 14, 2019 Hmmm, there's a new sport: fill in the blank in "Florida ________" with a supporting story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnia Posted September 17, 2019 Report Share Posted September 17, 2019 Amish men drinking ultra light beer in decked out buggy flee authorities; meanwhile, horse keeps on galloping Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted September 17, 2019 Report Share Posted September 17, 2019 That one needs to be made into a tv episode Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnia Posted September 18, 2019 Report Share Posted September 18, 2019 Florida Couple Attempted To Have Sex In Cop Car: Police Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted September 24, 2019 Report Share Posted September 24, 2019 What else is there to do there? Besides get strangled because you're not being submissive enough to the cop who's doing the strangling? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duke Bushido Posted September 24, 2019 Report Share Posted September 24, 2019 This makes me extremely happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnia Posted October 4, 2019 Report Share Posted October 4, 2019 Florida Woman disguises meth as hair bow pinecone 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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