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Random Television Quotes


Cassandra

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"I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk."

 

"I like your glasses."

"Well, I'm afraid they're not for sale."

 

"We don't need no education...."

"Yes, you do. You've just used a double negative."

 

"'Subject: Fire. Dear Sir / Madame, I'm writing to inform you of a fire which has broken out at the premises of....'  No, that's too formal.  'Dear Sir / Madame, Fire! Fire! Help me! 123 Carenden Road. Looking forward to hearing from you. All the best, Maurice Moss."

 

 

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Hawkeye: War isn’t Hell. War is war, and Hell is Hell. And of the two, war is a lot worse.
Father Mulcahy: How do you figure that, Hawkeye?
Hawkeye: Easy, Father. Tell me, who goes to Hell?
Father Mulcahy: Sinners, I believe.
Hawkeye: Exactly. There are no innocent bystanders in Hell. War is chock full of them — little kids, cripples, old ladies. In fact, except for some of the brass, almost everybody involved is an innocent bystander.
 

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Watson:  Something in the morning newspaper certainly has your attention

Holmes:  A costermonger was arrested last night carrying a pair of severed legs. 

Watson:  What?!

Holmes:  Doesn't happen often.  

Watson:  It never happens!

Holmes:  It happened once, it's in the newspaper.

Watson:  Oh, good point.  

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"You know, I've been stuck in this tin can for three years. I haven't taken a vacation—okay, okay, it's my fault, I had the leave coming, I just didn't take it—and the pay sucks, I knew that when I signed on, and nobody said I'd survive the job. Now, I give you all that. But where in my contract does it say I have to eat the same food for breakfast...every day...for three years?"

 

"Paragraph 47, subsection 19, clause 9A. You can find it in the index under S.U.A.E.I."

 

"S...U...A.E.I.?"

 

"Shut Up And Eat It."

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  • 2 weeks later...

"With less than two weeks under your command, the Cabot science vessel saw an onboard experiment go beyond your control. One crew member was tragically lost, and the ship itself suffered a total and complete structural failure. And then of course, a genetically modified species managed to find its way to the surface of Pragine 64, forcing the evacuation of an entire civilization. And we've just gotten word these creatures have made their way into Klingon space, so let's add a diplomatic crisis to all of this. But according to your report, this entire calamity was all caused by one crew member. How do you explain that?"

 

"He was an idiot."

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"Give me the loot!"

 

"Don't you have it?"

 

"Me? You were the last one to—"

 

[car sputters]

 

"I thought I told you to get gas!"

 

"We're broke, remember? What was I supposed to do, fill the tank, shoot the guy, and drive off?"

 

[nods]

 

"Now you tell me!"

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"One day soon, man is going to be able to harness incredible energies – maybe even the atom; energies that could ultimately hurl us to other worlds in some sort of spaceship. And the men that reach out into space will be able to find ways to feed the hungry millions of the world and to cure their diseases. They will be able to find a way to give each man hope and a common future… and those are the days worth living for."

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  • 1 month later...

Everything Harry tells you is a lie. Remember that. Everything Harry tells you is a lie.


Now listen to this carefully, Norman. I am... lying.

 

You say you are lying, but if everything you say is a lie, then you are telling the truth, but you cannot tell the truth because everything you say is a lie, but you lie... You tell the truth but you cannot for you lie... illogical ! Illogical ! Please explain ! You are human. Only humans can explain their behaviour ! Please explain !


I am not programmed to respond in that area.

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