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Quote of the Week from my gaming group...


Darren Watts

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Why is McGinty not locked up yet?

 

Lucius Alexander

 

The palindromedary says, he has a collection of dehydrated people?

 

He has a ready charm and he keeps doing all these worthy things for the community such as dashing into burning buildings to rescue people, etc. and nobody other than fellow investigators ( and one jerk nobody likes anyway ) have ever caught him doing anything like being out in the woods decapitating cats and praying to Yog-Sothoth. Yet. Admittdly his collection of dehydrated people was small - both subjects were Resurrected from these Essential Saltes shortly thereafter.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Ewwww...it almost sounds like McGinty's getting an early start on the

Soylent Green business (:idjit:).

 

When they were trying to deal with the critter-of-the-week he was going through his list of spells - Command Ghost? No, it's not in its grave. Black Binding? Nope, it's already moving around, I don't want more undead down here... Play the Last Trump? Nope, who knows how m,any other ded people are in earshot... He hasn't figured out that Resurrection is reversible yet, for which I am glad.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

23 weeks of quotes of the week for our VTM Campaign and I now notice Our team is Waaaay behind on quotes. I gotta doa better job of writing them down!

 

 

Our Team is composed of

-Rani Arjunhati played by Suzanne, she is a member of the Indonesian branch of the Ravanos clan with two retainers (Suzanne)

-Captain Richard Stew, combatant

-Katherine “Katie” Ashford, Computer expert

-Samuel Constantine is a Tremere (Jeff)

-Iosef Petrescu is a Ventrue (Mike)

-just acquired a stripper Ghoul (@40 xp so her count begins @ -40)

-Steven is my name, a nosferatu I have retainers too. (Skip)

-Fing, Rat cam expert and combatant

-Foom, Rat cam expert and combatant

-Ripley, new Rat recruit in training with Fing And Foom (-15xp)

-Mindy Buttons is a gangriel (Molly)

-Luke: Malkavian New primary character for (Adam)

-Robert Sereth: Setite, tolerated but potentially useful “New Orleans Pimp” (Adam) ( I call him Trebor)

-Leopold Groer: primogen for Tremere (Ben)

-Ossario: social Brujah (Darryl)

-He has a new retainer some sort of manservant

 

New Vampire campaign begins on Oct 31st 2009. I am calling it Las Vegas Vampires II since we had a previous V: TM campaign also set in Las Vegas. As a bit of a background the last campaign dealt with a Sabbat infestation and takeover attempt of the Vegas Strip. This was foiled well by the actions of the previous players in a previous campaign.

 

-----------------------------Week one “a Gathering of Strangers”----------------------------

 

Quote of the Week-

“There are no items in Tony’s lingerie drawers.”

 

------------------Week two- “and the Malkavians play on”-----------------------------

 

Quote of the Week Goes to Ioseph for “He’s dressed as a lizard you are dressed as a cop they both are pretending.”

 

_______________________________Week 5________________________________

 

QOTW: “there are just rats and vampires in the vegas tunnels which one are u?” -Rahni

 

GM-“He’s stupid but fast in reaction?

Steven-“That’s a paparazzi to me!”

 

_______________________________Week 6______________________________

QOTW:

-Darylle “they may have ringworms or is afraid of heights”.

 

_______________________________Week 6______________________________

 

Quotes of the Week:

“I have Rats and can Fight, of course I have redeeming features”-Skip

“I can dress for this occasion, Black Silk” –Adam

“We now have touchdown lizard”- Gm

“it sounded like a dog, smelled like a dead lizard and looked like empty space”-Adam Sig other

Steven starts writing the script for “Rabid Zombie Whorehouse in 3D” Plot twist: caused by vampire owner.

_______________________________Week 8______________________________

 

Leopold-“I’m gonna see if I can find a hooker with a pulse.”

 

Leopold- “I’m sure it doesn’t take a craft skill to wrap a Barbie doll in a black cord.”

Gm “That sounds like the conversation between you two has taken a wrong turn.”

Leopold-“He’s helping me with my back up plan.”

_______________________________Week 9______________________________

 

“They will be able to say ‘hey Ugly’, not run screaming in terror”- Steven

“The best we have is Circus Circus…”- Leopold

“If you didn’t eat the white board markers you might be the primogen.” -Gm

“I have a binary appearance!!!” - Steven

 

_______________________________Week 10______________________________

 

“I want to try to pass myself off as a ….”-Leopold

“Transvestite Hooker?” –Luke

“Someone Has to Lick that”- Mindy

“you may need your car getting repaired…” -Mindy

“After running me over” - Steven

“It was the only game wherein the Missippi could de-pants you.” -GM

 

_____________________________ Week 15_________________________________

 

Mugging your way to a Lyger? -GM

_______________________________Week 18______________________________

Steven to Prince: “So what does a Ninja, two guys in a parked car the Channel 7 news van and a Rattlegoose (Rattlesnake/Mongoose sown together with demonic magic) have in common?”

Prince: “I don’t know, what?”

Steven-“All these are waiting around a place you sent me.”

_______________________________Week 19______________________________

 

“Runs Great, Smells like Mollusk….”-GM

 

My character having identified himself to his opponent as ‘Wang’ pushes his opponent down the stairs where upon the enemy vampires head collides with the metal safety railing ending his flight. After this nasty fight I feel cheated because now he is “Whangggg!” (the sound his head made striking the railing.)

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

For fans of Quicksilver Ali and Achmed the Agile – Achmed is my character so naturally I focus on him, but I don't mean to imply that the other characters are any less amusing or interesting, and certainly don't mean to imply they're less important. You'll notice it's not Achmed giving knock out blows to major monsters. But my attention has been on my own character and lately the characters have often been split, with everyone solo or in small groups, so I don't always KNOW everything other characters did and said, and by the way our Game Operations Director, Cat, does a wonderful job juggling a bunch of players who aren't necessarily making her job easy. I'll see if I can't do a better job chronicling the deeds and words of the other characters, but it will probably still come across as The Amazing Adventures of Achmed the Agile. And that is purely my own failing.

 

So we arrive in Aristis, are escorted (which makes Achmed nervous) to the sumptuous home of Cameron, and are shown to the drawing room. Achmed remains nervous until he's sure the furniture isn't going to suddenly move or talk.

 

Achmed (Out of Character): Since it's the drawing room, I'll draw portraits of Democulus and that vampire. That will be better than describing them.

 

I had the experience, so I put “Drawing” down under skills. This is not quite an exercise in letting offhand puns direct character development; I'd already decided that we may need someone who can draw a map eventually, and almost everyone else is focused on spellslinging or swordswinging.

 

After we've made our report to The Wizard – I mean, to Cameron, complete with Achmed's illustrations, we're all assigned rooms in his spacious near-palace. Achmed starts looking for the least conspicuous ways in and out.

 

Between treasure heisted from assorted villains and monsters, bounties paid, commissions for taking dangerous jobs, etc. we all have some jewels saved up (in a reversal of the normal fantasy world's economy, gems in Trin'dar are common currency and silver and gold coins are rare and valuable) and most of us have plans to spend them. Among other things, Achmed goes from high end tailors to rag pickers picking up an assortment of clothing, and finds Player's Street where the city's two or three theaters are and picks up some theatrical make up and props. Clever Achmed learns he will get a +1 to Disguise now. Time to prowl the seedy side of town and pick up rumors.

 

The name Democulus, spoken in worried whispers or angrily smoldering curses in the counsels of the wise and powerful, is spoken not at all among the haunts of the sordid yet strangely innocent cutpurses and cutthroats who confine their crimes to a scale befitting mortals. Yet the murders and mutilations are spoken of even here several days journey by river from where they took place, and it is widely said that there was an attempt to create a new kind of undead retaining, and perverting, the abilities of several victims whose disparate members and organs would be obscenely merged into a single monstrous super zombie.

 

Man on the Street: Thank the Gods nothing like that could happen here. Cameron would never permit it.

 

We had learned from her bodyguard that Lady Alodar had visited this city before and ditched them temporarily to meet people. They were probably primarily for show anyway, as traveling in the guise of a wealthy merchant or minor noble without armed retainers would be suspicious, and the surviving servitor claimed to even be ignorant of her status as an undead abomination, let alone knowing much of her business and doings. And sure enough, Achmed finds someone who had contact with her – a man lamenting the beautiful woman who was going to make him wealthy, but failed to show up for their appointment.

 

Achmed: Why was she going to give you so many jewels?

Drunkard: She wanted a guide to the shwamp. Was comin' in on the riverboat an' was s'posed to meet me.

Achmed (taking out paper and charcoal stylus): That's tough. And she was pretty too? What did she look like? (Proceeds to pretend to draw according to description but draws the vampire from memory.) Like this?

Drunkard: Yeah! Exac'ly like that! (almost spills drink)

Achmed (OoC): I help him spill his drink and ruin the picture before anyone sees it.

Drunkard: Aww....

 

After a few sentences growing less and less coherent, but including the man's name, Achmed helps him up to his narrow and shabby room over the low-end tavern.

 

Achmed: Does he always drink so heavily, or just when he claims he lost out on a fortune?

Bartender: Well, he used to be one of the most sought after wilderness guides in the city. But he came back from an expedition into the swamplands one day and just crawled into a bottle. Been like that ever since. But he was talking to a good looking woman, seemed to have money. Must have changed her mind. Too bad, he could have paid his tab finally.

 

Meanwhile, Gemlock the Gregor has picked up some temporary work with the City Guard. Gregors are universally regarded as highly capable warriors, mostly because they ARE all highly capable warriors, and their integrity is above question because a Gregor would rather lose his horns than dishonor himself. In fact, for a Gregor, those are pretty much the same thing, as will become important in a moment. For these reasons, although brand new to the city, Gemlock had been given his own patrol to lead around. About the time Achmed is back out on the street, Gemlock is leading his squad down the very street Achmed was back out on. Achmed shadows them because he wants to see how this city's watchmen interact with various people of the city, and vice versa.

 

I don't know exactly why Gemlock and a detachment entered the building they did, and I'm a little fuzzy on what went on inside because Achmed was not directly involved, but it quickly devolved into a battle with an evil summoner and presumed agent of Democulus, and his guardian and companion – a mutilated Gregor missing his horns. All Gregors are sworn to support the Balance of Trin'Dar, and for one to be found apparently serving someone intent on radically upsetting that balance is as unthinkable as encountering a Solestrin Vampire far from the Defiled Lands. Oh wait, we already had that didn't we?

 

The renegade escapes by leaping out a window, and Gemlock follows.

 

Gemlock: Defector!

Achmed (Out of Character): Do I see that the one Gregor is missing horns?

Cat: Roll for it.

Achmed (OoC): -1

Cat: Then no.

Achmed (OoC): I'm wondering what's defective about it.

Tigra (OoC): He said defector, not defective.

Achmed (OoC): I just rolled a NEGATIVE ONE Observe roll. Achmed heard “Defective”

 

Achmed stumbles and falls to hands and knees in front of the fugitive, tripping him up. Gemlock catches up and stand over the fallen Gregor with a drawn sword. Achmed disentangles himself and stands up and looks around.

 

Achmed: It's raining Gregors!

(Having just endured being tripped on by an armored mountain of muscle, no matter how carefully he had arranged the trip, acting stunned comes naturally.)

 

The renegade is described again, and this time a satchel is mentioned – either unremarked or overlooked in previous descriptions. In the confusion, Achmed cuts the strap and stealthily slips the satchel away with no one noticing, then fades into the crowd as guards converge on the scene, and even the other player characters start showing up as alarm bells ring all over the city.

 

Achmed sticks around long enough to see the renegade physically and magically bound and overhear that they're taking him to Cameron. Achmed watched Landir carefully (using magic, not touching it) remove some kind of amulet but was not close enough to hear

 

Landir: You lose again, Democulus.

 

Landir is playing strategically the same role Achmed does tactically – rushing headlong into trouble, drawing the enemy's attention and fire. Democulus has been known to see, hear, and speak through jewels and enchanted trinkets left behind or found on his minions.

 

Achmed runs to Cameron's house, is admitted to the Presence, and delivers what is probably his longest speech in the game so far.

 

(Yes, I was hamming it up)

 

Achmed: (pant pant) Cameron! (pant pant) There's a man named Richards who was once known as a good guide for hunting expeditions, until the day he discovered some terrible secret while exploring the swamps that left him a broken man and he has been a drunkard ever since, but that wicked seductive vampire used her wiles and promises of many jewels to persuade him to lead her to whatever eldritch evil lurks in the swamps and had we not prevented her from her appointment she would this very hour likely be treacherously spilling his blood on some unholy altar he had foolishly led her to! (Catches breath) I left him alive but dead drunk in a wretched inn on Cheap Street. But meanwhile a defective Gregor has allied with the forces of unbalance probably due to some terrible magical compulsion but Landir and Gemlock have taken him captive and are bringing him here so you can fix whatever his defect is!

 

Cameron (calmly): We're aware an alarm has been raised in the city.....

 

Achmed (Bringing out the satchel from his own backpack): And the defective Gregor was carrying THIS! (THAT got his attention)

 

Cameron (taking satchel): This is a Courier's bag. And the Gregor was carrying it? Do I want to know how you got it?

 

Achmed (Out of Character): No one will ever know. (In Character) He, uh, must have dropped it.

 

Cameron: The strap is cut.

 

Achmed: Must have caught on something sharp. (OoC) Like my knife.

 

Upon examination, the Gregor proves to have signs of physical abuse (beyond the horns having been struck off with a hammer or something) as well as magical compulsion. Achmed's misapprehensions aside, it seems he was deliberately broken, not “defective.”

 

Achmed (Leaping up): The guide! If defective Gregors and the like are loose in the city he's not safe!

 

Cameron: Sit down and rest. We're sending guards to pick him up.

 

Meanwhile, Eljin has stumbled upon the murder of a historian who may have had access to the lore of this land before the Human city was built, and perhaps even maps that may have revealed the location of ruins or relics of whatever forgotten peoples may have inhabited this part of the continent before the coming of Humanity and its allies. Eljin got a great roleplaying scene comforting the lad who was that scholar's apprentice, and I apologize for not taking better notes that would enable me to transcribe it now.

 

Tigra, when she hasn't been playing cat and mouse with suspected traitors in the city itself, has been sniffing around outside. One way or another, we've all gotten the idea that there's something hidden out there in the pestilential swamp where strange green reptiles crawl that we need to find before the bad guys do.

 

 

Lucius Alexander

 

The palindromedary notes that the next game is scheduled for tomorrow.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I don't really like to post my own character quotes, but I don't usually use PRE attacks quite this much and the scenario just demands them given the character and the scenario. More to the point, the die roller on Hero Central seems to agree...

 

I'm playing Sunhawk, an avatar of Horus. The group is facing Loki, and part of his scheme includes a stolen Egyptian scroll...

 

"Trickster!" he screams in a voice that is nearly more than human, the hunting cry of a raptor more than the shadow of an echo. "I am the Earthly Talon of Ra's Sun Borne Warrior! My sight is guided by the Eye Which Sees From Horizon To Horizon! You have taken Magics which are not yours, but mine, and your Lies will not sway me!"

 

Pulling up sharply, the solar disk upon Sunhawk's chest glows with a nearly intolerable brightness, nearly a vision of the Sun itself...

 

"Your actions do NOT go unanswered! Know the fury of the Sun's Hunting Hawk!!!"

 

The die roller's contributions:

Action:

Half move Flight and attack with Solar Fury. PRE attack to at least try to distract Loki from his ritual and possibly act to inspire the other Champions...

 

Base PRE: 5.5d6 + whatever help the GM will give (I am trying to impress a god, after all...)

5.5D6: 4, 1, 5, 5, 1 + 3 (19 STUN, 4 BODY) Friday, October 14, 2011 11:39:33.903 PM

It's a bit of a stretch, but Persuasion as complimentary -- Sunhawk is trying to convince Loki that he's a threat to be taken seriously...

PERSUASION, 15-: (5, succeeded by 10) Friday, October 14, 2011 11:39:33.903 PM

 

Solar Fury: 4d6 RKA

HIT, OCV 8: (7, hits DCV 12 or lower) Friday, October 14, 2011 11:39:33.903 PM

4D6K: 3, 3, 6, 2 (14 BODY, 14 STUN) Friday, October 14, 2011 11:39:33.903 PM

Location, if applicable...

LOCATION: 5 = Head Friday, October 14, 2011 11:39:33.903 PM

kb

3D6: 5, 2, 2 (9 STUN, 3 BODY) Friday, October 14, 2011 11:39:33.903 PM

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I don't really like to post my own character quotes, but I don't usually use PRE attacks quite this much and the scenario just demands them given the character and the scenario. More to the point, the die roller on Hero Central seems to agree...

 

I'm playing Sunhawk, an avatar of Horus. The group is facing Loki, and part of his scheme includes a stolen Egyptian scroll...

 

Was Loki's reaction as impressive?

 

RTA: Was Loki's reaction helpful?

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Quotes from Session 54 - The Wardens are discussing recent events while entertaining a girl genius who is visiting their base. The session ends with them inspecting the alien landing craft that the team captured last session.

 

+++++

 

Amethyst - Brick with minor energy projection abilities

Contego - Gadgeteer with Force Beams and Invisibility gadgets

Eon - Immortal Teleporting Energy Blaster in a crystalline shell - powered by alien energy being symbiotes

Indigo - Mage from another dimension

Stalwart - Red, White and Blue Patriot with abilities from a super-serum and martial arts training

Rita - 11 year-old girl genius that the Wardens are trying to prevent from becoming a mad scientist.

 

+++++

 

"I'd image that if my race had almost been wiped out by another race, I would adopt a shoot first policy, too," comments Stalwart.

 

+++++

 

"Is this your daughter?" asks Eon looking at Rita "Is this bring you kid to work day and I did not get the memo?"

 

+++++

 

"You are ahead of where I was in school at your age," comments Contego.

 

"So, she is smarter than you," chides Eon.

 

"No, girls just mature faster than boys," replies Rita.

 

+++++

 

"How do you get around since you don't drive," asks Amethyst.

 

"The bus," replies Rita shaking her head and looking at Contego who smiles.

 

+++++

 

"What are you doing bringing a chimp to the infirmary?" queries Amethyst when she sees Stalwart enter the infirmary with a chimp in tow.

 

"Testing it for sentience," replies Stalwart.

 

+++++

 

Stalwart shutters and then says, "I just had this image of an enhanced chimp running around the base shooting people with a mouse that has laser beam eyes."

 

"Can you do a picture of that?" Contego says to Eon.

 

"Don't go there," replies Eon.

 

"Don’t you take commissions," chides Contego.

 

"Yes, I take commissions," replies Eon.

 

"How about $300?" offers Contego.

 

Eon just glares at Contego

 

"Hello, small child of unknown name...," says Stalwart realizing that he has not been introduced to Rita, who has volunteered to take care of the chimp and the mouse from the tests.

 

"I'm Rita," responds Rita with a large grin.

 

"Report if they show any signs of sentience," orders Stalwart before smiling at the girl.

 

+++++

 

"I am sure since they inhabit you they are aware of how humans reproduce," quips Contego

 

Eon glares at Contego and the discussion grinds to a halt.

 

"See Rita, hanging out with the Wardens you get to see lots of biological oddities," says Stalwart breaking the sudden silence.

 

"Like this one standing next to me," says Contego pointing to Stalwart.

 

"I am not an oddity, just the result of a super soldier serum," says Stalwart.

 

Turning to Rita, he says, "But you would not be interested in that."

 

Rita corrects, "You are wrong I would be interested."

 

+++++

 

Stalwart blames his nausea on the air and says that he needs a gas mask because the atmosphere is not healthy

 

"Seems good to me," responds Eon.

 

"You don't breathe," says Stalwart snidely.

 

+++++

 

Amethyst asks, "Where is Eon?"

 

"He must have got stuck and triggered the return mechanism," responds Stalwart before looking at Contego and asking, "Contego, isn’t that what you think happened."

 

Contego remains silent.

 

+++++

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

No Jak this week, and the Rogue Trader's player has had to bow out indefinitely, so the session opens with a slight retcon of events between the destruction of the Reclamator, and the PCs going demonhunting.

 

Still crowing over their success, Marzu, Adrik, Jak & Xanthis are slightly surprised when Malakai and a troop of heavily armed armsmen turn up, with orders from the Lord-Captain to escort them to the nearest airlock. The Lord-Captain is there, and he's not happy. Indeed, since his spy network among the crew has already turned up rumours that Marzu locked him in his cabin because he was drunk, he's ****ing furious. Marzu pointing out that he was, in fact, drunk, does not do the Lord-Captain's blood pressure any good.

GM
: You know, for a tech-priest you're supposedly quite personable - perhaps you had the ancient text "How to Win Friends & Influence Meatbags" hard-wired into your brain. And then, and then, you go and say something like that.

Lord-Captain van Baroque
: Mr Raytheon, you served in the Imperial Guard, did you not? And you were raised on a voidship? Could you please remind Brother Marzu as to the penalty for disobeying the orders of a superior officer?
:mad:

Xanthis
: Ah, all crew and officers who participate in mutiny or disobey the orders of their commanding officers shall be executed by exposure to the Void?

Tech-Priest Marzu
: Execution? I thought you were going to send us out to swab the hull or something.
:rolleyes:

The Lord-Captain's face goes an alarming shade of purple, and a few extra veins throb on his forehead. Then he gets a confused expression, his eyes roll up, and he collapses.

Tech-Priest Marzu
: Um... did you have anything to do with that?

Xanthis
: Nope?

Tech-Priest Marzu
: I think I'd better apply some medical knowledge then.

GM
: That would probably be a good idea.

The captain, it turns out, has had a massive cerebral aneurysm.

GM
: Considering he was talking to one of your characters, Ian, I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often.

He is rushed to the medical unit, and into sus-an, since the Rose Tattoo lacks the facilities to repair such extensive damage.

Tech-Priest Marzu
: Maybe I can make a servitor out of him.

GM
: ... You want to make a servitor. Out of the Lord-Captain.

Tech-Priest Marzu
: Oh, don't worry, it's be a neat one, with two Gatling cannons for arms!

Xanthis
: Can you do anything to help him manage his emotions?

GM
: How about a volition circuit so his head explodes if he gets angry with you?

Leaving the Lord-Captain to the medic's tender mercies, and the ship's seneschal pouring over the minutiae of the Warrant of Trade for what options the crew has under these circumstances, we jump forward to the discovery of the demon on board, and confronting it in one of the Black Holds.

GM
: I hope you won't hold it against Jak that he fled at the first sight of the demon?

Malakai
: No, entirely human reaction. Demon? Hell yes, run like ****.

Adrik
: But that won't stop us given him grief about it latter
;)

Malakai
: That's an entirely human reaction too
;)

Adrik
: 'Ha-ha, you ran away from a little girl'

To the horror of the explorers, the possessed girl shrugs off almost everything they throw at her, merely giggling happily at the hail of laser beams, heavy calibre ammo, plasma fire, and rocket-propelled grenades they unload at her. Indeed, Marzu, Malakai, and Adrik are soon scrambling for cover and firing positions, as the demon throws multi-tonne gastanks and the like back at them. Marzu and his servo-skulls are flying all over the place, too, trying to keep the creature spot-lighted and under fire until he can hover up to it and attack in hand to hand.

GM
: Baron ****ing Harkonnen...

Malakai
: But only half as disgusting.

Xanthis, on the other hand, is off sprouting extra limbs, wings, and armoured disembowelling spikes before he makes his own attempt. This is unfortunate, since it makes him indistinguishable from the mutants Malakai hunts, or from a psyker who has lost control of his powers and is mutating uncontrollably.

Malakai
: Hmm...
*takes aim*
Well, demon trumps mutant.
*Shoots demon, achieves nothing*

Adrik
: Maybe you should have shot the 'mutant'
;)

Eventually it's Xanthis who gets the critical hit in ( and narrowly avoids being gunned down in turn ).

GM
: The girl's body comes apart into streamers of sizzling flesh, each fragments bubbling and writhing as the demon frantically tries to hold its host together, until it fails in the attempt, the fragments splatter and stick all over you, and the entity hangs for a moment as an anthropoid mass of yellow-green fire before dispersing utterly, the wave of unnatural energy hooking deep into the arachnid response somewhere deep in your psyche and leaving you all on your knees vomiting uncontrollably in atavistic revulsion.

Adrik
: Ew.

Tech-Priest Marzu
: Hang about, I don't eat, what about me?

GM
: All your oil-pumps back up.

Returning to the marginally more pleasant parts of the ship, they learn that the Lord-Captain's illness is a severe blow to the ship's future. Under the conditions of the Warrant of Trade, the Rose Tattoo may next be shipping out under the command of a five-year-old, even if van Baroque's relatives don't all scramble to size control of the dynasty. Marzu decides that he'll burn that bridge when he comes to it, and has the bad news broadcast to the homeworld anyway. Also buried among the thousands of pages of the Warrant are other more promising conditions - such as their right to demand troops from any planetary governor they can intimidate, and their ability, as vassals of the van Baroque dynasty, 'to act in the Dynasty's best interest' when the Lord-Captain is otherwise engaged. Tech-Priest Marzu happily promotes himself to Acting-Captain, and orders the ship to rendezvous with an Adeptus Mechanicus fleet he knows about.

Malakai
: If you don't mind, I'm going to the Temple of the God-Emperor. With Marzu as Captain, I suddenly feel the need to pray.

GM
: Hey, this is what happens when your First Officer gives the Captain a stroke.

Malakai
: What they do in the privacy of their cabins is no business of mine.

 

Adrik
: OK - Lord-Captain - if you
don't
want us to conquer this planet in your name, nod your head.

van Baroque's life-support
: beep...beep...beep...

Adrik
: Rightio then.

 

GM
: If you insist on going to war, then you're going to need troops. After all, standard Imperial Doctrine in these circumstances is 'Throw wave after wave of your own men at them, and clog their cannons with wreckage'. And you don't have that many men.

 

Malakai
: I'm not against going to war.
*pats his beloved las-gun*
Josephine was getting hungry anyway.

Re-emerging into real space to take navigational bearings, Marzu soon spots the plasma drive of a starship making its way slowly across the star system. Indeed, as usual, the bastard passes the required test by over 100.

GM
: *
sarcastically
* Marzu opens a porthole, sticks his head out, looks around, and says 'over there!'

Marzu
: No wonder no-one else spotted it, they were too busy screaming and trying not to be sucked out the hole.

Malakai passes the relevant test by 40, a huge success by most standards. Marzu, however, passes the test by 100. Again.

Marzu
: Tell me something I don't know.

Malakai's player
: *
headdesk
*

GM
: So now you've humiliated the Navigator, the Medics, the Lord-Captain, and the ships xenographer. Have I left anybody out?

Malakai
: Will somebody tell me why we even bother having crew, when we've got him?

GM
: Will somebody tell me why you even have other PCs when you have him?

 

GM
:
Right
. While Marzu is off attempting the browbeat the Chief Enginseer into letting him tinker with the stardrives, Malakai identifies the ships as part of a Stryxis caravan. Not only that - by passing the test by 40 he knows that not only are they deviant alien scum that should be exterminated as soon as convenient ( like every other xenos race in 40K ), but the more nuanced facts that they aren't particularly ill-disposed towards humans, will eagerly trade all sorts of stuff, but occasionally go in for slave-trading and piracy when they think they can get away with it. Marzu gets a message about this "You have email!" and brings up a few jpegs - man-sized skinless dog-embryos with pug-noses four pupiless green eyes, in tattered robes - and additional facts on the species. Such as the fact that they're occasionally known to provide vat-grown soldiers for their customers.

 

Stryxis Trader
: Honoured biped! Greetings, greetings! What may these humble traders offers such as yourself? I am
Garrglegarglegargllle
, you may call me Sire Blue Sun if you wish. The honoured Acting-Captain has such fine, and upright friends! Are they for sale?

Negotiations proceed over dinner in the Trophy Room. Malakai, Adrik & Xanthis are extremely suspicious at repeated attempts by the Stryxis to invite the Acting-Captain aboard their ship to inspect the merchandise, and even more so when attempted scans of the caravan reveal nothing but homogeneous grey fog. At least their prices are good. They trade the current whereabouts of the Mechanicus fleet for a palladium fork from the Lord-Captain's dinner set. Other bargains are perhaps not so acceptable.

Acting-Captain Marzu
: I'm told that your species can produce soldiers by demand. I will be waging a war soon, how much for an army?

Sire Blue Sun
: Yes, yes, honoured biped! We can grow you much meat, strong and clever as the Acting Captain wants! And all we would ask are the gametes of all your crew!

All
:
*clutch themselves protectively*
:nonp:

Sire Blue Sun
: Think of the
strong
and
clever
meat we could grow from the Honoured Acting-Captain's friends!

GM
: Shall I resolve the results of the mutiny now or later?

Marzu talks them down to 400 vat-brutes, in return for detailed scans of some 40 of his strongest and cleverest crew.

Sire Blue Sun
:
*holds up a small bottle and some scissors*

Marzu
: No gametes!

Sire Blue Sun
:
*looks disappointed*

 

Crewmember
: I'm really uncomfortable about this Brother Marzu. I mean, Acting-Captain.

Marzu
: Hands off, man. Look at it this way - either you get measured and I get 400 expendable front-line troops, or you don't get measured and I use
you
on the front-line.

Crewmember
: Well, since you put it that way...
:(

 

Malakai
: Will they settle for 'strong'? Intelligence isn't really a feature of this crew.

The Stryxis also gleefully trade with the stormtroopers Malakai risks sending across. One comes back happily waving an Eldar powersword he was given in return for a button. This is promptly confiscated.

Malakai
: I'm sorry, corporal, but using Xenos tech is a heresy, especially once we're back within the Imperium.

Trooper
: Aw. What about out here?

Malakai
: I'll think about it. Hey, Stryxis! Got any Tau pulse pistols?

They do, and even provide some 'meat' for him to test it out on. All they want in exchange is his beloved las-gun.

Malakai
: *
bristling
* I've had this this long-las since I joined the PDF. This gun has saved my life. This gun is my
companion
.

Sire Blue Sun
: We are humble traders, we do not mind who the honoured biped sleeps with.

Marzu, too, ignores the dictates of the Imperium and tries for assorted heretical tech himself - navigational archeotech, alien filtration systems, and warp-detectors.

Acting-Captain Marzu
: Got any Void Abaci?

Sire Blue Sun
: Alas, if only the honoured biped had been here last week.

Acting-Captain Marzu
: Carnelian Sievestones?

Sire Blue Sun
:
*waving hands apologetically*
Out of stock.

Acting-Captain Marzu
: Caged Songbirds?

Sire Blue Sun
: Why, yes, honoured Acting-Captain! We have many caged songbirds. Or would the honoured biped like us to make him one? We could grow him any kind of flying meat he desires, perfect in every specification!

Examples of the latter are ferried across.

GM
: The Stryxis have been busy - you've got a huge range of live, dead, plush and mechanical avioids to choose from. One of them is a homicidal thing with seventeen grapefruit sized eyes and foot-long claws. Another is eight feet tall and bright yellow.

Marzu
: That's a big bird.
;)

GM
: And one of them is a little mechanical nodding thing that drinks water.

All
:
*Crowding around*
That's so neat! How does it keep doing that?

Sire Blue Sun
: I will sell it to you for its hundredweight in platinum.

The vat-brutes are delivered. Marzu wanted them equipped for war. They arrive in a patchwork of shoddy armour, carrying crossbows and spiky clubs.

Marzu
: *
sighs
* I guess I should have worded myself more carefully. Oi! I said I wanted them equipped for war and easy resupply!

Sire Blue Sun
:
*looks innocent*
There are many, many places where war is fought with such tools. And does the honoured biped wish me to sell him more spiky clubs?

 

Marzu
:
*after further negotiations*
OK, if I throw in this magic floating skull machine, some of these clever injectors for making humans unconscious, and these boots that will let you walk around on the outside of ships, can I get some actual human-made heavy weapons and armour for these brutes?

Sire Blue Sun
: Such clever,
shiny
machines!

Malakai
: Errrr...
*pointing out just
one
of the problems with this plan*
Are you really going to give them one of our honoured dead?

Marzu
: Not
my
honoured dead - I've got no idea who it used to be. It was the heretek Stylianides' lumin-skull before, after all. And look at that las-hole, you were the one that shot it down, anyway.

Trading completed to mutual satisfaction, Marzu orders the ship on it's way to meet up with the Adeptus Mechanicus fleet, very pleased with his personal bodyguard of 400 heavily armed alien monstrosities. There's no way THIS could end badly...

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

No Jak this week' date=' and the Rogue Trader's player has had to bow out indefinitely, so the session opens with a slight retcon of events between the destruction of the [i']Reclamator[/i], and the PCs going demonhunting.

 

Still crowing over their success, Marzu, Adrik, Jak & Xanthis are slightly surprised when Malakai and a troop of heavily armed armsmen turn up, with orders from the Lord-Captain to escort them to the nearest airlock. The Lord-Captain is there, and he's not happy. Indeed, since his spy network among the crew has already turned up rumours that Marzu locked him in his cabin because he was drunk, he's ****ing furious. Marzu pointing out that he was, in fact, drunk, does not do the Lord-Captain's blood pressure any good.

GM
: You know, for a tech-priest you're supposedly quite personable - perhaps you had the ancient text "How to Win Friends & Influence Meatbags" hard-wired into your brain. And then, and then, you go and say something like that.

Lord-Captain van Baroque
: Mr Raytheon, you served in the Imperial Guard, did you not? And you were raised on a voidship? Could you please remind Brother Marzu as to the penalty for disobeying the orders of a superior officer?
:mad:

Xanthis
: Ah, all crew and officers who participate in mutiny or disobey the orders of their commanding officers shall be executed by exposure to the Void?

Tech-Priest Marzu
: Execution? I thought you were going to send us out to swab the hull or something.
:rolleyes:

The Lord-Captain's face goes an alarming shade of purple, and a few extra veins throb on his forehead. Then he gets a confused expression, his eyes roll up, and he collapses.

Tech-Priest Marzu
: Um... did you have anything to do with that?

Xanthis
: Nope?

Tech-Priest Marzu
: I think I'd better apply some medical knowledge then.

GM
: That would probably be a good idea.

The captain, it turns out, has had a massive cerebral aneurysm.

GM
: Considering he was talking to one of your characters, Ian, I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often.

He is rushed to the medical unit, and into sus-an, since the Rose Tattoo lacks the facilities to repair such extensive damage.

Tech-Priest Marzu
: Maybe I can make a servitor out of him.

GM
: ... You want to make a servitor. Out of the Lord-Captain.

Tech-Priest Marzu
: Oh, don't worry, it's be a neat one, with two Gatling cannons for arms!

Xanthis
: Can you do anything to help him manage his emotions?

GM
: How about a volition circuit so his head explodes if he gets angry with you?

Leaving the Lord-Captain to the medic's tender mercies, and the ship's seneschal pouring over the minutiae of the Warrant of Trade for what options the crew has under these circumstances, we jump forward to the discovery of the demon on board, and confronting it in one of the Black Holds.

GM
: I hope you won't hold it against Jak that he fled at the first sight of the demon?

Malakai
: No, entirely human reaction. Demon? Hell yes, run like ****.

Adrik
: But that won't stop us given him grief about it latter
;)

Malakai
: That's an entirely human reaction too
;)

Adrik
: 'Ha-ha, you ran away from a little girl'

To the horror of the explorers, the possessed girl shrugs off almost everything they throw at her, merely giggling happily at the hail of laser beams, heavy calibre ammo, plasma fire, and rocket-propelled grenades they unload at her. Indeed, Marzu, Malakai, and Adrik are soon scrambling for cover and firing positions, as the demon throws multi-tonne gastanks and the like back at them. Marzu and his servo-skulls are flying all over the place, too, trying to keep the creature spot-lighted and under fire until he can hover up to it and attack in hand to hand.

GM
: Baron ****ing Harkonnen...

Malakai
: But only half as disgusting.

Xanthis, on the other hand, is off sprouting extra limbs, wings, and armoured disembowelling spikes before he makes his own attempt. This is unfortunate, since it makes him indistinguishable from the mutants Malakai hunts, or from a psyker who has lost control of his powers and is mutating uncontrollably.

Malakai
: Hmm...
*takes aim*
Well, demon trumps mutant.
*Shoots demon, achieves nothing*

Adrik
: Maybe you should have shot the 'mutant'
;)

Eventually it's Xanthis who gets the critical hit in ( and narrowly avoids being gunned down in turn ).

GM
: The girl's body comes apart into streamers of sizzling flesh, each fragments bubbling and writhing as the demon frantically tries to hold its host together, until it fails in the attempt, the fragments splatter and stick all over you, and the entity hangs for a moment as an anthropoid mass of yellow-green fire before dispersing utterly, the wave of unnatural energy hooking deep into the arachnid response somewhere deep in your psyche and leaving you all on your knees vomiting uncontrollably in atavistic revulsion.

Adrik
: Ew.

Tech-Priest Marzu
: Hang about, I don't eat, what about me?

GM
: All your oil-pumps back up.

Returning to the marginally more pleasant parts of the ship, they learn that the Lord-Captain's illness is a severe blow to the ship's future. Under the conditions of the Warrant of Trade, the Rose Tattoo may next be shipping out under the command of a five-year-old, even if van Baroque's relatives don't all scramble to size control of the dynasty. Marzu decides that he'll burn that bridge when he comes to it, and has the bad news broadcast to the homeworld anyway. Also buried among the thousands of pages of the Warrant are other more promising conditions - such as their right to demand troops from any planetary governor they can intimidate, and their ability, as vassals of the van Baroque dynasty, 'to act in the Dynasty's best interest' when the Lord-Captain is otherwise engaged. Tech-Priest Marzu happily promotes himself to Acting-Captain, and orders the ship to rendezvous with an Adeptus Mechanicus fleet he knows about.

Malakai
: If you don't mind, I'm going to the Temple of the God-Emperor. With Marzu as Captain, I suddenly feel the need to pray.

GM
: Hey, this is what happens when your First Officer gives the Captain a stroke.

Malakai
: What they do in the privacy of their cabins is no business of mine.

 

Adrik
: OK - Lord-Captain - if you
don't
want us to conquer this planet in your name, nod your head.

van Baroque's life-support
: beep...beep...beep...

Adrik
: Rightio then.

 

GM
: If you insist on going to war, then you're going to need troops. After all, standard Imperial Doctrine in these circumstances is 'Throw wave after wave of your own men at them, and clog their cannons with wreckage'. And you don't have that many men.

 

Malakai
: I'm not against going to war.
*pats his beloved las-gun*
Josephine was getting hungry anyway.

Re-emerging into real space to take navigational bearings, Marzu soon spots the plasma drive of a starship making its way slowly across the star system. Indeed, as usual, the bastard passes the required test by over 100.

GM
: *
sarcastically
* Marzu opens a porthole, sticks his head out, looks around, and says 'over there!'

Marzu
: No wonder no-one else spotted it, they were too busy screaming and trying not to be sucked out the hole.

Malakai passes the relevant test by 40, a huge success by most standards. Marzu, however, passes the test by 100. Again.

Marzu
: Tell me something I don't know.

Malakai's player
: *
headdesk
*

GM
: So now you've humiliated the Navigator, the Medics, the Lord-Captain, and the ships xenographer. Have I left anybody out?

Malakai
: Will somebody tell me why we even bother having crew, when we've got him?

GM
: Will somebody tell me why you even have other PCs when you have him?

 

GM
:
Right
. While Marzu is off attempting the browbeat the Chief Enginseer into letting him tinker with the stardrives, Malakai identifies the ships as part of a Stryxis caravan. Not only that - by passing the test by 40 he knows that not only are they deviant alien scum that should be exterminated as soon as convenient ( like every other xenos race in 40K ), but the more nuanced facts that they aren't particularly ill-disposed towards humans, will eagerly trade all sorts of stuff, but occasionally go in for slave-trading and piracy when they think they can get away with it. Marzu gets a message about this "You have email!" and brings up a few jpegs - man-sized skinless dog-embryos with pug-noses four pupiless green eyes, in tattered robes - and additional facts on the species. Such as the fact that they're occasionally known to provide vat-grown soldiers for their customers.

 

Stryxis Trader
: Honoured biped! Greetings, greetings! What may these humble traders offers such as yourself? I am
Garrglegarglegargllle
, you may call me Sire Blue Sun if you wish. The honoured Acting-Captain has such fine, and upright friends! Are they for sale?

Negotiations proceed over dinner in the Trophy Room. Malakai, Adrik & Xanthis are extremely suspicious at repeated attempts by the Stryxis to invite the Acting-Captain aboard their ship to inspect the merchandise, and even more so when attempted scans of the caravan reveal nothing but homogeneous grey fog. At least their prices are good. They trade the current whereabouts of the Mechanicus fleet for a palladium fork from the Lord-Captain's dinner set. Other bargains are perhaps not so acceptable.

Acting-Captain Marzu
: I'm told that your species can produce soldiers by demand. I will be waging a war soon, how much for an army?

Sire Blue Sun
: Yes, yes, honoured biped! We can grow you much meat, strong and clever as the Acting Captain wants! And all we would ask are the gametes of all your crew!

All
:
*clutch themselves protectively*
:nonp:

Sire Blue Sun
: Think of the
strong
and
clever
meat we could grow from the Honoured Acting-Captain's friends!

GM
: Shall I resolve the results of the mutiny now or later?

Marzu talks them down to 400 vat-brutes, in return for detailed scans of some 40 of his strongest and cleverest crew.

Sire Blue Sun
:
*holds up a small bottle and some scissors*

Marzu
: No gametes!

Sire Blue Sun
:
*looks disappointed*

 

Crewmember
: I'm really uncomfortable about this Brother Marzu. I mean, Acting-Captain.

Marzu
: Hands off, man. Look at it this way - either you get measured and I get 400 expendable front-line troops, or you don't get measured and I use
you
on the front-line.

Crewmember
: Well, since you put it that way...
:(

 

Malakai
: Will they settle for 'strong'? Intelligence isn't really a feature of this crew.

The Stryxis also gleefully trade with the stormtroopers Malakai risks sending across. One comes back happily waving an Eldar powersword he was given in return for a button. This is promptly confiscated.

Malakai
: I'm sorry, corporal, but using Xenos tech is a heresy, especially once we're back within the Imperium.

Trooper
: Aw. What about out here?

Malakai
: I'll think about it. Hey, Stryxis! Got any Tau pulse pistols?

They do, and even provide some 'meat' for him to test it out on. All they want in exchange is his beloved las-gun.

Malakai
: *
bristling
* I've had this this long-las since I joined the PDF. This gun has saved my life. This gun is my
companion
.

Sire Blue Sun
: We are humble traders, we do not mind who the honoured biped sleeps with.

Marzu, too, ignores the dictates of the Imperium and tries for assorted heretical tech himself - navigational archeotech, alien filtration systems, and warp-detectors.

Acting-Captain Marzu
: Got any Void Abaci?

Sire Blue Sun
: Alas, if only the honoured biped had been here last week.

Acting-Captain Marzu
: Carnelian Sievestones?

Sire Blue Sun
:
*waving hands apologetically*
Out of stock.

Acting-Captain Marzu
: Caged Songbirds?

Sire Blue Sun
: Why, yes, honoured Acting-Captain! We have many caged songbirds. Or would the honoured biped like us to make him one? We could grow him any kind of flying meat he desires, perfect in every specification!

Examples of the latter are ferried across.

GM
: The Stryxis have been busy - you've got a huge range of live, dead, plush and mechanical avioids to choose from. One of them is a homicidal thing with seventeen grapefruit sized eyes and foot-long claws. Another is eight feet tall and bright yellow.

Marzu
: That's a big bird.
;)

GM
: And one of them is a little mechanical nodding thing that drinks water.

All
:
*Crowding around*
That's so neat! How does it keep doing that?

Sire Blue Sun
: I will sell it to you for its hundredweight in platinum.

The vat-brutes are delivered. Marzu wanted them equipped for war. They arrive in a patchwork of shoddy armour, carrying crossbows and spiky clubs.

Marzu
: *
sighs
* I guess I should have worded myself more carefully. Oi! I said I wanted them equipped for war and easy resupply!

Sire Blue Sun
:
*looks innocent*
There are many, many places where war is fought with such tools. And does the honoured biped wish me to sell him more spiky clubs?

 

Marzu
:
*after further negotiations*
OK, if I throw in this magic floating skull machine, some of these clever injectors for making humans unconscious, and these boots that will let you walk around on the outside of ships, can I get some actual human-made heavy weapons and armour for these brutes?

Sire Blue Sun
: Such clever,
shiny
machines!

Malakai
: Errrr...
*pointing out just
one
of the problems with this plan*
Are you really going to give them one of our honoured dead?

Marzu
: Not
my
honoured dead - I've got no idea who it used to be. It was the heretek Stylianides' lumin-skull before, after all. And look at that las-hole, you were the one that shot it down, anyway.

Trading completed to mutual satisfaction, Marzu orders the ship on it's way to meet up with the Adeptus Mechanicus fleet, very pleased with his personal bodyguard of 400 heavily armed alien monstrosities. There's no way THIS could end badly...

 

 

 

I see a fan-edit Rogue Trader/WH40K webmovie in your future...when, I have

no idea whatsoever. One thing's for sure, though -- its amusement value is

definitely going to be hign.

 

 

 

Major Tom 2009 :eg:

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Not last week but a while ago. Actual quote from my Danger International style martial arts shoot'em up.

 

GM(me): Okay you did enough body to kill the guy.

Player 1(new to Hero system): What about the stun?

Player 2(old hat with Hero System): He is the most stunned he can be he's dead.

 

We all got a good chuckle from that one.

 

Spideydave

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Not last week but a while ago. Actual quote from my Danger International style martial arts shoot'em up.

 

GM(me): Okay you did enough body to kill the guy.

Player 1(new to Hero system): What about the stun?

Player 2(old hat with Hero System): He is the most stunned he can be he's dead.

 

We all got a good chuckle from that one.

 

Spideydave

 

Reminds me of a conversation I had with Zornwill once....

 

Lucius Alexander

 

The palindromedary remembers it inspired The Zornwill Effect.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

The Lord-Captain's face goes an alarming shade of purple' date=' and a few extra veins throb on his forehead. Then he gets a confused expression, his eyes roll up, and he collapses.[indent']Tech-Priest Marzu : Um... did you have anything to do with that?

Xanthis : Nope?

Tech-Priest Marzu : I think I'd better apply some medical knowledge then.

GM : That would probably be a good idea.[/indent]The captain, it turns out, has had a massive cerebral aneurysm.

GM
: Considering he was talking to one of your characters, Ian, I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often.

He is rushed to the medical unit, and into sus-an, since the Rose Tattoo lacks the facilities to repair such extensive damage.

 

Tech-Priest Marzu : Maybe I can make a servitor out of him.

GM : ... You want to make a servitor. Out of the Lord-Captain.

Tech-Priest Marzu : Oh, don't worry, it's be a neat one, with two Gatling cannons for arms!

Xanthis : Can you do anything to help him manage his emotions?

GM : How about a volition circuit so his head explodes if he gets angry with you?

 

Another Polaroid moment soon to come, I am sure.

 

As usual, DrHoz, I would rep ya if I could.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Years and years ago, in a fantasy game. Raiding a necromancer's hidden study.

 

Me (PC): While they're investigating that, I'll go over here and leaf through one of the spellbooks.

NPC Necromancer "helping" us: (Immediately) Sure, just make sure you don't read it aloud or in your head.

Me: *Pausing* I think I'll go help look for hidden compartments.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Another Polaroid moment soon to come, I am sure.

 

As usual, DrHoz, I would rep ya if I could.

 

Thanks :) I wanted to point out that they'd disobeyed orders, write out the Lord-Captain for the duration, and give the other PCs enough rope to hang themselves, and doing it this way seemed ideal.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

The set for the Black Hold section of the last game - if it had been strictly accurate, the set would easily have reached from floor to ceiling, but I couldn't find my old Necromunda bulkheads on time.

 

s640x480

 

Also - character portraits of the various PCs

 

[ATTACH=CONFIG]40316[/ATTACH][ATTACH=CONFIG]40317[/ATTACH][ATTACH=CONFIG]40318[/ATTACH][ATTACH=CONFIG]40319[/ATTACH][ATTACH=CONFIG]40320[/ATTACH]pencil.png

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