Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[Drhoz]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

dePledge's man and his entourage are escorted back to the landing site, to be kept under armed guard by Brother Gunhildr - his desire to exterminate anything that doesn’t live up to his own high standards makes him a poor choice for possible diplomacy. His reluctance to speak to anybody won’t help, either, although that may have something to do with the ball bearing in his larynx.

Techmarine Tawhaki

: When you hold the magnet up high his voice goes up, and when you lower it it goes down. It's like helium without the helium.

Apothecary Hippocrates

: Or testicles without the testicles.

 

We press on to find these Eldar, find out what the dePledge chirurgeon is up to, and destroy whatever Webway portal the Eldar are using to trespass on an Imperial world.

Tac-marine Telemachus

: Thank you SO much for putting me, still wearing chapter marks from a chapter the Eldar despise and revile, in charge of a mission where we may have to negotiate with them.

Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan

: Clearly the Watch-captain was in fine form today. 'We've got Orks? Send the Orky guy. We've got Eldar? Send the Eldar guy.' 'But sir, we've got orders not to kill-' 'SEND THE ELDAR GUY. *sits back* I am the best Captain.'

 

At least the debriefing report will be short.

GM

: Who can summarise?

Apothecary Hippocrates

: Landed tanks found mutants followed got shot by Elder shot them found truck.

All

: *

applause

*

 

Techmarine Tawhaki

: Bear in mind that there's Dark Eldar on planet too. Them, we can kill with impunity. So if they're spiky, shoot 'em. If they're not spiky, check first.

Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan

: What do you mean, two kinds of Eldar?

Tac-marine Telemachus

: There's Xenos, and there's Xenos plus Chaos.

Techmarine Tawhaki

: It's double heresy.

Tac-marine Telemachus

: The Heresy Has Been Doubled!

 

Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan

: We need them to send down six titans - then we can combine them and fight as one giant robot.

Techmarine Tawhaki

: I'll get right on that.

 

GM

: Feel free to insert an ad here.

Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan

: *

sings

* Heresy Flakes! They stay crunchy - Even. In. Blood!

 

The trip up into what the locals call the Mountains of Madness – a charming kind of nomenclature – is brought to a sudden halt by our two Razorback tanks coming under fire. Or at least, receiving a warning shot, from a weapon soon identified as an Eldar Vibrocannon, a sonic device of shocking destructive power. Naturally, most of us disembark at spreed, since the tanks make very good targets. Interestingly, the Eldar don’t follow up their advantage, and we can’t detect any other Eldar watching us. Telemachus gestures his desire to parley – after all, if we can force the Eldar to leave with no further shots fired, then we achieve the mission objectives and don’t risk warfare with their Craftworld. The vile Xenos have set up a communication station halfway up the slope. Apparently their psykers had predicted our arrival, and that this warning shot and parley was the best way to avoid a blood bath. Luckily for them, they were right.

GM

:

*attempts Vulcan salute*

Tac-marine Telemachus

:

*salutes back, actually managing the salute*

Nanoo, Nanoo!

All

:

*also all manages salute, and variants*

GM

: Ok, so my players have all demonstrated they have better manual dexterity than the GM. That just means you're all clever Mon-Keigh.

Tac-marine Telemachus

: Shazbot!

 

Eldar leader Kaumangla

: Greetings. How may we help you? Do you even know yet?

Tac-marine Telemachus

: >

We seek information on your Dark Kin.

Eldar leader Kaumangla

: Clearly your augmentation has increased your intelligence.

All

: >

 

Despite that insult, our orders (and recipe advice for MacIan) mean we don’t simply open fire.

GM

: His words are coming over your vox channel - or perhaps inside your heads.

Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan

: Oh, hello voice in my head, I’ll introduce you to the others. That's Barry, he's a real nutter but great fun at parties.

Eldar leader Kuamangla

: By the way, when you're making blueberries tarts you should use more accurate chronometers. Twenty minutes and 15 nanoseconds at 200 degrees will give you better results, especially if you use a little cinnamon on top.

Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan

: That's genius! I like you, Xeno, I'll purge you last.

 

Kaumangla volunteers some interesting news – dePledge’s agent was not only there to trade with Xenos while inside Imperial borders, he was insane enough to attempt trade negotiations with Eldar and Dark Eldar at the same time. This will probably ensure we execute him when we resolve the case, regardless of the legal intricacies.

GM

: Possession is nine-tenths of the law, and right now you possess all the boltguns.

 

Naturally, the opportunity to obliterate some Eldar without unwanted political ramifications is not to be missed, so we head back to the mutant township in a nearby caldera, and wait to ambush the raiders. This ambush goes very well indeed, and the Dark Eldar are extremely surprised when we expertly blow half of them out of the sky, before they decide that discretion is the better part of getting the fuck out alive, and retreat. They may have been alarmed by the way MacIan seized two by the ankles and used them as bladed weapons.

Techmarine Tawhaki

: Obviously these aren’t the Dark Eldar, they’re the Derp Eldar

Apothecary Hippocrates

: A-herp-a-derp-a-derp.

 

Slightly more alarming is MacIan's choice of bedtime relaxation.

MacIan’s player

: ‘Once a character is on fire he takes one point of damage and one point of fatigue each round’ So...

Regulus’s player

: Yup. You can put something to sleep.

MacIan’s player

: MacIan can soak one point of damage a round easy! So when he really wants to go to sleep he just sets himself on fire

 

Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan

: BANG! I hit jack shit.

GM

: Jack Shit dies.

Techmarine Tawhaki

: Poor bastard.

Apothecary Hippocrates

: Only untainted human on the planet and catches a stray round

 

Regulus drives the point of a breeching auger through the chest of one of the raiders.

Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan

: Screw you!

 

Assault Marine Regulus

: Here’s their stones.

Techmarine Tawhaki

: Dark Eldar don’t use spirit stones.

Assault Marine Regulus

: Not those stones.

 

Techmarine Tawhaki

: At least whatever we do to them can’t be worse than what they would have suffered in the hands of the Dark Eldar.

 

Techmarine Tawhaki

: If you want to give the Dark Eldar a chance, Brother MacIan, perhaps you should tie both your hands behind your back?

 

Pausing only to secure a few surviving Dark Eldar as gifts to the not-so-dark Eldar, and for Hippocrates to practise his enhanced interrogation techniques on, we head back towards the Eldar meeting point to get some of the raider’s records deciphered. That, and order the mutant township burned to the ground, on the grounds that some of the Xenos may be hiding there. With the Thunderhawk drop ship, orbital cruiser, and deciphered Dark Eldar data, we swiftly determine the position of the main Dark Eldar force, and move in to attack – especially interested in capturing the Dark Eldar leader and the Webway portal generator he is presumably carrying. The Dark Eldar don’t try to retreat – after all, they came here looking for victims to torture, and we’re coming to them.

Techmarine Tawhaki

: Silly, silly, Dark Eldar.

 

That’s because we arrive with a regiment of Iocanthos Infantry, a thunderhawk dropship, a handful of tanks, and several thousand white phosphorus grenades. The entire forest and most of the Dark Eldar go up in flame. Even their leader catches a lucky round, and is dead by the time we get to him.

 

And with THAT, it’s all too easy to really surprise the Craftworld xenos, by using the Dark Eldar device to break into the Webway, and emerge from the Eldar portal right behind them. And then proceed to set up demo charges on the portal, happily confident that if they open fire on us it’ll start a war we both want to avoid. Kaumangla agrees to a token duel to first blood, in order to save face after ordering his forces to fall back into the Webway, and after we secure the dePledge chirurgeon. MacIan is delighted for the chance at some one-on-one action, and both duellists manage to wound each other on the first swing. Kaumangla does get in the last word as he leaves.

Kaumangla

: I retreat in defeat and disgust, and hope we meet again someday.

Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan

: I hope we meet again too, byebye!

Kaumangla

: I hate you and your recipe for blueberry tarts still sucks.

Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan

: You’re a monster!

*bursts into tears*

[Manic Typist]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan: We need them to send down six titans - then we can combine them and fight as one giant robot.

Techmarine Tawhaki: I'll get right on that.

 

 

....they do realize the Titans are ALREADY giant robots, right?

[Christopher]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

....they do realize the Titans are ALREADY giant robots' date=' right?[/quote']

Then think what kind of giant robot they would make combined!

[Major Tom 2009]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Then think what kind of giant robot they would make combined!

 

 

 

True enough...even though in the grim darkness of the far future there is only war, there is at least one

corner of it that is illuminated by the power of the Blazing Sword.

 

Speaking of bladed weapons, MacIan's been reading a copy of Alan Dean Foster's Star Wars novel Splinter

of the Mind's Eye, hasn't he?

 

 

 

Major Tom 2009

Minus 54 and counting...

[Drhoz]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

....they do realize the Titans are ALREADY giant robots' date=' right?[/quote']

 

Not big enough to fit MacIan's ego.

[Drhoz]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

True enough...even though in the grim darkness of the far future there is only war, there is at least one

corner of it that is illuminated by the power of the Blazing Sword.

 

Speaking of bladed weapons, MacIan's been reading a copy of Alan Dean Foster's Star Wars novel Splinter

of the Mind's Eye, hasn't he?

 

no idea. why?

[Major Tom 2009]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

no idea. why?

 

 

 

Well, there's a part of the book where Luke and Leia are escaping from what Ben Kenobi once called

"Imperial entanglements", and a couple of their fellow escapees are creatures called Yuzzem, who

could give Chewbacca a run for his money in the strength department. During the escape, the two

of them come across one of the Yuzzem, who's using a droid as a melee weapon to beat a storm-

trooper to death (having already done so to several others that are piled up around him). To use the

author's turn of phrase, the stormtrooper was coming apart at the same rate as the droid.

 

Reading the part of your post where MacIan's using a pair of Dark Eldar as bladed weapons simply

brought that story to mind.

 

 

 

Major Tom 2009

Minus 53 and counting...

[Shadow Hawk]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

4th edition DnD-ness

Theren the Archer, Elven Ranger

Goguin the Faithful, Dwarven Cleric

Darrek the Redundant, Dwarf Fighter

Lucius the Pyro/Cyromaniac, Tiefling Elementalist

Terios the Moo, Minotaur Fighter

Tarrek the Confusing, Human Barbarian

 

And the trip to Hell continues.

 

Demons attempt to steal our wine...

Therin: Don't let them steal the wine!

Darrek: What does it matter?

Therin: I'm an elf, I like wine.

Lucius: Our elf is a wino.

Terios: Quit your whining.

 

The demons attack Terios

Terios (Spock voice): Not enough against my shield!

 

Lucius complains...

"I hate when the enemy uses teamwork."

 

Terios player overeats and becomes ill...

"Stop me before I snack again!"

 

Darrek is dead, and his new character (as yet unnamed Half-Elf Hunter appears because 'he followed the tracks through a unexplored portal', leaving him trapped in Hell...

Terios: When will you learn not to walk through unmapped portals?

Half Elf: I just did, thank you.

[Egyptoid]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Rogue Trader, House Windsor:

 

the PCs are looting a derelict starship, that is haunted by lots of little warpish poltergeists.

They split up, and the Navigator (whose eye power is the perfect thing for killing swarms)

heads back to the PC's shuttle, docked on the side.

 

As a GM, I'm emphasizing the haunted house aspect of this, its dark, shadowy,

everyone is using mag-lites, etc.

Finally it dawns on the Tech-priest to make some real light, and he macgyvers up

some 80 million candle-power light poles finally.

 

Simultaneously, the poltergeists figure they can haunt the shuttle as well, so:

1. they flee the group now well lit.

2. they stalk the navigator to sneak onto the shuttle.

This means hordes of them swamped the Navigator and his guards.

 

After a while,the rest of the PCs turned off their comm-links so they wouldnt

have to listen to all that screaming and begging.

 

[MisterVimes]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

From my pulp game tonight.

 

Me; "You're in the jungles of Guatemala and the pilot tells you that it is a 3 days journey through the jungle to the temple. How do you proceed?"

Justin (AKA Doc Volt): "It's 1925 and we're Americans. We burn the forest and rip all of the monkeys in half out of spite."

[drunkonduty]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

From Jane Austen's Cthulu game:

 

Sir Jesua Reynolt, famous portait painter, must sneak into a den of thieves disguised as an old crone.

 

Jesua (to sleazy guard in front of tavern): It's all flaps and cobwebs, no joy there.

[Gnaskar]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Spy-fi campaign, and the players have just knocked out or killed a camp full of terrorists. About a dozen terrorists are still alive; most of them sporting numerous color coded tranquilizer darts and all of them are sleeping soundly. Having secured the leaders, whom their superiors want to interrogate, the players ponder what to do with the rest:

 

African ex-child soldier: Does anyone mind it if I just shoot them all in the head?

Genetically Modified American Super-soldier: YES! *pause* I want some too. *brandishes rifle*

[pinecone]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

This is from Sat...but its keep well. One our valient team mates got slammed through an heroic number of bad rolls. As good team members we are ragging on him, then Vigilante come to his rescue. Hey its not his fault...he was bitten by a radioactive Pinjata

[pinecone]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Oh and from the sat before...Jaybird a heroine with unluck, has yet another "incident"... "Hey Jaybird! You're...ummm..." "Naked! As a Jaybird! I Noticed!!!"

[Susano]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Ironclaw Session Two

 

The Cast:

Captain Fancy -- Horse Paladin

Koda -- Bat Burglar

Sigmund Kinsbrough -- Tiger Agent

Traké -- Tiger Mercenary Captain

Zepherine LaFleur -- Red Fox Ranger

 

Koda: "I'm using echolocation."

Zepherine (OOC): "It's inside the room with you."

 

Koda gets ready to fly to the beach from a ship wrecked offshore.

Zepherine (OOC): "Is your takeoff phrase 'I'm Batman'?"

 

The GM: "You're drowning... We'll get back to you."

 

Zepherine: "So that's what an invisible portal looks like."

 

"There's nothing there."

"Well, there wasn't anything there to begin with."

 

Traké: "How much of this is the truth?"

Koda: "How much do you want to be the truth?"

 

Koda wishes he was somewhere else.

Koda: "Are you still holding on to me?"

Traké: "Oh yeah."

Koda: "Darn it."

 

Koda: "I didn't [get to] steal anything... dangit."

 

Koda (OOC): "They're not necromancers, they're life-management specialists."

[Balabanto]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Tonight, I moved a step closer to resolving my PC's mutagenic problem in Seattle.

 

Unfortunately, the mutagen proceeded in the GMPC a little too far before the other heroes put a stop to it. Goliad lost all his powers. Pretty much forever. So, the heroes are sitting around trying to figure out what to do about the cannister SPIDER got away with.

 

Nightingale: Omaco Chemical? Really? There's an Omaco Chemical building within Pulsonn's flying range? It can't be that simple.

 

Lodestone: What does that mean?

 

Nightingale: It's been a SPIDER front for years. It just can't be proven in court.

 

Goliad: Well, we can't let them have it. Give me a bulletproof vest and a .45. I'm going with you. Let's go.

[Ian Mackinder]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

With his powers pemanently gone, maybe Goliad will get REALLY lucky and fall into a vat of mutagenic compounds.

 

......

 

Now, w-a-i-t a minute.

[Balabanto]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

With his powers pemanently gone, maybe Goliad will get REALLY lucky and fall into a vat of mutagenic compounds.

 

......

 

Now, w-a-i-t a minute.

 

Unlikely.

[Ian Mackinder]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Unlikely.

 

Given your group's track record as regards handling dangerous substances, don't discount the possibility TOO soon.

[Cancer]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

"... Since he has no adds in either Firearms or Dodge, could be he'll dissolve in a cloud of shattered brass gears as soon as the handguns come out."

 

Comment on my newly created steampunk-ish automaton character in a new (to us) system, done blind, without having read the rulebook, only a PDF on the mechanics of character creation, so the numbers are legal but nothing else is guaranteed.

[teh bunneh]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

From our Teen Champions game. A bit of background.

Manny Thorson (AKA Magni the Mighty, basically a Thor knockoff, without the hammer) and his cousin Rolf Lokison (AKA Trickster, basically a Loki knockoff) are both students in high school together. They are bitter rivals. Rolf is always trying to trick/embarrass/humiliate Manny, and Manny retaliates by punching Rolf.

 

But a mutual friend is having a family crisis/emotional meltdown, so they decide to call a truce. This is working out just fine, until Manny says something really embarrassing about Rolf...

 

Rolf: I thought we had sworn a truce.

Manny: We did. You don't tease me, I don't hit you.

Rolf: Ah. So you're still allowed to tease me, and I'm still allowed to hit you?

Manny: Pretty much.

Rolf: Somehow, that doesn't seem very fair to me...

 

[CrosshairCollie]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

What I said yesterday was somewhat overshadowed by my impeccable accidental timing ... making one person laugh when he was in the middle of swallowing, which is incredibly painful ... and then topping it off later by making someone start laughing in the middle of sneezing.

[Drhoz]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

The Marines that did so well on Magna Ganf and Faldon Kise are sent into the Koronus Expanse, where the recently annexed and highly civilised moon Temis Minora is having a slightly peculiar Ork problem. The greenskins infecting the depths of the Temis capital are moving deeper into the hive, rather than out into the inhabited layers. It's possible they're trying to reach the pre-Crusade era colonyships around which each of the arcologies was built. Either way, Temis has an abundance of archeotech well worth claiming for the Imperium. Thus, off to Temis to stop the Orks doing whatever they're doing, ‘requisition’ any archeotech that isn't nailed down, find out whom if anybody is responsible for this odd Ork behaviour, and assassinate the Ork leader Mekboss Hedburna. The team will be short a few members however, but we remain confident.

 

Techmarine Tawhaki

: I'm sure that Brother MacIan will smash his way through a wall when we need him. And say something like 'these Orks are mine, get your own'.

 

Techmarine Tawhaki

: Apothecary Hippocrates must be down with the flu. Space Flu.

 

Techmarine Tawhaki

: And here's Brother Gilroy MacIan of the Storm Wardens, although they deny all responsibility.

 

Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan

: So, do you want me or Gunhildr in charge?

Assault Marine Regulus

: I believe that either one of you is fit to give me an order which I may ignore at will

 

Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan

: Alright, who wants me in command?

All

: *

Silence

*

Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan

: Who doesn't want me in command?

All

: *

Silence

*

Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan

: Voted in by apathy, I'm sure this mission will be a rousing success!

 

Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan

: Can I requisition a Ratling sniper? I’ll keep him in a bag and feed him bits of cheese.

GM

: No, you can’t. They’re not in the rules, and I know you only want him along so you can swap recipes.

All

: For the Emperor and Muffins!

 

During the orbital drop, extreme turbulence means Brother MacIan drops a few stitches in his knitting.

 

Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan

:

*looks down. Rage face. Snaps both needles in his hands*

Well, sorry Tawhaki, but I'm going to have to try again for your new hat.

Techmarine Tawhaki

: Damn, I was looking forward to that. Marching out to greet the local ruler...

Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan

: ‘Greeting, High-king Hekkr of Temis, we are the Marines of the Deathwatch.... you’re looking at the hat, aren’t you.’

Techmarine Tawhaki

: 'The woolly bobble is traditional.'

 

The meeting with Adept Tharis, and two knights of the local High King (in Mk. II power armour, no less!) goes well enough. Tharis is a local, but is eager to show off the compliance of Temis Minora to Imperial precepts, and the efficiency of their hive's technology and organization. He also possesses cybernetic implants and dataports of non-standard design, something apparently not unusual on Temis. The scouts and intelligence sources we sent ahead confirm that the Orks are methodically scouting for some way into the walled-off heart of the arcology, and, intriguingly, something with las-weaponry is holding them off.

 

When going down the main cargo lifts, the marines feel the spontaneous need to get their groove on. Dancing commences, to ‘Girl from Imponema.’

 

Devastator Gunhildr

: Stop this immediately! This is unbecoming of a space marine!

Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan

: Well, actually, I'm in charge of the squad. So I can permit whatever I damn well please. *Starts singing 'My Little Deathwatch'*

GM

: Ah, abuse of authority...

Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan

: And somewhere the Adepts watching the security cameras are saying ‘You’re seeing this too, aren’t you?

 

The manufactora levels intrigue the Techmarines too - the locals have busy assembling some non-standard Land Raider tank designs, scaled down for human use. These have apparently been approved by the Tech-priests of Mars, but there are an awful lot of the Tech-priests equivalents of the Inquisition hanging around... Nonetheless, the team are given a truck and driver to speed descent into the hive. Interrupting the long ride, the team is ambushed by Orks who rappel down on ropes, and provoke another musical number.

 

Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan

: It's raining Orks! Hallelujah!

 

Dealing with them turns out to be more difficult than expected, with MacIan seriously injured. And worse, we strongly suspect that's because somebody warned the Orks we were coming...

[CrosshairCollie]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

"The Heineken Uncertainty Principle ... after you drink enough beer, you have no idea what the f**k is going on."

[Drhoz]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

The Gamers Guild Masks of Nyarlathotep, Episode 7 - London, continued

 

February 7th, 1925 - Egyptological collector George Edmundson has turned out horribly killed in his home. This is unfortunate, given most of the investigator had been around there for dinner the night before. Abbagale Stance, on the other hand, spent the previous afternoon heading out to Fleet Street, to meet one Mickey Mahoney, editor of The Scoop, and one of Jackson Elias' contacts in London, and is eager to share her discoveries with her compatriots, including the Honourable Lord Frontbottom, despite him not being not the Honourable Lord Frontbottom, nor remotely honourable.

 

Agent Johnson

: It's not a good idea to annoy Shanky McShank-Shank.

GM

: He's not Stab-Man, he's not Knife Boy, he's Lord Frontbottom.

 

Waiter

: Can I get you anything, sir?

Hon. Lord Frontbottom

: Yes, I'd like one Aldous Quinn on the Rocks.

Waiter: ... I don't believe we have that on the menu, sir.

Hon. Lord Frontbottom

: Then he's not drunk yet, haha.

 

Aldous Quinn: Edmundson's dead.

Hon. Lord Frontbottom

: Well it wasn't me.

 

Byron Timmons has been struck down by galloping lung-rot from the smog, and elects to stay at the hotel reading more of that French tome they acquired.

 

Hon. Lord Frontbottom

: French tome? I'm surprised it's not something else, at his age.

GM: You were a bit rushed at the docks - he didn't have time to get any French postcards.

Hon. Lord Frontbottom

: Well, I'll make sure we get him some on the way out.

 

One hopes Frontbottom’s account of his rooftop battle with an umbrella-wielding nanny is purely delusional.

 

Hon. Lord Frontbottom

: She fought first. But I think that was after I accidentally knocked her chimney-sweep friend off the roof.

GM

: That probably had something to do with it. Took offense at each other's accent, did you?

Hon. Lord Frontbottom

:

There can be only one.

Spoilers ahead for Masks of Nyarlathotep and Death in the Post

 

 

Although less than impressed by the racy Page Three photographs lying around the place, Abbagale confirms Elias was at the Scoop office roughly a month previously, checking certain stories in the archives, before he left the country without warning (to Mahoney's dismay) and shortly thereafter turned up dead in New York. These stories involved a painter, a series of attacks in Derbyshire, and earlier examples of the so-called Egyptian Murders.

 

Shocking Canvases Bring Recognition

Local Artist’s Monstrous Scenes Mock “Surrealists”

NOW COLLECTORS CAN BUY SAVAGE SCENES which rival or surpass the worst nightmares of the Great War, but which are far more exotic than that grim business.

London artist Mr. Miles Shipley's work is being sought out by collectors, who have paid up to £50 for individual paintings.

This correspondent has seen dozens of the works of artist Miles Shipley, and finds them repulsive beyond belief. Maidens ravished, monsters ripping out a man's innards, shadowy grotesque landscapes, and faces grimacing in horror represent only a fraction of Shipley's work.

Withal their repellent content, these works are conceived and executed with uncanny verisimilitude, almost as though the artist had worked from photographs of alien places surely never on this Earth!

The artist is reportedly in contact with "other dimensions" in which powerful beings exist, and says he merely renders visible his visions.

Mr. Shipley is a working-class man without formal artistic training, who has nonetheless made good where thousands have failed.

Art critics say that Shipley provides an English answer to the Continental artistic movement of "surrealism", whose controversial practitioners have still to convince John Bull that the way in which a thing is painted is more important than what is painted.

A tip of the hat to Miles Shipley for exposing those frauds!

- Nov. 5th, 1924

 

Hon. Lord Frontbottom

OoC

: ‘SCENES which rival or surpass the worst nightmares of the Great War,’ Sounds like 4chan... ‘repulsive beyond belief.’ ... It IS 4chan!

 

POLICE BAFFLED BY MONSTROUS MURDERS!

Inhuman Killer Shot But Still Alive?

VALLEY OF THE DERWENT RESIDENTS, shocked several months ago by two murders and a serious assault on a third victim, are still without an explanation or perpetrator of the dreadful attacks.

At the time, Lesser-Edale farmer George Osgood and resident Miss Lydia Perkins were torn to shreds in apparently-unrelated murders on consecutive nights. On the third night, wheelwright Harold Short was nearly killed but managed to drive off a grisly creature which he swore to be man-like but not human.

Constable Tumwell, also of Lesser-Edale, believes that he shot and killed the beast on the night Mr. Short was attacked.

Other residents of the region have claimed to have seen the thing since.

Reportedly, Lesser-Edale endures to this hour the bizarre wailings of the beast on nights near the full moon.

Readers of The Scoop are reminded of their esteemed journal’s long-standing Danger Protocols, and are advised that the picturesque cloughs surrounding the peaks have been declared by The Scoop to be a Zone of High Danger!

Residents of the Midlands are advised to remain indoors at night, and to report all mysterious happenings to the police and to The Scoop.

- Dec. 16, 1924

 

Agent Johnson

: ‘Inhuman killer shot but still alive?’ They must be after McGinty.

 

Prof. Deborah Einstein

: Hey look, you're in paper, Frontbottom! ‘a grisly creature which he swore to be man-like but not human’

GM

: That could just as easily describe you, Professor.

 

The stories don't seem to have an obvious connection, but then Abbagale is not yet paranoid enough to go around burning down Central London on the off chance it's infested with cultists. Agent Johnson, on the other hand, is suspicious enough to consider anybody they've talked to a target for execution.

 

Abbagale Stants

: It's a sound theory.

 

Especially given the Papyrus Killing. Perhaps the collector Edmundson was really a cultist, and he was killed by rival investigators?

 

Agent Johnson

: Case solved!

Hon. Lord Frontbottom

:Can't be, there's only ever one group of investigators in the world at once.

Agent Johnson

: Not enough trenchcoats to go around...

 

Hon. Lord Frontbottom

: I think you should go with Abbagale.

Agent Johnson

: ... Arse.

 

Agent Johnson

: I don't like the reporter.

Abbagale Stants

: Nice to know your allies can't stand you.

GM

: Johnson swore to protect America, not Americans.

 

Frontbottom and Einstein head back around to Marylebone to interrogate the late collector's staff, and after impressing the constable with their sheer (alleged) respectability, confirm their suspicion that the assailant either climbed or flew to the bedroom window, that Edmundson died clutching the document, and identify the source of the papyrus as one Mr. James Richardson, reporter for the Clarion, a much more respectable newspaper than the Scoop, even if it does have a distressing tendency towards actual investigative journalism.

 

Professor Deborah Einstein

: I'm Professor Einstein; I'm here to examine the crime scene.

Constable

: Oh? Did the Yard send you?

Professor Deborah Einstein

: ... they would have if they'd called me. And this is Lord Frontbottom!

Constable

: Really, your lordship? Are you here on the off-chance the Yard wants you, too?

 

Prof. Deborah Einstein

: We're the best investigative team this side of Sherlock Holmes, and my friend is a great defective.

 

Hon. Lord Frontbottom

: Success Despite Incompetence!

 

That should be the motto for this group.

Johnson and Stants head around to meet the other contact they were given by Jackson Elias’ editor – Inspector Barrington of the Yard. Apparently Elias told the Inspector that the murders were the work of the Brotherhood of the Black Pharaoh, but the police were assured that even if any such group existed in Ancient Egypt, it was extremely unlikely to have survived to the modern day. Barrington is reluctant to share much information with the investigators, especially since one of them is a reporter, without confirming their reliability first. Especially since there’s no resemblance between the murders of Elias of the ‘Egyptian’ victims. Abbagale and Johnson do take the opportunity to rifle through the files while he is out of the room comparing notes with Inspector Carlton on the Papyrus Killing, and learn one thing of interest – the police have attempted undercover surveillance on the Blue Pyramid club in Soho, since a number of the victims are known to have frequented the business, but with no useful result.

 

Another interesting tidbit – one of the victims lived long enough to gasp “Hotep!” which the Inspector had translated by the Penhew Foundation, as ‘peace’.

 

The four meet up at an Aerated Bread Company tearoom, and compare their notes, then head over to Fleet Street to find Richardson. Once again the Professor is hounded by the inability of people to recognise that she is actually female. No doubt it’s too smoggy to see she’s wearing a dress – even inside. Richardson is distressed by the demise of his friend, even if the investigators considered violent death pretty much inevitable the moment eldritch documents started showing up. The reporter had been sent the scroll anonymously, and passed it on to his friend Edmundson for authentication. Frontbottom attempts to explain, complete with the ritual element and monsters. This goes about as well as could be expected.

 

Abbagale Stants

: I’ve learned not to ask questions

James Richardson

: Er, you

are

a reporter, aren’t you?

Abbagale Stants

: Yes, but I’ve learned to not ask questions.

 

The investigators wonder whether Edmundson was killed because he was seen to talk to the investigators, or because he read the scroll aloud. Either is plausible.

 

GM: At least you’re unlikely to have killed him yourself, then gone to talk to his friend the reporter. Unless you’ve been unusually cunning, which is not a feature I’ve noticed about this party.

Professor Deborah Einstein

: We can be cunning, just not on purpose.

GM

: That’s a good motto for this party too.

 

He can't imagine why anyone would have sent the papyrus to him in the first place either - he hasn't been investigating the Egyptian Murders currently plaguing London, for example.

In fact, the only connection to Egypt he can think of was an eleven-year-old story where he revealed a doctor as a dangerously eccentric crank that claimed he could cure any disease, revive the dead, and make patients immortal using acupuncture, and concoctions made from the patient's blood, strange fungi, and extracts from mummies.

 

Hon. Lord Frontbottom

: Did it work?

 

Unsurprisingly, Doctor Griggs went down swearing revenge against the Clarion and the British Medical Association members that had him struck off the register for professional misconduct and committed to the asylum.

 

Professor Deborah Einstein

: What kind of Doctor was he?

GM

: General Practitioner.

Professor Deborah Einstein

: Oh? Not a Cairo-practor?

 

After checking a Police Public Callbox for assistance, and disappointed to learn that Sherlock Holmes has retired to Sussex, the investigators check the Who’s Who for the current whereabouts of the medics and newspaper owner Griggs threatened, and book an appointment to talk to one Dr. Lund, who still lives in London.

 

GM

: What are you going to tell him? ‘Talk to me or be eaten by a flying monster’?

 

Instead they claim a threat to the doctor related to the Egyptian Murders, and he agrees to see them three days from now. The investigators do bemoan the fact that all these Egyptian connections are tenuous at best, but it’s the only connection they can see.

 

They decide to spend the evening at the Blue Pyramid, while they’re on a Middle Eastern roll, after practising climbing and knife fighting on the roof of the Temperance Hotel leads to significant injury. The club seems perfectly above board, and the food, bellydancers, and music are excellent, which they find highly suspicious. Frontbottom vows to kill every single person in the building. Johnson suspects they’ll need more dynamite.

 

Abbagale decides to linger and talk to the club owner Abdullah Nawisha by herself, after the complete failure of the investigators to eavesdrop on his dealings with club patrons. Even Einstein had no success.

 

GM

: Perhaps you could threaten him with sexual favours?

 

The other players are certain Abbagale’s plan is suicide, and head back to their hotel. Hanging around waiting for the screams is just asking for trouble. Although abandoning Abbagale will probably lead to some awkward breakfast conversation with Aldous the next day.

 

GM

: ‘Did Abbagale come home last night?’ ‘No... whhhhy? What have you done?’

Hon. Lord Frontbottom

: Nothing, that’s the problem.

 

Nawisha is perfectly happy boasting about his successful business, but clams up the moment Abbagale brings up the murders. Perhaps he simply doesn’t want his club associated with the deaths, but if he IS a cultist he neglected to have Abbagale’s complimentary coffee and dessert poisoned.

 

February 8th - The investigators head up to the north of the country, towards Grey Fells Institute in Northumberland to look into this mad Doctor Griggs. En route, Lord Frontbottom wants to show off the family estates near Sheffield. Stants silently predicts that this should prove interesting, since she knows the real Lord Frontbottom is dead, but she probably wasn't expecting the estate to send a constable down to the train station. Frontbottom being on the roof when he got there was perhaps slightly more predictable.The ersatz Lord reluctantly admits his true identity, as his delusions crumble, and he is revealed as the butler to the late nobleman, driven out of his mind by the latter's hideous death in mysterious circumstances. 'Frontbottom' is escorted off for questioning and medical assessment, and the others reluctantly book rooms above the local public house. Travelling with lunatics might be an occupational hazard for those who strive against the Mythos, but it would nice to actually get somewhere with an investigation before they show up.