Pariah Posted February 7, 2023 Report Share Posted February 7, 2023 2000: "Go to college or you'll end up flipping burgers!" 2008: "What do you mean, you can't find a job? Is flipping burgers too good for you?" 2016: "You want $15 an hour to flip burgers?! You Millennials are so entitled!" 2023: "How come nobody wants to flip burgers any more?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted February 7, 2023 Report Share Posted February 7, 2023 We started a band and called it "Books" so no one can judge us by our covers. Pariah and Ockham's Spoon 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted February 7, 2023 Report Share Posted February 7, 2023 My kids are so open to experiencing culture. They'll try anything, from chicken tenders at a Mexican restaurant to chicken tenders at a Mediterranean restaurant Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted February 8, 2023 Report Share Posted February 8, 2023 21 hours ago, dmjalund said: I'm sorry. I don't get this I believe the joke is that Germans take everything literally and have no sense of humor. So the punchline is that there is no punchline, because Germans have no sense of humor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 8, 2023 Report Share Posted February 8, 2023 One day a man walks into a church, kneels before the altar, and prays, "Oh Lord, there is so much good I could do in this world if you would only let me win the lottery. So when the next Powerball comes up, please let me be the winner. Amen." The following week the same man walks into the same church, kneels, and begins to pray. "Oh Lord, you did not bless me to win the lottery last week. But there's a new drawing this week, and my desire to use the money to do good is as strong as ever. Please remember me and bless me for my righteous desire. Amen." The next week, the same man comes into the same church, and again kneels and begins to pray. "Oh Lord, once again you have left my prayers unanswered. There is so much goodness in my heart, but I can do nothing without the resources the lottery would provide. Please do not disappoint me again. Amen." And before he can stand, he hears a voice from above: "My child, at least meet me halfway and actually buy a lottery ticket!" Cancer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted February 8, 2023 Report Share Posted February 8, 2023 What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted February 8, 2023 Report Share Posted February 8, 2023 So an elderly Italian man living alone in New Jersey wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament: Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Papa A few days later he received a letter from his son. Dear Pop, Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried. Love, Vinnie At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son. Dear Pop, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances. Love you, Cancer, slikmar and Pariah 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christougher Posted February 8, 2023 Report Share Posted February 8, 2023 On 2/6/2023 at 9:11 PM, Bazza said: Why do programmers get confused between Christmas and Haloween? Because DEC 25 = OCT 31. There are only 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't. There are two types of people in the world. Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 8, 2023 Report Share Posted February 8, 2023 I sat quietly with my own thoughts today. Yeah, never doing that again. Logan D. Hurricanes and slikmar 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted February 9, 2023 Report Share Posted February 9, 2023 1 hour ago, Christougher said: There are two types of people in the world. Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data. This is illogical, as there are actually 3 kinds. Those that can extrapolate from complete data = philosophers (a priori). Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data = philosophers (a posteriori). Those that cannot extrapolate from incomplete data = scientists (a posteriori). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted February 9, 2023 Report Share Posted February 9, 2023 1 hour ago, Pariah said: I sat quietly with my own thoughts today. Yeah, never doing that again. Welcome to my world. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted February 9, 2023 Report Share Posted February 9, 2023 1 hour ago, Pariah said: I sat quietly with my own thoughts today. Yeah, never doing that again. This is called Zen. (Really!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted February 9, 2023 Report Share Posted February 9, 2023 If you have trouble going to sleep at night, lie at the very edge of the bed you'll soon drop off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted February 9, 2023 Report Share Posted February 9, 2023 When I was small, I used to pray to God for a bike. But then I realised that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness. Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted February 9, 2023 Report Share Posted February 9, 2023 I just read a book titled: "The History of Cannibalism" By Henrietta Mann. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted February 9, 2023 Report Share Posted February 9, 2023 What happens if you get scared half to death twice? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted February 9, 2023 Report Share Posted February 9, 2023 I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted February 9, 2023 Report Share Posted February 9, 2023 A good pun is its own reword. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted February 9, 2023 Report Share Posted February 9, 2023 Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humour. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted February 9, 2023 Report Share Posted February 9, 2023 Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run. Death hates that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted February 9, 2023 Report Share Posted February 9, 2023 3 hours ago, Bazza said: Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humour. Very humerus. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted February 9, 2023 Report Share Posted February 9, 2023 It should be. You posted it back in 2006. new joke, also posted by Dave in 2006: If she won't live forever, why give her a diamond? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 9, 2023 Report Share Posted February 9, 2023 There are two types of people in this world: Those who divide people into two types, and those who don't. (I'm the latter.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted February 9, 2023 Report Share Posted February 9, 2023 At least it is logically consistent… Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted February 9, 2023 Report Share Posted February 9, 2023 I always wanted to be a Gregorian Monk, but I never got the chants. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.