Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 22, 2023 Report Share Posted January 22, 2023 I don't have kids, but this is the kind of dad I would want to be. My 14-year-old sent a text asking me to pick her up from school and added "not in your pajamas". So, I'm wearing hers because good dads listen. BoloOfEarth and Ockham's Spoon 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 22, 2023 Report Share Posted January 22, 2023 My daughter is a little taller than average for her age, but there is a precisely 0% chance that I could wear her pajamas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 22, 2023 Report Share Posted January 22, 2023 I read today that Ricardo Montalban had a hard time finding acting work after starring in the second Star Trek movie. Nobody wanted to hire an ex-Khan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted January 23, 2023 Report Share Posted January 23, 2023 slikmar, Pariah, Cancer and 1 other 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 25, 2023 Report Share Posted January 25, 2023 What pronouns does chocolate use? her/she. wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 25, 2023 Report Share Posted January 25, 2023 Pariah, Ockham's Spoon and L. Marcus 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted January 27, 2023 Report Share Posted January 27, 2023 An American couple are driving through Canada and stop at a gas station to fuel up. As the man goes into the station to pay, his wife calls out to him, “Ask them where we are!” So the husband walks in, pays and asks, “By the way, where are we?” To which the attendant answers, “Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.” The man goes back to his car and the wife asks, “Where are we?” “He doesn't speak English" replies the husband. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Liaden Posted January 27, 2023 Report Share Posted January 27, 2023 Or, per encounters I've had: "He doesn't speak American." Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 28, 2023 Report Share Posted January 28, 2023 A big tub of margarine fell on my foot yesterday, and it still hurts today. I can't believe it's not better. Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 28, 2023 Report Share Posted January 28, 2023 Q: Why did Severus Snape cross the road? A: He didn't. He doesn't. He just stands in the middle of the road, so you'll never be sure which side he's on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 29, 2023 Report Share Posted January 29, 2023 The older I get, the more I come to miss the people I've lost along the way. Maybe being a tour guide wasn't the best career choice for me. Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted January 31, 2023 Report Share Posted January 31, 2023 A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you...don't bother coming after me" Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction. After a short while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom. She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note. After a few minutes, he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone. "She's finally gone...yeah I know, about bloody time, I'm coming to see you, put on that sexy French nightie. I love you...can't wait to see you...we'll do all the naughty things you like." He hung up, grabbed his keys and left. She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed, seething with rage and with tears in her eyes. She grabbed the note to see what he wrote. Spoiler "I can see your feet. We're outta bread; be back in five minutes." Pariah and slikmar 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted February 1, 2023 Report Share Posted February 1, 2023 Cancer and Logan D. Hurricanes 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted February 1, 2023 Report Share Posted February 1, 2023 CYCLOPS: How do u spell Hawai? WIFE: well..u need 2 i's CYCLOPS [puts pen down] my life is just a joke to u isn't it Linda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted February 1, 2023 Report Share Posted February 1, 2023 When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, covered in bee stings and smelling like honey, you know she's a keeper. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted February 3, 2023 Report Share Posted February 3, 2023 I told the carpenter not to carpet my steps. He gave me a blank stair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 4, 2023 Report Share Posted February 4, 2023 A woman is feeling romantic one night, so she sends her boyfriend this text message: If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. And if you are crying, send me your tears. After a minute or two she gets this text message back: I'm sitting on the toilet. Please advise. Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 4, 2023 Report Share Posted February 4, 2023 The other day, I noticed an ambulance down the street. I walked down and saw the paramedics attending to a man lying on the ground. He didn't look like he was seriously injured, so that was good. I asked his neighbor if he knew what happened. He said, "Yeah, it was the darndest thing. He and his wife were having an argument, and at one point, she admitted that he was right. He was so shocked that he just fainted." BoloOfEarth 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Liaden Posted February 5, 2023 Report Share Posted February 5, 2023 This isn't so much a joke, as an exchange on the forums from many years ago I just happened to remember tonight. We were having a discussion on the Champions forum of the different ways we might use the Champs supervillainess Gravitar in a campaign. One poster, whose username escapes me after all this time, wrote: "I would totally use Gravitar so hard she couldn't sit down for a week!" To which I wrote back: "She has 40 STR, 30 CON, and 24 PD. Good luck." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 5, 2023 Report Share Posted February 5, 2023 A man was looking through his credit card statement when he saw several unexpected charges. He asked his wife, "Honey, do you know what these charges are?" "Yes," she said. "I've been taking classes so that you'll stop making fun of my cooking." He looked more closely at the statement and then said, "Wait a minute, these are for MMA classes." "That's right, honey," she said with a smile. Then she looked him straight in the eyes and whispered, "Don't ever make fun of my cooking again." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 6, 2023 Report Share Posted February 6, 2023 Q: What do you call someone who always points out the obvious? Spoiler A: Someone who always points out the obvious. Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted February 6, 2023 Report Share Posted February 6, 2023 A: a teacher. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted February 6, 2023 Report Share Posted February 6, 2023 2 hours ago, Pariah said: Q: What do you call someone who always points out the obvious? Hide contents A: Someone who always points out the obvious. 1 hour ago, Bazza said: A: a teacher. A: My wife Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted February 6, 2023 Report Share Posted February 6, 2023 When I was a kid. I wanted to play the guitar really badly. And after years of hard work, practice and dedication, I can now play the guitar really badly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted February 6, 2023 Report Share Posted February 6, 2023 8 hours ago, Pariah said: Q: What do you call someone who always points out the obvious? Reveal hidden contents A: Someone who always points out the obvious. In the case of these forums Bazza Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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