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An American couple are driving through Canada and stop at a gas station to fuel up. As the man goes into the station to pay, his wife calls out to him, “Ask them where we are!”

So the husband walks in, pays and asks, “By the way, where are we?”

To which the attendant answers, “Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.”

The man goes back to his car and the wife asks, “Where are we?”

“He doesn't speak English" replies the husband.

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A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you...don't bother coming after me" Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.
After a short while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom. She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note.
After a few minutes, he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone. "She's finally gone...yeah I know, about bloody time, I'm coming to see you, put on that sexy French nightie. I love you...can't wait to see you...we'll do all the naughty things you like."
He hung up, grabbed his keys and left. She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed, seething with rage and with tears in her eyes. She grabbed the note to see what he wrote.

"I can see your feet. We're outta bread; be back in five minutes."


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A woman is feeling romantic one night, so she sends her boyfriend this text message:


If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.

If you are laughing, send me your smile. 

If you are eating, send me a bite.

If you are drinking, send me a sip.

And if you are crying, send me your tears.


After a minute or two she gets this text message back:


I'm sitting on the toilet. Please advise.

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The other day, I noticed an ambulance down the street. I walked down and saw the paramedics attending to a man lying on the ground. He didn't look like he was seriously injured, so that was good.


I asked his neighbor if he knew what happened. He said, "Yeah, it was the darndest thing. He and his wife were having an argument, and at one point, she admitted that he was right. He was so shocked that he just fainted." 

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This isn't so much a joke, as an exchange on the forums from many years ago I just happened to remember tonight.


We were having a discussion on the Champions forum of the different ways we might use the Champs supervillainess Gravitar in a campaign. One poster, whose username escapes me after all this time, wrote: "I would totally use Gravitar so hard she couldn't sit down for a week!"


To which I wrote back: "She has 40 STR, 30 CON, and 24 PD. Good luck."

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A man was looking through his credit card statement when he saw several unexpected charges. He asked his wife, "Honey, do you know what these charges are?"


"Yes," she said. "I've been taking classes so that you'll stop making fun of my cooking."


He looked more closely at the statement and then said, "Wait a minute, these are for MMA classes."


"That's right, honey," she said with a smile. Then she looked him straight in the eyes and whispered, "Don't ever make fun of my cooking again."

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