Pariah Posted December 15, 2022 Report Share Posted December 15, 2022 I broke up with a girl in college because she was obsessed with horoscopes. It really Taurus apart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 15, 2022 Report Share Posted December 15, 2022 And here I was thinking she was your Gemini. (Gem in your eye) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 15, 2022 Report Share Posted December 15, 2022 That's the Capricorniest thing I've ever heard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 15, 2022 Report Share Posted December 15, 2022 So it is not Aries Fairies? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted December 15, 2022 Report Share Posted December 15, 2022 Bob Barker is 99. That's as close as he can get to 100 without going over. Pariah, mattingly, wcw43921 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted December 15, 2022 Report Share Posted December 15, 2022 I try to be a good neighbour up in Canada, but spell check doesn't like u. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 15, 2022 Report Share Posted December 15, 2022 Q: What do you call a bedpan in Russia? Spoiler A: A poo tin. BoloOfEarth 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 16, 2022 Report Share Posted December 16, 2022 I prefer not to tempt fate and kick the bucket. I prefer to hand the bucket to the Grim Reaper with a note: “I believe this is yours”. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted December 16, 2022 Report Share Posted December 16, 2022 A lot of guys that refer to themselves as 'alpha males' make me think of the term 'alpha' in a software context, where alpha code is unstable, missing important features, filled with flaws, and not fit for the public. Pariah, BoloOfEarth and slikmar 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 17, 2022 Report Share Posted December 17, 2022 Wow, gas prices have dropped lower than my college GPA! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted December 19, 2022 Report Share Posted December 19, 2022 Me: It's not about how many times you fail, it's about how many times you get back up. Cop: That's not how field sobriety tests work. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 19, 2022 Report Share Posted December 19, 2022 If Korean pop music is called Kpop, is Chinese rap called Crap? BoloOfEarth 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted December 20, 2022 Report Share Posted December 20, 2022 3 hours ago, Pariah said: If Korean pop music is called Kpop, is Chinese rap called Crap? I've always maintained that "rap" just forgot to put the "C" at the beginning. tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted December 20, 2022 Report Share Posted December 20, 2022 Credit Dave Barry: French kissing is really sexy and romantic, at least according to French people, but bear in mind they also like to eat snails. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted December 21, 2022 Report Share Posted December 21, 2022 "Landlord" and "Landlady" are needlessly gendered terms. Please be more inclusive by using "Landbastard" instead Pariah and Cancer 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 24, 2022 Report Share Posted December 24, 2022 I was dating this girl back in college. One day I went to the gym and found her making out with one of the trainers. I told her, "Were done. This isn't working out." Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 24, 2022 Report Share Posted December 24, 2022 I was in a store the other day when I noticed they had a jar of dead batteries behind the counter. I asked the cashier how much she wanted for them. She handed them to me and said, "They're free of charge." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 1, 2023 Report Share Posted January 1, 2023 I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth. Now, I have this weird axe scent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted January 1, 2023 Report Share Posted January 1, 2023 Wasn't there an old spice mix that did that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 2, 2023 Report Share Posted January 2, 2023 Elevator pitch: it's a box on wires that goes up and down for you so you don't have to use the stairs anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 2, 2023 Report Share Posted January 2, 2023 What did Ensign Harry Kim say after he was promoted to Lieutenant? Spoiler "Computer, end program." BoloOfEarth, mattingly and Christougher 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 3, 2023 Report Share Posted January 3, 2023 A man went to a secluded spot at the beach to swim. Realizing that he'd forgotten his swimsuit, he decided just to take everything off and swim anyway. A while later when he was about to get out, he saw that two elderly women were approaching. Looking around quickly, he saw a bucket on the ground. He picked it up and covered himself. As he walked toward the women, one of them said, "You know, young man, I have a gift. I can read minds, tell what people are thinking." "Oh really? What do you think I'm thinking right now?" The old woman grinned. "You're thinking, 'I bet this bucket has a bottom to it'." tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 3, 2023 Report Share Posted January 3, 2023 One night a chimpanzee walks into a bar, and in perfect English, orders a martini. Bartender is amazed by this, but decides to go along with it. He makes the drink and takes it to the chimpanzee. Upon receiving the martini, the chimpanzee produces a $20 bill and hands it to the bartender. Again astonished, the bartender takes it back to the till. But he decides he's going to test the chimpanzee and see if he's really as smart as he appears. A moment later, the bartender returns and gives the chimpanzee only $1 in change. The chimpanzee takes the money, but says nothing. After a few minutes, the bartender's curiosity gets the better of him. Returning to the chimpanzee, he says, "You know, this is all very unusual. We hardly ever get a chimpanzee in here." The chimpanzee takes a sip of his drink and replies, "Well, at $19 a martini, I can't really say I'm surprised." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted January 5, 2023 Report Share Posted January 5, 2023 A man knocked on my door today asking for donations to the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water. If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 5, 2023 Report Share Posted January 5, 2023 "Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?" "No sun." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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