Ragitsu Posted February 13, 2012 Report Share Posted February 13, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... "Ah, language of the gods" "Latin? "C plus plus" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow Hawk Posted February 13, 2012 Report Share Posted February 13, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... 4th edition DnD continues... Theren the Archer, Elven Ranger Goguin the Faithful, Dwarven Cleric Toarn the Maniac, Human Barbarian Alek the Evil, Human Blackguard Samm the Compensating, Human Fighter Sepheris the Scary, Shadow Rogue Darrek the Redundant, Dwarf Fighter GM: Sepheris hits, and rolls all dice on the table as damage. Goguin: I hit him for only 7 points of damage. GM: The monster had damage resistance 10. Samm: "Negative, it didn't go in, it just impacted on the surface!" Alek: It's not the things coming out and saying "Hi", it's the ones that come out screaming "Die, Infidels!" Goguin gets hit with a fear effect and flees... Samm: What's Goguin doing? Alek: The land speed record. Therin: We better follow him, he's got the torch. Therin: Sepheris nuked another one. Sepheris: I don't use nuclear weapons. Therin: Why not? Samm: Because they don't do enough damage. Samm: Hi, I'm a defender, I'm here to hurt you. Sepheris: No, you're there to be hit instead of me. Goguin gives advice... "Don't argue semantics with the guy holding *The Book of Vile Darkness*!" Evil Wizard NPC: I'll kill you for striking me! Samm: That's why all seven of us are attacking you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drhoz Posted February 13, 2012 Report Share Posted February 13, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... In Cthulhu, something that's been a long time coming - Rondale and Johnson are just settling down for the evening, when an urgent telegram is delivered. JOHNSON RONDALE DAGON CULT LOCATED LOUISIANA STOP JOIN ME N ORLEANS ASAP STOP WILL MEET YOU RSTA STOP L STOP The next train they can catch leaves in a few hours - they have enough time to head around to pick up McGinty, but he isn't in. GM: Al is there though - busily topping up McGinty's whiskey with urine. Rondale: That won't work, he knows what urine smells like - he wakes up in a puddle of his own often enough. Rondale : McGinty could dedicate poetry to bottles - 'This is the best bottle ever... I brained three people in one night with it... GM: ... I don't remember what happened to the contents... Rondale : It's a mystery for the ages' McGinty isn't there because he's enjoying a 'rest cure' before the election. Rondale: I'm no doctor, but I pretty sure he'd dry out faster if you stopped serving him alcohol. Some Spoilers ahead for the scenario The Iron Ghost, from Fearful Passages. But not until they actually get to the station, anyway. And why is Professor Einstein at McGinty's place with a box of chocolates and congratulations? Aldous Quinn : Well, I kind of put Mr McGinty in there myself... Rondale: Holy Shit!!! You actually had him locked up? How??? Aldous Quinn : Do you know how easy it is to get Mr McGinty to sign away his power of attorney when he's drunk? GM : So you told Deborah the good news, and that's why she came around? Aldous Quinn : Nah. I just told Mr Rondale's sister, Scout. GM: Ah. And she told the rest of the anti-fan club. Prof. Einstein : Well, I must say your skill as a bodyguard impresses me. You clearly identified the biggest threat to McGinty and neutralised it - himself. GM: Well, I'm sure they'll have him properly dried out in time for the election Prof. Einstein: You're aware that alcohol withdrawal symptoms can kill you, aren't you? GM: Just as well he's getting the very best of medical care. Rondale : They'll have to surgically remove his Irishness - it's his only personality trait. Rondale's Player : 30 minutes in and we've got 5 McGinty quotes! Al's Player : And he's not even here! Rondale : So, Al, want to come down to New Orleans with us? It'll keep you out of McGinty's way in case he escapes and comes after you. Prof. Einstein: ... he will stay locked up, won't he? All : ... *worried pause* GM: ... probably. It's too overcast to summon star vampires, and he can't see Aldebaran, so that rules out some of the other possibilities. Agent Johnson : What about zombie minions? GM: He'll need a body to cast that on. Agent Johnson: You really think he'll be short a corpse for long? It'll just be slightly... fresh. Prof. Einstein: Well, it's appropriate - we're going South, and he's getting un-soused. Rondale's player: Sorry, Drhoz, it's one of the rules - I have to needle the GM once per session. Rondale : See you later, Einstein, we're off to Louisiana! GM: ONCE per session, you said. Rondale: Well, you have to admit I'll need a good reason to take the professor along. At first glance she's the kind of civilian that'll get into trouble, and get the rest of us killed going back to help her. The person in the pumpkin suit is the last one you expect to have a .44 Magnum and know how to use it. GM: Anyway, you've still got time to pack your carpetbags and get to the station. Aldous Quinn : Not carpetbags! D: Rondale: Well, I'd better throw some clothes together. Trenchcoat. Trenchcoat. Trenchcoat. Trenchcoat.... Aldous Quinn: Mr Rondale? There's a problem. Rondale: I know, I don't have enough Fedoras. Aldous's player: Don't worry, there's plenty of people that don't believe Tasmania is a real place. Rondale's player : Well it isn't. GM: Ouch. Rondale's player: OK, I apologise to any Tasmanians that might read this. All three of you. Although something ominous does happen at the station. GM: A tall, dark figure looms out of the fog... Rondale: Argh! BLAMBLAMBLAM. GM: Rondale OoC: Sorry Big Bird! Agent Johnson OoC : After this many investigations, of course we're jumpy. 'You walk into a room and sea a teacup -' 'Shoot it!!!' Rondale OoC: Rule Four - If it warrants description, kill it. Rondale's player : Sorry Drhoz, you've instilled in us a fear of big words GM: ... and its eyes glow a luminous green... Rondale OoC: It's a Final Fantasy character, kill it! They do open fire on it, however, when it starts exhaling green vapour. Also, grenades are thrown. This despite the other people on the platform. So it's probably just as well that the figure disperses into the fog, and the investigators find themselves with guns unfired and grenades unthrown. Although the other waiting passengers do look at them oddly. Rondale : What.. the... hell? Did the rest of you just see that? Aldous Quinn: *face white and sweaty* I didn't see nuffin', Mr Rondale. I.... I'll just be gettin' the luggage aboard then. The salon car is nearly empty of passengers, bar a Harvard philosopher Einstein happens to know, a woman and two children, and a man enjoying a nap while he waits for the dining car to open. The staff are uniformly surly and uncommunicative. Rondale : There's only two ways this can end - with everybody in the room shot, or the train derailed. NO OTHER OPTIONS. The conductor and bartender also bear a strong family resemblance - hunched and sallow. Rondale : So, is your family name Igor? Conductor : *looks at him blankly, gives him a menu card, and slouches off* Aldous Quinn : I think I'll be avoiding the white meat. The philosophy professor is deeply engrossed in a volume of Nietzsche. Aldous Quinn : *shrugs* Nietzsche's quest for the superman is irrelevant in the modern world. Baggage stowed in the sleeping car, Rondale prowls the carriage as the others head back to the salon car to play out that Cthulhu-themed chess game they found at the Boucher House, read the Revelations of Glaaki, and argue the nature of reality with the professor. Rondale : Why are you playing out THAT game? Aldous Quinn : I wanted to see who would win GM: You're letting Johnson read the tome? Rondale: Sure am - I want to know what's in it, without going mad myself. GM: Ah. Therefor 'Let the noob read it first' The Revelations have some interesting contents, and include some spells the Investigators have not yet transcribed into the Givetti Grimoire. Spells they already know include the useful 'Command Ghost', by which the dead can be interrogated. Rondale's Player: Ah, the spell 'F*** Campaigns' Aldous Quinn's Player: No, 'Shoot First, Ask Questions Later' Rondale : I know how to Contact Hydra Aldous OoC : *saluted* HAIL HYDRA! Oh, sorry, wrong Hydra. Rondale OoC : I really should get a vibranium shield, I've already got a 1911. Rondale's prowling reveals nothing untoward, apart from grotesque gargoyle-like ornamental brass panels in every berth. After checking that the conductor is actually asleep, Rondale unpacks the standard-issue crowbar and pries one off the wall, but it seems perfectly ordinary, if ugly. GM: Are you quite finished vandalising the fittings? Rondale : I not yet BEGUN vandalising this train! At least they're well-equipped for whatever faces them in the Deep South. Prof. Einstein : You brought dynamite?! Agent Johnson : I brought 12 sticks! The two professors are enjoying a good argument, too, whole they wait for the dining car to open. GM : A quantum theorist versus a professor of philosophy? This could go all night! GM: All these quotes and we're only two pages into the scenario - I can make this last for weeks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drhoz Posted February 13, 2012 Report Share Posted February 13, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Pathfinder Society 'First Steps' Mission Three. Some spoilers. GM: Drow, this setting is perfect for you - you were so interested in oriental warrior culture you took up Zen archery Player One: I watched anime once Player Two : I've watched it twice XD Me: I married a Japanese teacher Player Two: ... touché. Rumbaba : It probably would be useful to somebody with survival knowledge along - 'why yes, the snake with the flared neck and all the fangs is venomous, why do you ask?' NPC : It's the absolute low of the city - Sorry halfling. Rumbaba : So, what are the women on this island like? GM: All kinds - mammals, reptiles, quadrupedal... Rumbaba : Sweet! Rumbaba : We'll buy a couple of mules GM's dog : *barks from outside window* Rumbaba: Alright, riding dogs. Happy now? GM: And you get a pile of furs as well. Do you want to make cold-weather gear and coon-skin hats out of them? Rumbaba: Pardon? Sorry, I was imagining what the priestess would look like in a fur bikini Priestess: *slap!* Rumbaba: Telepath too, is she? GM : No, but she does have Sense Motive. GM: The temperatures tonight will be dropping low enough to kill. Rumbaba : *looks hopefully at Priestess* Share body warmth? GM : ... and the occasional distant splash signals the presence of frogs Rumbaba : Bud... weis... ser... Party Sorceress picks a completely unnecessary fight. Other party members are not impressed, especially after Rumbaba had already negotiated for some much-needed leech repellent. Rumbaba : *reluctantly rushing back to help her, AGAIN* If I get killed coming back to save your stupid ass twice, I swear I'm going to haunt you. Rumbaba : How does a Kobold hum, anyway? They don't have lips. And after the climactic fight - Rumbaba : What happened to this one? Party archer : He's emulating the racial archetypes 'gillman' and 'hedgehog' Rumbaba : Ah, Porcupine Fish XD GM : You can still target them as they escape through the moonpool - it's like shooting fish in a barrel Rumbaba : *holds up the enemy's satchel* I got her stuff *wistful sigh* Pity... I was hoping to get into her pants. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christopher Posted February 13, 2012 Report Share Posted February 13, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... "Ah, language of the gods" "Latin? "C plus plus" But you need to mind where you point to, or you might wreck to local runtime environment (Universe). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drhoz Posted February 13, 2012 Report Share Posted February 13, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... With the unlucky Landship Immovable swiftly traumatised by the arrival of Magos Marzu, the crew of the Rose Tattoo may well have hoped that the subsequent attack on the Irresistible would go equally as well. Unfortunately, the latter Landship has had enough warning to raise all its void shields, and it appears it would rather fight to the bitter end than submit to the Rogue Trader and his crew. Certainly, Marzu can’t really on any of his usual tactics – he can’t teleport in through the fields, and blowing the Landship off the face of the planet is out of the question. Not only would that risk destroying or simply loosing the Iron Hands Space Marine relic they’re after, but trying to target anything on the ground, when the ship is being tugged about by tidal effects, and suffering perceptible drag even from the traces of atmosphere that high up, makes for some very difficult manoeuvring. The Irresistible has no such problem – true, the storm-wracked skies of Zayth mean they can’t actually see what they’re firing at, but radar arrays (and long practise) mean at least a third of the house-sized shells they fire will hit the Rose Tattoo. Or would do, if Jak’s mastery of the controls hadn’t had the kilometres-long starship pirouetting like a ballerina around the incoming shells. Navigator Netzach Benetek OoC: I've checked, and I'm actually 29. Lord-Captain van Baroque OoC: Years or Tonnes? Instead, Marzu suggests loading one of the drop pods they acquired with himself, a few of his more combat-ready tech-priests, and a half-dozen armsmen, and going down to shake some sense into the Zaythi. The Lord-Captain notices one of the other advantages of this scheme as well. GM : 'Ok, turn the ship around, we're going home. We're leaving Marzu here.' A happy thought, at least until he remembers he needs a Tech-Priest of Marzu's undeniable talents to keep the starship's relic systems in working order. Either way, Jak will have to stay at the Rose Tattoo's helm, however. Because as long as the Irresistible is firing at them, they are less likely to notice the drop pod coming the other way. Needless to say, descending into an oncoming artillery barrage just adds to the excitement of the descent. Magos Casu Marzu: First one to grab the chest bars is a pussy Here narrated to the Apocalypse theme from BSG : The Plan - A piece of incidental music I've been intending to use since the start of the campaign, in just such a scene. Cavil : *rants about wanting to see X-rays and smell dark matter* Magos Casu Marzu: *looks innocent* What? GM: Indeed - you've probably already got a dark matter detector wired up to your olfactory bulb. GM: The clouds lit from below by red lightning, and lit brighter by the macrocannon barrage, each shell trailing fire and ribbons of smoke, rising thousands of kilometres towards the starship. Even in near vacuum, the shock of their passage makes the drop-pod tremble, and by the time the potholes are ablaze with the heat of re-entry, the pod is thrown violently about by the sky-tearing violence of the passing shells, any one of which could obliterate you in an instant. The external cameras show the clouds rushing up towards you, until the pod is struck by lightning that crawls for seconds across the red-hot metal, and then there's just the blasted surface of Zayth and the great blue bubble of the landship's void shields filling the world and the sudden crashing weight as the retros fire and you all black out. After the drop pod finishes rolling across the roof of the landship, and jams itself into a crease in the hull, it’s only a matter of time until Marzu and his troops blast their way into the Irresistible’s bridge, and take the Elder-Tacticians hostage. But they refuse to surrender - for some reason they seem horrified by what will happen to them if they do. Irresistible's Elder-Tactician: *laughing bitterly* You have no idea, do you? You have raised the Indefatigable back to prominence, and you have no idea what you have unreleased. Even splashing their commander across the bridge does little to dissuade them from further resistance, at least until Marzu shouts at them some more and the new commander can accept this as an excuse to 'negotiate a ceasefire'. Marzu insists they complete these negotiations aboard the Rose Tattoo, but does offer to have the wounded treated aboard the ship - but again, this suggestion appals the Landship's crew. Eventually, the explorers determine why the Zaythi were so afraid of the Rose Tattoo's alliance with the Indefatigable - because the 'Silver God's attempt to re-unify the Zaythi usually involved the extermination of anybody that wouldn't agree, and the culling of one-sixth of the population of any Landships that were "weak enough to resist, but fail in that resistance". And the Indefatigable's crew have held fast to that belief ever since - one reason the other Landships were delighted to see them humiliated, and alarmed when the Rose Tattoo gave them encouragement. Jak Frost OoC: The Irresistible got off lightly - if Marzu hadn't worked we would have just dropped Benetek on them. BOOOOOOOOM. Magos Marzu OoC: I can see the collision in slow motion... hits... deforms... wobble wobble wobble. GM: Hypnotic, isn't it? Jak Frost OOC: One day he's going to be too big to fit on the ship, and we'll have to shove him outside anyway. Lord-Captain van Baroque: And one day another ship will say 'Agh! We're being attacked by a giant space amoeba!' And then the ship's counsellor will say 'Captain, wait! I can feel its thoughts... it wants to be our... Navigator?' With all that resolved, the Lord-Captain can finally put that trophy room of his to some diplomatic use, and intends to persuade representatives from the Landships Ironclad, Unbreakable, Indefatigable, and others, aboard, in an attempt to hammer out some mutually agreeable treaty whereby the Landships call a ceasefire in their millennia-old war, and the van Baroques make great big piles of money. Or become hereditary Governors of Zayth. Either is acceptable. The Irresistible’s people – the first Zaythi that have actually been up to the Rose Tattoo - are suitably impressed by the trophy room, especially the large number of pickled and stuffed Ork heads, but the situation is nonetheless tense – but then, finding a common cause for a dozen different factions who have been attempting to exterminate each other for the last twelve thousand years is not the sort of thing that be achieved over tea and biscuits. The presence of the Indefatigable contingent will no doubt have a number of the other Landships distinctly concerned – possibly it has something to do with the air of homicidal religious mania hovering about them. Those missionaries the Rose Tattoo brought along will prove useful, as well – just the sort of people you need when you’re exploiting religious revivals for diplomatic reasons. The young preacher, Titus Garvel, who had proved so useful in the weeks previous with his knack for diplomacy and natural compassion, will be a particularly good choice. Although they do need to shift the cagebirds elsewhere for the time being - having a delegate grabbed and eaten by something with six-inch claws would look bad. Magos Marzu: What are we feeding these things, anyway? Jak Frost: Orphans. Lord-Captain van Baroque: One of these days I'm going to get this ship refitted. And show up that smug bastard dePlague. I mean, dePledge. GM: dePlague? Lord-Captain van Baroque: A pox on him. Actually, upgrading the ship would be nice, assuming they can afford it. Especially after they start comparing their own ship to some that might be available Navigator Netzach Benetek OoC: OK our ship is officially too small: size-wise we could even land it here in Kings Park... Magos Marzu OoC : It's not the size that matters, it's the content of weapons and equipment - like 2 nova cannons and the ability to fit the Rose Tattoo in its cargo bay as an escape craft. ... Not to forget the ability to have Imperator gating cannon on each side for pesky planets that get in the way ... yeh that's the stuff" Navigator Netzach Benetek OoC:*clicks Buy Now on getyourcheapmassconveyernow.com.au* That should take care of that Logician issue... but might give Drhoz a headache... Magos Marzu: Benetek has more chins than a Chinese phonebook. Magos Marzu : You know, we should place bets on Benetek versus that thing with all the eyes and claws. Jak Frost: We'd let it out of the cage first, right? Some sort of orbital facility, to act as neutral ground for the Zaythi, might be a good idea too. Perhaps they can leave Marzu behind to keep the peace while the rest of them pop over to the Breaking Yards and purchase a suitable hulk to refit? Magos Marzu : True we do need a space station - but the Orks are right next door in the 'Undred 'Undred Teef. So it would have to be a big F*** OFF station. And secondly if you think I'm going to stay back and wait, while you go to the Breaking Yards, you have been eating the wrong herbs with your baby back ribs. Navigator Netzach Benetek : I'd never eat baby back ribs! Babies are way too small.... although baby elephants might do, lightly roasted , with a little garlic-mint sauce... *drools* Magos Marzu : You'd eat baby back ribs, and the rest, if it went anywhere near your mouth. Why do you think I pass the salt with the power fist? But all that aside, the Irresistible’s people do agree to hand over the late Space Marine’s helmet, in return for the promise of protection, and certain trade concessions. This, once in the hands of the explorers, gives them the clue they need to prove the cause of death – a curious slash neatly aligned along the weakest point of the back of the neck seal. This has Marzu examining the cervical vertebrae of the remains, and working free from between them the thing that brought him down so suddenly - a fragment of an Eldar shuriken. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
techdestroyer Posted February 19, 2012 Report Share Posted February 19, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... In our Saturday game - Adonis, superpower extreme good looks, hypnosis, strength. Just after his trousers had been torn off as part of our plan to kill the sentinel went wrong - "It's okay, I don't need them. Infact, I never needed them." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Mackinder Posted February 19, 2012 Report Share Posted February 19, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... An AD&D game, many many years ago. Things had been going well for the party. They had gone really really deep into the dungeon, well past what was previously known. There had been persistent rumours of various wonders yet to be found, including a ferocious wyrm and gateways to other worlds - all of which the PCs were determined to find. They break into a new tunnel, totally unlike anything they have previously seen. This tunnel is huge, several metres high and wide, arched at the top and very regular in shape. Part of the dragon's lair, they guess, doubtless worn smooth by the vile creature's comings and goings. The party are just starting to check their surroundings, including some odd things about the floor, when they see the glare of the dragon's eyes down one end of the tunnel, and hear its roar as it charges towards them. Being experienced dungeoneers, they immediately fall into standard battle formation. Close-in fighters in the front rank. Polearm guys right behnd them in the second rank. Spell-lobbers powering up at the rear of the formation. They've fought dragons before, and they know the drill. The entire party is then hamburgered by a commuter train in Sydney's underground railway system. Lord knows what the police investigation made of it all. Yeah, the GM worked for the railways, and he thought it would be funny to teleport the party to an area he knew well - specifically, the stretch between Wynyard and Town Hall Stations (known to be an ... "interesting" place, anyhow). The Players almost killed him for that - before working up new characters to head down there and try to avenge their predecessors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christopher Posted February 20, 2012 Report Share Posted February 20, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... The Players almost killed him for that - before working up new characters to head down there and try to avenge their predecessors. He should have seen that comming. Like the 11 O'clock train... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matrix3 Posted February 20, 2012 Report Share Posted February 20, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... He should have seen that comming. Like the 11 O'clock train... Well, he was trying to railroad them. Lucius 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drhoz Posted February 21, 2012 Report Share Posted February 21, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... An AD&D game, many many years ago. Things had been going well for the party. They had gone really really deep into the dungeon, well past what was previously known. There had been persistent rumours of various wonders yet to be found, including a ferocious wyrm and gateways to other worlds - all of which the PCs were determined to find. They break into a new tunnel, totally unlike anything they have previously seen. This tunnel is huge, several metres high and wide, arched at the top and very regular in shape. Part of the dragon's lair, they guess, doubtless worn smooth by the vile creature's comings and goings. The party are just starting to check their surroundings, including some odd things about the floor, when they see the glare of the dragon's eyes down one end of the tunnel, and hear its roar as it charges towards them. Being experienced dungeoneers, they immediately fall into standard battle formation. Close-in fighters in the front rank. Polearm guys right behnd them in the second rank. Spell-lobbers powering up at the rear of the formation. They've fought dragons before, and they know the drill. The entire party is then hamburgered by a commuter train in Sydney's underground railway system. Lord knows what the police investigation made of it all. Yeah, the GM worked for the railways, and he thought it would be funny to teleport the party to an area he knew well - specifically, the stretch between Wynyard and Town Hall Stations (known to be an ... "interesting" place, anyhow). The Players almost killed him for that - before working up new characters to head down there and try to avenge their predecessors. Beautiful XD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drhoz Posted February 21, 2012 Report Share Posted February 21, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Spoilers for the Pathfinder Society mission The Quest For Perfection PT 1 : The Edge of Heaven In the free city of Goka, on account of a athletics tournament hosted by one Ruby Phoenix Rumbaba: So, what is this Ruby Phoenix anyway? GM: She's humanoid Rumbaba: Ah, that's good - I afraid she'd be some kind of fiery magpie, and her 'treasure vault' would just be a pile of shiny things that caught her eye. GM : Hundreds of Pathfinders have come to Goka to compete. Rumbaba: The depressing thing is that that means our enemies have free reign everywhere else. GM: They need to climb up the mountain to the monastery. Nobody has seen the monks in years. Rumbaba: Hang about...if nobody has seen them in years, where are they getting their food from? Rumbaba : I'll spend the trip practising my chat-up lines on Kyra the cleric, in Tian. GM: She doesn't speak Tian. Rumbaba: Still a better result than last week, when she'd just slap me. GM: The locals shun the mountain these days. Rumbaba: It's the piles of dead mountaineers that's the give-away We do persuade the guides to wait Rumbaba: Just put it on the expense account. GM: They'll stay, but they're not happy about it. They heard a scream recently. Khuno Tome Yoshida: It's the Yeti breeding season - what's the problem? Rumbaba: There are no female Yeti - that's the problem Khuno Tome Yoshida: Well, you know what they say about oriental monks... Rumbaba: ... that they're badly dubbed? Rumbaba: We could have killed and skinned it, but none of us brought bags of salt along, and we have all those skins from last time anyway. And that fur bikini, which I'm still hoping Kyra will wear. GM: The guides will do everything to keep you warm tonight. Rumbaba: Reeeeeeealy..... GM : At the bottom of the cliff you find the bodies of assorted animals... Khuno Tome Yoshida: ... and Drow's character from the other group... Rumbaba: ... and some guy named Mallory Rumbaba: *Leaping from the top of a cliff into the arms of Lyra* You DO care! *face-plants into cleavage* Rumbaba: So the sorceress is above us, braced one foot either side of the crevice? Well, I'm enjoying the view anyway Khuno Tome Yoshida: You'll have to climb up one of the nostrils - that's basically the problem Falling from a great height, and landing heavily at the bottom of the cliff. Rumbaba: Ooof! Well, while I'm down here... *carves 'beware of Cave Fishers' on rockface* Khuno Tome Yoshida : Don't climb down there - they're bound to be undead. Rumbaba: I'm not going leave a pilgrim's body unburied, what kind of person do you think I am? Khuno Tome Yoshida : I'm telling you, don't do it - look around you, all these desecrated shrines and now corpses? Do you really believe there is anything good about this? Rumbaba: Ok, I'll PROVE they're not undead. *drags large rock over to edge of cliff, and lifts it over head* To any spirits that might be listening? I'm really not trying to desecrate your remains. One of the dessicated corpses : *hurriedly gets up and lurches off before Rumbaba can drop the rock* Rumbaba: ... OK, I take it back. More days of climbing, and increasing altitude sickness, and finally reaching the monastery Rumbaba: I swear I'm never going higher than a two-storey building again Rumbaba : If there's anybody still alive in there I'm telling to install a ****ing funicular railway. They have a huge bronze bell and tree-trunk bellhammer in the courtyard. Rumbaba: How the hell did they get that up here? Other GM: "A Wizard Did It" Rumbaba: Well, it's obviously a doorbell - come on, help me give it a push... BONGGGGG! Khuno Tome Toshida: I know you love the pipeweed, but.. GM : A rampaging Yeti appears! Rumbaba: You know, I thought you were joking about those Yeti.... Khuno Tome Yoshida: So did I. The party manages to survive the adventure, amazingly - it's a lethal script. The other table was one character short of a TPK, and apparently this isn't unusual. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christopher Posted February 21, 2012 Report Share Posted February 21, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Khuno Tome Yoshida : I'm telling you, don't do it - look around you, all these desecrated shrines and now corpses? Do you really believe there is anything good about this? Rumbaba: Ok, I'll PROVE they're not undead. *drags large rock over to edge of cliff, and lifts it over head* To any spirits that might be listening? I'm really not trying to desecrate your remains. One of the dessicated corpses : *hurriedly gets up and lurches off before Rumbaba can drop the rock* Rumbaba: ... OK, I take it back. Interesting version of "Detect Undead". But only works if they can't bite you directly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Engineer Posted February 22, 2012 Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Well' date=' he was trying to railroad them.[/quote'] Oh, come on. They trained for this. Lucius 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susano Posted February 22, 2012 Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Oh' date=' come on. They trained for this. [/quote'] *groan* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tim Posted February 23, 2012 Report Share Posted February 23, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... The party manages to survive the adventure, amazingly - it's a lethal script. The other table was one character short of a TPK, and apparently this isn't unusual. Almost tpk'ed my table on the boss fight when I ran it last week. WOuld have if I'd remembered rake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tim Posted February 23, 2012 Report Share Posted February 23, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Aslo during "Quest for perfection" ME (As GM): The cave fisher holding you goes limp. Female player: Yay! I like limp! First time in my life I've said that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hilstad Posted February 23, 2012 Report Share Posted February 23, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... GM (me, trying to put a feeling of barbary in the scene) : The battle is now over ... the battlefield is almost completly silent now, scents of burnt flesh and blood ... hacked corpses lying around ... crows and ravens are beginning to land to get their part of the sinister feast to come ... you slowly came to each other, driven by your weapons. (to PC-1) You see (PC-2) at a distance, he's waving a arm at you ... PC-1 : eerr ... one of his arms ? GM : ... Oh thank you, I just snorted so hard I shot chilli out my nose! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drhoz Posted February 23, 2012 Report Share Posted February 23, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Almost tpk'ed my table on the boss fight when I ran it last week. WOuld have if I'd remembered rake. Our GM was kind to us - certainly more so than the other table. Aslo during "Quest for perfection" ME (As GM): The cave fisher holding you goes limp. Female player: Yay! I like limp! First time in my life I've said that. XD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drhoz Posted February 23, 2012 Report Share Posted February 23, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... The Lord-Captain remains on Zayth to continue negotiations, while his ship is ordered to scout ahead to the co-ordinates given in the Mykybean Prophecy. This never actually happens, since the crew get slightly distracted by a Free Gretchin Republic, and the Navigator getting possessed. Swinging past the gas giant Ahemait on their way out of the system, on the off-chance some relic of the Zaythi's time as a space-faring people still remains. Delightfully, they find the wreckage of a space station among its uttermost moons, ideal for salvage and use as neutral ground for the Zaythi negotiations. Less delightfully, somebody fires a mass driver at them from a nearby retrograde moon, which the Zaythi's ancestors had apparently been mining for the metal content. Easily dodging the chunks of nickel-iron, the Rose Tattoo sends Marzu, Jak, Astropath Adrik and a dozen heavily-armed Styrxis Vat-Brutes over to give those responsible a piece of their minds. Benetek tags along in his void-mumu because this expedition should prove amusing. GM: The Vat-Brutes are still exactly where Marzu left them, dully sitting against the walls and exuding an aura of hopeless despair. Jak: I'll put some My Little Ponies videos on for them, that'll cheer them right up. GM: MLP:FiM, I hope, not Gens 1 to 3? Jak: Of course, I want them to cheer up, not kill themselves. The moonlet in question, it turns out, has been infested by Orkoids, but the fight is much easier than it might otherwise have been, since all the Orkoids are the smaller, runt-like Gretchin subspecies. Indeed, the resulting turkey shoot is almost entirely one way, what with the Explorers having better weapons, void suits that aren't full of holes, and the foresight not to run around so fast they go into orbit. Even the gretchin's banner - a ragged red flag - avails them little, as the humans and their purchased Vat-Brutes work their way down into the complex, blowing up or ripping apart each bulkhead as they go. Navigator Netzach Benetek: For a moment the airflow stops... I'm stuck in the hole. Magos Marzu: I'm going to get coloured jumpsuits for all the crew - no more people sneaking around from section to section. GM: Are you going to colour-code the corridors too, so people in red jumpsuits can't go in Orange corridors? Magos Marzu: No, this isn't Paranoia GM: First Precept of the Adeptus Mechanicus - 'The Computer is NOT your friend' Navigator Netzach Benetek: I grab one of the Gretchin as they're blown past and take a bite. GM: How are you doing that through a space suit? Navigator Netzach Benetek: It's wearing a space suit? GM: No, you are. Navigator Netzach Benetek : Oh, yes, I forgot. GM: You could always take a few back to the ship and give them to your personal chef. Navigator Netzach Benetek: That's true GM: And Ork flesh IS edible - one Rogue Trader discovered they make a passable vodka, if you boil them long enough Magos Marzu: And they'll be conveniently freeze-dried too. GM: Chilled Gretchin brains Navigator Netzach Benetek: Gretchin Finger Salad *drool* Eventually they corner the Gobbo leader in the last chamber, when he waves the red banner and with a shout of "Free Gretchin Republic Forever!!!" he yanks on a detonation lever. Astropath Adrik: I lock the lever in place with Telekinesis. GM : The Gretchin frantically tugs on the lever, with increasing desperation, and by the time the rest of you move into the room he's jumping up and down on it. Magos Marzu: Ok, you two brutes grab that Gretchin and make a wish Vat-Brutes: ??? Magos Marzu: *sighs* Just tear him in half, OK? After that, they go inspect their other prize. Marzu is so delighted with the station that his spends some time running up and down the corridors, mechadendrites flailing, at the sight if all this lovely, lovely technology to dissect, before he settles down long enough to see if he can actually get it running again. But then, as a tech-priest, he's mostly immune to one other aspect of the wreck - the ruined space station is deeply creepy, and it's not just the atmospheric gases frozen to the walls. Both the psykers, and soon enough Jak, his co-pilot R.D. and even Marzu can feel the presence of something in the room with them. Something long dead, a ghost so old it's even forgotten it ever had a name, reduced to a desperate longing to return home to Zayth. Returning inside one of the explorers will do nicely. Netzach is promptly possessed, but his odd behaviour makes the others suspicious enough to scan his brain. GM: Yup, there's two minds in there alright... Astropath Adrik: Funny, I didn't know Navigators reproduced by fission. Although I suppose he's big enough... Netzach and his puppet-master panic, and he turns his Third Eye on them all. Jak is forced to shoot him, and Marzu orders the Vat-Brutes to subdue Netzach long enough to drug him. GM: Marzu comes back with Netzach bobbing along behind at the end of a mechadendrite, like some ghastly balloon. Their Navigator comes around eventually, despite the double dose they had to hit him with. GM : You wake up in the dark, with the strange smell of bacon in the air. It's dark because they've tied a towel around your space helmet, and the smell of bacon probably comes from the hole Jak blasted in your belly with those pulse pistols of his. He's not the only one they had to drug either, because the entity slipped off into somebody else afterwards. R.D's repeated requests that they all return to the ship might mean she's possessed, but more likely are because the station is deeply unnerving, and there's two psykers on boards with her, AND she's just been told about the ghost. Of course, the Rose Tattoo's seneschal Jaranthine Hamerin isn't going to let any of them back on board if there's a chance the spirit will go around possessing people, so Marzu et al settle in to try and get the station into better shape by themselves. At least their ship can send over some supplies and tools. And who knows what archeotech they might find around the station? Magos Marzu: I'm going to need some WD-40 GM: And some duck tape Jak Frost : What do I find on the Commander's body? GM : .... Three gold coins and a potion of Spider Climb. Eventually, it occurs to them they might be able to get the ghost to move out of whoever it's possessing, if they offer a better candidate - i.e. one they can happily send off to Zayth and not care if he comes back dead. And they have just the candidate - Bob the Logician Assassin. Called Bob because that's what happens when you cut the legs and arms off somebody and throw him into a life-support tank. This appears to work, and now, at least, the station is in fit shape to be towed into high Zayth orbit. And from there it's only a short shuttle hop down to the planet, where the ghost eagerly slips free of the assassin's body, and out onto the surface... the blasted, lifeless surface of the planet it loved in life, before the Big War. Marzu returns to the Rose Tattoo leaving the spirit to, no doubt, wander howling its grief across the wasteland for the rest of eternity. Some interesting memos get circulated among the officers over the coming weeks, too. Dear fellow crew, I regret to inform you that Gretchin snacks appear not to agree with me. They seem to have added a few extra centimetres to my waist and elongated my fingernails into convenient skewers for late-night snacks. I guess this might be why they haven't caught on in the Imperium at large yet. I'm looking forward to hoverboard lessons from Jak so I'll be able to move about the ship once again... Yours, Netzach Benetek He botched his mutation checks, and if now so obese as to be incapable of movement under his own power, but has at least developed some impressive talons, so he wont have to mash the dial when trying to use the phone. Salute ! Attention to Orders - the following are effective immediate; 1) Orks are our dire enemies. Of the Xenos we are likely to encounter, they rank below Tyranids, Necrons, and for extermination. Ennoulians, Hrud, the Hazeroth and so-called Dark Eldar have a slightly higher priority too. 2) The enemy of our enemies are our "Friends”. This is a Rogue Trader vessel. Aliens are resources to be traded with. To that end Free Gretchin Republics, Empire-orientated Blood Axe Mercs, Deff Skullz-Freebooterz who act as privateers, Wealth-driven Bad Moonz are all potential markets and cobelligerents. Human life is sacred, Orkoids aren’t. If we need to for instance to invade the worlds of our foes I have no compunction about spending millions of Green skin lives to do so. Especially since in having done so they will keep coming back and plague our enemies for centuries. Especially since Orks cannot be corrupted by chaos, also remember it is believed that Tyranids and Orkoids are natural enemies. 3) Hybrids. One of the darkest secrets is the so called 'Half-Orks' . Tainted Humans hybridized in the womb with Ork DNA usually by Blood Axe Doks. Everything creating such must be exterminated. The Hybrids themselves are still abhumans and useful agents given that they have all the advantages of Orks and Humans. They must be co-opted and cared for. 4) The Alienage will host meetings as needed with Orkoids. Only Hybrids may live there however. 5) All Goffs must die. Leman Van Baroque, Lord Commodore, Rose Tattoo This would appear to be one of the command decisions the seneschal will have to mitigate - when the entire crew hates Orks with an overriding passion, the presence of any on board is unlikely to go down well. Marzu's plan to equip everybody with new overalls, etc, is unlikely to find favour either, as it will undo centuries of tradition on the ancient ship. GM : What about the sumptuary laws? Such as the one "No crewmember below C Deck is allowed to wear a hat"? Magos Marzu : I don't care about hats, I just want them to wear welding masks when they're working, and so on GM: Do they count as hats? Seneschal Jaranthine Hamerin: Current ruling is they're masks, providing they cover no more than half of the scalp. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xavier Onassiss Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Concerning players so paranoid they won't accept help from anyone, even their own allies. GM: (me) "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't hold his head underneath it until the bubbles stop coming out." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted February 25, 2012 Report Share Posted February 25, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... GM speaking, for an undead-making demon thing we're fighting: "I am going to make you my lich!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egyptoid Posted February 26, 2012 Report Share Posted February 26, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... from our Rogue Trader game: "about your data-slate, it is an I-Pad. stands for Imperial." (OOC) the AA has their own Space Marine Chapter: the Sons of Temperance Bumper-sticker seen on back of Imperial Cruiser "I'm in Communication with the Emperor" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow Hawk Posted February 26, 2012 Report Share Posted February 26, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... 4th edition DnD continues... Theren the Archer, Elven Ranger Goguin the Faithful, Dwarven Cleric Toarn the Maniac, Human Barbarian Alek the Evil, Human Blackguard Samm the Compensating, Human Fighter Sepheris the Scary, Shadow Rogue Darrek the Redundant, Dwarf Fighter We encounter a mind flayer. Alek: Toarn seems a little mind fried. Therin: How is that different than normal? We didn't know this until now, but it turns out Alek is a Werewolf. Alek: I sniff the throne. Samm: Are you going to mark it? Alek: I'm thinking about it. We find two arches... Goguin: Are they painted gold? Toarn: Golden arches? Goguin: Yes. Samm: We deserved a break today. We find a Eladrin corpse... Samm: How many Eladrin in a corps? DM: Where's Goguin? Samm: In the bathroom. DM: Goguin passes. Darrek, explaining why he dosen't need to be healed. Darrek: I used my second wind while Goguin was in the bathroom. We encounter some witches... Toarn: We don't just want to attack them for no reason. Therin: I don't know you anymore. We kill evil things. Toarn: I just kill things. Therin attacks for massive damage! Samm: Therin used a backpack nuke! Therin: No, I used a backpack Sepheris. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DusterBoy Posted February 26, 2012 Report Share Posted February 26, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Oh, come on. They trained for this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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