Jump to content

Jokes


Dust Raven

Recommended Posts

A German shepherd, a Doberman, and a cat die and find themselves facing God, who asks what they believe in.

 

The German shepherds says "I believe in discipline, training, and loyalty to my master."

 

God says "Very good, come sit at my right side.  Doberman, what do you believe?"

 

The Doberman says "I believe in love, care, and protection of my master."

 

God says "Very good, come sit at my left side.  Cat, what do you believe?"

 

The Cat answers "I believe you are sitting in my seat."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 hours ago, Logan.1179 said:

A cello player was found dead earlier this week. Police suspect he was murdered.


They think the crime was orchestrated, but could not rule out a random act of violins.

 

1 hour ago, Tjack said:

   Was he killed using a bow?

 

I hope they find the perp and string 'em up.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician.

 

"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."

 

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any other man in the country!"

 

He then proceeds to sing the Soviet anthem, so melodically and beautifully, that everybody in the bar cheers.

 

"Very good, very good!" says the politician. "But I still think you are spy."

 

The man continues to keep his cool.

 

"I am a historian! I can tell you everything about this glorious country!"

 

He then spends about two hours recounting the Revolution, the Great Patriotic War, about how superior to the Russia is in terms of technology compared to America and makes a great argument about how communism is beneficial to society.

 

"Amazing! You are skilled!" says the politician.

 

The spy smirks.

 

"But I still think you American spy."

 

The spy is getting frustrated, but still unfazed.

 

He replies, "I am good drinker, a true Russian! Let us drink, and see who can come out top!"

 

The bar turns its attention to the politician and the spy, who are now in a drinking contest.

 

The bartender serves drink after drink of vodka.

 

After about an hour of drinking, the politician nearly passes out, unable to hold as much liquor as the spy, to a resounding cheer amongst the bar.

 

In the midst of the cheering, the Russian politician gets up, smiling, and in a slurred speech, repeats, "You are good, you are good... but I still think you are spy."

 

The American spy, piss drunk, loses his skill and gives up.

 

"Okay, you got me. I am an American. But what made you think that way, after all this time?"

 

The Russian politician replies, "There aren't many black people in Russia."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Unfortunately, your content contains terms that we do not allow. Please edit your content to remove the highlighted words below.
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...