Logan D. Hurricanes Posted December 13, 2021 Report Share Posted December 13, 2021 I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numerals. IM LIVID Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted December 14, 2021 Report Share Posted December 14, 2021 I recently read this review of the movie Alien: "Alien is a movie where no one listens to the smart woman, and they all die except for the smart woman and her cat. Four stars." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted December 14, 2021 Report Share Posted December 14, 2021 It is so hard to deal with all the double standards these days. Burn a body at a mortuary and you are 'doing your job'. Burn a body at home and you are 'destroying evidence'. Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted December 15, 2021 Report Share Posted December 15, 2021 When my wife is depressed I let her color in my tattoos. She just wanted a shoulder to crayon. BoloOfEarth 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted December 15, 2021 Report Share Posted December 15, 2021 I just invented the first thought controlled air freshener. It makes scents when you think about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted December 15, 2021 Report Share Posted December 15, 2021 Does anybody know where a guy can find a person to hang out with, talk to, and enjoy spending time with? Asking for a friend. Ockham's Spoon and Pariah 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 16, 2021 Report Share Posted December 16, 2021 Q: What program do Jedi masters use to open PDFs? Spoiler A: Adobe-Wan Kenobi. Logan D. Hurricanes and mattingly 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 17, 2021 Report Share Posted December 17, 2021 My landlord texted me today saying, "We need to talk about how high your heating bill is." I responded, "Come over any time. My door's always open." Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 18, 2021 Report Share Posted December 18, 2021 A woman asked her husband one day, "Can you do something about the kitchen faucet? It's been dripping for a few days." He replied, "Do I look like a plumber?" A couple of days later she asked him, "The check engine light is on in my car. Can you help me figure it out?" He replied, "Do I look like a mechanic?" So a few days later she told him, "You don't need to worry about the car or the faucet. I got the new neighbor to take care of them." He replied, "Good, how much did he charge you for it?" "Well, he told me I could either bake him a cake or sleep with him." "So what kind of cake did you make for him?" She replied, "Do I look like a baker?" Tjack, Ockham's Spoon, aylwin13 and 1 other 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted December 18, 2021 Report Share Posted December 18, 2021 The fact that some people can't distinguish between etymology and entomology bugs me in ways I can't put into words. BoloOfEarth, Pariah and Christougher 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted December 19, 2021 Report Share Posted December 19, 2021 My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it's flat. In the end, he came around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tjack Posted December 19, 2021 Report Share Posted December 19, 2021 1 hour ago, Logan.1179 said: My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it's flat. In the end, he came around. ‘Ya know, if the world were flat, as long as there was gravity and half the world were on the bottom side you could still walk all the way around and if if it was gently curved enough at the edges you wouldn’t notice the change. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 19, 2021 Report Share Posted December 19, 2021 I finally finished writing my book on water buffalo. My publisher told me it would have been better to write it on paper instead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greywind Posted December 19, 2021 Report Share Posted December 19, 2021 What do you call an elderly Kodiak who forgot his dentures? Spoiler A gummy bear! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 22, 2021 Report Share Posted December 22, 2021 I switched all the labels on our spice rack the other day. My wife doesn't know it, but her thyme is cumin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted December 22, 2021 Report Share Posted December 22, 2021 Recently my clock lost its minute hand. Now, it's Spoiler on our time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted December 22, 2021 Report Share Posted December 22, 2021 You know, the year 2020 was bad, and 2021 hasn't proved to be much better, and I am starting to feel like my life is in season 5 of a TV series where the writers are just making up ridiculous shit to keep it interesting. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 22, 2021 Report Share Posted December 22, 2021 Robber: "If you want to live, give me all your money!" Me: "Bold of you to assume that I have any money ... or the will to live." Tjack 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 23, 2021 Report Share Posted December 23, 2021 What's the difference between a Christmas wrapping paper tube and a foolish person from the Netherlands? Spoiler One is a hollow cylinder; the other is a silly Hollander. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted December 23, 2021 Report Share Posted December 23, 2021 Her: Tell me something you've never told anyone else. Me: *whispering* I think the owl people are already among us. Her: Who? Me: Holy crap. BoloOfEarth 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted December 23, 2021 Report Share Posted December 23, 2021 I think that we should give people with important jobs the best drugs. After all with great powder comes great responsibility. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted December 24, 2021 Report Share Posted December 24, 2021 Spider-Man is great at quips because with great power comes great response ability. slikmar and wcw43921 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 24, 2021 Report Share Posted December 24, 2021 Spoilered for PG-13 content. Spoiler A woman is cleaning her teenage son's room when she discovers a box of fetish magazines and bondage gear. Shocked, she asks her husband what to do. "I'm no expert," the husband replies, "but I wouldn't spank him if I were you." wcw43921, BoloOfEarth and Tjack 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted December 26, 2021 Report Share Posted December 26, 2021 Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, we had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the channel. wcw43921 and slikmar 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmjalund Posted December 26, 2021 Report Share Posted December 26, 2021 2 hours ago, Ockham's Spoon said: Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, we had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the channel. It was shag both ways! Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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