BoloOfEarth Posted January 15, 2022 Report Share Posted January 15, 2022 True story - my college roommate dislocated his elbow (yowch!), and after they fixed it at the ER, he asked the doctor if he'd be able to play the piano after the arm healed. The doctor said, "Sure, I don't think that will be a problem." My roomie replied, "That's cool, I've never been able to play the piano before..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 16, 2022 Report Share Posted January 16, 2022 According to the moral theory of utilitarianism, as outlined by English philosopher Jeremy Bentham, if you come up with a funny word in scrabble you have to play it, even if you get less points. Existential Comics Pariah and mattingly 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted January 16, 2022 Report Share Posted January 16, 2022 That's generally my strategy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tjack Posted January 16, 2022 Report Share Posted January 16, 2022 14 hours ago, BoloOfEarth said: True story - my college roommate dislocated his elbow (yowch!), and after they fixed it at the ER, he asked the doctor if he'd be able to play the piano after the arm healed. The doctor said, "Sure, I don't think that will be a problem." My roomie replied, "That's cool, I've never been able to play the piano before..." ....And then the Doctor said “No pain killers for you.”🤒 Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted January 16, 2022 Report Share Posted January 16, 2022 If a couple want a baby that will then they hope go on to be a smartly dress attorney is that a law suit waiting to happen ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tjack Posted January 16, 2022 Report Share Posted January 16, 2022 9 minutes ago, death tribble said: If a couple want a baby that will then they hope go on to be a smartly dress attorney is that a law suit waiting to happen ? SMACK!!!!!!! And no pain killers for you either.🤛 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted January 16, 2022 Report Share Posted January 16, 2022 Re Spect Walk Are you talking to me ? Are you talking to me ? No way punk ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted January 17, 2022 Report Share Posted January 17, 2022 9 hours ago, death tribble said: If a couple want a baby that will then they hope go on to be a smartly dress attorney is that a law suit waiting to happen ? Hey, I married a woman who was at the time a smartly dressed attorney when she was at work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 18, 2022 Report Share Posted January 18, 2022 So I heard the guy who invented anagrams passed away today. May he erect a penis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 20, 2022 Report Share Posted January 20, 2022 I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth. Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent. Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted January 20, 2022 Report Share Posted January 20, 2022 I can only imagine that based on this conversation, this first date did not lead to a second: Her: I love eminem. Him: I prefer Skittles. Her: No, not the candy, the rapper. Him: Why would anyone eat the wrapper? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 20, 2022 Report Share Posted January 20, 2022 I would prefer a candy wrapper to Eminem, actually. aylwin13 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted January 20, 2022 Report Share Posted January 20, 2022 The Candy rapper was Foxy Brown or more recently Machine Gun Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 22, 2022 Report Share Posted January 22, 2022 I saw a thing on Facebook today wishing Tom Baker a happy birthday. So I responded by posting, "Who?" tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted January 22, 2022 Report Share Posted January 22, 2022 "Tonight here at the Autopsy Club, it's Open Mike night!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 22, 2022 Report Share Posted January 22, 2022 Where did Corporal Johnson go after getting lost in a minefield? Spoiler Everywhere. tkdguy and Logan D. Hurricanes 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tjack Posted January 22, 2022 Report Share Posted January 22, 2022 And how was he emotionally.? He fell all to pieces......he was all broken up....etc. 24 minutes ago, Pariah said: Where did Corporal Johnson go after getting lost in a minefield? Reveal hidden contents Everywhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 23, 2022 Report Share Posted January 23, 2022 3 hours ago, Pariah said: Where did Corporal Johnson go after getting lost in a minefield? Hide contents Everywhere. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L. Marcus Posted January 23, 2022 Report Share Posted January 23, 2022 Lt. George: "Oh, captain -- if we should happen to tread on a mine, what do we do?" Cpt. Blackadder: ".... Well, lieutenant, standard procedure is leaping two hundred feet into the air and scatter yourself over a large area." mattingly, Logan D. Hurricanes and Tjack 1 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted January 23, 2022 Report Share Posted January 23, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 23, 2022 Report Share Posted January 23, 2022 It's 6 months since I joined the gym and no progress. I'm going there in person tomorrow to find out what's really going on. mattingly and slikmar 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted January 25, 2022 Report Share Posted January 25, 2022 Pro-tip: If you can't think of a word, say "I forget the English word for it." That way people will think you are bilingual instead of an idiot. Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 25, 2022 Report Share Posted January 25, 2022 Wife: "Hey, babe, I lost your credit card at the mall. Can you cancel it?" Husband: "Yeah, no problem." Husband internally: I'm not canceling it. Whoever found it is bound to spend less than she does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 25, 2022 Report Share Posted January 25, 2022 I don’t watch werewolf videos I just lycansubscribe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 25, 2022 Report Share Posted January 25, 2022 Vladimir Putin is at an airport and is going through customs. Customs officer: Occupation? Putin: No, just visiting. Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.