archer Posted March 27, 2022 Report Share Posted March 27, 2022 4 hours ago, Pariah said: Scientists are talking about different plans to try to find water on Mars. I've got the perfect solution: send me up there with a set of golf clubs. "It's a trap!" Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted March 27, 2022 Report Share Posted March 27, 2022 wcw43921 and Logan D. Hurricanes 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 28, 2022 Report Share Posted March 28, 2022 Q: How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, because narcissists don't use electric lighting. They only use gaslighting. Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted March 29, 2022 Report Share Posted March 29, 2022 An invisible man and invisible woman married. I'm not sure what they saw in each other. Their kids were nothing to look at, either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 29, 2022 Report Share Posted March 29, 2022 My ex and I were happy for a lot of years. Then we met. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted March 31, 2022 Report Share Posted March 31, 2022 How do you tell the gender of an ant? Drop it in water. If it sinks, GIRL ANT. If it floats... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted March 31, 2022 Report Share Posted March 31, 2022 As I get older, I feel very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every day. Although I have to say her concern about my car warranty is rather obsessive. slikmar 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted March 31, 2022 Report Share Posted March 31, 2022 I want you to loan me $20 but only give me half of it. That way you owe me $10, I owe you $10, we'll just call it even. Logan D. Hurricanes and slikmar 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted April 1, 2022 Report Share Posted April 1, 2022 Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted April 2, 2022 Report Share Posted April 2, 2022 My mother is 4'9" tall but absolutely fearless when approaching strangers. The other day we're walking through the parking lot and there is this pickup truck in the handicapped parking spot with no handicap tags. There is a guy sitting in the drivers seat, so my mother goes up to him and says "Sir, this is a handicap spot. My neighbor is handicapped and it makes it very difficult for her when people take the handicap spots. You can't park here." The guy says "I'm not parked, I'm just stopped." My mother looks him right in the eye and says "Oh, I'm sorry. I see your handicap is mental." Christougher, slikmar, Tjack and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted April 3, 2022 Report Share Posted April 3, 2022 Him: "So what are you making for dinner tonight?" Her: "Nothing." Him: "But that's what you made last night!" Her: "Yeah, well, I made enough to last two days." Logan D. Hurricanes and mattingly 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 3, 2022 Report Share Posted April 3, 2022 What…leftovers? *audible sigh* Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted April 3, 2022 Report Share Posted April 3, 2022 I'm going to work on being less condescending. (Condescending means to talk down to people.) slikmar 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted April 4, 2022 Report Share Posted April 4, 2022 What kind of tree is also the study of trees? Spoiler Forestry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tjack Posted April 4, 2022 Report Share Posted April 4, 2022 On 4/3/2022 at 1:32 PM, Logan.1179 said: I'm going to work on being less condescending. (Condescending means to talk down to people.) What you mean to say is that you want to be less patronizing.....But that was a very good try, now go get a cookie and take your nap.😜 Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 4, 2022 Report Share Posted April 4, 2022 Everyone knows Condescending is a Greek parachutist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted April 5, 2022 Report Share Posted April 5, 2022 I thought Condescending was a prisoner going to the basement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted April 5, 2022 Report Share Posted April 5, 2022 15 hours ago, Bazza said: Everyone knows Condescending is a Greek parachutist. As opposed to a Mongol parachutist, Khan descending. BoloOfEarth 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted April 7, 2022 Report Share Posted April 7, 2022 Lawyer (after presenting damning evidence): "So, did you kill the victim?" Defendant: "No." Lawyer: "Do you know what the penalty is for perjury?" Defendant: "A lot less than it is for murder." Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted April 7, 2022 Report Share Posted April 7, 2022 Saitama is at a party when he decides to head to the refreshment table. On arrival, the server asks him, "Would you care for some punch, sir?" "Yes," he replies, "but only one." wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrosshairCollie Posted April 8, 2022 Report Share Posted April 8, 2022 There's a bar near my house. It takes me five minutes to walk there, but an hour to walk back. The difference is staggering. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted April 8, 2022 Report Share Posted April 8, 2022 A dyslexic man walks into a bra.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 8, 2022 Report Share Posted April 8, 2022 That was me, and I’m not dyslexic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted April 8, 2022 Report Share Posted April 8, 2022 Thank you for keeping us all abreast of the situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 8, 2022 Report Share Posted April 8, 2022 No worries. I’m happy to keep milking these puns for as long as needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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