tkdguy Posted April 23, 2022 Report Share Posted April 23, 2022 10 hours ago, Bazza said: If a baby born in the morning is Monica, Evening is Evelyn, on the floor is Florence. What do we call a child born in a car? If it's a boy, Carson. If it's a girl, Cardaughter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted April 23, 2022 Report Share Posted April 23, 2022 Me: "What do you know about atoms?" Student: "Very little." Me: "Okay, what else?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L. Marcus Posted April 24, 2022 Report Share Posted April 24, 2022 The setting is the Winter War. A battalion of Soviet infantry is making its way through the wintry pine forests of northern Finland. When in bivouac one night, far off they hear someone shout: "One Finn is worth two Russians!" The commander of the unit sneers and sends off two of his men to deal with the shouter. After a while, a fire fight can be heard in the distance. Then a shout: "One Finn is worth five Russians!" The commander scowls and sends off five men to deal with the shouter. A more intense fire fight is heard. Then: "One Finn is worth a hundred Russians!" The commander is really annoyed now, and sends off a hundred men to silence the shouter once and for all. A fire fight breaks out in the distance, lighting up the silent forest with a hellish glow. Then silence. After a while, one of the detached Russians can be seen staggering back through the snow. When close to the camp he shouts: "Watch out, comrades! There are two of them!" wcw43921, Pariah and Tjack 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 26, 2022 Report Share Posted April 26, 2022 They say ‘woman’s work is never done’. Maybe that’s why they get paid less. ~ Sean Lock Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted April 28, 2022 Report Share Posted April 28, 2022 What I don't understand is why Elon Musk would pay $44 billion for Twitter when you can download it for free at the App Store. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 28, 2022 Report Share Posted April 28, 2022 Go do the website, it is still free. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tjack Posted April 28, 2022 Report Share Posted April 28, 2022 Is there anybody at that level of wealth who ISN’T a complete nut job? Musk, Bezos, the Coke brothers....all wack-a-doos Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 28, 2022 Report Share Posted April 28, 2022 Coke bros? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted April 28, 2022 Report Share Posted April 28, 2022 Koch bros. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted April 29, 2022 Report Share Posted April 29, 2022 From our old friend bunneh: Two Russians are talking about the "Special Military Operation" in Ukraine. "So what is this all about?" asks the first. "Well, basically it's a proxy war between Russia and NATO," says the other. "Wow," says the first. "How's it going?" "So far we've lost a flagship, 15,000 troops, 8 generals, 500 tanks, and 100 planes." "Geez, that's a lot," says the first guy. "How about NATO?" The second guy shakes his head. "They haven't shown up yet." Ockham's Spoon, Hermit, Tjack and 1 other 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted April 30, 2022 Report Share Posted April 30, 2022 [Cop on his first day]: "Suspect is dancing naked through the downtown." [Dispatch]: "Copy that." [Cop]: "Well, I can try, but I'm not a very good dancer..." Tjack and mattingly 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tjack Posted April 30, 2022 Report Share Posted April 30, 2022 On 4/27/2022 at 11:48 PM, Bazza said: Coke bros? On 4/28/2022 at 7:00 AM, mattingly said: Koch bros. Damn Spellcheck! On 4/29/2022 at 12:14 PM, Pariah said: From our old friend bunneh: Two Russians are talking about the "Special Military Operation" in Ukraine. "So what is this all about?" asks the first. "Well, basically it's a proxy war between Russia and NATO," says the other. "Wow," says the first. "How's it going?" "So far we've lost a flagship, 15,000 troops, 8 generals, 500 tanks, and 100 planes." "Geez, that's a lot," says the first guy. "How about NATO?" The second guy shakes his head. "They haven't shown up yet." “God help us if the Ukrainian people start getting proper weapons and training.” “ I don’t think we’re allowed to believe in God.” “Oh......Then we’re screwed.” Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 30, 2022 Report Share Posted April 30, 2022 Yep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted May 3, 2022 Report Share Posted May 3, 2022 Ouch. Pariah, mattingly, Ockham's Spoon and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted May 4, 2022 Report Share Posted May 4, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted May 6, 2022 Report Share Posted May 6, 2022 Today I showed up late for work. The boss yelled, ‘You should’ve been here at 8.30!’ I replied, “Why? What happened at 8.30?’ Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted May 8, 2022 Report Share Posted May 8, 2022 My Eight-year-old's Joke Of The Day: Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting dinosaur. Interrup... I think we should call it your grave! Tjack and L. Marcus 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted May 8, 2022 Report Share Posted May 8, 2022 What happens to pirates who fail their quantum mechanics exam? Spoiler They have to walk the Planck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted May 8, 2022 Report Share Posted May 8, 2022 The other day I was at a thrift store, and bought an old album titled "Sounds Wasps Make". I got it home and played it, but it didn't sound like wasps to me. Then I realized I was playing the bee side. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted May 8, 2022 Report Share Posted May 8, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted May 8, 2022 Report Share Posted May 8, 2022 Professor: "The test is tomorrow, so be sure to study the material covered in Chapters 6 and 7." Student: "But what if I have a hot date tonight?" Professor: "Then write with your other hand." wcw43921 and mattingly 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted May 9, 2022 Report Share Posted May 9, 2022 What kind of running means walking? Running out of petrol Why is it hard to understand volunteers? Because they make no cents. Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted May 9, 2022 Report Share Posted May 9, 2022 The Einstein-Pythagoras Equation: a² + b² = E / m → E = m (a² + b²) Christougher and tkdguy 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted May 9, 2022 Report Share Posted May 9, 2022 Is E at rest or not at rest? Addendum: I ask as E1 is not equal to mc^2. I also ask if energy at rest is geometrise-ed as a triangle? Also kudos for the imagination and joke. I ask, because i have actual answers to this, an interpretation of them. tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted May 9, 2022 Report Share Posted May 9, 2022 David Hasselhoff has started referring to himself as Hoff. It’s less of a hassle. wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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