Tjack Posted April 16, 2022 Report Share Posted April 16, 2022 If the GPS in your VW Quantum has the voice of Dean Stockwell telling you where to go would that make it a Quantum Leap? 8 hours ago, Pariah said: So I've been looking at used cars for the past couple of weeks. I found a listing for a Volkswagen Quantum at a good price, but the reviews are all terrible. They say the GPS stops working if you look at the speedometer. Pariah, slikmar and BoloOfEarth 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted April 17, 2022 Report Share Posted April 17, 2022 Two women are sitting in a bar discussing their lives over drinks. Woman 1: "Yesterday, my best friend Linda ran off with my husband." Woman 2: "Since when has Linda been your best friend?" Woman 1: "Since yesterday." Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted April 17, 2022 Report Share Posted April 17, 2022 6 hours ago, Tjack said: If the GPS in your VW Quantum has the voice Dean Stockwell telling you where to go would that make it a Quantum Leap? It did, actually, but the voice unit went out. I tried to get it fixed, but I couldn't find any quantum mechanics. Tjack and BoloOfEarth 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 17, 2022 Report Share Posted April 17, 2022 The situation has a certain gravity to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted April 17, 2022 Report Share Posted April 17, 2022 Dad Joke Bonanza! What did the grape say when it got squashed? Nothing, it just let out a little whine. Some of the other dads and I have a band. It's called Duvet. We're a cover band. What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso. Because of the quarantine, I'm only telling inside jokes right now. Is "buttcheek" one word, or should I split it? I broke my hand last week. But on the other hand, I'm fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted April 17, 2022 Report Share Posted April 17, 2022 My friend got a random nosebleed and commented how weird it is that blood tastes metallic. I said, “Yes, it’s pretty ironic." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted April 17, 2022 Report Share Posted April 17, 2022 18 hours ago, Tjack said: If the GPS in your VW Quantum has the voice of Dean Stockwell telling you where to go would that make it a Quantum Leap? I would totally buy that car. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted April 17, 2022 Report Share Posted April 17, 2022 Detectives have determined that the man killed after falling from an upper-story window was not a bouncer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted April 17, 2022 Report Share Posted April 17, 2022 I made a graph showing all my past relationships. It has an ex-axis and a why-axis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 17, 2022 Report Share Posted April 17, 2022 "Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a harp." "You're not big enough to be a harp." "Are you calling me a lyre?" Pariah and archer 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted April 19, 2022 Report Share Posted April 19, 2022 Pariah, mattingly and slikmar 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted April 19, 2022 Report Share Posted April 19, 2022 Interviewer: Would you call yourself a hard worker? Me: Absolutely. I make almost everything harder than it has to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted April 19, 2022 Report Share Posted April 19, 2022 On 4/17/2022 at 9:55 AM, Logan.1179 said: I made a graph showing all my past relationships. It has an ex-axis and a why-axis. Don't do that. It's a slippery slope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted April 20, 2022 Report Share Posted April 20, 2022 I just found out that the British spelling of 'diarrhea' is 'diarrhoea' which I have to say is better, because it really looks like you have lost control of your vowels. tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted April 20, 2022 Report Share Posted April 20, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted April 20, 2022 Report Share Posted April 20, 2022 Today, I saw someone waving and I wasn’t sure whether they were waving at me or at someone behind me. In other news, I was fired from my lifeguard job. tkdguy and Ockham's Spoon 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 20, 2022 Report Share Posted April 20, 2022 Aussie band: ‘not drowning, waving’. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted April 21, 2022 Report Share Posted April 21, 2022 Me: "That is a handsome dog you have there." Police Officer: "Yes, this is one of our new drug-sniffing dogs." Me: "Oh, still in training?" Police Officer: "What do you mean?" Me: "Um, never mind." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted April 21, 2022 Report Share Posted April 21, 2022 Four engineers get into a car. The car won't start. The Mechanical engineer says: "It's a broken starter". The Electrical engineer says: "Dead battery". The Chemical engineer says: "Impurities in the gasoline". The IT engineer says: "Hey guys, I have an idea, how about we all get out of the car and get back in". Tjack and Pariah 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted April 22, 2022 Report Share Posted April 22, 2022 Carry on my wayward bun There'll be peas when you are done Lay your weary bread to rest Don't you fry no more Tjack 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted April 22, 2022 Report Share Posted April 22, 2022 My wife thinks it's weird that I stare at the window during a heavy rainstorm. It would be a lot less weird if she'd just let me in. Pariah and Ockham's Spoon 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted April 22, 2022 Report Share Posted April 22, 2022 Thanks for nothing autocorrect. I will never get a date being a "homeless romantic." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tombrown803 Posted April 22, 2022 Report Share Posted April 22, 2022 That's not autocorrect, it's your wife editing you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tjack Posted April 22, 2022 Report Share Posted April 22, 2022 That’s not editing. That his wife tossing his a$$ to the curb for being romantic with that waitress at the bar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 22, 2022 Report Share Posted April 22, 2022 If a baby born in the morning is Monica, Evening is Evelyn, on the floor is Florence. What do we call a child born in a car? If it's a boy, Carson. If it's a girl, Cardaughter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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