slikmar Posted April 8, 2022 Report Share Posted April 8, 2022 13 hours ago, CrosshairCollie said: There's a bar near my house. It takes me five minutes to walk there, but an hour to walk back. The difference is staggering. Not to mention the roll roll crawl stagger stagger. hope you found the treasure. L. Marcus and BoloOfEarth 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted April 9, 2022 Report Share Posted April 9, 2022 Her: [rubbing her eyes] I've got something in my eye. Me: Is it me, the love of your life? Her: No, something less annoying. Me: That's fair. Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted April 10, 2022 Report Share Posted April 10, 2022 I'm opening a chain of Elvis themed steak restaurants. It will be for people who love meat tender. Tjack and slikmar 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tjack Posted April 10, 2022 Report Share Posted April 10, 2022 2 minutes ago, Logan.1179 said: I'm opening a chain of Elvis themed steak restaurants. It will be for people who love meat tender. If a diner wishes a beverage with ice cream & milk will there be a whole lot of shaking going on? slikmar 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 11, 2022 Report Share Posted April 11, 2022 Why did Adele cross the road? To say “hello” from the other side. Tjack and Pariah 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted April 11, 2022 Report Share Posted April 11, 2022 Archimedes, a Grecian quite clever, Is renowned for inventing the lever. He wanted to prove That the Earth he could move. (He could not find a fulcrum, however.) tkdguy and Ockham's Spoon 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted April 11, 2022 Report Share Posted April 11, 2022 What drink would the Force ghost of Obi Won's master most likely offer you? A Qui-Gon Gin and Tonic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted April 11, 2022 Report Share Posted April 11, 2022 Jabba the Hut has one item of clothing. What is it? He has a Bib for Tuna. mattingly 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted April 11, 2022 Report Share Posted April 11, 2022 Why didn't Darth Vader date Mara Jade? She was young enough to be his daughter-in-law. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted April 11, 2022 Report Share Posted April 11, 2022 What song did Ani sing during his musical? "The Suns Will Come Out Tomorrow" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted April 12, 2022 Report Share Posted April 12, 2022 And then there was the time Fruit of the Loom took Hanes to court. It was a brief case. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted April 13, 2022 Report Share Posted April 13, 2022 I spent ages trying to spell inconsequential before I realized that it's not that important. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted April 14, 2022 Report Share Posted April 14, 2022 Tjack 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 14, 2022 Report Share Posted April 14, 2022 mattingly and wcw43921 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 14, 2022 Report Share Posted April 14, 2022 mattingly 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 14, 2022 Report Share Posted April 14, 2022 mattingly 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 14, 2022 Report Share Posted April 14, 2022 mattingly 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted April 15, 2022 Report Share Posted April 15, 2022 "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Gopher, Netscape with frames, the first Browser Wars. Searching for pages with AltaVista, pop-up windows self-replicating, trying to uninstall RealPlayer. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain. Time to die." slikmar, Cancer, Christougher and 2 others 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted April 15, 2022 Report Share Posted April 15, 2022 A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist. archer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted April 16, 2022 Report Share Posted April 16, 2022 If I could have a conversation with my microwave, I imagine it would go something like this: Me: "How long should I cook this?" Microwave: "Do you want it too hot or too cold?" Me: "What if you cooked it just right?" Microwave: "WHaT iF yOu CoOKeD iT jUsT RigHt? lmao, ok Goldilocks. Just for that I am going to beep louder than your smoke alarm for no particular reason." Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted April 16, 2022 Report Share Posted April 16, 2022 You have to respect the machine's creative process! Ockham's Spoon and wcw43921 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted April 16, 2022 Report Share Posted April 16, 2022 15 hours ago, Logan.1179 said: A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist. Swimming traditionally comes first so I doubt you could make it out of the water in a race with a shark. Ockham's Spoon and Pariah 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted April 16, 2022 Report Share Posted April 16, 2022 A penguin is driving through rural America when his car breaks down. The tow truck drops him off at the nearest place to get his car fixed, a combination gas station, auto repair shop, and convenience store. The penguin is wandering around in the convenience store while he waits on his car, and finds a freezer with ice cream bars in it. He is hot and hungry, so although he has never eaten ice cream before, it seems appealing, so he buys one and starts to eat it. He isn't wild about the flavor, but the cold creaminess is nice, and he enjoys it even though he makes quite a mess, getting it all over his beak and face. He has just finished the ice cream when the mechanic comes in to tell him about his car. "Well," the mechanic says "it looks like you blew a seal." The penguin quickly replies "Oh, no, it's just ice cream, I swear!" tkdguy and Tjack 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted April 16, 2022 Report Share Posted April 16, 2022 Ockham's Spoon, slikmar and BoloOfEarth 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted April 16, 2022 Report Share Posted April 16, 2022 So I've been looking at used cars for the past couple of weeks. I found a listing for a Volkswagen Quantum at a good price, but the reviews are all terrible. They say the GPS stops working if you look at the speedometer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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