L. Marcus Posted June 17, 2015 Report Share Posted June 17, 2015 Spoken like a Scientist! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 19, 2015 Report Share Posted June 19, 2015 Overheard from the next room: "Of course, that doesn't mean you don't get cheese on your pants." L. Marcus 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 24, 2015 Report Share Posted June 24, 2015 (Sounds of low-grade impact in the next room.) "Ow." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 24, 2015 Report Share Posted June 24, 2015 "Google up, people! Science is about to happen!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 24, 2015 Report Share Posted June 24, 2015 "Facebook is the new Hotel California. You can log out any time you like, but you can never leave." FrankL 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 24, 2015 Report Share Posted June 24, 2015 And Yahoo beacons are the new "Every Breath You Take". Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 26, 2015 Report Share Posted June 26, 2015 (I walk into the house with a shopping bag.) "What'd ya get?" "Underwear and beer. What else does a man need?" tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Posted June 26, 2015 Report Share Posted June 26, 2015 That... wasn't your wife you were talking to, was it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 26, 2015 Report Share Posted June 26, 2015 Yes, but my tone made it absolutely clear I was being facetious, since that was, in fact, what was in the bag. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted June 26, 2015 Report Share Posted June 26, 2015 "Goodbye. I'll never forget you. Err... what's your name again?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drhoz Posted June 27, 2015 Report Share Posted June 27, 2015 Went to see Mad Max : Fury Road last night - highly satisfying. I was cackling and applauding and bouncing in my seat so much Purrdence had to hold me down at times. Although she was getting pretty bouncy herself. I noticed her making small impatient noises at the traffic lights on the way home. Me: You want to scream through the intersection waving the steering wheel over your head,don't you?Purrdence: *blushes and nods* L. Marcus, BoneDaddy, Logan D. Hurricanes and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrankL Posted June 29, 2015 Report Share Posted June 29, 2015 Two items: 1) On Saturday I took my sons to the Family Fun Fair at a local park. The local radio station had a van there to play (not transmitting, just playing for the crowd). When we got there, the song was "I Feel Like Making Love." I thought, "That's Hercules theme song from the Arena draft. Oh, this would be a terrible arena for next season! A small park with families. And Hercules in one of his trademark fights where no one loses." 2) I was reading a posted vignette this morning. It was over the top humor with an evil army facing down one described as "vile." The vile was besieging the evil empire's headquarters. One of the commentors said, "The vile army's Dark Lord needs to be standing on a hill of skulls, sipping a fruity drink." Another replied: "Just a hill of skulls?" Original: "Of course. Because a mountain of skulls would just be gauche." Cancer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted July 5, 2015 Report Share Posted July 5, 2015 "Didn't the fireworks smell weird? They smelled like meat!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrankL Posted July 10, 2015 Report Share Posted July 10, 2015 In a book I'm reading: "I'm a Libra. We don't believe in astrology." tkdguy and Cancer 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoneDaddy Posted July 11, 2015 Report Share Posted July 11, 2015 Things not to say to your already-ticked-off-at-you mother, adolescent lawyer edition: "That contract was never signed!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 13, 2015 Report Share Posted July 13, 2015 "You've just broken another book, haven't you?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Posted July 15, 2015 Report Share Posted July 15, 2015 "Okay, next on the agenda is the time machine. Dave, I need you to get that up and running by Friday." "Sure, no problem." "Last Friday." "Uh... well, I guess if I invent a time machine, that won't be a problem either." "But you didn't! You've failed!" Lucius and BlueCloud2k2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted July 15, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2015 "Okay, next on the agenda is the time machine. Dave, I need you to get that up and running by Friday." "Sure, no problem." "Last Friday." "Uh... well, I guess if I invent a time machine, that won't be a problem either." "But you didn't! You've failed!" There's no future in time travel. Lucius Alexander Investing in palindromedary futures Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L. Marcus Posted July 19, 2015 Report Share Posted July 19, 2015 One of one of my cousin's little troublemakers posted on Instagram: "Dear math textbook, please grow up and solve your own problems." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted July 20, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2015 Nancy: Sometimes you get someone who wants to reinvent the wheel... Me: And sometimes, you get someone who will just roll with it. Lucius Alexander And sometimes you get a palindromedary tkdguy and BlueCloud2k2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrankL Posted July 27, 2015 Report Share Posted July 27, 2015 My wife bought a new blender called a Ninja. Me: If you put bananas and peaches in it, would it be a "Fruit Ninja." She actually laughed at a pun! Took me 15 years to get that reaction from her! L. Marcus, BlueCloud2k2, Pariah and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndianaJoe3 Posted August 1, 2015 Report Share Posted August 1, 2015 "That's a novel failure mode." Cancer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balabanto Posted August 9, 2015 Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 Customer: There are thirteen bridesmaids and thirteen male escorts. Me: Sir, that doesn't mean what you think it means. tkdguy and Cancer 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted August 26, 2015 Report Share Posted August 26, 2015 "The nearest big city is Barstow." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted August 27, 2015 Report Share Posted August 27, 2015 The morning my family was readying to leave for vacation, my youngest turned down my request to help finish off the chocolate cake she had made a few days before. Her: I haven't had breakfast yet. You can't eat cake for breakfast. Me: I have three words for you: Va-Ca-Tion. (pause) And before you point out that is just one word, I'd like to point out that my brain is already on Va-Ca-Tion. tkdguy, Burrito Boy, BlueCloud2k2 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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