Catseye Posted December 4, 2003 Report Share Posted December 4, 2003 Originally posted by austenandrews I believe it was Yor, The Hunter From The Future. Your right. Yor, Tor, Gor, who can keep track Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muldegian Posted December 4, 2003 Report Share Posted December 4, 2003 Originally posted by austenandrews As for the written word, I give you the legendary Eye of Argon: http://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/~susan/sf/eyeargon.htm See, I told you someone would post a link to the WORST FANTASY EVER!! I am now having fits of post traumatic stress disorder, thank you very much!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MuscaDomestica Posted December 4, 2003 Report Share Posted December 4, 2003 Eye of Argon... Short story http://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/~susan/sf/eyeargon.htm Have fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catseye Posted December 4, 2003 Report Share Posted December 4, 2003 This is a joke right? That, or a sample from the TSR writer's guide.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gewing Posted December 4, 2003 Report Share Posted December 4, 2003 Leave "Hawk" alone! It was low budget, but kind of fun. Originally posted by Sketchpad Ugh ... that was a bad movie ... Hawk the Slayer is in there too ... But Shanarra? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Rose Posted December 4, 2003 Report Share Posted December 4, 2003 Originally posted by Catseye Worst Books: The Thomas Covenant series. The protagonist is a self-involved, whiney rapist. And it goes down from there (I'm told by people who know the author that there are "reasons" why he wrote what he did, but I really don't find a trip through such a diseased mind either interesting or enjoyable.) I've had a friend (Nu Soard Graphite) tell me that the Thomas Covenant series gets better after the first couple (well, it'd have to, wouldn't it?) but I simply have better things to do with my time than read crap-that-thinks-it's-good fantasy. I'd be much more willing to plunge into the Gender In Writing thread on the old boards (and I tried, but it managed to eat itself) than read Donaldson. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
austenandrews Posted December 4, 2003 Report Share Posted December 4, 2003 There were two things I liked about Donaldson's Covenant -- the protagonist was unique and the prose style was wonderful. Unfortunately he promptly had Covenant do nothing for long stretches of time, and the boring fantasy world made the nice prose moot. I never actually made it to the end of the first book. For that matter the last third of the first Amber book was a load of tripe and turned me off of reading more of them. But I would consider neither of these in the category of Worst Fantasy. They're good quality but fatally flawed. For the worst fantasy novels published, as someone mentioned, I'm sure you have to plumb the depths of licensed fiction. -AA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isaiah_26_4 Posted December 5, 2003 Report Share Posted December 5, 2003 Chello! The worst has to be the Return of the King musical cartooon from the 70's. Singing orcs, people who spin when they die, bearded elves with glittering haloes, the minstrel of Gondor....oh the humanity! Can't believe that no one has mentioned this one yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thirdbase Posted December 5, 2003 Report Share Posted December 5, 2003 Robert Jordon hands down. With an honorary mention to all Piers Anthony stories that exceed the stated number of books in his series. (All of the Xanth books after 3, etc) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alibear Posted December 5, 2003 Report Share Posted December 5, 2003 I must say that the WOT books really should not have got past a trilogy... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFool1972 Posted December 5, 2003 Report Share Posted December 5, 2003 Actually, Wheel-of-time was great for 1-3, good for 4-6, decent for 7-9, and 10 just makes me want to shoot someone in the head. Probably myself for reading it. I think he's getting bored... A good serial novel flushed right down the bloody drain. The Fool Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Mhoram Posted December 5, 2003 Report Share Posted December 5, 2003 Originally posted by Black Rose the Thomas Covenant series gets better after the first couple (well, it'd have to, wouldn't it?) but I simply have better things to do with my time than read crap-that-thinks-it's-good fantasy. Doing Bugs "You realize of course that this means war!" The Covenant books are my favorite fantasy of all time, with LoTR just right behind it. But I do know that his style is not for everyone. In responce to the thread title (swords and sorcery) I would have to say Conan, Elric and the Fafred/Grey mouser stories. I read great chunks of all of these books (due to strong recomendations) and wanted that much time of my life back. After that I pretty much avoided the subgenre. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shadowcat1313 Posted December 5, 2003 Report Share Posted December 5, 2003 Moviewise: Dungeonmaster Dungeons and Dragons the Conan Films Bookwise Wheel of Time series Gor Thomas Covenant Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Posted December 5, 2003 Report Share Posted December 5, 2003 Originally posted by Lord Mhoram The Covenant books are my favorite fantasy of all time, with LoTR just right behind it. But I do know that his style is not for everyone. In responce to the thread title (swords and sorcery) I would have to say Conan, Elric and the Fafred/Grey mouser stories. I read great chunks of all of these books (due to strong recomendations) and wanted that much time of my life back. After that I pretty much avoided the subgenre. It's interesting that our preferences are completely opposite. I found the Covenant books to be slow-paced and populated with characters who were stupid or irritating or both. Meanwhile Conan, Fafhrd and Elric (in that order) are the benchmarks by which I measure all other good S&S. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
assault Posted December 6, 2003 Report Share Posted December 6, 2003 Originally posted by Lord Mhoram In responce to the thread title (swords and sorcery) I would have to say Conan, Elric and the Fafred/Grey mouser stories. I read great chunks of all of these books (due to strong recomendations) and wanted that much time of my life back. After that I pretty much avoided the subgenre. Yes. It's clear that you don't like Sword and Sorcery at all. Conan isn't great literature by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, it's quite poorly written, and is full of racist and sexist stuff that would be quite unacceptable these days. On the other hand, it's good basic action/adventure stuff. The Thomas Covenant books aren't. They're not literature, and they're not pulp - they're just nothing. Nothing happens, and it doesn't happen in six rather lengthy volumes. It's not even art. It's certainly not Sword and Sorcery. If you want a really damning comment: _John Norman_ is actually a better writer, in those few moments when he is typing with both hands. Alan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnotherSkip Posted December 6, 2003 Report Share Posted December 6, 2003 i will accede on the John Norman. So long as you accede that once the ability to computer edit books was made he just changes all the names and doesnt write anything new. and I bet that if Steve Long would not block out the memory long enough he would slap down a few words on the pain of reading Mercedes Lackey. Me, personally, I LOVE her work. Though of course she does NOT do S&S. I think that sometimes you have to try something different. My newest reccomendation is to try her "Take a Thief" as a starter book for Valdemar esp. those who didn't like her Arrows Books. The writer of Covenant needs to be put to work writing toilet paper as a step up. Jordan is a good writer who lets words and insignificant plotlines get in the way of the story he is writing. I know people who are buying and reading the books soley because certain people are in interesting places. BTW the Orcs sing in the LOTR books, and why would they not sing in the animated movie? or anyone else for that matter (elves hobbits men...)? Song is a very integral part of Tolkiens works......... OMG!!! INSIGHT I just figured out why i like Mercedes Lackey and Tolkien. The music in their works....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
austenandrews Posted December 6, 2003 Report Share Posted December 6, 2003 Originally posted by AnotherSkip BTW the Orcs sing in the LOTR books, and why would they not sing in the animated movie? or anyone else for that matter (elves hobbits men...)? Song is a very integral part of Tolkiens works......... I saw the extended version of FOTR in the theater today. I always thought it was cool that they included a couple of singing scenes. Not that Viggo Mortensen has anything like the singing voice I imagined for Aragorn, but at least he does show his Elven upbringing. More Elvish music, too, and of course the Hobbits singing is just golden. No musical Orcs, of course. "Down, down to Goblin Town, down, down ..." But I did like most of the songs in Tolkein's books (except when they went on for more than a page). -AA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isaiah_26_4 Posted December 6, 2003 Report Share Posted December 6, 2003 Chello! Hmmmm...I've often wondered if the orcish "whip" song was the true inspiration for Devo's "Whip It" song. :D Tony Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keithcurtis Posted December 6, 2003 Report Share Posted December 6, 2003 Originally posted by Muldegian See, I told you someone would post a link to the WORST FANTASY EVER!! I am now having fits of post traumatic stress disorder, thank you very much!!!! Ye gods! that was horrible. You could pull any segment of any length purely at random and use it as textbook example of what NOT to do as a writer. Keith "I have to go wash my eyes, now" Curtis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NuSoardGraphite Posted December 6, 2003 Report Share Posted December 6, 2003 My 2.5 cents. About the books: I understand where people are coming from when it comes to Brooks. His first Shannara book is heavily Tolkien influenced (i.e. practically ripped off) but since I read that before I read LoTR, I happen to like it quite a bit (though I did read The Hobbit before I read Sword of Shannara, but those stories are nothing alike) Personaly, I don't understand where people are comming from when it comes to Jordan. I can understand if you don't like his style of writing or you find much of it boring (I do, sometimes, but just when I think I can't stand the boredom, he has his characters do something that catches my attention again) but I so often hear of Jordan's writings as being "bad" but with no explaination of how or why it is bad (just that it is). I want an explaination now! About the movies: My vote for Worst Fantasy Film of All Time goes to: Wait for it... DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS Duh! That movie was soooooo awful I got the urge to walk out (I didn't though) and I never walk out of movies, regardless of how bad they may be. I kinda liked the Deathstalker movies...especially the first one. Its very, very fun if you don't try to take it seriously at all. and finally... LEAVE Hawk: The Slayer ALONE!!!! Thats one of my favorite movies ever! okay, well, not ever, but I like it a lot. I also happen to eat a lot of cheese, so its no problem for me to stomach it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catseye Posted December 6, 2003 Report Share Posted December 6, 2003 Originally posted by austenandrews IBut I did like most of the songs in Tolkein's books (except when they went on for more than a page). -AA Speaking of things going on and on.... I *tried* to read the TC series, even though the "hero" made my skin crawl. (He's not even a good anti-hero. He's a slimey self-absorbed amoral a--hole whimp who, when not whining or raping, is sitting in a corner feeling sorry for himself .) But I lost it and just couldn't go on when i hit the "Giant Story." Very reminisicient of Tolkein's writing on Ents-- Donaldson's giants are very long lived and slow moving and giant stories are INCREDIBLY boring. Okay I got it. He didn't have to then make me READ one! At that point I put the book down. Tolkien at least had the sense not make me sit through the Ent-moot in all its detail. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted December 6, 2003 Report Share Posted December 6, 2003 These movies are more properly classified as martial arts films rather than sword & sorcery films, but they qualify for the worst list: Fist of the North Star: Some of the action was all right, but the rest of it was BAD. I don't remember most of the cast, except for one Costas Mandelor (sp?), who played the villain. Hey, how can you forget that name? Circle of Iron: Miles O'Keefe and David Carradine played multiple characters in this turkey. Either the filmmakers had a tight budget, or most actors had the sense (or weren't desperate enough) to stay out of this one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enforcer84 Posted December 6, 2003 Report Share Posted December 6, 2003 Originally posted by Briguy123 There were a multitude of direct to video Sword and Sorcery movies made in the 80's and they were all bad. Some of the worst were: Gor Deathstalker I-IV (fantasy soft-core porn) The Barbarian Brothers Beastmaster II Then there were those that were released in theatres. These were equally as bad. Krull Clash of the Titans Dungeonmaster Sword of the Valiant Unfortunately, I have a sick fascination with bad movies and I have seen every one of those that I listed as well as Hawk the Slayer and all the Ator movies. I have issues. Yup, saw them. As well as Amazon Queen, and pretty much any T&A fantasy flik in the 80's early 90's simply because I was a horny little bastard. Some I enjoyed, most were sillier than putty and I still enjoyed. I gotta say I am a fan of the Forgotton Realms stuff so I'll keep a low profile here:D Some more that I like that might make someone's list are Christopher Stasheff's Warlock Unlocked series. Fantasy/SciFi that pretty much became bodice rippers by the time the children's adventures began. But I loved them:D Perhaps anything I like could be used as the barometer of what sucks? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFool1972 Posted December 6, 2003 Report Share Posted December 6, 2003 Originally posted by Muldegian See, I told you someone would post a link to the WORST FANTASY EVER!! I am now having fits of post traumatic stress disorder, thank you very much!!!! ARGGGggggg.... [wet squishy sound] Anybody need some used eyeballs? I don't want mine anymore. As a writer of creative fiction myself, I have to say: That needs some work. With a hammer. On the author. Please god: Let me die before any of my work looks like that and gets out to the public. The Fool "Oh honey! That's NOT fixed..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnotherSkip Posted December 6, 2003 Report Share Posted December 6, 2003 Naaaaaaah I liked the Warlock unlocked (at least the first book) full of surprises and the why it developed that way was a goood background ( a bunch of SCAers colonise a planet.... ought to be a horror novel and I still consider myself one!!!) Look Ill splain myself on Robert Jordan. He writes like a webcam okies? 80 % of the time nothing happens and he then makes you sit through that 80% to get to the good 20%. A good webmaster will archive the good 20% and trash the rest so that the customers get what they want. James bond is an excellent example. Ian Flemming once commmented on James Bonds life: Once every six months or so he gets a mission, the rest of the time is spent training his mind and body (and some recuperation). Ian Flemming DIDN'T write anything that DIDN'T follow the mission because that was not part of the story. Even if you follow around the greatest Adventurer ever (not saying Bond is or isn't) who has a good helping of weirdness magnet and a touch of unluck. You still will need to edit his life and Robert Jordan doesnt know where to weild the knife and apparently neither does his editors. You yourself admit his characters do lots of boring things. Also if he spent less time writing boring things there would be (hopefully ) more interesting stuff to read. and face it we read to be entertained. being bored is _not_ = to being entertained irregardless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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