Drhoz Posted August 15, 2011 Report Share Posted August 15, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... McGinty & company investigate the Crack'd & Crook'd Manse, a thing to stun and horrify the soul, and McGinty courts a hot librarian, also a thing to stun and horrify the soul. Spoilers ahead for Mark Morrison's classic adventure from Mansions of Madness. No Rondale this week, as that worthy is off getting his brow beaten by the higher-ups of the Office of Naval Intelligence, who are not entirely happy that McGinty keeps showing up in front page news, usually connected to mysterious exploding houses. Rondale is not going to be entirely happy when he finds out what McGinty has gotten up to this week. Dr von Hapsburg, the unfortunate who lost a leg to Cthulhu last week, hasn't been having a good year, what with being axed in the back by another monster previously. Additionally, his unconsciously effeminate mannerisms make Aldous uncomfortable. Aldous OOC : Hey - what happens in Sing-Sing, stays in Sing-Sing. Dragovic OOC : If he was a whoopsy, it'd have to be an unnatural axe. McGinty : So, last week we were attacked by a giant squid, in the middle of a field. Aldous : It happens. Pers 'Hammer' Dragovic, the private investigator last seen victim of a hyena-headed sorcerer, has been studiously avoiding anything remotely Mythos-related since that alarming incident, but remains grateful to McGinty even if the rescue attempt did become a total fiasco. He's been following McGinty in the news, too, with his various heroics, political moves, curious property purchases, and mystery explosions. The detonations at McGinty's home he can at least attribute to an exploding liquor still. GM : Come to think of it, it is slightly peculiar that a Dry candidate would have a still in his home. For that matter, that it's an Irish Dry candidate in the first place. Dragovic : *shrugs* I do work for organised crime, I'm used to hypocrisy. GM : McGinty has been very busy on the election trail. Dragovic OOC : Soon to be the election trial. 'Hammer' has been hired to find missing philanthropist Arthur Cornthwaite. By a ... happy... co-incidence McGinty and Aldous are also in Gamwell, as his campaign manager has determined that winning the country town is somehow essential to his gubernatorial hopes. General Storekeep : Oh, you two know each other, Mr McGinty? McGinty : Yeah, we're both from the same town, Arkham. General Storekeep : There's an Arkham in Ireland? McGinty :.... noooo. There's an island in Arkham, but no Arkham in Ireland. McGinty settles into the Gamwell boarding house, to let Dragovic know all about the adventures and successes he's been having since they last met. McGinty : ... and last week I bought a mansion! There was a monster in the basement, but I shanked it. McGinty : I miss my dog, Growler. GM : He's probably just sitting around licking his balls for entertainment. McGinty : Yeah, living the dream. The locals have nothing but nice things to say about Mr Cornthwaite, apart from some disapproval that he hired all his servants from out of town. And apparently sent them all away again, prior to his disappearance. But nobody actually saw the servants leave... Checking the newspaper morgue and library reveal nothing suspicious, apart from a horrible tragedy that happened at the house decades previously, and the library itself is overflowing with books donated by the missing man. Indeed, the storage problems are so acute that McGinty generously offers to help - but donating $4000, cash, to build an extension. The cute librarian is reduced to stunned squeaking, as is the town's mayor, but it's the librarian who'll be receiving some $50-worth of flowers and chocolate over the next week. McGinty has decided she'll make an ideal wife, and is laying on the Irish charm with a trowel. Aldous OOC : And you know what they say about cute librarians, when you get them alone... McGinty OOC : I know! Plus, she can look after me Mythos collection. McGinty OOC : Who'd win a fight between a shoggoth and a combine harvester? McGinty : I'm a property owner meself - and every property is more interesting than the last! Cornthwaite's property is interesting, in a soggy and decrepit sort of way. The miserably wet weather seems to be destroying the place at an alarming rate, to the point that large chunks of ceiling plaster detach and fall on the investigators as they enter. Aldous : You just got plastered McGinty : Yeah, that's why I keep you around, Al, you're funny. Funny-looking and funny-smelling. GM : There's a strange plant growing from the cellar door, with heart-shaped leaves. Dragovic OOC : Heart-shaped seeds??? GM : Leaves. Dragovic OOC : Oh. Pity, a long extinct aphrodisiac is just the kind of thing I can imagine turning up in Call of Cthulhu. GM : Sorry. Good idea though... They blunder almost immediately into evidence that something untoward has happened to Mr Cornthwaite, and offer to drive the local reporter back to town themselves, rather than let him stay and wait out the storm. The house is clearly dangerously unstable, they point out. It looks like they'll be needing Al's double-barrelled 'Persuader', too. Aldous : I used to use these when I was a driver. McGinty : What, on kids that wanted to wash your truck? Aldous : No, Mr. McGinty, it was for usin' on highwaymen. McGinty : Yeah, I hate those toll-collectors meself. And them cops kept interferin' with me rum-running. Aldous : .... I'm glad for your election chances that we're having this conversation inna private room, Mr. McGinty. McGinty calls Arkham to make sure the bad weather isn't damaging his new home - after all, there's so much interesting stuff there. Such a waxwork with a statue of a cthonian lodged in its backside. Dragovic : Why is there a worm-squid in that waxwork's bottom? McGinty : Well, obviously it's attempting to burrow. Returning the next day, Aldous complains about the difficulty of carrying an umbrella and a shotgun at the same time. GM : Just stick the umbrella into the end of the shotgun until you need it Aldous : *pictures this* McGinty : Harpoon gun! *lowers umbrella, pulls trigger* Blam! GM : Whilst I hate to drag you all away from your wardrobe fixation.... goddammit, now I'm picturing McGinty on the loose in Narnia. Aldous OOC : I can see it now. 'Lion! Ain't bagged one of them yet - BLAM!' GM : That freakshow operator would love you. Last week, Snake Boy. This week, Goat Man! McGinty : Weyhey, look at the tits on that! Lift and separate! Aldous : It's a dressmaker's dummy, Mr. McGinty, they're made of wood. McGinty : That's OK, I like 'em firm. Dragovic locates the whereabouts of one of the house's previous occupants, but this leaves McGinty and Aldous the problem of locating Dragovic. They find him, but not before Aldous puts a boot through a wall. The lawyers will not be pleased - they insisted that the house not be damaged. McGinty : We'll just tell them it was a giant baboon with oversized feet Aldous : Words hurt, Mr McGinty, words hurt. McGinty : But I say them with love. They leave the rescued Dragovic to investigate some suspicious water damage in an upstairs bedroom ceiling, and head downstairs to locate an overdue library book. Given the state of the floorboards, it's entirely likely Dragovic will shortly be joining them on the ground floor anyway. And indeed there is a crash, but it's a shotgun being fired. Dragovic : There was a tentacle! McGinty : *looks for evidence of this tentacle, finds nothing* Are you sure it wasn't three inches long and attached to the back end of a mouse? You really got to get more rest, Hammer, and not go blazing away at everything - people'll think you're funny in the head if you go shooting imaginary monsters everywhere. GM : This coming from a man who spent 30 minutes over dinner boasting about how he beat Nepalese Attack Boars and can raise the dead. Dragovic : You have no idea how close you are to having your balls shot off, McGinty. Peanut Gallery : Do it! It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission. It wasn't imaginary, as they learn when they try to head back downstairs. They manage to drive it off, immensely grateful for Aldous' preferred form of Persuader, and also get to enjoy the sight of a human body being dragged through a crack four inches wide. Discretion suggests departing in some haste, which they do, but they return later with further purchases and reduce the entity - and house - to a smoking crater. Funnily enough, McGinty wasn't even meaning to, this time, not that Rondale will believe him. The lawyers are extremely annoyed, but McGinty points out that they told the reporter the place was unsafe to enter days ago. Dragovic even gets to collect on his investigation too. Admittedly by passing off some remains they found in the crater as Cornthwaite, with the aid of some of Cornthwaite's valuables he had pocketed earlier, but these are some of the things a poor Private Eye has to do, to make ends meet in these harsh economic times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drhoz Posted August 15, 2011 Report Share Posted August 15, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... I must add, I'm still not entirely happy with my players - despite me removing most of the potentially life-saving clues, because I know how sharp my players are, they still managed to go straight to the important clues, ignored the red herrings, and never even looked in three-quarters of the rooms. GM : It's like you have some kind of plot-radar. It's uncanny. Weldun : It's like a field with twenty rocks in it. One rock has a $50 dollar note under it, one has the plot, and the other 18 all have land-mines. We pick a rock, pocket the $50, trip over the rock with the plot by accident, and then amble off without even looking at the other 18. McGinty : And Al knows Tuvan throat singing! That's always useful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hermit Posted August 15, 2011 Report Share Posted August 15, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Now we wait to see how the GM feels about the whole thing... That was a great line Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted August 16, 2011 Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... I hope you enjoy the soundtrack(s). so far, I haven't been able to get it to play. Lucius Alexander The palindromedary follows some unsound tracks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susano Posted August 16, 2011 Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... so far, I haven't been able to get it to play. Lucius Alexander The palindromedary follows some unsound tracks It's not a playable CD. You need to import the mp3s into something like iTunes or the like. It should also be permissions free. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted August 16, 2011 Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... It's not a playable CD. You need to import the mp3s into something like iTunes or the like. It should also be permissions free. Ah. No wonder I haven't been able to get it to play, if it's not playable. Lucius Alexander The palindromedary retorts that the original D&D was unplayable but who did that stop? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted August 16, 2011 Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Edit: Just to add that I'm having a blast and really glad I made it to GenCon this year! Tonight I played Muppet Hero. Now, one of the things I love about Hero System is that you really can do just about anything with it; but for this purpose, I do have to wonder why he didn't just use Toon! But in any case I had a blast. I played Gonzo the Great. Even for a Muppet, he's a weirdo. We're coming up on the big finish and there's an erupting volcano and rivers of lava in addition to killer robots and frog bounty hunters and Muppet Hammerhead Sharks etc. (which we can't escape because of rivers of lava you see) and he breaks for a "Public Service Announcement." He had the players who were playing Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker (the mad scientist and assistent from Muppet Labs) improvise a commercial for kids emphasizing the importance of learning math. As part of that, Beaker demonstrated multiplication - resulting in a multitude of Beakers.I state that Gonzo was listening and watching carefully and asks if he's learned to multiply too. Before you know it, we have a horde of Gonzos. Now, Gonzo's weird performance art involves a lot of fires and explosions and so forth, so written on the character sheet was a power representing resistance to "Energy Damage" which includes things like fire and heat - and lava. So I announce "I am going to use my multiple selves to make a living bridge across the lava so everyone can flee to safety. Like a bridge over troubled lava, I will lay me down." And I asked "Do I get my theme music?" The Game Operations Director turns to the group and says "all together now...." and they sang in chorus :whistle:"Like a bridge over troubled lava, I will lay me down...." That's when I lost it. I literally fell out of my chair and lay on the floor laughing. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. Should I tell you about Miss Piggy and the hot tub? Lucius Alexander The palindromedary always wanted to be a guest on the Muppet Show Do tell! This is from two years ago, but looking back, I don't think I ever explained about the hot tub. Earlier in the game, we were in a house with a hot tub. Kermit decides it's a good idea to get into the tub and relax. Piggy decides if Kermit's in a hot tub it's a good idea to join him. Gonzo decides if Piggy's in a hot tub, it's a good idea to join her. Gonzo scoots over to be close to Piggy. Piggy scoots over to be close to Kermit - and farther from Gonzo. Kermit scoots over to be farther from Piggy. We repeat this a couple times, and the guy running the game announces that we keep doing it faster and faster until the hot tub resembles a whirlpool. Kermit, finding it not so relaxing after all, gets out, followed by Piggy, follower by Gonzo. Then there was dinner. Piggy called for maple syrup, despite the fact that no, there were no waffles or pancakes on the table. Gonzo: I'll get it! Someone Else Out of Character: I bet he comes back covered in maple syrup. Gonzo OoC: Gonzo would NEVER cover himself in maple syrup as part of a crude attempt at seduction. Gonzo would only do so something disgusting like that for ART! Oh, one last footnote: later at the Con I was playing a new game, Redneck Life. At one point, there was a "hog calling contest" between the players. I let everyone else go first and instead of "sooo-eeee!" I said seductively "Hey, Miss Piggy. C'mere. You know Kermit will never appreciate you the way I do...." I won. That part anyway. Lucius Alexander I'd like to see the palindromedary as a guest on the Muppet Show New Hero 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narf the Mouse Posted August 16, 2011 Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Ah. No wonder I haven't been able to get it to play, if it's not playable. Lucius Alexander The palindromedary retorts that the original D&D was unplayable but who did that stop? None of the people who played it. *Ba-dum-tish* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted August 16, 2011 Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... None of the people who played it. *Ba-dum-tish* If I knew any of them, I'd ask if they can play this CD. Lucius Alexander That shuts the palindromedary up for once Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susano Posted August 16, 2011 Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Ah. No wonder I haven't been able to get it to play, if it's not playable. Lucius Alexander The palindromedary retorts that the original D&D was unplayable but who did that stop? It's formatted as a data disc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted August 17, 2011 Report Share Posted August 17, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Jenny goes downstairs with Butch along in case of trouble, to see who else at the convention has a double aura. There are a couple, but Jenny gets distracted by four people who are about to enter the con's costume contest (no idea if the real Conspiracy Con has such a contest, but the one in the game does.) They are dressed as "reptoids" the typical lizard-man look of contemporary alien conspiracy folklore. And their auras don't look like the invasive auras seen so far, but they don't look entirely human either....even more animalistic than Butch, actually. I don't know why I wrote this - it's not quite right. The four lizards DID have the double aura. It's just that the underlying aura would have been very unusual for a set of humans. To resume: The party's "intellectuals" never did check out the stool sample (they took Jenny's word for it that it was from out of this world.) Up in the suite, everyone gathered around to eat (someone had thought to order us food) as we discussed our findings. The roof had, among other things, a pool, a hot tub, and a bar. A single camera pans over the roof, but there is a "blind spot" underneath where the camera is mounted, and in that area is the entrance to the stairway down. The elevator is at the other end, easily seen by the camera. The stairs have their own cameras, as do the halls. Roof footage shows Lilith alone in the tub, then the bartender closes up at midnight....and joins her. With a drink. They spend a while getting to know each other in the hot tub, then disappear into the "blind spot" - and fail to appear on the stairs. The bartender eventually shows up alone, tending bar again the next afternoon. Lilith eventually turns up - 24 hrs later. My memory is a bit fuzzy already, but as I recall, we decided to check out the roof - all of us, but not all at once. So we learn that the blind spot (which Eric thinks looks like it was deliberately designed by whoever set up the camera) includes the entrance to the stairs, some potted trees and benches arranged in such a way as to give an amorous couple some privacy, and a pay phone. And odd decoration, apparently, as no wires lead to it. Eric has tied the hotel security into some kind of handheld digital device, by the way. As Prof and Lilith go to the bar, and Butch, after learning from the bartender that the lizard men drink ouzo, flirts with the two Leias who have put on swimsuits and migrated to the pool, Eric asks Jenny to stand guard while he goes down on his knees checking the floor. Eric: This is right over the bedroom you picked. It's a perfect place for a trapdoor. Jenny (confused): You want to install a trapdoor from my bedroom to the roof? Eric goes to the bar, and Lilith excuses herself to come to Jenny and talk about the situation.... Lilith: The bartender asked where I was last night....seems I'd promised to come up and see him and didn't. But I don't remember. Jenny: Eric wants to put in a trapdoor. They approach the bar arm in arm, and Jenny sees the bartender also has the double aura. Jenny: The things they talk about at this con are fascinating...like deja vu, when you see something or meet someone and feel like you know them, but you don't remember where or when you met or when you saw that object or that scene....or the "missing time" phenomenon when you realize that there are hours that passed and you don't remember where you've been or what you've been doing in that time....(coming up the bar and turning to address the bartender directly) Have you ever experienced anything like that? Maybe when you were drinking? You see what time it is and notice that it's hours later than the last time you remember but you don't remember anything about that time? Bartender: No, not me. I hear about things like that all the time, especially at this convention, but nothing unsual ever happened to me. Oh well, it was worth a shot. As I said, I'm a little fuzzy already on how it all unfolded. But Eric got Jenny to stand and block the view as he examined the mysterious "pay phone." Upon opening it up, it proves to contain very strange circuitry, including crystals of a variety neither he nor Jenny (who knows about crystals) can identify. Jenny OoC: I see crystals, I think vibrations. I lean over and put my ear near the device to listen for the faint hum of vibrating crystals. Maybe some of Jenny's hair brushed the device, maybe her aura set it off, but one of the crystals began flashing. Eric checks his palm pirate or blackcherry or whatever, and notes that the lizard men are now running for the stairs. Uh oh. We take cover in the foliage and watch as they use the phone, punching in a four digit code - which Eric memorizes (eidetic memory) - then go into the secluded nook. There is a flash of light. And sure enough they're gone. We all converge on Eric's position and get ready for action. Flash Defense sunglasses, check. Weapons for those who use them, check. Bulletproof tie dye for Jenny, check. Jenny OoC: I wear bulletproof tie dye? Eric triggers the transporter, Prof tosses a couple of flash grenades, and we find ourselves aboard what is obviously a flying saucer with reptoids, grays, and a couple of humans lying on operating tables, one apparently being subjected to some kind of procedure. As the tough guys lay into the blinded and distracted reptoids, Jenny notes that one the gray aliens standing near a human is holding a bowl shaped device that has the same aura signature as the invasive auras. Jenny uses a disarm to send it spinning across the floor. Jenny OoC: If they can imbue an inanimate object with spiritual energy, I want to see what else they've done that too. I'm going to turn around in a 360 circle and scan the room for auras. I'm looking for anything that has an aura but looks like it shouldn't or anything that looks like it should have an aura but doesn't. Negative, but the second human on an operating table already has the alien overlay. About this time, Lilith finally figures out or senses what her problem is (probably memory prompted by being back in this room.) She has an alien worm in her head. Fortunately, even though her telekinetic arm can't fish it out, it can CRUSH it where it is. Gray: Stop! You've killed one of the tourists! Miraculously, everyone stops fighting to hear what's going on. They grays are businessmen, providing "hosts" for the worm tourists. "Experience Earth the way Earthlings do!" etc. But murdering a tourist will get our planet banned - "see if we ever come here again!" With guns literally to their heads, the grays agree to bring all the "possessed" humans to the ship and restore them to normal. Jenny makes sure to be there when the bartender's is removed. Jenny, taking hold of the worm temporarily: Pervert!! Lucius Alexander House of the Palindromedary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drhoz Posted August 17, 2011 Report Share Posted August 17, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... They grays are businessmen, providing "hosts" for the worm tourists. "Experience Earth the way Earthlings do!" etc. But murdering a tourist will get our planet banned - "see if we ever come here again!" At first I wonder why they're bothering to keep it so secret. And then I remember 'because it's cheaper to run the business that way' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ragitsu Posted August 18, 2011 Report Share Posted August 18, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... "You could be wrong" "Elmer Fudd could be Dick Cheney's real father, but I wouldn't hold my breath for that either" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
csyphrett Posted August 18, 2011 Report Share Posted August 18, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... from the PBEM I run Mrs. Hawkins nodded. She had her shotgun ready in case they ran into something bigger than a squirrel. OOC: ...a mutant, fire-breathing, MDC flying squirrel with a taste for human flesh... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrosshairCollie Posted August 18, 2011 Report Share Posted August 18, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Teen Champions ... "Should we tell Rowan about this?" "Why? Every time we do, she uses words like 'unauthorized' or 'no'." "And then you go ahead and do it anyway." "Exactly! It's just more efficient this way." "Just to mention ... every time Vixen says she has an idea, we flee." "You're all still alive, aren't you?" "Yes ... because we flee." Background: Dynamo, who hates having superpowers, hangs out regularly with a girl who has a power suppression field. "I like her because she turns me off." Lucius 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow Hawk Posted August 21, 2011 Report Share Posted August 21, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... The continued adventures of 4th edition DnD Andraste the Pyromaniac, Eladrin Warlock Theren the Archer, Elven Ranger Adinymus the Holy, Drow Cleric Erevan the Dancer, Eladrin Swordmage Nebin the Short, Halfling Rogue Sepheris the Creepy, Shadow-Elf Thief Attacked by a Black Pudding... Andraste: Why's it got to be a Black Pudding. Theren gives his battle cry... Theren: Dead enemies are happy enemies! Sepheris: It's true. I've never heard a dead enemy complain. Attacked by Gnomes Erevan: Every time I talk to a gnome, it attacks me. Andraste: Maybe if you used mouthwash... GM: An enemy exposes himself! Andraste: That's disgusting. Singing... Erevan: I can see clearly now the Kengu's gone... Poor gnome... Erevan: Sepheris uses disembowel! It's super effective! Theren: The gnome explodes like the last Tie Fighter. Andraste: How'd he disembowel a gnome with a rapier? Sepheris: I'm that good. Sepheris fails at picking locks... Sepheris: I roll a one. Theren: Access Denied. New magic item... "Body Bag of Holding" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drhoz Posted August 21, 2011 Report Share Posted August 21, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... No Dark Heresy this week - Ian has had to pull out due to threats of evisceration-by-wife, and it's really not the same without Guildenstern. But Rogue Trader proceeds apace, with much excitement for all concerned, and assorted innocent bystanders. Somehow getting onto the topic of Girl Scout cookies GM : Made from real girl girl scouts, I trust? which led to Jak OOC : Khornate girl scouts - 'Cookies for the Merit Baaaaaadge!!!!!!!!!' Marzu OOC : I can picture them now, rushing forward, axes glinting in the blood red sun. Jak's player : I could pilot a military vehicle but not a civilian vehicle? What the hell? Adrik's player : No, it'd be like somebody going from an F-1 to my piece of shit Jak's Player : Your car can fly?? Adrik's Player : .... I meant Formula One Jak's Player : Ooooh, I thought you meant F-1 fighter GM : If we're talking online games, how about World of Lovecraft? Jak's player : Owwwww GM : Yeah, can't see that one being a popular MMORPG, somehow... Jak's player : ' I got killed my first day out and I'm not respawning? WTF?' GM : *holding ear* Ow. Tinnitus. 'neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee- Jak's player : I get that too. Tech-Priest Marzu's player : Don't worry, that's just your brain flat-lining. Anyway - Having just had their first officer, Tech-Priest Casu Marzu, nearly assassinated, the Lord-Captain feels that leaving Footfall in some haste might be a good idea. Joining the convoy to the planet Lucin's Breath looks like a good idea, and negotiations proceed. Jak : Leaving Casu Marzu in charge might be a mistake. 'Where have all our crew gone? And why do we have so many servitors now?' GM : There's one main problem with bringing the Lucinite Xenos aboard the ship - they thrive in temperatures that freeze carbon dioxide. Sure you can set conditions in the ship's Alienage to suit them, but you're already keeping those priests in there. You'd turn them all into pope-sicles Lord-Captain van Baroque : Sex with xenos is heresy. Sex with dogs is merely poor taste, unless you're rich. The Rose Tattoo's Navigator continue to irk the rest of the command crew, and it's still possible he was behind the assassination attempt on Marzu. Before they depart for Lucin's Breath, the Lord-Captain calls him onto the bridge to threaten him with redundancy if he doesn't shape up. Navigator : *smugly* I'm sure that the deep mysteries of the Warp are completely opaque to one who's ancestors have not been blessed by the Emperor, but how would the Lord-Captain propose to traverse the stars without the services of the Navigator Houses? Tech-Priest Marzu : We replace you with machinery, just like we should with any other malfunctioning flesh. Navigator : *glares* You may believe that if you wish, but I advise you to consult the records of all those other Lord-Captains who thought they could survive without our services. They met with so many unfortunate accidents. Tech-Priest Marzu : Really? So far this trip you've caught us in a warp storm and nearly flown us into a sun. I think we should take the risk. Navigator : *veins throbbing* Very well. The Navigator Houses are dangerous enemies. Tech-Priest Marzu : You're pretty dangerous friends, too. To the bitter unsurprise of the Lord-Captain, etc, Navigator Orpheus screws up again, on their entry into the Warp. The Rose Tattoo is caught in some current of the Warp not felt by the other ships, and is soon lagging far behind the rest of the convoy as they churn through the unnatural fires of the Empyrean. Casu Marzu saves the day. GM : By diverting all power from such secondary systems as life-support, you soon have the Warp Engines howling - not only catching up but overtaking the rest of the fleet. Jak OOC : Quick, fire all the starboard guns, that'll make a good turn signal GM OOC : A headwind? No problem, just turn around and go backwards - no problem Jak OOC : We've invented Warp Drifting Lord-Captain van Baroque : I thought I said maintain position with the fleet? Tech-Priest Marzu : Sure, but why achieve when you can over-achieve? The Rose Tattoo arrives at one of the waystation systems hours ahead of the rest of the convoy. The livid Lord-Captain immediately has the navigator and his juniors brought before him, and declares him banned from the bridge - they'll be dropping him off at the nearest Imperial world as soon as possible, and the contract can go hang. Adrik wonders if the Navigator is demonically infested, but can detect nothing. Neither can Malakai, who's been using the weeks in the Warp to lead purging gangs through the ship's hull, looking for mutants. At least that is going well - the number of hullghasts is much lower than expected. Marzu is enjoying all this far too much, to the point of leaving the scanning of the system to one of his own underlings, whilst he enjoys the Navigator's impotent rage. Jak, elsewhere, is talking to the crew. There's been some disquieting murmurs that this voyage is cursed. Jak OOC : Really, you guys, harden the **** up. This is 40K, bad shit always happens. Tech-Priest Marzu OOC : I'll have a spoonfull of cement powder added to the daily rations, starting immediately. That'll toughen 'em up. Jak : And besides, nothing went wrong this jump - we actually got here ahead of the other ships. GM : .... and every proximity alarm on the ship goes off, because the lesser tech-priests have finally spotted the three pirate vessels bearing down on you. GM : The three ships are broadcasting on all Vox-channels. 'Ere we go, 'ere we go, 'ere we go, 'Ere we go, 'ere we go, 'ere we go-oh....' Lord-Captain van Baroque : ****. Orks. Tech-Priest Marzu : Can I hack Ork technology? Lord-Captain van Baroque : Only with an axe. The Rose Tattoo flees towards the nearest of the red dwarf's three planets, with the Orks in hot pursuit. But the Lord-Captain has a plan! They're going to slingshot around the planet and head back towards the break-out point, hopefully leading the Orks back into the massed fire of the convoy, assuming they arrive in time. It works too - one of the Ork ships misjudges the turn and plows on in, another anticipates the trick, tries to meet the humans head-on and is reduced to a flaming shell in reply, and the third is just starting to catch up with the human vessel when the rest of the ships arrive and open fire. Unfortunately, the Orks don't seem to mind and simply ram one of the heavy freighters, breaking its spine, snapping off the bridge, and getting stuck in the wreckage, on fire. Lord-Captain van Baroque : As the Ancient Admiral Nelson once said... Jak Frost OOC : *Nelson-laugh* Ha-Ha! The fight now becomes a boarding action, to rescue the surviving crew of the freighter, and kill as many of the Orks as possible. This goes quite well - most of the crew of the Rose Tattoo come from a world informally known as 'Goff-Morgue', and they relish the chance to kill some greenskins. Shuttling the stormtroopers over to the wreckage is complicated by the launch of dozens of Ork Fightas, most of them bizarre flying buzzsaws, with a Ork in a bubble helmet steering from the middle. The Captain simply teleports straight onto the enemy bridge, accompanied by his best troops, and Adrik hefting a heavy assault stubber. They hose the Orks down with flamers, grenades, massed fire, and harsh language, but this merely seems to annoy the Kaptin, a gigantic brute with heavy armour, chainsaws strapped to each wrist, and a circular saw built into the middle of his skull. Lord-Captain van Baroque : He's wearing unfashionable black-and-white checks, isn't he. GM : Oh yes. And the Goff Nobb turns around to glare at you with his little red piggy eyes, growls, and slams a big red button on each wrist, and on the side of his head. The three saws start up... Lord-Captain van Baroque : This is going to hurt... Adrik turns the stubber onto the Kaptin, hosing him down with bullets. GM : The Goff looks at the tattered stump of his left arm, and the blood spurting from the severed arteries as they flap around, and exclaims "My zoggin' arm! " and turns his attentions on you. Millennia ago, back on Holy Terra, there were once animals called gorillas. Picture one of these in heavy armour, dark green and hairless, with a chainsaw in its one remaining hand, and a circular saw bolted to its forehead, pole-vaulting over the rail towards you, about to head-butt you with the circular saw, and bringing the chainsaw around in a sweep... it's anyone's guess which one is going to reach you first.... *rolls dice* which is when he manages to decapitate himself with his own chainsaw. *headdesk* Players : LOL GM : At least the head is still coming towards you! Adrik : I knock it away. GM : It lands on the floor, circular saw still screaming, and as the teeth bite into the deck it skids away down the corridor, still shouting "Oi! It's just a flesh wound! You just wait you little 'oomie git, I'll be ba-" Adrik : Well, I think we can say our decapitation strike on the enemy command structure was a success... After that it's mopping up and salvage - and extensive repairs to the Rose Tattoo's teleportarium, because the Lord-Captain ordered Marzu to capture one of the buzzsaw Fightas intact, and some incredible failure of intellect had him teleport one aboard, right into the teleport bay, when it was still flying around. After it ricochetted around the chamber a few times Marzu was probably reconsidering the wisdom of this action, but the damage had been done. Jak Frost : Why are we keeping this buzzsaw thing anyway? Lord-Captain van Baroque : We can sell it to Imperial collectors. Like that Polonius family, they've got nothing better to do than surrender planets and ride strange vehicles. So they come out ahead again - triumphing over three-to-one odds and now owed a favour by the immensely powerful and dangerous Lady Aspyce Chorda, since the freighter was still partly intact by the time they were finished with it. But Kaptin Buzzkill's head seems to have escaped somehow, and will no doubt be back to haunt them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hermit Posted August 21, 2011 Report Share Posted August 21, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... (sometimes the job of GM allows you to rip off lines in ways you never saw coming... ) Golden Axe grins, "This is my tiger. There are many like it, but this one is mine." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Tom 2009 Posted August 21, 2011 Report Share Posted August 21, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... No Dark Heresy this week - Ian has had to pull out due to threats of evisceration-by-wife, and it's really not the same without Guildenstern. But Rogue Trader proceeds apace, with much excitement for all concerned, and assorted innocent bystanders. Somehow getting onto the topic of Girl Scout cookies GM : Made from real girl girl scouts, I trust? which led to Jak OOC : Khornate girl scouts - 'Cookies for the Merit Baaaaaadge!!!!!!!!!' Marzu OOC : I can picture them now, rushing forward, axes glinting in the blood red sun. Jak's player : I could pilot a military vehicle but not a civilian vehicle? What the hell? Adrik's player : No, it'd be like somebody going from an F-1 to my piece of shit Jak's Player : Your car can fly?? Adrik's Player : .... I meant Formula One Jak's Player : Ooooh, I thought you meant F-1 fighter GM : If we're talking online games, how about World of Lovecraft? Jak's player : Owwwww GM : Yeah, can't see that one being a popular MMORPG, somehow... Jak's player : ' I got killed my first day out and I'm not respawning? WTF?' GM : *holding ear* Ow. Tinnitus. 'neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee- Jak's player : I get that too. Tech-Priest Marzu's player : Don't worry, that's just your brain flat-lining. Anyway - Having just had their first officer, Tech-Priest Casu Marzu, nearly assassinated, the Lord-Captain feels that leaving Footfall in some haste might be a good idea. Joining the convoy to the planet Lucin's Breath looks like a good idea, and negotiations proceed. Jak : Leaving Casu Marzu in charge might be a mistake. 'Where have all our crew gone? And why do we have so many servitors now?' GM : There's one main problem with bringing the Lucinite Xenos aboard the ship - they thrive in temperatures that freeze carbon dioxide. Sure you can set conditions in the ship's Alienage to suit them, but you're already keeping those priests in there. You'd turn them all into pope-sicles Lord-Captain van Baroque : Sex with xenos is heresy. Sex with dogs is merely poor taste, unless you're rich. The Rose Tattoo's Navigator continue to irk the rest of the command crew, and it's still possible he was behind the assassination attempt on Marzu. Before they depart for Lucin's Breath, the Lord-Captain calls him onto the bridge to threaten him with redundancy if he doesn't shape up. Navigator : *smugly* I'm sure that the deep mysteries of the Warp are completely opaque to one who's ancestors have not been blessed by the Emperor, but how would the Lord-Captain propose to traverse the stars without the services of the Navigator Houses? Tech-Priest Marzu : We replace you with machinery, just like we should with any other malfunctioning flesh. Navigator : *glares* You may believe that if you wish, but I advise you to consult the records of all those other Lord-Captains who thought they could survive without our services. They met with so many unfortunate accidents. Tech-Priest Marzu : Really? So far this trip you've caught us in a warp storm and nearly flown us into a sun. I think we should take the risk. Navigator : *veins throbbing* Very well. The Navigator Houses are dangerous enemies. Tech-Priest Marzu : You're pretty dangerous friends, too. To the bitter unsurprise of the Lord-Captain, etc, Navigator Orpheus screws up again, on their entry into the Warp. The Rose Tattoo is caught in some current of the Warp not felt by the other ships, and is soon lagging far behind the rest of the convoy as they churn through the unnatural fires of the Empyrean. Casu Marzu saves the day. GM : By diverting all power from such secondary systems as life-support, you soon have the Warp Engines howling - not only catching up but overtaking the rest of the fleet. Jak OOC : Quick, fire all the starboard guns, that'll make a good turn signal GM OOC : A headwind? No problem, just turn around and go backwards - no problem Jak OOC : We've invented Warp Drifting Lord-Captain van Baroque : I thought I said maintain position with the fleet? Tech-Priest Marzu : Sure, but why achieve when you can over-achieve? The Rose Tattoo arrives at one of the waystation systems hours ahead of the rest of the convoy. The livid Lord-Captain immediately has the navigator and his juniors brought before him, and declares him banned from the bridge - they'll be dropping him off at the nearest Imperial world as soon as possible, and the contract can go hang. Adrik wonders if the Navigator is demonically infested, but can detect nothing. Neither can Malakai, who's been using the weeks in the Warp to lead purging gangs through the ship's hull, looking for mutants. At least that is going well - the number of hullghasts is much lower than expected. Marzu is enjoying all this far too much, to the point of leaving the scanning of the system to one of his own underlings, whilst he enjoys the Navigator's impotent rage. Jak, elsewhere, is talking to the crew. There's been some disquieting murmurs that this voyage is cursed. Jak OOC : Really, you guys, harden the **** up. This is 40K, bad shit always happens. Tech-Priest Marzu OOC : I'll have a spoonfull of cement powder added to the daily rations, starting immediately. That'll toughen 'em up. Jak : And besides, nothing went wrong this jump - we actually got here ahead of the other ships. GM : .... and every proximity alarm on the ship goes off, because the lesser tech-priests have finally spotted the three pirate vessels bearing down on you. GM : The three ships are broadcasting on all Vox-channels. 'Ere we go, 'ere we go, 'ere we go, 'Ere we go, 'ere we go, 'ere we go-oh....' Lord-Captain van Baroque : ****. Orks. Tech-Priest Marzu : Can I hack Ork technology? Lord-Captain van Baroque : Only with an axe. The Rose Tattoo flees towards the nearest of the red dwarf's three planets, with the Orks in hot pursuit. But the Lord-Captain has a plan! They're going to slingshot around the planet and head back towards the break-out point, hopefully leading the Orks back into the massed fire of the convoy, assuming they arrive in time. It works too - one of the Ork ships misjudges the turn and plows on in, another anticipates the trick, tries to meet the humans head-on and is reduced to a flaming shell in reply, and the third is just starting to catch up with the human vessel when the rest of the ships arrive and open fire. Unfortunately, the Orks don't seem to mind and simply ram one of the heavy freighters, breaking its spine, snapping off the bridge, and getting stuck in the wreckage, on fire. Lord-Captain van Baroque : As the Ancient Admiral Nelson once said... Jak Frost OOC : *Nelson-laugh* Ha-Ha! The fight now becomes a boarding action, to rescue the surviving crew of the freighter, and kill as many of the Orks as possible. This goes quite well - most of the crew of the Rose Tattoo come from a world informally known as 'Goff-Morgue', and they relish the chance to kill some greenskins. Shuttling the stormtroopers over to the wreckage is complicated by the launch of dozens of Ork Fightas, most of them bizarre flying buzzsaws, with a Ork in a bubble helmet steering from the middle. The Captain simply teleports straight onto the enemy bridge, accompanied by his best troops, and Adrik hefting a heavy assault stubber. They hose the Orks down with flamers, grenades, massed fire, and harsh language, but this merely seems to annoy the Kaptin, a gigantic brute with heavy armour, chainsaws strapped to each wrist, and a circular saw built into the middle of his skull. Lord-Captain van Baroque : He's wearing unfashionable black-and-white checks, isn't he. GM : Oh yes. And the Goff Nobb turns around to glare at you with his little red piggy eyes, growls, and slams a big red button on each wrist, and on the side of his head. The three saws start up... Lord-Captain van Baroque : This is going to hurt... Adrik turns the stubber onto the Kaptin, hosing him down with bullets. GM : The Goff looks at the tattered stump of his left arm, and the blood spurting from the severed arteries as they flap around, and exclaims "My zoggin' arm! " and turns his attentions on you. Millennia ago, back on Holy Terra, there were once animals called gorillas. Picture one of these in heavy armour, dark green and hairless, with a chainsaw in its one remaining hand, and a circular saw bolted to its forehead, pole-vaulting over the rail towards you, about to head-butt you with the circular saw, and bringing the chainsaw around in a sweep... it's anyone's guess which one is going to reach you first.... *rolls dice* which is when he manages to decapitate himself with his own chainsaw. *headdesk* Players : LOL GM : At least the head is still coming towards you! Adrik : I knock it away. GM : It lands on the floor, circular saw still screaming, and as the teeth bite into the deck it skids away down the corridor, still shouting "Oi! It's just a flesh wound! You just wait you little 'oomie git, I'll be ba-" Adrik : Well, I think we can say our decapitation strike on the enemy command structure was a success... After that it's mopping up and salvage - and extensive repairs to the Rose Tattoo's teleportarium, because the Lord-Captain ordered Marzu to capture one of the buzzsaw Fightas intact, and some incredible failure of intellect had him teleport one aboard, right into the teleport bay, when it was still flying around. After it ricochetted around the chamber a few times Marzu was probably reconsidering the wisdom of this action, but the damage had been done. Jak Frost : Why are we keeping this buzzsaw thing anyway? Lord-Captain van Baroque : We can sell it to Imperial collectors. Like that Polonius family, they've got nothing better to do than surrender planets and ride strange vehicles. So they come out ahead again - triumphing over three-to-one odds and now owed a favour by the immensely powerful and dangerous Lady Aspyce Chorda, since the freighter was still partly intact by the time they were finished with it. But Kaptin Buzzkill's head seems to have escaped somehow, and will no doubt be back to haunt them. Crikey...sounds like Guildenstern's player's wife could be a member of the Inquisition. Who else would make threats like that? Major Tom 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gnaskar Posted August 21, 2011 Report Share Posted August 21, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Crikey...sounds like Guildenstern's player's wife could be a member of the Inquisition. Who else would make threats like that? Orks, dark eldar, anything touched by chaos, Imperial Commissars, my mother, space marines, anything wielding a chainsword... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndianaJoe3 Posted August 22, 2011 Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... We're playing in a PAH game, infiltrating a gang of Hummers (vehicle-driving raiders). The playboy (recently woken from cryosleep) attempts to fit in by looking tough. GM: Make a bad-a-- check. He then attempts to be entertaining and tell stories. GM: Make a BS check. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Mackinder Posted August 22, 2011 Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Adrik turns the stubber onto the Kaptin, hosing him down with bullets. GM : The Goff looks at the tattered stump of his left arm, and the blood spurting from the severed arteries as they flap around, and exclaims "My zoggin' arm! " and turns his attentions on you. Millennia ago, back on Holy Terra, there were once animals called gorillas. Picture one of these in heavy armour, dark green and hairless, with a chainsaw in its one remaining hand, and a circular saw bolted to its forehead, pole-vaulting over the rail towards you, about to head-butt you with the circular saw, and bringing the chainsaw around in a sweep... it's anyone's guess which one is going to reach you first.... *rolls dice* which is when he manages to decapitate himself with his own chainsaw. *headdesk* Players : LOL Ah. yes, the inevitable Polaroid moment. For once, I can Rep ya, Drhoz. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susano Posted August 22, 2011 Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... I started Session 12 of the Well of the Worlds with "You're at the bottom of the cliff, on the Trade Road, looking out on the Plains...." One of the players raised his hand and stated, "Wait, at the end of the last session you told us we were at the top of the cliff." My reply: "Yes, but this is a pulp serial, and that was last episode." The player paused a moment and said, in effect, "Silly me, continue." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drhoz Posted August 23, 2011 Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Some of the insults I suggested Tech-Priest Casu Marzu use on his Navigator rival "'Bite my shiny metal ass', of course. And how about 'Suck my trailer hitch'?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralucce Posted August 24, 2011 Report Share Posted August 24, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Isunne... My name is muerte. Delphic assassin: your name is Morty? Why are you telling me this? Isunne: muerte... It means death! Delphic assassin: okay, morty, but that seems kinda dark for your particular ethos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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