Logan D. Hurricanes Posted December 2, 2021 Report Share Posted December 2, 2021 I know one bad pun about paper. It's tearable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 2, 2021 Report Share Posted December 2, 2021 10 minutes ago, Logan.1179 said: I found a recipe from Morocco for homemade dinner rolls. It called for fresh thyme but mine was outdated. I used it anyway. You know, as I reminisce, I really like that old thyme Moroccan roll. aylwin13, Tjack and Logan D. Hurricanes 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted December 2, 2021 Report Share Posted December 2, 2021 Did you hear about the town that legalized weed but banned alcohol? The residents were left high and dry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tjack Posted December 2, 2021 Report Share Posted December 2, 2021 1 hour ago, Pariah said: I agree with Mr. Grant. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted December 3, 2021 Report Share Posted December 3, 2021 Two guys shooting the breeze in a bar. The first one asks "So, if you choose anyone, alive or dead, to have sex with, who would you choose?" Second guy answers "Well, probably the one who's alive." Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted December 3, 2021 Report Share Posted December 3, 2021 Pro tip: Collect the business cards of people you don't like. Then if you ever accidentally hit a parked car, just write "Sorry" on the back of the card and leave it under the windshield wiper. Pariah, aylwin13, Tjack and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tjack Posted December 3, 2021 Report Share Posted December 3, 2021 58 minutes ago, Ockham's Spoon said: Pro tip: Collect the business cards of people you don't like. Then if you ever accidentally hit a parked car, just write "Sorry" on the back of the card and leave it under the windshield wiper. That’s frigging brilliant!, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted December 3, 2021 Report Share Posted December 3, 2021 15 hours ago, Logan.1179 said: I know one bad pun about paper. It's tearable. Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 3, 2021 Report Share Posted December 3, 2021 A bunch of guys are at the health club one day when one of their phones rings. One of the guys picks it up and puts it on speaker and says, "Hello?" "Hi honey," a female voice says. "Hi sweetheart," he says back. "Where are you?" "I'm at Macy's, and I just saw the most adorable leather coat. I'd really like to get it." "How much is it?" he asked. "It's $1,500," she responded. "Well, if you really like it, you should get it." "Thank you! Say, I was looking at a car today too." "Oh? What car?" "It's a BMW. Silver with black trim. All the options." "Sounds like a great car. How much do they want for it?" "$67,000," she said. "That doesn't sound like a bad price," he said. "Go ahead and have the dealership draw up the papers." "Oh sweetheart, thank you so much! By the way, I think I found us the perfect house." "Really? Tell me about it." "It's five bedrooms and four bathrooms, including a master suite. It has a four car garage, brand new stainless steel kitchen appliances, and a big bay window in the front. There's even a pool and a hot tub!" "Is it in a good neighborhood?" "It's in a great neighborhood, and only three blocks from the elementary school." "How much are they asking?" "$950,000," she said. "Well," he said, "offer them 900 first. But if they won't go for it, then 950 is okay." "I can't believe it! Thank you so much! You really are the best! I love you so much!" "You too," he said. "Talk to you later." As he hung up the phone, all the other guys in the club were staring at him incredulously. He smiled sheepishly. "So," he said, "do we have any idea whose phone this is?" Tjack 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 4, 2021 Report Share Posted December 4, 2021 Him: "Have I ever told you how much I love your cooking?" Her: "No, you haven't." Him: "Then why do you keep cooking?" Her: "...and that's when I shot him, Your Honor." Tjack, tkdguy and Logan D. Hurricanes 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 4, 2021 Report Share Posted December 4, 2021 Old Biddy customer: “I didn’t come here to be insulted.” Teenager behind the milk-bar counter: “Where do you usually go?” Pariah, aylwin13 and L. Marcus 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 4, 2021 Report Share Posted December 4, 2021 Bazza 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 4, 2021 Report Share Posted December 4, 2021 Q: How many radio astronomers does it take to change a lightbulb? Spoiler A: None. They aren't interested in that short-wavelength stuff. tkdguy and mattingly 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted December 4, 2021 Report Share Posted December 4, 2021 A little boy tells his nursery school teach that he found a dead cat. "How did you know it was dead?" the teacher asks. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move." the boy explains. "You did what?!" the teachers asks, appalled. "You know," the little boy explains, "I leaned over and said 'Pssst' into its ear, and it didn't move." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 4, 2021 Report Share Posted December 4, 2021 Gingerbread Man: "My ankle really hurts!" Doctor: "I'm sorry to hear that. Have you tried icing it?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted December 5, 2021 Report Share Posted December 5, 2021 I got hit in the head with a can of Coke. Thank God it was a soft drink. Thank Stephen king for this one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted December 5, 2021 Report Share Posted December 5, 2021 Three conspiracy theorists walk into a pub. You can't tell me that's just a coincidence. Pariah and mattingly 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted December 5, 2021 Report Share Posted December 5, 2021 Why couldn't anyone understand the retired perfume maker? Because he no longer made scents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted December 5, 2021 Report Share Posted December 5, 2021 Which U.S. state is known for its especially small soft drinks? Minnesota. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted December 8, 2021 Report Share Posted December 8, 2021 Pro Tip: When making a sex tape, be sure to have Disney music playing in the background. That way if it gets leaked online, Disney attorneys will make sure all of them get taken down. slikmar 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 8, 2021 Report Share Posted December 8, 2021 Let It Go? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted December 9, 2021 Report Share Posted December 9, 2021 Our dad was in the hospital and they asked us his blood type but we couldn’t remember and he didn’t make it. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 10, 2021 Report Share Posted December 10, 2021 Q: What kind of shoes do kidnappers wear? Spoiler A: White Vans. mattingly 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted December 10, 2021 Report Share Posted December 10, 2021 DEVIL: And this is the lake of lava in which you'll be spending eternity. ME: Actually we're underground so it would be magma. DEVIL: This is why you're here, you realize. Pariah, aylwin13, Tjack and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted December 13, 2021 Report Share Posted December 13, 2021 OK, I've cleared my cache of cookies. But I don't see how eating 300 Oreos is going to make my computer work better. BoloOfEarth and wcw43921 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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