Bazza Posted November 16, 2021 Report Share Posted November 16, 2021 Yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted November 16, 2021 Report Share Posted November 16, 2021 My wife yelled from the bedroom asking, “Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?” I replied, “No.” She yelled back, "How about now?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted November 16, 2021 Report Share Posted November 16, 2021 It was a sad and disappointing day when I discovered my Universal Remote Control did not, in fact, control the Universe. Not even remotely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted November 16, 2021 Report Share Posted November 16, 2021 Someday I shall ask for the fair lady's hand. The rest of her she can keep! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted November 16, 2021 Report Share Posted November 16, 2021 A middle-aged wife was contemplating her mortality one day and asked her husband, "If I die before you do, will you remarry?" "I don't know," he answered. "I suppose I might." "And would you live with her in our house?" "Well, housing prices are pretty high right now. I might not be able to afford a different home right away." "And would you sleep with her in our bed?" "I ... I don't know. I mean, it is a brand new bed, but it would be strange." "And would you play golf with her, the way you do with me?" "Well, if she likes to play golf, I guess I would." "And would you let her play with my clubs?" "Of course not. She's left-handed." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slikmar Posted November 17, 2021 Report Share Posted November 17, 2021 I hope that when I finally choke to death on Gummies that my obituary will just say killed by bears. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted November 18, 2021 Report Share Posted November 18, 2021 I once lived just a stone's throw away from a family who all died of mysterious head injuries. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted November 18, 2021 Report Share Posted November 18, 2021 People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted November 19, 2021 Report Share Posted November 19, 2021 I'll never forget the look on the cashier's face when she scanned the packet of bird seed and I asked her how long does it take for the birds to grow once I plant them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christougher Posted November 21, 2021 Report Share Posted November 21, 2021 One for the we;; preserved crowd. "Ow. "I just stepped on a Lego." said Tom, limply. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted November 22, 2021 Report Share Posted November 22, 2021 My flashlight died. I'm delighted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted November 22, 2021 Report Share Posted November 22, 2021 "Hey Mommy, where is Daddy?" "Daddy and I had a little argument. He's out in the garden." "No he's not. I just looked there." "Did you dig?" Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted November 22, 2021 Report Share Posted November 22, 2021 Wife: Did you steal my thesaurus? Me: That is a remarkably pejorative manner in which to insinuate my culpability. Pariah and Asperion 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted November 22, 2021 Report Share Posted November 22, 2021 I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive. Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted November 22, 2021 Report Share Posted November 22, 2021 54 minutes ago, Logan.1179 said: I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L. Marcus Posted November 23, 2021 Report Share Posted November 23, 2021 11 hours ago, Logan.1179 said: I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive. *panics slightly* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted November 23, 2021 Report Share Posted November 23, 2021 On 11/17/2021 at 6:59 AM, Pariah said: A middle-aged wife was contemplating her mortality one day and asked her husband, "If I die before you do, will you remarry?" "I don't know," he answered. "I suppose I might." "And would you live with her in our house?" "Well, housing prices are pretty high right now. I might not be able to afford a different home right away." "And would you sleep with her in our bed?" "I ... I don't know. I mean, it is a brand new bed, but it would be strange." "And would you play golf with her, the way you do with me?" "Well, if she likes to play golf, I guess I would." "And would you let her play with my clubs?" "Of course not. She's left-handed." Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted November 24, 2021 Report Share Posted November 24, 2021 If you had a dictionary on drugs, you could call it an addictionary. It would be useful for high definition. Christougher 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted November 24, 2021 Report Share Posted November 24, 2021 Did you hear about the guy who broke the world record for fitting into the largest shoes? It was no small feet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted November 26, 2021 Report Share Posted November 26, 2021 "Wakey wakey eggs and bakey!" "Um, I'm vegan." "Wakey wakey vegetables and sadness." aylwin13 and Tjack 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted November 26, 2021 Report Share Posted November 26, 2021 No eggs and bakey for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted November 26, 2021 Report Share Posted November 26, 2021 "Do you think I reference dinosaurs too much when I write?" I asked. She was silent, like the p in pterodactyl, but it said everything. mattingly 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted November 26, 2021 Report Share Posted November 26, 2021 Sounds to me like you need a thesaurus. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted December 1, 2021 Report Share Posted December 1, 2021 Yesterday I ran into my friend Mark who stole my dictionary. I said, “Mark, my words!” tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted December 2, 2021 Report Share Posted December 2, 2021 I found a recipe from Morocco for homemade dinner rolls. It called for fresh thyme but mine was outdated. I used it anyway. You know, as I reminisce, I really like that old thyme Moroccan roll. Tjack and mattingly 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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