Cancer Posted June 5, 2015 Report Share Posted June 5, 2015 Mike is wise beyond his years. Far beyond his years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 19, 2015 Report Share Posted June 19, 2015 Q - What does the Mighty Thor wear under his superhero costume? A - Thunderwear! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted June 22, 2015 Report Share Posted June 22, 2015 AMAZING, SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES: 1. Avoid cutting yourself when cutting vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables when you chop. 2. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. 3. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ Simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer. 4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. 5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough. 6. You only need two tools in life – WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape. 7. f you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Some people are like Slinkies – not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when they're pushed down the stairs. SOME ADDITIONAL ADVICE: Never, under any circumstances, take a laxative and sleeping pills on the same night. L. Marcus and slikmar 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slikmar Posted June 23, 2015 Report Share Posted June 23, 2015 AMAZING, SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES: 1. Avoid cutting yourself when cutting vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables when you chop. 2. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. 3. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ Simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer. 4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. 5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough. 6. You only need two tools in life – WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape. 7. f you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Some people are like Slinkies – not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when they're pushed down the stairs. SOME ADDITIONAL ADVICE: Never, under any circumstances, take a laxative and sleeping pills on the same night. due to something I did, fortunately not dramatically, I would add that number one works when using a miter saw to make cuts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 1, 2015 Report Share Posted July 1, 2015 One day, a number of the world’s most famous physicists decided to get together for a party. Fortunately, the doorman was a graduate student, and made some very interesting observations: Everyone gravitated toward Newton, but he just kept moving around at constant velocity and showed no reaction. Einstein thought it was a relatively good time. Coulomb got a real charge out of the whole thing. Cauchy, being the only mathematician there, still managed to integrate well with everyone. Cavendish wasn’t actually invited, but had the balls to show up anyway. Thomson enjoyed the plum pudding. Pauli arrived late and was mostly excluded from things, so he split. Pascal was under too much pressure to really enjoy himself. Ohm spent most of the evening resisting Ampere’s opinions on current events. Hamilton went to the buffet tables exactly once. Volt thought the evening had a lot of potential. Hilbert was pretty spaced out for most of it. Heisenberg may or may not have been there. The Curies were there and just glowed the whole time. van der Waals forced himself to mingle. Wein radiated a colorful personality. Millikan dropped his oil and vinegar dressing. de Broglie mostly just stood in the corner and waved. Hollerith liked the hole idea. Stefan and Boltzman got into a heated argument. Everyone was attracted to Tesla’s magnetic personality. Compton seemed a little scattered. Bohr ate too much and got atomic ache. Watt turned out to be a powerful speaker. Hertz went back to the buffet table at regular intervals. Faraday demonstrated an outstanding capacity for liquor. Oppenheimer got bombed. tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted July 2, 2015 Report Share Posted July 2, 2015 Joule really stirred things up. Roentgen saw through everybody. Onnes was very cold. Hooke bounced back and forth, back and forth. Schrödinger made waves. Townes was exceedingly coherent. tkdguy and Pariah 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 2, 2015 Report Share Posted July 2, 2015 You two are killing me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 2, 2015 Report Share Posted July 2, 2015 Meitner had to split. Avogadro really enjoyed the mole sauce. Lavoisier left weighing exactly as much as he had when he arrived. Rutherford wrapped up his leftovers in gold foil. tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrankL Posted July 2, 2015 Report Share Posted July 2, 2015 Mr. Log was left wooden-faced after the party. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 2, 2015 Report Share Posted July 2, 2015 He's just an old stick-in-the-mud. His bark is much worse than his bite. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted July 3, 2015 Report Share Posted July 3, 2015 But he *could* speak to the very large and the very small at the same time. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted July 3, 2015 Report Share Posted July 3, 2015 He's just an old stick-in-the-mud. His bark is much worse than his bite. Careful. In Northern Australia that log could be a crocodile and his bite is much worse than his bark. Also death-roll. (no laughing matter, there is even croc insurance). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrankL Posted July 4, 2015 Report Share Posted July 4, 2015 Pope Francis decided to take a trip to the United States. Once he got there, the archbishop of New York had a limousine waiting for him. While they were driving, Francis struck up a conversation with the driver. "My son, are you Catholic?" "Yes, your Holiness. The cardinal wouldn't have sent me otherwise." "Good, good." They chatted for several miles, and then Francis looked at the clock on the car dash. "My son, we are running late. Can you speed up?" "Oh, your Holiness, I'm on probation already. If I get caught speeding again, I'll lose my license and my job!" Francis sat back. "We certainly can't have that. Let me drive." The driver was stunned but acquiesced. The Pope put the petal to the metal and roared down the road. Sure enough, they were stopped by a police officer a few miles down the road. The cop walked up to the car and tapped on the window. "License and registr..." He stopped as soon as he saw Francis in the driver's seat. "Okay, just drive on, but be careful." Back in the police car, the officer's partner asked, "Why'd you let him go?" "He was important." "The governor?" "Higher. And think religion." "The President?" "Higher." "Billie Graham?" "No. Honestly, I don't know who he was, but he must be important because the Pope's his chauffeur!" Pariah, tkdguy, Burrito Boy and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 5, 2015 Report Share Posted July 5, 2015 Q - What's the difference between a filthy bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? A - One's a crusty bus station, the other's a busty crustacean. tkdguy, Burrito Boy and Lord Mhoram 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted July 9, 2015 Report Share Posted July 9, 2015 Archaeologists digging in a pyramid in Egypt have found a mummy covered in chocolate & hazelnuts, and believe it to be Pharaoh Rocher. Burrito Boy, megaplayboy, Pariah and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmjalund Posted July 16, 2015 Report Share Posted July 16, 2015 Q: What species are Christmas Elves? A: Santa Fae Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 17, 2015 Report Share Posted July 17, 2015 Archaeologists digging in a pyramid in Egypt have found a mummy covered in chocolate & hazelnuts, and believe it to be Pharaoh Rocher. That avatar looks . . . familiar, somehow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted July 17, 2015 Report Share Posted July 17, 2015 That avatar looks . . . familiar, somehow. Who can say the inspiration, perhaps two people had the same idea, or one was inspired by the other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 17, 2015 Report Share Posted July 17, 2015 I tried to catch some fog this morning. Mist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 17, 2015 Report Share Posted July 17, 2015 Pete Rose Sat on a tack Pete Rose Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 17, 2015 Report Share Posted July 17, 2015 Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana. Narf the Mouse 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 17, 2015 Report Share Posted July 17, 2015 Little Boy Pariah had a poopy diaper this morning. But when I tried to direct him to the changing area, he ran away from me instead. He's a stinker. (True story.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted July 17, 2015 Report Share Posted July 17, 2015 When I was a little boy, every time my mom would put me on the potty, I would cry. Finally, one day she asked, "Why is it every time I put you on the potty, you cry?" And I replied, "It's my potty, and I'll cry if I want to..." Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted July 17, 2015 Report Share Posted July 17, 2015 I tried to catch some fog this morning. Mist. Maybe tomorrow then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted July 18, 2015 Report Share Posted July 18, 2015 That avatar looks . . . familiar, somehow. Who can say the inspiration, perhaps two people had the same idea, or one was inspired by the other. Maybe we both should... ...let it go? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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